The scent of cheap meat and onions drifts across the fairground. I love the fair. I always have. My father was always busy with his work but would always take time out to take me and my sister, Teagan to the fair. I've always loved it. Finn trails behind me, looking completely out of place and uncomfortable. His fists are clenched and his jaw ticks with the tension. His eyes dart around, his body twitching with every noise. A couple of screaming kids run past him and he darts out of their path, glaring at them.  

I reach out and grab his hand, threading my fingers through his. His expression remains set in that deep scowl while he stares down at our now linked hands.

"Come on," I say, dragging him towards the bumper cars. He allows me to pull him through the crowds and I know he's probably sulking about me holding his hand, but if it keeps him from jumping on some unsuspecting child, I'll hold his damn hand. I glance at the house of horrors, but quickly decide against it. I can only imagine what he'll do if something or someone jumps out at him, but I can't help but smile at the thought of how annoyed he'd be. Bumper cars. The cage. The Ferris wheel. I pull him over to the booth for the bumper cars and buy two tokens. He stands with his back to the booth, inhaling on his vape pen with his free hand shoved deep in his pocket. His shoulders hunch slightly as he sulks. He looks so far out of his comfort zone.  

"This way Finnley." I jerk my head to the side and he pushes off the booth, following me to the side of the rink. Loud music blares and lights flash as kids and adults both whiz around in little sparkly bumper cars. I glance at him and his eyes are narrowed. "Are you okay?" I ask, wondering if I've pushed him a little too far. He nods.  

"Yeah. I just don't like noise." Well, shit. It doesn't get much noisier than this place.  

"Why not?" 

Slowly, he turns his gaze to me. I expect him to come out with some gnarly remark, but instead his eyes just lock on mine, like he’s debating on what to say. "The noise dulls the senses. You can't hear an approaching threat."  

"It's the fair, Finn, not a war zone," I try to reassure him. He turns, facing straight ahead as he brings the vape pen to his lips.  

"Everywhere is a war zone."  

It's times like this when he reminds me of Silas, of Brandon. They all have their own set of issues, but fundamentally they're all just a little bit broken, irreparably so. 

The claxon sounds out and all the bumper cars come to a stop. People climb out and there's a flurry of people pouring from the sides of the ring to claim a car. I jump in a blue one and point at a pink glittery one next to me.  

"Get in," I say to Finn. He looks from me to the bumper car and back again. "Quickly. Before someone else gets it." I fight a smile. Perhaps it's mean that I find his grouchy ways so amusing. He sighs heavily, his chest rising and falling with the effort, and then he's folding his enormous frame into the little pink bumper car. I try not to laugh, I do. I try. It's when he scowls at me with his legs folded up around his ears that I lose it. I laugh until I can't breathe and tears stream down my face. The claxon goes off again and the disco music starts, but I'm literally incapacitated from laughing. Bang. I'm jolted forward with such force that I sprawl against the little steering wheel. I glance over my shoulder and see Finn smirking as he reverses and then slams into me again.  

"That's not fair!" I shout, pressing my foot down on the accelerator. My bumper car spins in erratic circles. I do a three sixty, passing Finn. "You can't catch..." I spin again, “a girl when she's unaware." Another circle. When I pass Finn, he's laughing. "Mine is broken!" I shout.  

"Turn the wheel!" he yells over the music.  

I turn the wheel and it stops spinning before shooting forward. Finn whizzes off and I start laughing again. He looks so ridiculous. I accidentally drive into a kid and the little fucker flips me off.  

"Little cunt," I mutter under my breath.  

Finn makes it his mission to smash into me as many times as possible. He also gets flipped off by the ASBO child and his raised eyebrows crack me up.  

By the time we get out of the bumper cars, my face hurts from laughing. A smile graces Finn's lips as he takes my hand and helps me down the steps, to the worn grass. His eyes linger on my face and I feel a hint of a blush creep into my cheeks. "What?" I say.

"Nothing.” He looks away. “I guess I have to buy you your gross candy floss now?" 

I hook my arm through his, smiling wide as we walk through the crowd. He's still twitchy, but he makes more of an effort to ignore me. I keep him talking, focused on me instead of everyone around him. I have no idea whether it's working, but fuck it.  

I wait beside the ball toss stand while he queues for candy floss. He towers over everyone around him, his stance rigid and making him look unapproachable. My phone buzzes. I glance down at the screen: Text Message Silas. My stomach knots and I quickly shove my phone in my pocket, refusing to read it now. I glance up just as Finn walks over to me, his nose wrinkled as he hands me an enormous ball of pink candy floss on a stick. "You realise that is literally just sugar and e numbers, right?" 

Forcing a smile, I take it from him. "Yep."  

His brows pinch together and he squints at me. "What's wrong?"

  

I pause, my heart picking up for a second. I feel like a rabbit in head lights. How does he even know anything is wrong? "Nothing. I'm fine," I attempt to brush it off, but his face doesn't shift. I spin a piece of candy floss around my finger and shove it in my mouth, slowly sucking the sugary goodness from my finger.  

His eyes drop to my lips and he is, without doubt, distracted. "Let's do the Ferris wheel,” I say as I point at the ride towering over the entire fair. And, here comes the scowl.

I take off towards the Ferris wheel. When I glance over my shoulder he's just standing there. "Come on, Finnley. I'll share my candy floss with you." I wave the pink puff through the air, laughing at his grouchy face.  

"I'm not putting that shit in my body." He huffs.

"It's okay, big guy. You can keep your muscles." I pat his bulging arm as he walks beside me.

He shakes his head just as we come to the back of the line. 

The pikey at the Ferris wheel swipes his sweaty palms down his tracksuit bottoms, grinning at me and staring at my tits. Finn clears his throat and slides an arm around my waist. My gaze snaps to his, but he's focused on the pikey, glaring at him. Jesus, what's gotten up his arse?  

I hand the guy a fiver, being sure to drop it into his waiting palm to avoid making physical contact with him. The next bucket comes around and he grabs it, holding it still.

"In ya get, sweetheart," the guy says. I skate around him and climb in. 

 

Finn drops onto the seat next to me and the bucket swings precariously. He has to hang his arm over the edge in order to fit in and not have his body pressed against mine. 

I pinch off pieces of candy floss and pop them in my mouth. "Sure you don't want any?" 

I thrust the pink cloud in his face and he swats it away before he folds his arms over his chest. The wheel starts moving and Finn groans, trying to adjust himself in the small space. He looks like a sardine.  

"You know, if you ate more of this shit and less of..." I wave my hand in his direction. "Whatever the fuck you're eating to look like that...you wouldn't be bitching."  

"I wouldn't be bitching if you hadn't drug me here. I'm not the fair kind of guy." He huffs again, staring straight ahead. He's such a grouch. 

I shrug. "What kind of guy are you, Finnley? I mean, you fight in a spit and sawdust pub, and stay in your apartment..." I swear, I think he just rolled his eyes. "Well?" 

Finn arches one of his brows. "What?" 

I groan. "God, you're impossible."  

"You're the one making me impossible." A short-lived chuckle slips through his lips.  

"Honestly, Finn. I swear, conversation with you is like trying to draw blood from a stone." He responds with his preferred silence. "Oh, I'll just talk to myself, riding on the Ferris wheel with the strong, silent one—k eating my candy floss." I ramble on and he pulls his vape pen from his pocket, placing it between his lips. Nothing, he says nothing. Glaring at him, I snatch the vape pen and inhale on it, dragging the sweet smoke deep into my lungs. "You know, you're stressful," I say as I slowly release the smoke. He takes the vape pen back from me. "You're pushing me to smoke." Again, nothing. Jesus-fucking-Christ.  

We’re near the top now and I swing my legs, smiling as I cram more of the candy floss inside my mouth. Finn's staring out over the horizon, he looks well annoyed so I pinch off a piece of the pink fluff and, when he's not looking, shove it in his mouth. His tongue whips out, licking the dissolving sugar from his lips and he glares at me. 

"It's good, see? Can't come to a fair and not have candy floss, Finn, it's a cardinal sin." 

He wipes the back of his hand over his face, sweeping any remnants of the floss away. "You are a cardinal sin." 

"Aw," I laugh, "Finnley made a joke." I pat him on his huge bicep. "I'm proud of you." 

Another huff and he tosses his head back and closes his eyes. "How many times does this thing go around?" 

I shrug. "I'm not the fair expert, Finn."  

"Well, you're a pikey..." 

I gasp, pressing my palm to my chest. "You did not..."  

A small grin works over his lips and damn, he's hot when he smiles. I mean, he's hot anyway, but undeniably so when he smiles. "You're Irish,” he laughs. “You're pikey. It's okay, embrace your roots."

 

I sniff and face forward. Brandon fucking O'Kieffe was a pikey. Trailer and everything. I don't say that though because, you know, way to put a fucking damper on the night and thrust us into an awkward silence whilst stuck on a Ferris wheel. "I am about as far from a pikey as it gets." 

"Yeah, sure thing, queenie." 

When we hit the top of the Ferris wheel it jerks to a stop, The bucket rocks back and forth and I let out a little squeak.  My hand lands on Finn's thigh, my fingers digging into his leg as I slam my eyes shut. He laughs and I flip him off without looking at him. "Scared of heights?" he asks.

"No, I'm scared of the fucking thing swinging like an old man's ball bag," I snap.

  

"How many old men have you fucked?" He smirks and I want to punch him. 

"You try growing up with a pikey for a friend, and you'll see plenty of drunk old fucker's nut sacks. I'm telling you, I was scarred from the age of twelve." 

There's a small flicker in his eyes and a slow smile creeps over his lips. He shifts his weight back and forth and the bucket starts to rock. "I can't get comfortable..." He laughs as he continues to shift his weight. 

"Finn. Stop." 

"My arse is going to sleep." 

"Finn!"  

He chuckles. The hinges on the bucket creak and groan and I'm certain we are about to fall to our deaths. I grab onto his arm, digging my nails in as I close my eyes. "Fuck you. You're such a cunt." I keep my eyes closed, trying to block out the cold wind blowing across my face. "You know that fair pikeys built this, right? It can't take your fat arse rocking it like that." The bucket continues to swing. "Oh god, I feel sick." I shouldn't have eaten my body weight in candy floss.  

"Hurl over the edge if you're going to." 

"No, I will throw up on you because you fucking made me sick," I say, gripping the bar in front of me so hard my knuckles turn white.  

"Nah, the candy floss did that. Told you that shit's not good for you." 

I rest my arms along the bar and brace my forehead on them. "Not helping!" 

He snorts before he grabs me and yanks me against his side. His arm wraps around my shoulder and he holds me tight, the clean scent of his cologne alleviating a little of my panic. "We're not going to fall, don't worry, queenie." He laughs. "Jesus, you're like a child." I turn my face into his chest. 

"I am not," I mumble against him.  

"Really?" The wheel starts to move again. "The fair. Candy floss. Scared of heights...sounds like a kid to me." He leans away from me just enough that I can see a small smirk touch his lips. 

I poke him in the ribs and he grunts. I bet they’re still bruised from the fight a few weeks ago. "Everyone loves the fair, arsehole. And I'm not scared of heights. I just don't like it when you rock the thing. As for candy floss...Maybe I'll give you that. I feel sick."  

He keeps his arm wrapped around me and digs in his pocket, taking out his vape pen again. The sweet scent of cherry drifts on the air and mixes with his cologne. "Want some?" He holds the pen just in front of my face and I take it, inhaling a lungful.  

Eventually the Ferris wheel comes to a stop at the bottom and the pikey holds the bucket still while Finn helps me out. That was not one of my better ideas. I can practically feel how smug Finn is.  

"You ready to go yet?" Finn asks. 

I glare at him over my shoulder. Say no. Say no. Suck it up. I glance around at all the spinning rides, the flashing lights and blaring music. I really think I might throw up.  

"Fine," I huff, folding my arms over my chest. A triumphant smile touches his lips and he turns, walking off in the direction of the car park. Is it too much to ask the guy to try and have a good time?  

The second I get in my car my phone beeps. I glance down at the screen and see another text from Silas. I shouldn't read it, but of course I do.  

Silas: No one will ever love you like I do. X 

I drop the phone into my bag like it's burned me. My stomach rolls, and that horrible feeling settles in my chest. He knows me so well, and he uses that to his advantage. My biggest fear is that the love I had with Silas can never be replicated, that he's as good as it gets for me. I grip the steering wheel with both hands, squeezing my fingers tightly as my mind drifts.  

I jolt when something touches my arm and glance at Finn who’s sitting silently in the passenger seat. His eyebrows have risen and he's looking at me like I've lost it. 

"I'm fine," I whisper, starting the engine and pulling away. I never take my eyes off the road as I drive to his apartment, and when I pull up outside, I sit patiently, waiting for him to get out. 

"Hope," he says quietly. I glance at him. "Are you okay?" 

I nod and look away from him. I'm never okay where Silas is concerned. He's the worst kind of guy; one who can make you fall so hopelessly in love with him that you lose yourself. I lost myself somewhere in the depths of Silas, and once he'd chewed me up and spat me out, I found myself wandering, lost. Each time I'm in danger of finding myself, he reminds me that I will always be his, because doesn't he own pieces of me that no one else possibly can? 

The car door opens and Finn quietly gets out. I lean forward and rest my forehead on the steering wheel, wiling this sick feeling to go away. It doesn't.