Walking through my front door I take a sigh of relief of a bit of normality. Taking off my dress putting it in my wash basket, I walk to my room grabbing my comfy PJs and towel, heading to my shower, making sure its scolding hot before stepping in.
Leaning my head against the cold tiles, I close my eyes and images of everything I’ve seen tonight enters my mind. I shouldn’t have gone. It was all too much and now I feel so stupid and a little gutted.
Killian was the first guy I felt a connection with, emotionally as well as physical. Images of him walking into the bathroom and kissing me without a care in the world, him standing naked, his body pressed against mine.
I can feel the ache build between my thighs but I shake my head, getting rid of the sexual images of him. I wash my hair and scrub my body clean before stepping out, drying myself then getting into my warm, comfy PJs.
Grabbing a bottle of prosecco, the only wine I like and two glasses I head to the living room sitting on the couch putting on Friends as I pour myself a hefty glass. Taking a sip, I lean back, but my brain won’t shut off.
Five minutes of sitting there quietly, just staring into space, my door opens and walks in Hannah, taking her coat off showing off her own PJs.
“You need to tell me everything. Don’t miss anything out.” She pours herself a glass of wine and gets comfortable on the couch, her legs tucked under her, as she looks at me.
“It was more than I expected to be,” I tell her, clearing my throat.
“Did you watch couples?” I take another sip of my wine nodding. “Come on you can’t leave me hanging here.” She begs.
“It was like a hotel but with people who have different kinks and fetishes.”
“I kind of gathered that bit from the questionnaire, but tell me what kinks did you see,” I tell her the rooms I went into and when I tell her about the golden shower room, her face scrunches up. “I feel sorry for the people who have to clean the sheets. If Drew ever wanted to pee on me I would tell him he can do that elsewhere.” She shakes her head.
“So, did you get involved with anyone while you were there?” I bite my lip. “Holy fuck, you did. It was a girl, right?” She giggles taking another sip from her glass.
“There was a girl, but a guy also.”
“Too bad for the guy then, was he okay not being involved?” I hesitate on how much I want to say but Hannah is my best friend, why should I not tell her?
“He was okay with it, but as the night went on, things started to change.”
“How do you mean?” She tops up our glasses.
“I started to like him.” Hannah almost chokes on her drink; her eyes bulge out on me. “Are you okay?” I tap her back.
“I’m fine, but I’m shocked. I love you, Angel, you know I would never judge you but I just assumed you were a lesbian in denial or something as you would rather get all sexed up with a girl than the guy.”
“You know it’s because I find it cheating if I got with the guy.”
“But if you switch it the other way around it’s like you’re helping the girl cheat. You like girls more. I accepted it.” I stay quiet, not in the mood to argue over this. “This guy must really be special.”
I shrug. “I guess he was.”
“But he fucked up though, right?” I look to her. “It doesn’t take a scientist to guess something happened. If you were having a blast you wouldn’t have left. You would be gushing about him.”
“I let him fuck me.” I blurt out.
“You need to stop blurting these out when I’m not ready or I’m going to have a heart attack.” She presses her hand against her chest. “You let a guy inside you?” I nod. “Fuck.” She pauses. “Was he good?”
“He really was. It was so good, I felt like I died and went to heaven. It was mind-blowing, the best I ever had.” I sigh.
“The best fuck of your life, fucked up how?”
“He literally came inside me then left, as I was suspended from the ceiling and blindfolded.”
“You were suspended from the ceiling and blindfolded? Right, you need to explain that to me.” I tell her about people signing up to be in the rooms, I tell her about the ones I went in, about Killian in the bathroom, then when he came to my room. I told her everything. With the look she is giving me, I feel like I just told her about one of my books and not my life story.
“Now you see why I left.” I down my drink and she does the same.
“Holy shit, you got whipped and caned? And let people, strangers watch you get it on? I wish you filmed it as I am still having trouble getting my head around it. From what you have told me, it sounded like he was head over heels into you.”
“I was obviously a challenge for him.”
“I think there’s more to it. We are thirty years old, not teenagers, surely men have got over their asshole ways and not do a runner.” I am about to reply when I hear a ping on my phone and I see it’s a message from Tinder. I go on the app and delete it. I don’t want them having any way of getting in touch with me.
I don’t want to be tempted to see what the messages say.
“It was them, wasn’t it?” Hannah asks me.
“I deleted the app.”
“Why? What if he wants to apologise?”
“It’s too late. I am not letting a guy fuck me and think he has power over me. He fucked up, he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.” I say proudly.
“Doesn’t he still have Violet?”
“She’s more into women, she sleeps with him when at the club.” Hannah nods.
“I still can’t believe this has actually happened. It’s crazy.”
“Tell me about it. Now that I’m home, I feel like I dreamt it all or something.”
“Least you experienced it and can say you were adventurous. Next weekend you and I are so going out. After all that I need a good drink and dance. Is it okay if I sleep over, not in the mood to go home now?” She giggles.
“You know you don’t have to ask.” She stands to give me a hug.
“I love you and I am going to bed. My head is still going through this.”
“Join the club.” We laugh. I watch her go to the spare room then I head to mine. Lying in bed, hugging my sheets to me, I feel like I’m different in some way but I can’t explain it. That place has changed me, I don’t know if it is a good thing or not, but I know that men are dickheads, I go to sleep of images of Killian’s eyes on me.