“What day are you getting in?”

I switch the phone from one ear to the other, grab the cleaner from underneath the sink, and spray the table down. I then attack it with my rag. Daniel was helping me make biscuits earlier and started playing with the leftover dough.

“The twenty-third,” Emma answers. “I hate that I can only come for two days, but work’s been hectic lately. I was lucky to get off what I did.”

Emma’s a triage nurse working in the emergency department. A few weeks ago, she complained of several nurses quitting all within a span of a month, leaving the department short-staffed.

I use my nail to scrape away some dough that’s dried on the table. “We’ll have to make the most of it while you’re here. The kids are excited to see you.”

“I’ve missed them. I can’t wait to see them again.” She pauses for a moment, then asks quietly, “How’s Kelsey?”

I drop the rag on the table and plop down in a chair. This is the first time I’ve been able to really talk to Emma since we got back from Alexander’s, and I’ve been dying to. Her work has been keeping her very busy.

“She was actually showing signs of improvement for a few days, but the last week she’s dropped back into her depressive state. I actually saw her smile again, Emma.” I whisper the last part like it’s some big secret, but it’s because I’m worried if I speak louder my voice will crack.

We left Alexander’s place a week ago, and since that day, I haven’t seen any life whatsoever from Kelsey. I know she misses him, and if I’m truthful with myself, I do as well. I miss him so damn much it makes my stomach ache. Daniel’s asked about him several times over the last several days, so I know he misses him too.

“Oh, Gwen, that’s wonderful!” she says happily, then remembers the sad part of my statement. “What was going on when she smiled? You said a few days…. Something’s happened. What is it?”

This is the part I wanted to ask her about. I hesitate, wondering how I should go about it. She may not even have the answers I seek.

“Do you remember a guy named Alexander from when you used to visit your gram’s during the summers?”

There’s silence, then, “Does he have a last name?”

I shake my head, then feel foolish because she can’t see me. “I don’t know it. He said his grandfather raised horses and he’d go over sometimes to help him. He actually inherited the farm. It’s out on Hallow’s Road, only a few miles down from your gram’s house.”

I hear her hmming across the line as she thinks it over.

“Yes!” she shouts, then lowers her voice. “Alexander David Christenson. The reason I remember his full name is because I always liked it. I had a crush on him one summer when some boy knocked my ice-cream cone out of my hand. Alexander saw it and bought me a new one. I think I was ten at the time. Why? What does he have to do with anything?”

Guilt eats at me as I think about my next question. I know I should ask him myself, but I just can’t bring myself to. Whatever the answer is, I know it’s extremely devastating for him, and I don’t want to see the pain I know his eyes will hold if I do ask.

“Do you know exactly what happened to his wife and child?”

Emma’s quiet for several seconds before she answers, her voice sad. “I don’t know much. Only that he was driving when someone pulled out in front of him. He swerved to avoid hitting him and they rolled into Hallow’s Creek. I don’t know how accurate it is, but from what I was told, his wife and little girl drowned.”

My hand flies to my mouth and a soft sob escapes before I can stop it. “Oh my God,” I whisper brokenly. “How awful.”

“Yeah. It was pretty tragic.”

It feels like there’s a ton of bricks on my chest. Poor Alexander. It’s already bad enough to lose someone, but to lose them in such a harsh way…. I can’t even imagine the pain he went through. Is obviously still going through. No wonder he always looks morose. No matter how much times passes, be it four years or twenty, you never get over something like that.

“Gwen? What’s going on?” Emma asks, pulling me from my thoughts. “What happened was horribly sad, but you seem more upset than a person should be that wasn’t there and didn’t know them.”

I get up, grab my coffee from the counter, and bring it back with me to the table. Pulling one of my socked feet up to the seat, I hug my knee.

“The kids and I… uh… we were sort of forced to stay with him for a few days last week.”

“What do you mean, forced to stay with him?” she asks suspiciously.

“I was out visiting your gram. When we left, the snow was coming down really hard. An animal ran out in front of me, and I slid off the road when I pressed the brakes to miss it.” Before she has a chance to ask, I reassure her. “We were all okay, but I couldn’t get the truck out. Luckily, Alexander came by and found us. However, there was a tree in the road so he couldn’t take us back to town. We had no choice but to go home with him.”

“Damn it, Gwen. Why am I just now hearing about this?” she scolds.

“Because this is the first time we’ve really been able to talk.” I tuck my bangs behind my ear. “Anyway, Alexander took us in for three days. Emma—” I stop and have to clear my throat. “Kelsey smiled. She actually smiled, and showed more of her old self than she has since Will died.”

I hear a sniffle from Emma, and I know she’s just as amazed as I am. She was there from the beginning of my and Will’s relationship, she was there the days the kids were born, she was there through each milestone, and she was there when we all fell apart after he died. She helped pull us together. When Kelsey went quiet and withdrew, Emma was affected as well, because she loves my kids as if they were her own.

“Wow,” she says. “Has she talked?”

I prop my elbow on the table and rest my head in my hand. “No. Nothing like that, but I’ve seen more animation on her face than I have in years. I’ll take anything I can get.”

“And you think Alexander had something to do with it?”

“I do,” I answer. “I don’t know what it is about him, maybe it’s because she senses his own pain and can relate to him.”

“And Daniel?”

“Daniel absolutely loves him. Alexander was so good with both of them. He portrays this hard and quiet man that obviously doesn’t let people get too close, but with the kids, I guess he couldn’t help but open up.”

“And what about you?” she inquires quietly.

“What about me?” I play dumb. I get up from my perch on my chair and carry my coffee cup to the sink. It’s cold, so I pour it down the drain.

“Has he opened up to you?”

I spin around, lean back against the counter, and look down at my socked feet. Wiggling my toes, I answer her as honestly as I can. “I don’t know. He wasn’t as cold when we left. But that could just be because we weren’t complete strangers anymore.”

“And how do you feel about him?”

It takes me a minute to answer. How do I feel about Alexander? That’s both easy and hard to answer. It’s also scary to think about. I’ve tried pushing him from my mind the last week, but no matter how hard I try, he’s there. It’s like he’s wormed his way inside and has grown roots.

“I don’t know. I like him. He’s quiet and reserved, but he’s also compassionate. I liked watching him with Daniel and Kelsey. It was like, although he wasn’t sure what to do with them, instinctually he knew. He was so patient with them. He’d take Daniel out to the barn to help him with the horses. And when he looked at Kelsey, I swear, Emma, it was like he was trying to absorb her pain.”

“Is he still as hot as he used to be?” she teases, then laughs.

“I don’t know how he used to look, but the man looks damn good now.”

She clears her throat before asking quietly, “He has scars, doesn’t he? From the accident.”

I feel bad talking about him like this, but it’s Emma. There’s no censure or disgust in her voice. Emma’s not like that. She never judges people by their outward appearance. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.

“Yeah.” I blow out a breath. “The right side of his face has burn scars. He has them on his right arm as well. I can’t be sure, but I think there may be more. The scars wouldn’t matter anyway, no matter how bad they are.”

“I know. Are you going to see him again?”

Before I get a chance to answer, I hear a car door slam outside.

“I need to go. Jeremy and his mom had the kids over for lunch and they just got back.”

“Okay. But I want updates on the Alexander situation,” she informs me.

“There might not even be an Alexander situation to report back to you.”

I walk over to the door and pull it open. Daniel, Kelsey, and Jeremy are walking up the driveway.

“True. But there might be as well.”

After promising to call her in a couple days, I hang up. I smile as the kids and Jeremy walk up on the porch.

“Did you guys have fun?”

I ruffle Daniel’s hair as he stops in front of me and hands over a Tupperware container. “We did and we brought you lunch back.”

Bending down, I kiss the top of his head. “Thank you.” I look at Kelsey next. “Did you enjoy your lunch?” I ask gently.

She gives a single nod and that’s it.

After thanking Jeremy for lunch, Daniel rushes off inside, I’m sure to pull out the video game. The boy would play 24-7 if I allowed him to. Kelsey follows him at a slower pace. I turn back to Jeremy after watching the kids go inside.

I hold up the container. “You didn’t have to bring me lunch, but thank you regardless.”

“You know it’s no problem. Since you couldn’t come yourself, Mom insisted we bring lunch to you.”

They invited me as well, but I had too much to do around the house. That, and I wanted to take the opportunity to have a few minutes alone. Since being snowed in with Alexander, my mind has wandered to him more times than I can count. It’s very distracting.

I smile. “Well, thank you. And thank your mom as well.”

“You got it.” He taps the railing before turning and walking down the steps. At the bottom, he turns back. “You need anything, even if it’s just for me and mom to take the kids for a bit, call us.”

“Thanks, Jeremy. I really appreciate everything you and Peggy have done for me and the kids.”

“It’s we that thanks you, especially Mom.” He looks over to his truck, then back to me, his expression mournful. “I was never able to give her any more grandchildren. Having Daniel and Kelsey around helps, since Benny’s all grown up.”

Pain for Jeremy and the loss he endured has me starting for the stairs to offer him comfort, but before I take three steps, he shakes his head and stops me with his words. “Don’t. It’s okay. It was many years ago.”

I nod and hold my place.

“I better get going. I still need to stop by the pharmacy and grab Mom’s meds.” With a wave, he turns and gets in his Blazer.

I stand and watch as he drives away, beyond blessed to have two such wonderful people in our lives. Actually, we have quite a few people I consider very close friends. When we first moved to Cat’s Valley, I was so worried it was a mistake to uproot the kids from where they began their lives and where the memories of Will were, but it didn’t take long to realize it was the best decision I could have ever made for us. We’ve gained a family since moving here.

I go back in the house and find Daniel exactly where I thought I would, stuck in front of the television with a game controller in hand.

“Hey, kid,” I call.

He swings his head around to me for a split second before going back to the TV. “Yeah, Mom?”

“An hour, then I want you off to do your chores.”

“Okay.”

Leaving him in the living room, I walk down the hallway to Kelsey’s room. I tap lightly on the partially closed door before pushing it open. I find her on her bed with the notebook Alexander gave her on her lap.

She looks up when I sit beside her on the bed. I lean back against the headboard, mirroring her position. Although she has a ton of store-bought crossword puzzle books, she’s chosen to do this particular one since we’ve been back. The whole notebook isn’t filled, but the majority is.

“Are they difficult?” I ask.

After a moment, she gives me a single head shake.

I look down at the one she’s working on and see she’s about halfway through it. I’m curious to know what she’ll do when she finishes them all. She goes through them so fast, it’s only a matter of time before she’ll be done. I still can’t believe Alexander took the time to do this for her, knowing her obsession with them and not wanting her to go without. It was one of the sweetest gestures anyone has made for us.

“Do you miss him?” I ask, and look back at her. There’s no need to elaborate who I’m referring to. She already knows.

For a brief second, pain flashes in her eyes. She looks away from me and pins her gaze across the room. I’d bet anything she’s not looking at anything in particular. She just doesn’t want me to know how she feels.

“It’s okay,” I whisper, and drape my arm over her shoulders. “I miss him too.”

Surprising me, she leans her head against my chest. Tears prick my eyes, but I force them away.

We stay this way for several minutes before she pulls back from me. Her eyes are guarded once again, and I know I’ll get no more out of her.

I kiss the top of her head, then murmur, “An hour and then it’s chore time, okay?”

When I look in her eyes, they tell me she heard and understood. I slide from the bed and walk to the door. I look back and see Kelsey’s nose stuck back in the notebook. I quietly pull the door halfway closed before walking away.

* * *

Later that evening, I look down at the phone in my hand. Alexander’s name is pulled up. I want to push the button to call him so badly, to hear his voice, but I’m chicken. What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he’s already forgotten about us? What if he was relieved when we left?

I toss my head back against the back of the couch and roll my eyes up to the ceiling. The kids are in bed and the house is quiet. For some reason, I feel antsy and restless, and the need to hear Alexander’s voice is getting stronger by the day. I feel like a schoolgirl missing her crush. I don’t know what it is exactly I feel for him, but whatever it is has grown quickly. Way too quickly to be considered rational. Feelings this strong for someone I really don’t know aren’t normal.

I run my fingers over the blank screen of my phone, and bite my lip. What if I just text him? It won’t be the same as talking to him, but maybe it’ll appease this need I feel. At least this way I can at least gauge his feelings toward me contacting him. He did put his number in my phone, after all. Of course, he told me to call him if the kids or I needed him, not just for random stuff or because I simply wanted to hear his voice. But then again, I do need him. Just not in the capacity he was referring to. I don’t even know in what capacity I need him. I just know it’s a need that keeps growing.

Blowing out a breath, I bring my phone to life. His name pops up on my screen.

Just do it, Gwen, my inner self demands.

With nervous fingers, I bring up a new text thread, hoping I’m not making a mistake.

Me: Hey. It’s Gwen.

I drop the phone in my lap, refusing to watch the screen to see if he saw it. My knees bounce, and I tap my fingers against the arm of the couch. Spotting my water on the coffee table, I reach for it. Just as I’m pulling the bottle away from my mouth, my phone vibrates. I jump and a stream of water wets my shirt.

“Crap,” I mutter, then cap the bottle and put it on the cushion beside me.

Ignoring the wet spot on my shirt, I grab for my phone.

Alexander: Gwen, is everything okay?

Of course, he automatically thinks something is wrong. After all, why else would I be messaging him? A small part of me, a part that I ignore, hurts that he apparently wasn’t glad to hear from me.

Feeling like an idiot for taking advantage of his offer to contact him if I needed anything, I shoot off a quick reply.

Me: No, nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to say hi.

I hit Send, then regret it when I realize the message makes me sound like a weirdo. Seriously, who messages someone just to say hi? Even though he’s not here to witness it, I still feel my face burn.

My phone vibrates again, and I glance down.

Alexander: How are you doing?

Okay, so maybe he’s not as appalled to hear from me as I thought. If he was, he wouldn’t encourage conversation, right? Or is it simply out of courtesy? I hate being so unsure.

Me: I’m doing good.

Alexander: And the kids?

I smile, touched that he asked after them.

Me: They are both good too.

I set my phone down, then pick it back up.

Me: How have you been?

A minute later, my phone vibrates.

Alexander: Been busy with catching up on things around the house.

I look at the screen, wondering what I should say next. I don’t want our silent communication to be over yet. Oddly, it’s soothing knowing he’s on the other side of the signal thinking about me. It makes me feel not quite so alone in my feelings for him. Which is stupid; just because he’s messaging me doesn’t mean he’s thinking about me like I’m thinking about him.

Me: Kelsey loves the book you made her. It’s the only one she works on now. And Daniel carries the wooden horse everywhere with him.

No matter what Daniel is doing, you can see a lump in his pocket from the horse. At night, when he’s sleeping, he puts it on his nightstand, only to put it in his pocket the next day.

Alexander: I’m glad they’re happy with them. I’ll have to make Kelsey another crossword book for when she finishes this one and let Daniel see my grandfather’s wood carving collection.

My heart warms. His words imply we’ll see him again. I try not to let his message get to me, but I can’t help the butterflies swarming around in my stomach. I wish we were seeing him tomorrow.

Me: They’d both love that.

It turns quiet after that, and I can’t think of anything else to say without sounding like a complete fool.

Knowing my time is up for the night, I send one more quick message.

Me: I’ll let you go. Have a good night, Alexander. Take care.

A minute later, he messages back.

Alexander: You too, Gwen. Sleep well.

I can’t help the smile that forms on my face. It’s definitely not the same as talking to him on the phone, but I’ll take any form of communication I can get.

That night I do sleep well. I sleep with images of a broken man with beautiful scars.