Anna
For the next five weeks, Anna either worked at Yoakum Ridge or spent time with Drew. They took things snail pace slow, and it was near impossible to go home at the end of each night when wrapped in the glorious warmth of his arms.
Tonight, she had a surprise for him.
The garage door opener he’d given her was perfect for sneaking a few things in the back of his truck before going inside.
“Hey, Sunshine.” Drew flashed her his full-on melt-you-where-you-stand smile as she walked through the door.
Anna walked to the couch and straddled him, blocking his view of the television while she tossed the PlayStation controller to the side.
Dear Lord in Heaven, he was the picture of any woman’s fantasy even in jeans and a hoodie. Anna reached up and spun his red and white STL baseball cap around. She scraped her hands across two days’ scruff on his jaw as he leaned up and met her lips. The single soft touch ignited her every nerve ending.
“What would you like to do this fine Friday evening?” he whispered against her lips.
She breathed in the bite of his cologne. “I have a surprise for you.”
“You do? What is it?” Those brown eyes were wide like a kid on Christmas. He always did love surprises.
She pulled a bandana from her back pocket, waving it in the air. “Can’t tell. It’s a surprise.”
“A blindfold?” Drew raised an eyebrow, challenging grin in place. “Really?”
She locked his gaze in a silent war until he sighed. Eyes closed, he laughed while she secured the fabric over his face. She helped him stand, but he stumbled into a wall on the way to the door. He steadied himself on the entry table, knocking it over in the process.
“Sorry.” Anna clutched her stomach in laughter, watching him feel for the door. “I forgot you can’t see.”
“You’d be in so much trouble if I could find you right now.” He grabbed the door, turning in two circles while he reached for her.
“I need your truck keys.” She stretched for his pockets, but he fished the keys out first, dangling them above her five-foot-three frame.
“Be careful,” he scolded. “You don’t have the best track record when it comes to driving my truck.”
“Really? Or is it you who isn’t very good at explaining how to back up your truck with a boat trailer attached to it?”
“Someone had to be in the water and get the boat off the trailer. I think my instructions were pretty good. What about when you backed it into the—”
“You didn’t tell me to stop! How am I supposed to know what your stupid hand signals mean?” Anna waved her hands around then yanked the keys out of his hand, jingling them in front of his blindfolded face. “If you want your surprise, then you’re gonna have to risk it.”
He huffed out a breath, shoulders slumped. “I want my surprise.”
Anna linked their fingers, kissing the corner of his crooked grin. They walked hand in hand to his truck, and she helped him in. The engine started with a roar, and she backed down the driveway with a little more pressure on the gas pedal than necessary.
He grabbed the handle above his door for support, his playful scowl obvious even through the blindfold. She smiled the entire seven miles to their destination.
Anna threw the truck in park and peeked at Drew in the passenger seat, all dark hair, scruffy chin, and jeans hugging those thighs to perfection.
“We’re here?” he asked, that smile bigger than she’d ever seen it.
“Yep. Hold tight. I just need a minute.”
After creating the perfect scene, she walked back to the truck, pulling in a deep breath to silence her screaming nerves and racing heart. She opened the door and took his hand so he wouldn’t fall on the uneven gravel.
Anna reached on tiptoes, kissing his lips softly while lifting the blindfold. He spun in a complete circle before his stunned eyes landed on hers, their chocolate brown depths glowing.
The sunset was behind them on their spot at the river. A picnic dinner by the water and a sleeping bag in the bed of his truck. They’d done this same thing hundreds of times before. So why did it feel so new? Why was her chest tight to the point her lungs failed to take in oxygen?
“I’m…I don’t even know what to say,” he whispered. “Are you sure you want to be here?”
The compassion in his eyes seared her with his love as he searched for any signs she was upset or hesitating.
“This has always been a special place for us. Lots of good memories, some bad ones too, but they’re all part of our story. I want to remember them and make new ones.”
Drew’s Adam’s apple bobbed slightly, and she watched as he cleared the emotion from his throat. His hands brushed her shoulders, then slid slowly down her arms to intertwine their fingers. “Best surprise ever.”
She held his gaze, trying and failing to keep her voice from breaking. “I love you, Drew. I am so in love with you. I wanted to tell you here, at our place. It looks exactly the same even though it’s weathered some storms. Just like us.”
It was the first time she’d said the words since they were in the very same spot over a decade ago. Keeping her emotions in check went out the window when tears glistened in his eyes.
“I love you too, Sunshine.” Drew’s forehead met Anna’s, a relieved sigh sounding from him. “Damn, I love you so much.”
He spun them so her back rested again the truck. His hand hesitated inches from her face, his thumb stroking slowly along her cheeks, her lips. He drove her crazy in the most delicious ways, and she was seconds away from begging when his lips smashed into hers. Their mouths parted immediately, tongues dancing in a rhythm so incredible she lost all cognitive function. He pulled back, but her eyes remained closed.
“Open your eyes, beautiful,” he whispered.
Her gaze met his, her fingers grazing his jaw as she memorized every angle of his face, the pure joy radiating from him.
Anna didn’t trust her voice, so she linked their fingers and led him to the patchwork blanket she’d put out by the water. Night took over as the sky faded from purple to navy, filling with stars. They talked and ate, skipping rocks across the river.
“I love remembering the times we spent here,” he said as she declined the last bit of his favorite cookie dough ice cream.
“Most of it was spent making out in the back of your truck.”
Drew grabbed her waist, pulling her across the quilt to straddle him. “And what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. You always looked so hot in your uniform after a game. I couldn’t wait to get you out here.”
“Oh really?” he sputtered. “Did you have a particular favorite uniform?”
“Football, baseball, basketball…they all did it for me. Think you could still fit into one?”
His lips skimmed up her neck, hot breath drawing goose bumps across her skin as he kissed a path back down. “Probably not but know I’d be willing to try.”
They packed the picnic away, turning on country radio in the truck and settling on the tailgate. Drew intertwined their fingers in his lap as they watched the water drift by in the full moonlight. She snuggled into his side, and her head fell on his shoulder as a protective arm pulled her closer.
She tilted to watch his profile, his striking features focused in some far-off thought, staring across their river. Her fingers brushed lightly along his jaw, and he came back to her with a heart-stopping smile. His lips grazed her temple.
“Thank you for tonight. It was…it was everything,” he sighed, eyes holding that intensity she’d only ever seen in them. “So have you thought any more about Luke’s offer?”
She and Drew had discussed it briefly, but she knew he wouldn’t push. Her plan had always been spending her career at Green & Russell, making VP and gaining all the challenges that would come with it. Part of her still wanted that life, but a larger part screamed how much she missed spending time with her family. Having Sunday lunch after church every week, not just a few times each year. Seeing her nieces and nephew with just a five-minute drive. Their soccer games, dance recitals, never missing a moment. Could it be that her dreams were shifting?
“When my work at Yoakum is finished, I want to talk seriously with Luke about it.”
“You know I would move for you. If you wanted to keep your job, I can find…”
She stopped him with a finger to his lips. “I know.”
Their mouths brushed softly, once, twice, then parted. Drew’s arm swept around her waist, lifting then placing her under him on the sleeping bag. Every warm, incredible inch of him pressed perfectly into her.
Her hands slid under his sweatshirt, traveling up the hard planes of his back and shoulders. She’d never wanted someone so badly in her life, not even this someone. But the ever-present fear tried to creep in with a stab to her chest.
She did her best to ignore it, grabbing the hem of his shirt and ripping it over his head. Her fingers traveled over that impossibly sexy tattoo highlighted in the moonlight glow all the way down to the light dusting of hair that led to the button of his jeans. The gold flecks in his eyes sparked fierce with the depth of his love as her gaze returned to his face. That incredible crooked smile appeared on his lips while the crickets serenaded them with their special song.
Don’t freak out. You want this. It won’t change his feelings for you.
She traced the outline of his tattoo, examining it for the first time.
“It’s a compass?” she asked.
He nodded, watching her reverently as she leaned in for a closer examination. She noted the east, west, and south, but north seemed to be missing.
“Where’s the N?” she asked.
“You…you were my path, Anna. My north. When I lost you, I lost my direction.”
She met his gaze, her heart pounding out a rhythm that had always been his.
“The squiggly lines inside?” she whispered.
“Rays of light…sunshine.”
Drew’s lips met hers again, his hands skimming under the hem of her sweater. Long, tender fingers moved up her sides as his thumbs explored her stomach. Those thumbs stopped just under the wire of her bra, traveling a path across.
He pulled back to meet her gaze, searching for permission. She nodded, and he lifted the shirt over her head. His smile morphed into a look of awe as he gazed from her face to their joined hips.
He loves you. You can trust him.
Most of Anna screamed to unbutton those jeans and see every glorious inch of him. But her hands started to shake as she traveled the path over each muscle of his stomach. The song from the truck speakers changed, and a louder, more frantic part of her started hyperventilating.
If you do this, everything will fall apart. Just like it always does. He left you once; he’ll do it again.
His touch was more incredible than she remembered, but the petrified girl in the back of her mind moved front and center. No matter how hard she tried to push it away, a full-blown panic attack was in the works if she didn’t do something.
Hands on Drew’s chest, she pressed with what tiny bit of willpower she had, and they broke apart, heaving for breath. He looked down at her, and she was sure he could see her desire but also her relentless doubt.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?” He stroked her cheek, and tears filled her eyes. She gripped his biceps, burying her face in his chest. She couldn’t stop the stupid tears.
Would the broken girl ever go away?
Drew’s thumb lifted her chin, and she squeezed her eyes shut. She bit her lip so hard it might bleed. “I can’t…” she whispered.
“You can’t?” His voice was kind but confused.
“I can’t…this…you don’t know how badly I want to, but I…” The words wouldn’t come. She didn’t even know how to explain it when a complete confession would break them.
He cupped her cheeks, thumbs brushing her eyelids until they opened. He wasn’t angry; maybe anger would have been easier. The concern swimming in his eyes threatened to break her. “Take a breath, Sunshine. Talk to me.”
“Sex…it means people leave, Drew,” she whispered. “Or you lose them. I know it sounds stupid, but…”
He brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “First, I’ll never think how you feel is stupid. Ever. But second, Anna, I’m not Mason.”
“I know you aren’t, but after he and I…we’d been dating a few years, had started talking about getting married. He told me nothing would ever change the way he felt about me, that we were forever, and then one night we slept together. Two months later, he told me he needed a break from us. Had to figure some things out.” Anna still remembered with vivid clarity the hot tears pouring down her face while she sobbed, curled in a ball on her bed that day in college. Knowing she’d given him that piece of her and he’d walked away with it a few months later.
“Then I married him, and he had sex on a business trip with a girl from his office. I don’t…I can’t lose you again, Drew.” She looked away, not wanting to see what emotions might be in his eyes from her confession.
“You aren’t going to lose me.” His voice was strong but soothing, holding her chin between his fingers so she couldn’t avoid his stare. “I’m not going anywhere, Anna. We don’t ever have to do anything you aren’t ready for, but nothing that happens between us could take me away from you.”
“You say that now, but…”
“You can trust me,” he whispered with conviction.
“I know, I just…I want you, all of you, so much I can’t even…” His cocky smile made her laugh even through her tears. “I can’t wake up the next morning and cry because I’m lost in the part of me that’s afraid it will ruin us, just waiting for it to end. I’m pieced back together, Drew, but there are parts of me that might always be frayed at the edges. Can you…can you understand that?”
He was silent for what felt like an eternity.
Say something. Anything!
“So you’re saying you want to wait for…”
“No! Maybe? I don’t know.” Anna covered her face with her hands, frustration driving her crazy.
“Because I gotta tell ya, sweetheart, I’m having a little bit of déjà vu here.” He pulled her hands from her eyes, a mischievous grin lighting his face. The crooked grin grew wide as his dimple joined the assault. “So what if I got down on one knee right now?”
She shook her head and laughed, finally feeling like the giant weight had moved from her chest and she could breathe.
He raised both eyebrows and jumped from the tailgate, the gravel crunching under his sneakers. “You don’t think I will? I know people. I can call up the judge right now. Have him meet us at the courthouse in fifteen minutes.” He grabbed both her hands, standing between her knees. “I would do it, you know. There isn’t a doubt in my mind you are the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
“I believe you,” she breathed, hoping he knew she believed so much more. “So you’re okay with…”
“Sure.” He threw his head back like it wasn’t a big deal. Two thirty year olds, with their ridiculous chemistry, not ripping each other’s clothes off. Apparently, his unwavering self-control was another thing that hadn’t changed over the years.
His hands ran playfully up her thighs, and his warm breath tickled her ear. “I will admit the thought has crossed my mind a few…thousand times.”
A thousand probably wouldn’t cover the number of fantasies she’d had about him. “I’ve sort of always wondered what it would be like, the two of us. My daydreams are pretty vivid. There was this one where you were hovering above me on home plate and…”
“Okay, if we’re not doing this,” he motioned between their bodies with a laugh, “then you can’t talk like that.”
She linked her fingers behind his neck. “I’ll do my best to behave.”
“Well, I didn’t say that.” He crawled back into the truck bed, laying them on their sides so they faced each other.
Drew sighed and touched his forehead to Anna’s. “I love you, and I would do anything for you.” He rolled them until his warmth held her to the truck. Those brown eyes melted her. “I can be good. I promise.”
She grabbed his face, pulling his lips to her. His kiss started tender and sweet but quickly grew hungry and demanding.
Drew sat back on his heels, gasping for air, eyes pinched shut and fighting for control. “So speaking in baseball terms, are there bases we can round? Or is a home run the only thing off the table here?”
She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. “Don’t answer that. If I touch one more inch of you tonight, there’s no way I’ll be able to stop.”
Drew rolled onto his back. He pulled Anna’s cheek to his chest and heaved a deep calming breath. He kissed her temple softly, and they lay in comforting silence.
“I can’t believe you and Mason were broken up and I didn’t know,” Drew said. Anna wasn’t even sure he was speaking to her, more just voicing his inner thoughts.
“I had my chance,” he whispered. “Wait, was this the same night you called me and left all those drunk messages?”
Anna’s stomach churned with guilt. She didn’t know how to answer that question without spilling the one secret she couldn’t tell him. The mistake that would destroy them. She opened her mouth to speak. What she would say she hadn’t a clue, but he cut her off.
“Never mind. We can’t change what happened. But if I’d known, I would have fought for you.”
“There was no part of me that believed your message was anything but an old friend wanting to catch up. I had no idea you still had any feeling for me beyond friendship.” And there wasn’t. She’d thought he moved on, even if her heart never really had.
“I know,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry I didn’t wait,” she said into his chest. “For so many things.”
Drew ran his fingers through her hair. “I’d never judge you for your choices, Sunshine. All I ever wanted was to make every dream you had come true. Even when I wasn’t sure I could be the one to give it to you, I needed you to have your fairy tale. Your Prince Charming.”
Anna placed a kiss on his neck, closing her eyes and letting the restless murmur of the water lull her toward sleep.
“So we haven’t had the normal ‘talk’ new couples have.” His deep rumble against her ear startled her awake.
“Didn’t we just do that?”
She knew the question that would come next, and the guilty knot in her stomach grew tighter.
“So, your number? It’s one?” His voice was timid but still confident, like he knew the answer. He had no idea. “Earlier you said sex means people leave, like as in plural?”
How should she phrase it? To lie or tell the truth? “Actually, it’s two.”
“Two?” He leaned up on his elbow again. Lines formed between his eyes, and she imagined him running down a mental list of the guys she dated after they broke up, only coming up with Mason.
“What about you?” she cut him off, hoping for a distraction.
He closed his eyes with a heavy sigh. “I couldn’t even date anyone after you…and my first time…I still thought it would be with you until…” He looked away, and she bit down on her quivering lip.
“I didn’t have sex with someone until I watched you marry him,” he blurted out, pulling in a lungful of breath and facing her. “After that, I was pissed at myself and upset and sort of didn’t care about anything but making the pain go away.”
Her heart stopped. He still loved her that much. He’d waited for her. But she didn’t know…
“So let’s get back to you,” he said, determination flaming in the brown depths of his eyes instead of the disappointment she’d expected.
“It was just…one night. I was really upset, had a lot to drink, and it happened. I don’t love talking about it. Can we please drop it?”
Wait for it…three…two…
“You had a one-night stand? Really?” The shock in his voice was expected but laced with only curiosity. The picture-perfect Anna in his mind didn’t have sex she could barely remember the next morning, though the events leading to it were still burned in her brain.
“It was a mistake. Can we please just leave both our numbers at that?”
“You’re right. It doesn’t matter anyway.” He hugged her close, zipping them up in the sleeping bag.
Dear God, if he only knew how much it would matter.
The beating of his heart relaxed her breathing until she drifted to sleep.
***
7 years earlier
I think we should see other people…
I love you, but I’m not ready for this…
You’re just too good for me…
And the best break-up line of all, from her boyfriend Mason Chambers:
I need to figure some things out…
All fancy, sugar-coated ways of saying I’m sick of your face and I want out.
Loving someone and watching them walk away ripped your heart out, stomped on it, then shoved it back in so you could pretend it was anywhere near functional.
Over the last week, she’d continued to ask herself the same two questions.
What was wrong with her?
Why did everyone leave?
But a few hours of drinking and dancing had restored her self-confidence. Or just numbed it all, which she’d take for now. She would give herself the rest of Christmas break to be angry and sad, then suck it up and focus on the hell that would be her next semester.
“Still wish you’d stayed home?” Layla shouted over the music when Anna returned to the table.
“You’re not always right, you know.”
“She isn’t?” Ryan teased with a laugh. Anna wanted to hate him by association. Layla’s boyfriend happened to also be Mason’s best friend and roommate. But damn him, Ryan kept being so nice, coming over every day to check on her. He’d even brought his cousin Cole out with them so she wouldn’t feel like the third wheel.
Layla’s brows suddenly narrowed, face contorted in anger as she stared over Anna’s shoulder. Anna turned to follow Layla’s stare, but Layla yanked her toward the bar.
The stupid tall heels she’d picked for the evening nearly made her face plant. “What are you doing?”
“Let’s get another drink.”
“I think I’ve had enough.” Honestly, she’d passed “enough” two drinks ago.
Layla ordered two more George Washington Apple shots from the bartender. “Anna, let’s have one more drink and just go, okay? We can continue the ‘Mason is a douchebag’ party back at the apartment.”
“Why? You’re the one who insisted I come out and have fun tonight. Look at me all having fun and stuff.”
“Honey, Mason’s over there.” Layla motioned toward the dancers, moving together to the music.
Anna’s ridiculous heart remembered how much she missed him and thought maybe he’d come here to find her.
“And he’s not alone,” Layla whispered.
Anna caught sight of Mason being pulled onto the dance floor. A skinny redhead she’d seen coming out of his MBA class dragged him by the hand. The urge to vomit was strong, and it had nothing to do with all the alcohol she’d drank.
Anna turned to the bar, staring at the lighted liquor bottles behind it. She tossed back her shot, then Layla’s. The alcohol burned in her stomach, but it couldn’t burn away the image of her boyfriend…ex-boyfriend…with someone else.
“I’m sorry.” Layla covered Anna’s hand with hers. “Let’s just go.”
Anna couldn’t see anything but him dancing with her, his hands gripping her waist as they moved together to the beat, hers reaching up to run her fingers along his neck. Could they be pressed any closer together? Anna was so sick of being the sweet good girl victim in this scenario, over and over again.
“He wants to play this game? I can play.”
“What are you doing?” Layla asked.
“Having fun. I’m single, remember.”
Anna grabbed Cole by the hand, pulling him toward the dance floor.
“Dance with me.” She more ordered than asked.
“Yes, ma’am.” He chuckled.
The song had changed to a slow one, and Cole pulled Anna close, one hand resting on her lower back. He intertwined their fingers, and they rested next to her head on his chest. He turned them directly into Mason’s path, and he stopped dancing in the middle of the crowd. His gaze burned right into Anna’s.
“You realize Mason’s staring at us, right?” Cole whispered against her ear.
The guilt washed over her. Using Cole to get back at Mason was so wrong. She raised her head to face him. “I’m sorry, Cole. I didn’t mean to…”
“Sorry for what?” Cole laughed. “I’m dancing with the most beautiful girl in here. But you know, if I kissed you, he’d be super pissed.”
Cole smiled, his sympathetic green eyes teasing her. That thick southern accent made her heart race, and he was pre-med. What would he look like under that tight white polo shirt and jeans?
Cole squeezed her hand, giving her a kind smile. “I’m kidding, Anna. I get it. I’ve had a broken heart before too. But know that any man who would let you go is a damn fool. You let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll extend the kiss offer again. Even throw in a date, too.”
The alcohol told Anna to just let him kiss away all the hurt and pain.
But she wasn’t ready.
Satisfied Mason knew she hadn’t just sat at home missing him, Anna closed her eyes and let Cole hold her up as the shots took full effect.
When the song changed, she peeked toward Mason because apparently, she loved torturing herself. Like it happened in slow motion, the redhead rose on tiptoes and smashed her lips to his. The pain stole all the air from Anna’s lungs, breaking her into more pieces than she thought possible.
“I’m so sorry, Cole.” Anna pushed away from him, stumbling through the crowd. She found her way to the sidewalk as quiet sobs consumed her.
“Anna.” Mason’s was the last voice she wanted to hear as his familiar touch brushed her arm.
She quickly shoved it away, stumbling down the sidewalk. “Just go, Mason.”
He chased after her, stepping in front of her so she had to face him.
“Don’t,” she barely choked out, looking down at her pink heels toe to toe with the brown boots she’d bought him for their anniversary. The same night she’d given him everything. They’d slept together, then less than two months later, he “needed to figure things out.” Which apparently meant figuring out the redhead.
She couldn’t stand there next to him for one more second knowing he’d go back inside to her.
A taxi sat on the street. Anna climbed in just as Layla caught up to them and slid in next to her.
“Where to?” the driver turned to ask.
“You realize we’re only like a block from our apartment?” Layla asked.
That kiss. She couldn’t get it out of her mind as the tears spilled from her closed lids.
“I’m not going home.”