Chapter Thirteen
I WAKE UP alone again. Tilting my head to the right, I focus on the clock. It’s five past seven. I need to get ready for work. I stand and realize I’m naked. Oh, Adam, since I met you, waking up naked is becoming a habit.
I return to the scene of the crime—the bathroom—and I’m astonished at how easily I become aroused. Visions of the previous night play out in my head, distracting me. One of my trembling hands reaches for the faucet and in less than a minute I’m in the shower. My body is sore and the warm water washing over me makes me wince. Victoria’s words echo in my head. He will use you and then leave you. I wrap my arms around my body.
Once I finish the shower I brush my teeth and rummage through Adam’s drawers for something to wear. I settle on a pair of boxer-briefs and a T-shirt.
Peering out into the quiet hallway, I wonder if anyone is home. Surely, he didn’t leave me here alone. I move toward the kitchen and soft humming startles me. I turn on my heels, prepared to go back to the bedroom, when Ms. Wright’s voice halts my progress.
“Evelyn, you’re up. What would you like for breakfast?”
“Ms. Wright, how are you?” I try to sound cheery but I know a blush paints my cheeks.
She measures me from head to toe, though her eyes don’t appear to hold any judgment. “I’m doing marvelously. Come sit, have something to eat. Maybe some eggs?”
I shake my head because I’ve lost my appetite.
Sternly, and with motherly affection, Ms. Wright speaks. “Sit.”
I nod and do what I’m told. With my eyes wide I submit to yet another bossy figure in my life.
“Let’s get over the awkwardness. I’m busy, and I suspect you have to get ready for work. Now, what do you want to eat?” she says decisively.
“Um…fruit, I suppose, maybe an apple.”
“That’s all?” Her eyes are filled with disapproval.
I nod. “I’m already late.”
Ms. Wright frowns. She walks over to a basket located on the kitchen counter and reaches for an apple. She cleans it under the sink faucet, dries it, and hands it to me.
I take the shiny apple a bit self-consciously. I could have done that. I do not like the idea of being served by someone.
After a long pause I ask her what I actually want to know. “Where is Adam?”
“Oh, he’s probably in his office,” Ms. Wright says while stirring something on the stove.
There’s an office?
As if she knew what I was thinking she answers my unspoken question. “It’s down the hall, third door on the left.”
“Thank you.” Still holding the apple, I stand and make my way down the hallway. As I walk in the direction of the office I notice the various paintings adorning the walls. I grin as I remember Adam boasting about his vast collection of art the night we happened upon each other during Art Basel.
The sound of Adam’s voice at the far end of the hall cuts my thoughts short. I lean against the doorframe and peek inside his office. Adam is on the phone, standing near a window, a document in his hands. He’s wearing simple gray pajama pants and a white T-shirt, the waistband of his boxer-briefs visible since the pants are resting low. I stare at him shamelessly. Damn, this man is sexy.
“This actually looks pretty good.” He sounds surprised. “Get me the documents on the Korbin property. I want to close by the end of the week.” He pauses for a moment and turns from the window, a grin forming on his lips when he sees me. “Okay, that will work. I’ll be in the office by half past eight.” He hangs up the phone and pins me with his gorgeous stare.
“I spend thousands of dollars on clothes and you’re still wearing mine?”
The amused expression he wears is infectious.
“I have no idea where that clothing is!” I say playfully.
“It’s in the guest bedroom closet.”
I saunter toward a large chair in the corner of the room and flop down. This man is so puzzling. I suspect the brief response as to the whereabouts of the clothes is Adam Black’s way of ushering me out of his office, but I’m not taking the bait. I eye him closely, because today is the day I reason out what type of influence Adam is on me, on my life. Should I walk away?
Adam’s handsome face is marred by a frown as he looks at me. I feel as if those eyes can see straight into my soul, as if he can determine what I’m feeling before I admit it to myself.
“You seem pensive today,” he says as he turns to his desk and picks up a document.
“I was thinking about some things.” I try for a casual pose, but my muscles tighten with tension. Am I angry at him?
“Like what?” he says without looking at me.
“The origin of your name, for instance.”
His lips quirk and I now have his undivided attention. “Let me guess, it’s interesting because I’m named after the first man? Well, if you subscribe to Judeo-Christian beliefs.”
I cross my arms over my chest and take a big bite of the apple in my hand, my gaze never wavering from his.
Adam walks over to me and places his hands on either side of the black leather chair. He leans forward. “The origin of your name is also interesting.”
I tilt my chin toward him so we’re only inches apart and nod slowly. The air is thick around us, and as I’m reveling in our close proximity an upsetting thought infiltrates my head. I wonder if this is how he felt with all the members of the One Month Dating Club.
He licks his lips and my jealous thoughts dissipate. I want to grab his cheeks between my hands and kiss him, but I feel a sudden pang of trepidation.
“Is there a reason why you’re eating an apple as we have this conversation?” His eyes are mirthful.
As always, Adam is finding me a pleasant distraction. I take a deep breath and regard him seriously. “I’m looking for answers.”
“And you’re determined to find them in the Bible?”
“Many people find answers there.”
He scoffs at the comment. “Who is the snake in this situation?”
Adam walks over to this desk and sits on the chair. He leans back, his powerful frame relaxed.
“I’m not sure.” I sit up straight because I feel the conversation merits good posture.
“May I offer my own hypothesis?”
I nod. Adam has an opinion on this?
“You are the snake,” he says without flinching.
“Me? I’m the snake? That’s your opinion?” My cheeks burn, only the flush has nothing to do with desire and everything to do with anger. I stand, walking to the edge of his desk a hand on my hip.
“Yes. From the first moment I set eyes on you, I’ve been tempted to do things I know I shouldn’t.”
“From the moment I first met you, I have been tossed into chaos, and you, sir, are the cause,” I say indignantly. “In your presence I have no clue if I’m coming or going.”
Adam laughs outright. “I should hope that in my presence you’re coming.”
His strong hands encircle my waist and he pulls me to him. My breathing is agitated as he positions me on his lap. The mirth in his gaze is replaced with a serious expression.
“The roles we play don’t matter. Not as long as we both eat from the forbidden fruit.”
He whispers against me, and I know we’re no longer talking about a Biblical story, but about our lives.
Adam leans down and takes a bite of the apple I’m still holding, the juices of the ripe fruit trickling down my hand. He licks at my fingers as he tastes, and I’m surprised by the warm sensation stirring between my legs. He can make any conversation sensual. It’s his superpower.
My voice is soft and uncertain as I challenge him. “Doing something illicit can create precarious situations.”
“That’s true, though in my experience, nothing has ever been won without risk,” he asserts.
“So you’re the type of man who takes risks often?”
He gives me that movie-star grin. “What do you think?”
“Around you it’s hard to think.”
My fingers move over his smooth lips and I can no longer deny the yearning in my chest. I move my lips against his, only for the first time it’s a tender caress. He moves to intensify the kiss but I move back. I deny him the control he’s accustomed to, and I can tell by his reaction it’s something he doesn’t like.
Adam shifts, moving me off his lap, so I stand. His beautiful blue eyes are void of any emotion; I can’t tell what he’s thinking.
“You should get ready for work.”
That is without a doubt a clear dismissal. I believe I’ve upset him, though I’m not sure why.
“Is something wrong?”
He shakes his head, and though his face is expressionless, I know something is bothering him.
“I have work I need to get to.” His eyes go cold as he focuses on his laptop.
My head moves forward in a slow nod. “Bye, Adam,” I say with a twinge of regret as I exit the room.
I’m more confused leaving than when I came in. Does he want me to challenge him? Does he want me to take a chance on this relationship? Wait…it’s not a relationship, it’s just sex. The uncertainty of my standing with Adam is overwhelming my senses, and unfortunately, I can’t just sit here and think. I’m late for work.
In less than fifteen minutes I’m ready. With haste, I say my goodbyes to Adam, who’s on the phone. He kisses me absentmindedly, on a reflex, more interested in his conversation than me.
Parker drives me to school. I climb the stairs to the fourth floor and I’m not ready to deal with the issues of the day. The world doesn’t stop because you’re not ready to face it, so as the kids enter I put on a brave expression.
TINA can read me like a book. She knows when I’m on the verge of falling apart and I don’t want to make her worry. So throughout the day I keep myself busy and avoid her probing questions.
The bell signaling the end of sixth period rings, and in less than fifteen minutes I’m making my way out of the school, walking to my therapist’s office. As I head out, I notice the familiar black Escalade parked at the curb. What is he doing here? I head over as Parker steps out.
“Why are you here?” I don’t bother to hide my annoyance.
Parker’s isn’t fazed by my attitude. “Mr. Black was adamant you be picked up from school, Miss Snowe.”
“Oh. Where exactly did Mr. Black stipulate I be dropped off?” I know I shouldn’t take my anger out on poor Parker, but I am fuming. Why does Adam care where I go? I’m just some girl he’s fucking for the month.
“He wanted you dropped off at his apartment,” Parker says hesitantly.
“Well, tell him I’m busy. At the moment I can’t be his beck-and-call girl.” I turn and walk away, leaving Parker with a befuddled expression on his face.
DR. DAVIS looks at me as she listens, her expression clinical, void of any emotion.
“I slept with him. I knew he wasn’t interested in a relationship, that I’m just a diversion, and I slept with him.”
“What do you think prompted you to do that?” She crosses her legs, calmly staring at me.
I hate when you ask these questions, that even in my own mind, I can’t answer.
“Why does anyone do anything, Dr. Davis? I wanted him. I knew I would feel like shit afterward, and I still did it because I couldn’t deny myself the satisfaction of being with him.”
“Why feel bad about it then?”
I narrow my eyes in confusion. “He’ll use me, and once he’s done he’ll throw me away as if I don’t matter.”
“That is only an issue if you allow it to be.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” My breath is racing and I feel a panic attack coming. My lungs are shutting down on me as my chest and abs tighten. Thinking about how careless I’ve been, how inconsequential I am to him, is paralyzing.
“Evelyn. Stop. Calm down and talk it out with me.” The edge in Dr. Davis’s voice matches her stern expression.
My eyes water over with tears. “I don’t want it to end. He’s going to leave me and the thought scares the hell out of me.”
I have long since taken my shoes off and am rubbing my feet against the grain of the carpet. The rough feel of the material against the soles of my feet helps me concentrate on the conversation.
“Sometimes we don’t have control over what happens. You know that. We have to live with not only the choices we make but the choices other people in our lives make,” she says definitively.
“You’re talking about my father now. I don’t want to talk about my father,” I say stubbornly, because I know where this conversation is headed.
“It all comes back to him.” She is relentless.
I place my finger in my mouth and bite at the nail, not breaking it, but rubbing my teeth against it. I stopped biting my nails years ago, but when I’m anxious the urge resurfaces. “I know what you’re thinking. You think because my father decided to shoot himself, because he decided to leave, it’s somehow connected to the situation I’m in with Adam.”
Dr. Davis bobs her head forward in a measured nod. “Tell me how the two instances aren’t related. Make me understand.”
My sobs overtake my shaking body. She is so annoyingly logical. So annoyingly right. “They keep fucking leaving me,” I say bitterly. “Every man in my life picks up and leaves.”
“Adam hasn’t left yet.” Dr. Davis’s voice is soft.
Unsettled by the sudden shift in her tone, I blink a few times and shake my head. “But he will. He said it’s only a matter of time.” I wipe away the tears on my face and take a deep breath.
“From what you’ve told me, it seems he’s as confused as you are. I doubt he knows what he’ll do.” She pauses for a second. “Not everything in life is set in stone.”
“So I should just continue the relationship and see where it takes me?” I throw my hands up in the air. “Look at me. I’m falling apart! I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I’ve only been in this situation for a week.”
Dr. Davis shakes her head. “No, Evelyn. You’re currently in the middle of a minor panic attack, that’s all. Honestly, it’s to be expected.”
Are you kidding me? You expected this? I narrow my eyes at her. “How is this normal?”
“Life hurts. There will be moments that feel intolerable. You can’t keep shielding yourself from relationships because you’re too scared to see them fall apart.” Dr. Davis sighs. “I encouraged this relationship because I want you to test the waters, I want you to start living again. Only you can gauge what you can take. If it’s too much, end the relationship. But I believe you’ll come to the conclusion that regret hurts far more than trying and failing.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes as my breathing calms. Everything comes back into focus, and my heart begins to beat at a steady pace. Is she right? Have I closed myself off to the possibility of being happy? Have I let my fear decide what I can and cannot do?
“I think I’m falling in love with him.” I say the words aloud for the first time.
“Then can you honestly leave at this point?”
“No…I can’t.” I’m tethered to this ship, and if it sinks, I’m going down with it.
Dr. Davis’s alarm rings, indicating the end of the session. With what I think is annoyance, she grabs her phone and turns the alarm off. “We can extend our session. You don’t have to leave.”
I shake my head. “I’m fine. Actually, I need to go. I’m sure Tina and my mom are worried about me. I’ve avoided talking to them, so I imagine they’re letting their imaginations go wild with all sorts of concerns,” I say with a roll of my eyes.
Dr. Davis smiles at me. “They care about you; it’s natural they should worry.”
“I’m not going to hurt myself.”
She nods slowly. “If I thought for a moment you might, I would do something about it.”
I smile, because having the trust of at least one of the people in my life is reassuring. We say our goodbyes and I leave the room. As I stroll through the halls of the building I check my cellphone. Three missed calls, and they’re all from Adam. I groan. Great, like I don’t already have enough problems.
I step out of the building and call him. This conversation should be fun. To my surprise, I hear the loud ringing of a phone from the left. When I turn in the direction of the sound, a pissed-off Adam Black is glaring at me.
I blink a few times, registering the sight. He presses a button on his ringing phone, sending my call to voicemail.
“I thought I should come see what my beck-and-call girl was doing.” He moves with purpose toward me. “Though for someone who claims that title, you rarely do what I want.”
I gape at him. How the hell did he find me?