CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
NIKKI
†
IT SHOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED. I shouldn’t have given in. How could I have been so weak? But, how could I have resisted him, really?
When I got his text that morning, asking me to go to the beach with him, I refused, hoping he’d come knocking on my door. He didn’t. So, when I went to search for him and saw him with those two pathetic, giggling bimbos who were vying for his attention, I didn’t know who I was more angry at.
Him, I decided in the end. I was angry with Jake for making a fool out of me.
Or, so I thought. As he scooped me up in front of everyone, I realized that he could have done the same with either or both of those girls, but he didn’t. He took only me to his villa, locking us in and putting me onto the bed like a caveman presenting his kill.
But, I didn’t care. I couldn’t fight anymore, because he was right. I wanted him. Just him, and nobody and nothing else.
When he put his hands on my body I was sure I was going to faint, but I wanted to stay awake because I didn’t want to miss a single second. He pulled my dress off and underneath I wore the bra and panties I’d bought for the holiday, on the off chance that maybe some other guy would get to see them when really, the only eyes I wanted on them, were Jake’s.
Not that he spent much time looking at me in them, of course. The bra was off in a flash and the panties quickly followed suit. He replaced the panties with his mouth, his beautiful lips and tongue working their magic, and I was back to being in a sultry Hawaiian room with Jake Matthews pleasuring me in ways I can hardly describe. But, still I felt empty, vacant, and I needed him to fill me.
That first time lasted barely a few minutes, but the time after that, we made sure we took things more slowly. I thought I might have forgotten what to do, because it had been so long, and there had been no other man since Jake. But, when he first held me against him, and I felt his chest, his jaw, his stomach, and further down, it was as though I’d never been away from him.
I hadn’t realized that all those nights I’d been dreaming about him, thinking about him, and crying over him, I’d replayed our time together over and over in my head so often I’d memorized every single inch of his body.
In his arms, I weighed nothing more than a feather, and I was more beautiful than any woman could ever imagine being. He stroked my back, my breasts, my thighs and, even though my orgasm had crashed through my body with such intensity I was sure I’d have to wait a month before having sex again, within moments I was aroused once more, and I craved him with the same intensity as ever.
That night, as we lay naked in the bed, our limbs entwined around one another, I thought once more about a future with Jake. I wanted it so much. But, as he slept silently beside me, the doubts came niggling back into my mind. I lay on my back, tears rolling down the sides of my face so that it literally collected inside my ears.
I’d only just begun to get over him, or, at least, I could tell myself that I was working on it. But, I was heading home in a couple of days, and then what? I’d go back to my life in the office, designing buildings and trying to forge a path for myself, and Jake would take another assignment in a far-flung place, and be out of my life until the next time rolled around.
He was never going to settle down. I knew it. And the thought of the two girls on the beach, flirting with him and wanting him in their beds, was something I was going to see in my mind’s eye every time he left the country to go wade through swamps and climb mountains and do the crazy things that adventurers like Jake do. It’s in their blood. And there’d be a girl in every port. I was nothing special.
I slipped out of the bed early in the morning and left him without him knowing. It might have been a shitty thing to do, and I guess there was a small, petty part of me that wanted him to know what it felt like. But, then again, I was sure I wasn’t the first girl to be left with only a note.
I thought about leaving him some words on a piece of yellow paper but decided against it. Instead, I went back to my room and sat on my bed. I looked at my watch. It was just after five, which meant it was around ten o’clock in Omaha. I knew Mia would be at work. I picked up the phone and called her office.
“Hey!” she said when she heard my voice. “How are things in paradise?”
“They’re okay, I guess,” I said.
“Oh,” she replied, and I could hear the caution in her voice. “How come they’re only okay? Haven’t you met anyone out there yet?”
“Like who?” I asked.
“Erm, well, maybe someone tall and handsome with the kind of body you only ever see in a club where women are putting twenties in their G-strings?”
“I know you told him, Mia.”
“Oh.” She was quiet for a moment, and then she spoke again. “Didn’t go well, huh?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I groaned, lying back on the bed and holding the receiver to my ear. “In some ways, it was exactly what I wanted. I was getting harassed by some creep and then suddenly, there he was, doing what he does best. Rescuing me and being so goddamn perfect. And he took me to his room, and I’ve just come back from being there all night, and…”
I trailed off, and Mia practically yelled at me. “Don’t stop there!” she said. “I want all the smutty details, dammit! Don’t judge. I’m going through the dry spell here, honey, so just let me live vicariously through your life for a second, would you?”
“You’re worse than my mom,” I said, smiling. “You’d think that there are some things in a girl’s life that are private, but, oh no.”
“If you have a man that looks like that, well, I’m afraid we have to ask,” Mia said. “It’s the only way we can have a little taste, you know? We’re not all as lucky as you are.”
“Am I lucky, though?” I asked her, and I began to relay all my fears, the thoughts that had been coursing through my brain for hours while Jake slept.
Mia listened because it was her job as a best friend. But, as all best friends do, she wasn’t about to tell me only what I wanted to hear. Instead, she began to give me a stern talking-to.
“For the love of God, Nik,” she said when I was done explaining what was worrying me. “You were the one who turned him down yesterday, and then he went and got an offer of a threesome with two girls. But, he turns it down because he wants to be with you, and you’re worried about a couple of magazine assignments? Honey, if a blonde and a redhead giving him a free pass isn’t going to turn his head, then some woman in Mongolia, who only exists in your head, isn’t going to make him stray, either.”
“But you and Mom were the ones telling me that he’s a free spirit,” I protested. “It was pretty much in this exact place that you guys were drying my tears and telling me that I’m never going to get his number and he’s always going to run before we have an emotional airport-goodbye.”
“Your mom was the one who said that and I didn’t answer her,” Mia said. “And, I don’t know what the answer is now, either. But, Nikki, the guy came over to your apartment and begged me to tell him where you were. He didn’t hesitate to fly all the way over there and tell you exactly what he came to the apartment to tell you. I could have told him you were in the Australian outback and he would have done exactly the same thing. Doesn’t that mean something to you?”
“I know,” I said, softly. “I just know it hurt so much the last time, I don’t know if I’m brave enough to go on knowing that every minute I spend with him, the more I want to be with him.”
“Then you need to leave,” Mia said, simply. “If you’re too scared to see where it’s going to go, then leave now. Don’t find out. But, I think you’re making a big mistake. Because nobody knows how these things are going to go when they first get involved. If we knew in advance, then we’d never know what it was like to take a chance on love. The feeling of being with the person you love outweighs every risk there might be that it might not work out.”
“Do I love him?” I asked.
“I’ve never been more convinced of anything,” Mia said dryly.
“Shit,” I said. “It’s terrifying.”