Chapter Five
Logan was gone in the morning.
His things were there – his bag, a pack of cigarettes, some clothes. But he was gone. Sarah looked at the place where he slept, wondering where he went. No note. She couldn’t decide how she felt about it. Was she annoyed? Or was it fine that he was coming and going how he pleased?
She hadn’t woken up until noon. Mary Ann had called her four times and sent three text messages. They sat unread on her phone. She couldn’t bring herself to read them, to sit through another lecture. Not only had she lost Millie’s house, but now the foreclosure on Brook Street had gone up in flames. Two strikes. Neither her fault yet she was getting blamed.
It was exhausting. She felt drained. From the fire. Logan. Work. All of it. She made tea, cooked a small breakfast and ate it silently, looking outside the window. The view from her apartment was of a side street. A bar was there, shuttered closed, a for sale sign hanging off it. St. Neuri had blossomed in the past ten years but the outskirts were hit hard from people moving in from the city. Prices had been steadily going up, people with richer tastes moving in, building stores that only the better off could go into.
The fog brought people scurrying away from St. Neuri, selling their homes for cheap, leaving them empty for months. Businesses closed, and St. Neuri began to feel like a ghost town.
Would it change now? Would things start to return to normal?
Sarah wasn’t sure what normal was. With how different things felt lately…
Once she finished breakfast, she went to the living room, looking at Logan’s things again. She sat on the couch. Today was meant for relaxation after the hellish day yesterday. She wasn’t going to think about anything else.
Of course, that proved to be impossible. Logan’s backpack was on the coffee table. A small sheet of paper stuck out. She kept glancing to it. Snooping was wrong. She knew that. But her curiosity about everything was getting to her. Sarah kept her eyes glued to the TV but that sheet of paper poking out kept getting her attention.
Finally, she got up, moving to the other side of the coffee table. Leaning down, she peered at the piece of paper, seeing if anything was exposed that she could read. It technically wasn’t snooping if it was out in the open, right?
It was a phone number, with a name scribbled on it. The page was torn from being caught in the zipper a few times. The name above it was legible, however, and it said the name Liam.
Sarah froze, thinking about Millie’s boyfriend. Since the house sale fell through, she had met him a few times, even getting his phone number the last time they were all out for lunch. She hurried to her room, grabbing her phone before darting back into the living room.
Sarah brought up her contact list and compared the two numbers. They were the same.
*
Sarah pulled into the driveway of Millie’s house. She had asked to see her friend, knowing more than likely Liam would be over as well. They were constantly together. If Liam knew Logan, enough that he had his phone number in his bag, then she could find out more about what was going on.
She got out of the car, shivering in the dropping temperatures. Knocking on the door, Millie opened it almost instantly. Her friend looked beautiful. Her hair was swept up in a messy bun, her clothes comfortable looking but still fashionable on her thin frame. Next to her, Sarah felt fat and ungainly, plain and dull. She tried not to dwell on it – Millie would never want her to think that way around her.
“Hey! Come in.” She exclaimed, crushing Sarah in a hug, smelling faintly of roses.
“I’m not bothering you, am I?”
“No, not at all. You sounded urgent on the phone. I’m just glad you’re okay.” Millie shut the front door, “After you told me about that fire…that it was terrifying. I cannot believe you went through that.”
“There’s actually some stuff I didn’t tell you on the phone. Is Liam here?” She looked around the living room, hearing voices somewhere in the house.
“Liam? Yeah. He’s in the dining room. Sorry, I have some people over. Just trying to get everything organized for Artemis Blossom moving to St. Neuri. The town wants to give me incentives since I will be moving a lot of jobs here after the local economy took a tumble.” Millie explained as they walked into the kitchen.
She hadn’t been kidding. There was a small crowd of people in the dining room, with laptops set up and chairs shoved against the table in an attempt to look like a meeting room. Sarah hoped that she wasn’t intruding. But this wasn’t something she was just going to let go.
“Liam is in the backyard.” Millie said.
She followed them, nodding and smiling at anyone in the group who looked her way. It was odd, she thought, to see how different her friend’s life was. With a blossoming fashion line, it was as though the world was at her feet. Sarah had never felt that way about her own life.
But she didn’t begrudge Millie. For as long as she could remember, her friend had loved fashion. It had been in her blood. It made sense that this is where her life would be now.
In the backyard, Liam was out putting up a new fence. He was large like Logan was, Sarah realized. Both tall, both packed with muscles, both with the same serious expressions on their face. How little she knew of both men.
“Liam,” Millie called out, “Sarah is here. She wanted to see you.”
He looked over his shoulder, surprised, “Me?”
She didn’t blame him for being surprised. It wasn’t as if they ever talked before. Liam moved away from the fence. There was an old picnic table in the backyard they sat around. Sarah recalled when they were kids playing at the same picnic table. It would be their ship. Whoever was underneath the table would be below decks with the captain above.
Was Millie thinking about that too? Sarah glanced at her. Her face betrayed nothing. Probably not. Sarah always lived in the past.
“What’s up?” Millie asked curiously.
She steeled herself and then launched into her story – the whole story. She didn’t leave anything out, explaining Logan, the fire, even Mary Ann being awful. Liam’s face changed slightly when Logan was mentioned, confirming what she already guessed – they knew each other somehow. She finished with seeing Liam’s number.
“I just figured since you know him, maybe you could tell me more about him? Something that lets me know I haven’t made a mistake in trusting him. Lying for him.” She said to Liam.
“I can’t believe you covered for him. That’s so unlike you.” Millie said, looking surprised.
“I know. I can’t explain it.” She said, feeling embarrassed.
“I only know of Logan, I have never met him. But he’s not someone you should be hanging around with.” Liam said seriously, cutting through the conversation cleanly.
“What?” Sarah asked.
Liam glanced at Millie. Something passed through them at that moment. It was impossible to understand the meaning. But it wasn’t lost on her.
“He runs with a bad crowd,” Liam went on, “If he’s hiding out, that means nothing good. You should ask him to leave, suggest the homeless shelter near the St. Neuri park.”
“What sort of crowd?” She pushed, “How do you know him?”
“Just trust me on this, Sarah. He isn’t someone you need in your house. Ask him to leave tonight. I have a friend who can come by and pick him up. Can take him to the shelter.”
“What?” Her eyes narrowed, “You just said he runs with a bad crowd. Now you’re sending someone over?”
Millie’s hand rested gently on Sarah’s shoulder, “It’ll be safer than you telling Logan to leave. In case things get intense.”
She glanced at her friend, narrowing her eyes slightly. The whole situation had shifted under her feet but she couldn’t quite understand why. There was something not being told to her – and Millie was in on it.
“How do you know him?” She asked Liam.
“We used to be friends. He was in my circle of friends and worked at my shop. But he met another guy named Jin. They were fast friends. Logan admired him. They hung out all the time. Jin was very charming. It hid who he was inside.”
Sarah looked over at Millie, who showed no surprise at this story. How little I know of my friend, she realized in that moment.
“Jin and I eventually started fighting. He was doing things that I just didn’t approve of, didn’t like. Logan followed him. Jin’s crowd was doing bad shit. I don’t want to get into the details.”
“This is all in past tense.” Sarah pointed out.
“Right. Jin passed away recently. Car crash. Up in the mountains.” Liam said, avoiding her gaze.
“What? I never heard of something like that.”
“It was two weeks ago. Check the papers.”
“So, his friend died and now he is homeless? But you want me to avoid him? It sounds like he is going through a rough time. Why would we treat him badly?”
Liam’s jaw clenched, “What he did with Jin isn’t something easily forgotten.”
“What in the hell does that mean?” She asked, irritation swooping through her.
Millie’s hand was back on her shoulder, trying to comfort her, “Jin caused Liam a lot of grief. He basically ran a gang that Logan was a part of. Their leader has died. But that doesn’t change what people in that group did.”
Sarah brushed her off, standing up, “I have to use the bathroom, excuse me.”
She cut through the house, the small cluster of people, and into the nearest bathroom. Locking the door behind her, she took a moment to collect herself. Everything felt a tiny bit like it was closing in. Upside down.
But Sarah couldn’t pinpoint why she felt like this. She just knew that Liam was lying to her. Millie was in on it. But why? What were they covering up with Logan? What story was there?
She splashed some water on her face, staring at her reflection. The past couple of days felt endless. Did her clothes smell like smoke or was she imagining it? Had she let someone terrible into her apartment?
Sarah left the bathroom, going back outside. Liam and Millie had moved away from the picnic table, almost inside the house. She stopped in the doorway, straining to hear their conversation.
“…worked with Jin…” Liam was saying.
“But how involved was he really?” Millie asked – she always did speak a bit too loudly.
“Don’t know…distract her…pick him up…trial…”
“Maybe we should just tell her.”
“No!” Liam’s voice raised at this.
Sarah took that as her cue to reappear, “I should go. I know you have a lot going on right now and everything.”
“Are you sure?” Millie asked, looking concerned.
Sarah nodded. Liam took a step towards her, looking tense. Heat rolled off him, similar to Logan’s. She didn’t move when he came closer.
“Consider what I said, alright? Text me if you want him to go to a homeless shelter. I mean what I said, Sarah. He ran with a bad crowd. He did bad things.”
“But you won’t tell me anything he did.”
“It’s for your own safety.” He said seriously.
She looked up at him, mulling over her options before taking a step back, “Thanks for letting me stop by.”
Sarah left quickly, feeling torn about what to do next.
*
Logan wasn’t at her apartment when she got home. She pulled out her laptop and began searching online for the car crash Liam mentioned.
She couldn’t explain why she didn’t believe everything Liam was saying. He had pushed too hard for the homeless shelter, had kept things a secret, had Millie in on it. She couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed by Millie to already see her siding with a guy over her. Was it wrong to think like that?
Her phone buzzed. Another text from Mary Ann. Work seemed far away. This was more important.
She did find the details of the car crash online. Two weeks ago. Jin, driving drunk, crashed in the mountains, died on impact. Closed funeral. Nothing mentioned about his personal life in the tiny article. Sarah wondered how Logan was taking the loss; she wondered what bad things they did together.
There was a knock on the door. She knew it would be Logan. Getting up quickly, she opened the door, allowing him inside. He looked the same, still sheepish when he entered.
“Hey. Sorry, I shouldn’t have left without a note. I had something come up.”
Sarah shut the door, closed her eyes for a moment, before turning to face him, “Who is Jin?” The color drained from his face. He didn’t reply right away. Instead, he sat down on the couch. Sarah studied his expression, trying to figure out what he was thinking – if he was wondering how she found out about Jin or was angry that she had gone snooping.
“He was my best friend. For a while.” He finally replied.
Sarah gingerly sat down on the couch, on the other side, giving him space. Logan had a faraway look in his eye. He was thinking of something; memories were swiftly returning to him.
“We were best friends. I admired him. I would have followed him to the ends of the earth. You ever have a friend like that?”
Sarah thought of being a teenager, of sleepovers with Millie, of the way the sun seemed to shine on her charming best friend. She used to hope just by being around Millie she would soak some of that up, that she would also be as charming, funny and beautiful as her.
“Yes.” She answered honestly.
“Growing up, I was moved from foster home to foster home. I got into fights. I dropped out of school. Then there was…” He trailed off and cleared his throat, “Things got messy for a while. I was homeless. I ended up in St. Neuri and fell in with a group. Jin was there. The friendship was instant. He was older than me and I looked up to him. I admired him greatly. When things went sour with the rest of our friends, he sort of…branched off into his own and I went with him.”
“So, you and some others formed your own group of friends?” Sarah asked, wondering if Liam was in the group that was ditched.
“That’s right. We all looked up to Jin. At first, it was great. It didn’t even feel like friends anymore. It felt like family. For the first time in my life, I had a real family.”
His face darkened. Sarah knew there was going to be a turn in the story and didn’t say anything. Soon, Logan would want to know why she knew about Jin and she would have to tell him the truth.
“But Jin started acting…differently. He got involved in some shady shit. Some really dark stuff. I tried to talk him out of it but it was pointless. He was dead set on what he wanted to do. I thought if I stuck around, I could change him, make him see what he was doing. But now I can’t help but feel that I made a mistake; I stood around while Jin did unthinkable things because I was too busy hoping my best friend would come back. How I handled it, how I kept trying to reach out to him, was seen to others as agreeing with what he was doing. It wasn’t until I confronted him that I even realized the full extent of what he was doing. I somehow kept myself in the dark the entire time.”
She wondered what Jin did but was too afraid to ask. Somehow, she just didn’t want to know. Not yet anyway.
Logan kept speaking, “At one point, I cornered him. I told him this had to stop. Or I would have to leave…” He trailed off again, clearly omitting parts of the story before continuing, “Jin was furious. I had never seen him like that before. He started telling me horrible things about what he had been doing, telling me that I was part of it even though I had no clue. I should have known! That’s the worst part. I should have been more aware. How could I be so clueless? I felt like an idiot.”
“You can’t know what someone is doing –”
“No, I went around claiming Jin was my best friend. To be in the dark about things like that – how stupid was I? Our argument was loud, terrible…it ended when Jin slugged me across the jaw. I wasn’t expecting it. Went down and blacked out. When I woke up, he was dead.”
Sarah stared, wide-eyed. She couldn’t believe how horrible his story was. What did she even say to that? An apology felt stilted and stupid. It couldn’t possibly help with what he went through.
“Jin died with us being angry with each other, with me seeing someone who I thought was my best friend reveal who they truly were. I left his place – I had been crashing there – and have been jumping around since.” Another pause – was he leaving out more details? It was difficult to tell.
He stopped speaking then. Sarah grappled with the right response. She tried to think about discovering if Millie had been doing horrible things; what would she do? How would Millie react? But it was out of her depth to imagine such a thing. There were tiny gaps in Logan’s story. Even though he opened up, there were still things Sarah didn’t know. She didn’t want to press it and make him uncomfortable.
Before she could reply, Logan turned to look at her. The hazy look in his eyes was gone. It was replaced with curiosity.
“How did you know about Jin?”
“You had a sheet of paper with Liam’s phone number sticking out of your bag. I saw it and asked him.” She replied honestly.
His brows came together as his brow furrowed, “You went to Liam instead of me?”
“I didn’t get the feeling you wanted to discuss this stuff.”
“So, you went behind my back?” His voice had dropped, taken on a frosty edge.
Sarah felt as though the conversation was suddenly slipping through her fingers. She stumbled over her words, trying to explain. “No, I didn’t – I mean, I didn’t know anything about you. You weren’t forthcoming. You’re in my home. I wanted to make sure I hadn’t…”
“Made some mistake? Let some crazy man in your house?” He stood up, “I get it. You’re looking out for yourself. But I still can’t help but feel like you going behind my back and asking Liam about me is wrong.”
“I’m sorry. I just…” Panic bubbled in her chest. She hadn’t meant to upset him.
“What did Liam say about me?”
“He…he wanted me to convince you to go a homeless shelter. The one by the park. He said you were part of a gang run by Jin. That you were with a bad crowd…”
“That…what, exactly? I would hurt you? If you didn’t feel comfortable with me keeping things, just let me know so I could go.”
He had begun snatching his things up, shoving them in his bag. Sarah protested, unsure what to say, how to make things right. How could she explain that she just wanted to know more about him? That she had gone about it the wrong way?
There was something else, however, in the back of her brain. She couldn’t explain it but she knew that he was leaving things out of his story, not telling her the whole truth. But there would be no way to discover it now.
“Where are you going?”
“Not to the homeless shelter, that’s for sure.” He snapped.
“Can we just take a moment to –”
“No. I don’t think so. I need to get out of here.”
“But to where?” She stood up now, fighting the urge to reach out for him.
“Does it matter?” He said.
Grabbing his bag and the rest of the things, he gave one last glance at Sarah. Then he opened the door, shutting it behind him and marching down the hallway. Sarah stood there, breathless, torn about what to do. She wanted to respect his choice but she wanted to try to explain herself.
His story rang in her head – Jin, his best friend, going down some dark path that he could not return from. Liam’s warnings, telling her to stay away from him. The house burning down. Logan claiming he had nowhere to stay so he was sleeping wherever he could.
But why did the house burn down? It felt as though she was missing a piece of the puzzle right in the center of it all.
It was this thought that propelled her forward, after Logan.