Chapter 13
Hunkered down in my hoodie, I shivered as the cold wind whipped between Whitehall and Knutti, rattling the brown and yellow leaves above us. Several were tossed into the air and they spiraled down to the ground, joining the thick carpet of leaves.
Brit drew in a deep drag of her cigarette and let it out slowly. “So the next time I answer a late night booty call from Jimmie and I actually go over to his place, what will you do?”
I hobbled from side to side. “Punch you in the vagina?”
“Exactly!” She took one last draw and then put the cigarette out. “God, why are we girls so stupid?”
I fell in step beside her, keeping my arms wrapped around me. “Good question.”
“I mean, I totally know he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, that all he wants is sex, and he’s usually a little drunk and yet I still go over there. Seriously?”
“Do you want to be in a relationship?”
Her lips pursed as she pulled her knit cap down over her ears. “You know, I don’t think so.”
I frowned. “Then why are you so upset because he doesn’t want to be.”
“Because he should want to be in a relationship with me! I’m friggin’ awesome.”
Fighting a grin, I glanced at her. “You are awesome.”
Brit smiled. I’d met Jimmie a couple of times around campus with Brit. He seemed like a pretty okay guy, but I really believed she could do better than some guy that only called her when he was drunk. So I told her that.
“And that’s why we’re friends,” she responded, wiggling her arm through mine. “Man, where did fall go? It’s like winter came out of nowhere and bitch smacked us.”
“I know.” I shuddered as we stopped at the intersection. “I feel sorry for the kids who are about to go trick or treating tomorrow night. They’re going to freeze.”
“Fuck the kids,” she said, causing me to giggle. “I’m dressing as an angel—a slutty angel.”
“Of course.”
“And that means I’m basically wearing lingerie. My nipples will probably freeze and fall off. Speaking of which, don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been avoiding the whole party topic.”
I had no idea how she went from frozen nipples to that.
Outside of the register’s office, she pinned me with a look. “You have to go with us. Everyone is going to be there.”
Looking away, I watched campus police doing a car unlock for an unlucky person. “I don’t know. Not big on Halloween parties.”
“You’re not big on any parties. Come on, you’ve got to come. I need you there. Jimmie will be there and I’ll need you to punch me in the vagina.”
I laughed. “I’m sure Jacob will gladly do that for you.”
“It’s not the same! He doesn’t understand and gives the worst advice. He’d probably tell me to go hook up with him,” she protested, and I had to imagine that was true. “You have to come. Please. Pretty please.”
My resolve to not even consider this party started to crack. Jacob had been talking about it all week. Last night, as Cam and I were finishing up our assignment and in-between him asking me out, he even brought up the party his friend Jase was throwing. Jase was a year younger than Cam and pretty high up in one of the frats, which one I couldn’t remember. I’d seen Cam with him a couple of times, but we’d never spoken. Not that any of that mattered, because even considering going to this party had the beginnings of an ulcer forming in my stomach.
“I got to head in here and take care of the stupid scheduling for next semester.”
She’d been having a hell of a time getting classes. I’d been lucky and got into all the classes I’d wanted. “Are you going to cut a bitch?”
“Maybe.” Brit gave me a quick hug. “Thank you for walking me here.”
“No problem.” I was done for the day, so I didn’t have much else to do.
She started up the wide steps but turned around. “Think about the party. Please? You need to go, not just for me, it will be fun. You’ll get to let loose a little. Okay?”
I took a deep breath. “I’ll think about it.”
“Like really think about?” When I nodded, she said, “Promise?”
“Promise.”
Brit headed into the building and I was probably going to be heading to the store to get some Tums. I was going to need them.
#
There were times in my life when I knew what I was thinking was wrong. Knowing that didn’t make things any easier. Going to a Halloween party shouldn’t have me sitting in my moon chair with a bottle of Tums beside me and a carton of Ben & Jerry’s Rocky Road in my hands.
A half empty carton of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.
I felt like I was well on my way to becoming the neighborhood cat lady. All I needed was the cats.
Shortly after leaving campus, I had gotten a text from Cam about the party. He wanted me to go. Brit wanted me to go. Jacob wanted me to go. I wanted to go, but….
Groaning, I put the lid on the ice cream and shoved to my feet. I was nineteen years old. Living on my own. I told my mother to suck it and I actually hugged Cam and told him that I missed him. Going to this party shouldn’t be that big of a deal. It was about time that I did something like this. If I didn’t do it now, would I ever do it?
Probably not.
I put the ice cream away and then moved onto the spray bottle stashed under the sink. Spraying the surface of everything in my kitchen, I started cleaning with a wicked vengeance.
I could do it.
My heart flopped in my chest and it felt like my stomach had dropped to my feet.
No, I couldn’t.
Scrubbing the counter by the stove, the light reflected off the silver bracelet, catching my attention. I stopped, unable to look away from something that had become a staple in my every day life. Putting the bottle down and dropping the cloth, I reached out and slid the bracelet off. Turning my arm over, I forced myself to look at the scar. I was ashamed of it, did everything in my power to hide it, but for what? Staying in my apartment, being antisocial and a general loser? Certain things were probably always going be a no go for me or insanely awkward, but going to a fucking party? Was I really that crippled by what happened, that five years later I couldn’t go to one?
I put the bracelet back on as I leaned against the counter.
I had to do this. I needed to do this. At least try to do this. My heart started its panicked thumping as I pushed off the counter and headed into the living room. I dug my phone out of my bag and before I thought about what I was doing, I opened Cam’s text from earlier and sent Okay.
A few seconds passed and then there was a text back. Incoming.
“Incoming?” What in the—?
There was a knock on my door.
Rolling my eyes, I tossed my phone on the couch and went to the door. “You didn’t have to come over.”
Cam strolled right in, twisting his cap on backward.
“Well, help yourself.”
He stopped near the kitchen and frowned. “Why does your apartment smell like Clorox?”
“I was cleaning.”
A brow went up.
“The whole kitchen,” I said sheepishly. “You know, you could’ve saved yourself the trip and just responded to the text.”
Casting me a long look, he sat on the couch. “I needed the exercise.”
Yeah, he did not need the exercise.
He patted the spot beside me. “Come sit with me.”
I stared.
“Come on.”
Muttering under my breath, I stepped over his legs and sat. “Alright, I’m sitting.”
His lashes lowered, and I felt his gaze over my mouth. Warmth spread across my cheeks, and his grin went up a notch. “So you texted me with the word okay. I’ve asked you two things today. So I’m curious to which one you’re finally agreeing to.”
I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my knees. “You asked me about the Halloween party tomorrow night.”
“Yes, I did.” He reached over and tugged on my arm until I let go of my knees. “But I asked you something else.”
My eyes narrowed.
Then he got a hand on the hem of my jeans and pulled my legs away from my chest. “I also asked you out.”
“You know the answer to that.”
He narrowed his eyes.
My lips twitched. “I was saying okay, I’ll go to the party.”
“Smart choice. It’ll be fun and you’ll have a good time.” Once I was apparently sitting to his approval, he sat back. “When do you want me to pick you up?”
I shook my head. “I’m going to drive myself.”
“Why would you do that? We live in the same building and are heading to the same place.”
“Thanks, but I’ll drive.”
He studied me a moment. “If you don’t want to go with me, then at least get a ride with Brittany.”
I said something along the lines of agreeing to that, but I wasn’t planning on that. Taking my own car meant I could leave whenever I wanted to. I needed that lifeline.
“Hey,” Cam said.
Turning my head toward him, I raised my brows. “Hi.”
“Go out with me.”
I smiled. “Shut up, Cam.”
#
I was so nervous that my phone felt slippery in my hand and my seatbelt felt like it was pressed too tightly against my chest. I was sitting in the parking lot, thirty minutes past the time I should’ve left for the Halloween party at Jase’s house. I’d like to say that I was just being fashionably late, but that was so not the truth.
I was like two steps from a panic attack.
“So, you didn’t get a costume?” Brit said, and over her voice, I could hear music and muffled laughter. “It’s not a big deal. There are lots of people here that aren’t dressed up.”
Well, there went that excuse. After talking to Cam last night, I’d briefly considered the idea of making a last minute run to the store to find a costume, but dressing up would probably be too much.
“Are you almost here?” Brit asked. “Because I’m lonely—hey!”
A second later, Jacob’s voice came through the phone. “Hey, girl, hey, where you at?”
I closed my eyes. “I’m getting ready to leave.”
“You better, because Brit is getting on my nerves asking for you. So get your ass here.”
“I’m coming. I’ll be there in a little bit.”
Hanging up, I tossed the phone onto the seat next to me and gripped the steering wheel. I can do this. That’s what I kept telling myself as I glanced back up at my apartment. I’d left a light on and it was like a damn beacon right now, coaxing me back to the safety that was pure boredom.
I was being stupid, totally understood that, but it didn’t change the fact that my heart was thundering in my chest or that I was nauseous. What I was experiencing wasn’t normal to anyone else, and that was the key. I didn’t want this to be normal for me.
“Fuck.”
I needed to be brave.
I knocked the car into reverse and backed out. My arms were trembling by the time I made it to the end of the road and made the left onto Route 45. Jase’s house wasn’t that far from University Heights. Only a few miles, back in a nearby subdivision where several larger frats had taken up residency.
On the drive to his house, I focused on listing as many constellations I could. Andromeda, Antlia, Apus, Aquarius, Aquila, Ara, Aries, Auriga—who came up with these names? Seriously. I’d made it to the D’s when I spotted the line of cars pouring out of a large three-story home’s driveway. Cars were everywhere, parking along the road, in the yard, and down the street. I had to end up turning around so I could park on the other side of the street, about a block down.
The night air was chilly and the streets were void of children. Trick or treat had ended about an hour before and there were pieces of dropped candy every few feet.
Bright light spilled out from the windows, casting a luminous glow along the porch. There were a few people outside, leaning against the railing. Shoving my hands into the pockets of my hoodie, I avoided the garage, where a mean game of beer pong was going down, and through the open front door.
Holy crap…
The house was packed. People were everywhere, crowding a TV, in groups by the couch, on the floor, and in the hallway. Music thumped along with my heart as I scanned the crowd, searching for a sexy angel. There were a lot of angels—naughty angels in red, sexy angels in white, and I guess, very bad angels in black.
Hmm.
I squeezed past a girl dressed like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, if Dorothy had been a stripper. She smiled at me and I smiled back. It felt wobbly and weird. Sliding past a group at a card table, I saw Cam’s roommate Ollie at the table. He was too immersed in the game to notice me. I stretched up on the tips of my toes. The inside of the house had a slightly suffocating feel to it with all the people.
There was a nearby high pitched squeal and I turned, having only seconds to prepare myself before I was attacked by an angel in white.
“You’re here!” Brit shrieked, squeezing me. “Holy shit! I didn’t think you’d actually come. I thought you were going to bail.”
“I’m here.”
She squeezed me again and then grabbed my hand. “Come. Jacob is out in the garage. So is Cam.”
My overworked heart did some more cardio as she pulled me around the card table. A few guys looked up, dismissing me and my jeans outright and then settling on the tiny white dress Brit had on. Interest sparked in their eyes. One guy leaned back in his chair, brows knitting as he took her in. I couldn’t blame him. She looked hot.
“Coming through!” Brit announced, free hand in the air. “Beep. Beep.”
The air was easier to breathe in the garage, the light not so bright, and while there were more people out here, the muscles in the back of my neck relaxed. Brit led me toward a guy who had an old school, black bowler hat on and a purple blazer.
“Jakey-Jake, look who I found!” Brit yelled.
Purple blazer turned, and a genuine smile broke out across my face as I saw the big black rim glasses. “Bruno Mars?” I asked.
“Yes! See, Brit. Some people get my costume!” Jacob shot her a dirty look before turning back to me. He frowned. “What are you dressed as?”
I shrugged. “A lazy college student?”
Jacob laughed as Brit bounced over to the keg. “What do you have on under this God awful sweatshirt?”
“What’s wrong with my hoodie?” I demanded.
He gave me a bland look. “Nothing’s wrong with it if you just rolled out of bed and were going to class, but you’re at a party.” He went for the zipper on my hoodie and pulled it down. “Take it off or I’m taking it off.”
“He’s being serious.” Brit returned with two red plastic cups in her hand. “He once took my shirt off because he wanted to try it on and there I was, standing in a room full of girls, with just my bra.”
I slipped my keys into my jeans and took my hoodie off, dropping it on the back of a nearby camping chair. “Happy?”
Jacob took in my fitted black turtleneck, lips pursed. “Hmm…” He tugged the hem of my sweater up so that it exposed a slice of my lower stomach. Then roughed his hands through my hair, causing the waves to go in every which way. “Better. You have a tight, little body. Fucking own it, girl. Now you’re dressed like as a sexy, lazy college student.”
I took the drink Brit shoved in my hand. “Are you done dressing me like I’m your own personal Barbie?”
“Bitch, if you were my Barbie, you’d be half naked.”
I laughed. “Good thing I’m not.”
He dropped an arm over my shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here. For real.”
“Me too.” And once I said that, I was glad. I was here. I made it. This was huge. I even took a sip of my beer. Look at me. Party animal extraordinaire.
Telling myself I wasn’t looking for anyone in particular, I glanced around the garage. It didn’t take long to find Cam. Being that he was a good head taller than most of the guys around, he was easy to pick out. Seeing that he wasn’t dressed any differently than he normally was brought a smile to my face.
Cam was standing near the beer pong table, arms folded across his chest. His biceps stretched the short-sleeve shirt he wore. I didn’t know what it was with guys dressing like it was warm outside when it was obviously not.
Beside him was Jase, who was as equally tall as Cam, and just as nice to openly gawk at with his slightly longer brown hair. He too was dressed like it was sweltering and a dark tattoo peeked out from underneath his sleeve.
Brit followed my stare and sighed. “I don’t know which one is hotter.”
Cam, to me, won hands down. “Me neither.”
“I’d take them both,” Jacob commented.
“At the same time?” Curiosity filled Brit’s tone.
Jacob grinned. “Hell yeah.”
“A Cam and Jase sandwich.” Brit shivered. “I wish that was on the Dollar Menu.”
I laughed. “I think they’d cost more than a dollar.”
“True,” she murmured and then sighed out a, “I need to get laid.”
Jase elbowed Cam and said something. A moment later, Cam looked in our direction. A wide smile broke out across his striking face. He put his cup down on the edge of the ping pong table.
“And here comes one of them,” Jacob said, looking at my slyly. “It’s about to become a Cam and Avery sandwich.”
“Shut up,” I said, flushing.
People got out of the way for Cam. He was like a hot Moses, parting a sea of drunk college students. I took a step back, suddenly nervous.
Cam didn’t hesitate. There was a confident ease in everything he did. His arms were around my waist in under a second, lifting me off my feet in a bear hug. Brit wisely grabbed the cup from my hand before Cam spun around. I clutched his shoulders as the walls of the garage whirled.
“Holy shit, I can’t believe you’re actually here.”
It seemed that no one really thought I’d show. It made me warm and fuzzy to know that I did. “I told you I was coming.”
He sat me on my feet but didn’t let go. “When did you get here?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Not that long ago.”
“Why didn’t you come say hi?” The dimple was there, and I found myself staring at it.
“You were busy and I didn’t want to bother you,” I admitted, noticing that quite a few people were staring at us.
Cam lowered his head and his lips brushed my ear as he spoke, sending a burst of shivers along my spine. “You are never a bother to me.”
My heart skipped in my chest like I was poised atop a roller coaster ride. I turned my head slightly, and our eyes locked. Thoughts scattered, and when Cam’s hands tightened on my arms, I was flying down that roller coaster. For a moment, the sounds of the party were drowned out. The pupils of his eyes were so large, a startling contrast against the bright blue.
“Yo, Cam!” Jase yelled. “You’re up.”
The moment was shattered, and I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. His lips tipped up on the corners. “Don’t go too far.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
Cam returned to Jase’s side and picked up a ping pong ball.
“Whoa,” Brit breathed, handing my drink back to me. “That was…”
“Really hot,” Jacob finished. “I thought you two were going to rip off each other’s clothes and start making babies right here on the dirty, beer covered floor. Like I was going to have to start charging admission for what was about to go down.”
I shot him look. “I think that’s a tad bit on the over exaggeration side.”
“Not from where we were standing,” Brit said, fanning herself. “How long are you going to string that boy along?”
A frown pulled at my lips. “I’m not stringing him along.”
Her brows rose, but she didn’t say anything. Luckily the conversation moved away from me when Jimmie appeared and started messing with Brit’s wings. Our threesome turned into a foursome and before I knew it, we had our own little party off to the side. I was totally out of my element, but I kept up with the conversation. I knew as I sipped my beer, I was being labeled as the quiet chick at the party, but that was better than the last party label I ended up with.
The group had grown outside, the music was slightly louder, and clusters of people started to dance. Somehow, among all the noise, a deep, husky laugh drew my attention, and I turned halfway.
Coming through the garage entrance were two girls who looked like they belonged on a Victoria’s Secrets’ runway. One was dressed as a devil, which was really just a red teddy, a pointy tail, and horns. Boobs were everywhere. The other was a very sexy version of Little Red Riding Hood. Several things immediately happened as they prowled in on mile high heels.
A lot of guys literally stopped what they were doing and looked, like mid conversation. Jimmie’s mouth hit the floor. Even Jacob was staring like he was about to change sexual preferences. My stomach sort of twisted as I eyed the Riding Hood costume and I tried not to even think about the fact that I had worn a costume just like that to the Halloween party years before. Besides, right now, that didn’t seem like the biggest deal to contend with, which spoke volumes for a lot of things.
Little Red Riding Hood was also known as Stephanie Keith, a.k.a Steph.
The girl was gorgeous in a way that made any girl feel under dressed and on the wrong side of ugly. The hem of her sparkly red dress ended just below the ass, and her legs were stunning. Her outfit was complete with red lips, smoky eyes, and two pigtails.
She was hot.
And she was going straight for Cam.
Steph threw her arms around him, which caused her dress to hike up, revealing ruffled black panties that read SPANK ME across her ass cheeks. Cam didn’t run from her, but turned, giving her that damn lopsided smile of his. She took the ball from him, backing up and giggling as her friend was all up on Jase.
Something ugly unfurled in the pit of my stomach like a noxious weed. Why wasn’t Cam running away from her instead of following her around the table?
That was a stupid question.
What guy would be running from Steph?
Someone bumped into me from the side, an apology was muttered, but I was focused on Steph. She was holding the ball close to her breasts, grinning wickedly as Cam stalked her.
Brit took the cup from me and grabbed my hand. “Let’s dance.”
I dug my feet in, blinking at her. “I don’t dance.”
“No. We are going to dance.” She cast a look over her shoulder. Cam had somehow gotten the ball from Steph. “Because if we don’t, you’re just going to stand there and glare at them like the pissed off girlfriend.”
Shit. She had a point. I let her drag me toward a group of girls that were dancing, which was conveniently close to the ping pong table. Brit held onto my hand as she shimmied around me, singing along to the song. It took a couple of moments to work up the nerve to do another thing I hadn’t done in years and I sort of wished I’d finished off the beer.
Closing my eyes, I let myself feel the music and catch the beat. Once that happened, my hips were swaying and I was smiling. Eyes open now, I still held onto Brit’s hand as we danced together. The group around us grew larger and over Brit’s shoulder, I saw Cam.
He wasn’t paying attention to Steph.
He was watching us—watching me.
Brit was a freaking genius.
She looked behind her and then turned back to me, biting her lip. “Fuck ‘em.”
I tipped my head back and laughed. “Fuck ‘em.”
“That’s my girl.”
Jimmie joined us, coming up behind Brit, dropping his hands on her waist. I raised my brows, and she shrugged, which was code for holding off on the punching in the vagina. My hair was damp along my temples and my sweater had ridden up. The three of us were joined by Jacob, who pretty much flailed around. I was so caught up in laughing at him that when hands landed on my hips, I jumped a good five inches off the floor.
Brit’s eyes widened.
I looked over my shoulder and saw a relatively unfamiliar face. The guy’s cheeks were red, eyes slightly glazed over as he ground his hips.
“Hey,” he slurred, smiling.
“Hi.” I turned back around, making a face at Brit as I stepped forward. I made it about an inch before Drunk Guy’s grip tightened.
“Where you going?” he said. “We’re dancing.”
I twisted to the side, and the guy followed, staying at my back. My stomach dropped and a strange, shivery sensation crawled up the back of my neck, raising the tiny hairs there. Thrown back several years, I froze for a second. Brit, Jacob, the party—everything—disappeared. I felt him pull me back against him, his hands on the bare skin of my stomach. Without any warning, reality seemed to shift.
I wasn’t here.
I was back there, with his hands under my skirt, and I couldn’t breathe or see; the fabric of the couch rough against my cheek.
“Baby,” the guy crooned in my ear. “Dance with me.”
“Baby,” Blaine had said, his breath heavy in my ear. “You can’t tell me you don’t want this.”
The garage shifted to a basement and back again. I tried to pull away, my heart beating so fast I was going to be sick. “Let me go.”
“Come on, it’s just a dance.” His hand was on my stomach, under my sweater. “You—”
“Let me go.” My breath caught in my throat as I struggled. “Let me go!”
There was a surprised shout and a squeal. Suddenly I was torn out of the drunk guy’s grip. I stumbled back, bumping into someone. Heart racing, I pushed my hair out of my face and lifted my head.
Oh my God.
Cam had the guy against the wall.