“Crazy Cakes?” I said, looking up at the flashing sign in front of the cake shop. “What the hell is Crazy Cakes?”

The display windows were eclectic to say the least. There was a naked mannequin wearing nothing but purple and gold Mardi Gras beads and holding a cake shaped like a very nice pair of breasts, complete with nipple and a thorny rose tattoo. There was another mannequin kneeling on top of a pile of gold doubloons holding a tray of cupcakes shaped like penises. There were even electric sparklers stuck in the end of each one to complete the look.

“She makes sex cakes?” I asked, completely stunned.

“She makes every kind of cake,” Rosemarie said. “Look at this one.” She pointed to the next display window.

It was a woodland scene with trees and a family of small bears, and cooking on a spit over a fire was a pair of squirrels that looked suspiciously like Chip and Dale. They were skewered and their eyes were open with little x’s on them.

“Ohmigod,” I said.

“Isn’t she great?” Rosemarie asked. “She’s taking Savannah by storm. We’re so lucky there was a cancellation for Friday. Let’s go in and taste some cake.”

Rosemarie opened the door and a warm blast of air greeted us. The inside of these old buildings downtown mostly looked the same—original wooden floors and high ceilings with exposed beams and ductwork.

“Oh, wow,” I said. My mouth started watering the second we stepped inside. It smelled heavenly.

“I think I just had an orgasm,” Scarlet said. “I don’t know what kind of cake that is but I want to make love to it.”

“Suzanne sells cake batter in her erotic cake kit, along with the plastic sheets so you don’t get your floor dirty.”

“I don’t understand,” Scarlet said. “You bake an erotic cake on the floor?”

“No, you pour the batter out on the plastic sheet and make love on top of it. Food can be very sensual.”

“Huh,” Scarlet said. “I’ll have to try that.”

“Please, God,” I whispered. “Make it stop.”

There was a long glass case filled with pastries, pies, and cakes. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and I wanted to buy everything.

“Y’all hold on a second,” a voice from the back said. “I’ll be right out.”

“That sounds just like Kathleen Turner,” Scarlet said. “Did she quit acting to open a cake shop?”

“It’s us, Suzanne,” Rosemarie called out. “We’re here for the tasting.”

“I’m just getting y’alls cake samples together,” Suzanne called back. “Take a seat at the little table. Help yourself to coffee, tea, or water there on the credenza.”

“You should get some of those penis cupcakes for the reception,” Scarlet said. “I’d pay a thousand bucks to see Nina Dempsey eat one of those things.”

“I thought you weren’t going to be at the wedding?” I said.

“I’ve got eyes everywhere,” Scarlet said. “Never forget that.”

The kitchen door swung open and Suzanne came though pushing a tea cart. There could’ve been a million dollars or a naked Hugh Jackman on that tea cart. I wouldn’t have known, because my eyes were glued to Suzanne.

“Holy shit,” Scarlet whispered.

Suzanne was several inches over six feet and had the blackest, most flawless skin I’d ever seen. Her hair was platinum blonde and parted down the middle, her brows skillfully arched, and her contouring was at Kardashian level. She was wearing a red, skintight jumpsuit and four-inch platform boots in black. She also had an Adam’s apple.

Rosemarie squealed and jumped up to hug Suzanne, and then she turned back to us, beaming.

“This is Suzanne,” she said. “We went to college together.”

“We both sang in the choir,” Suzanne said. “And now look at us.”

My brows raised of their own volition. Seeing Suzanne and Rosemarie standing side by side, it was kind of a shock to the eyes.

“How do you get your cleavage to look like that?” Scarlet asked.

“It’s a little trade secret, but since you’re about to eat my cake I’ll let you in on it. You’ve got to use tape. Makes ‘em stand up real perky, and gives you just the right amount of cleavage.”

“What kind of tape?” she asked. “Duct tape? That stuff holds everything together. You can put a boat back together with it after you saw it in half.”

“Why would you saw a boat in half?” Rosemarie asked.

“Why do you want cleavage?” I asked, and then decided I didn’t really want to know the answer. “Don’t use duct tape on your breasts.” As thin as her skin was it would take everything off.

Scarlet wasn’t done asking questions. “How do you walk in those shoes? Can you show me how to get my hair to do that? I just got these extensions, but they’re a pain in the behind. Feels like I got little cockroaches clicking around on my scalp, and sometimes I’m just doing nothing and my head falls back because they’re so heavy.”

“Honey, that’s why I always go with a wig,” Suzanne said. “I can have different hair every day, and it’s always beautiful.”

“Oh,” Scarlet said. “That’s an even better idea. How do you keep it on your head? Say you get in a fight and someone snatches it. I get in the occasional fight from time to time.”

“I hear ya, sister,” Suzanne said. “Ain’t nothing gonna stop a ho from tearing a wig off your head. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Scarlet said. “Why do hos always go for the hair first?”

Scarlet, Rosemarie, and I were seated at a little round table in a nook, and Suzanne put five small plates in front of each of us and a glass of ice water.

“The water is to cleanse your palate between bites,” she said.

My stomach growled audibly.

“You guys really lucked out that I had a cancellation,” she said. “I was real upset about it too because I had to make the molds by hand for the groom’s cake. I’m an artist inside and outside the kitchen. But people don’t appreciate that. They think I just whip some batter together and make a cake. I’ve been working on these cake designs for three months.”

“Wow,” I said. “At this point we’re happy to take whatever you can give us.”

“Good,” she said. “Because I don’t have time for anything else. I’ve got two weddings and a baby shower Friday night. Y’all go ahead with the tasting and I’ll go back and get the design boards. I can do any flavor you want except the tres leches. It’s too soft for the design.”

I barely waited for Suzanne to turn her back before I started shoving cake in my mouth. “Ohmigod,” I mumbled. It melted on the tongue. Chocolate, lemon, hummingbird, vanilla, strawberry…every one of them as good as the one before.

“You think she’d come work on my cruise ship?” Scarlet asked. “People of the sea need this kind of cake.”

“Everyone needs this kind of cake,” Rosemarie said. She’d forgone the fork and was down to licking the plate.

Suzanne came back in with two tri-fold boards, and she looked down at all our empty plates.

“Damn,” she said. “Did you actually taste any of it?”

“You make very good cakes,” I said, and then hiccuped. “I want them all.”

“We could do that,” she said, and then opened the tri-fold board to show the bride’s cake. It was five tiers, each cake separated by short columns, and then there were two additional tiers on each side, and an honest to goodness waterfall that was coming out of one of the side tiers.

“Holy moly,” I said.

“From what I understand, you’re having a large wedding, and this will be enough to feed everyone. The original owner of this cake was going to do vanilla for all the tiers, but if you want I can do a different flavor for each one, and I’ll make you and your man miniature ones in your favorite flavors so you can take them with you as a snack. The bride and groom never get to eat.”

“Yes,” I said, more excited about that than I probably should have been. I didn’t care if anyone came to the wedding. All I cared about was that cake. “Please marry us and live with us and make cakes forever.”

Suzanne threw her head back and laughed, deep and throaty. “You’d be surprised how many offers I get like that, but Suzanne is just too damned expensive. I’m single and I like to mingle, and I’m very picky about my dingles, if you get my drift.”

“I hear ya, girl,” Scarlet said. “We were just talking about penises on the way over here. I’m going to ask God why he made them when I get to heaven. It just seems like there could’ve been a better design. They’re ugly and they get in the way.”

“I know mine does,” Suzanne said, and Scarlet’s mouth dropped open in surprise.

Rosemarie clapped her hand over Scarlet’s mouth before she could ask any more questions and I lost out on a chance for great cake.

“What about the groom’s cake?” I asked.

“Whew,” she said. “This one’s been a challenge, but as an artist I’m always looking for ways to learn and grow my talent. What does your husband do for a living?”

“He’s a cop,” I said.

Suzanne pursed her lips and her penciled eyebrows rose almost to her hairline. “I dated a cop once. Kinky bastard. They all are. I suppose you’re aware of the divorce rate for cops.”

“I’m aware,” I said.

“Is your husband a hunter, by chance?” she asked. “Other than a hunter of people, I mean.”

“Not that I’m aware of,” I said.

“Hmm,” Suzanne said, and then opened the tri-fold board to show the groom’s cake.

“Holy mother…” Scarlet whispered.

Rosemarie crossed herself.

My brain hadn’t yet caught up to what my eyes were seeing. I was almost positive it was a bison head, just like a hunter would stick on his wall.

“I’ve really perfected my technique,” Suzanne said. “I can make the hair look real. You won’t be able to tell the difference between the cake and the real thing by the time I’m through.”

“That’s what we’re afraid of,” Scarlet said.

“You think Nick will notice?” Rosemarie asked.

“Maybe he’ll be so tired from the case that he won’t remember,” I said. “But just in case, let’s make sure he doesn’t see it until after we’re married.”

“Don’t worry,” Suzanne said. “People are going to love it. There are a lot of hunters in this area. And if you pick red velvet for the cake it’ll look even more authentic when you cut into it.”

I thought of Nick’s family. “Uh huh,” I said.

“This is going to go real good with Nina’s overalls,” Scarlet said, her grin a little bit evil. “I might just show up to this wedding after all. It’s going to be a train wreck.”