If whispers were wishes
Felicity
Felicity stood on the pavement for minutes after Erebus’ ute pulled away. She wanted desperately to believe the girl – on both counts. One, that Erebus wasn’t sleeping with her, and two that Erebus still loved her.
Loved her.
He said those words to her and she tried to blot them from her memory. Forced herself to put aside all thoughts and memories.
Now hearing a stranger say Erebus loved her. What did that mean? How could he love her when he hid a whole life from her.
She returned to her own car, sitting in the front seat with yet another love song blaring. Her current music of choice.
The admission she didn’t want to face became blindingly clear. He didn’t tell her because he didn’t want to lose her. When he did, she punished him for being honest, by pushing him from her life, ignoring his calls and texts. Proving he should have kept lying.
“Sonia, can I come over.” Only one friend knew most of the truth.
“Here,” Sonia handed her a cup of tea as they sat on the back patio. “It’s actually good to be the one hearing about your love life for once.”
“Why, because my love life has been so boring.”
“Try, non-existent!” Sonia laughed. “You were always the good girl and about the only one of us that didn’t have a wild time.”
“Hard to go wild when I had a fiancé,” she reminded Sonia. “Then dad got sick and needed me.”
“So, this Erebus.”
“Yeah.”
“What was he to you, really.”
How could she explain, even to her best friend?
He opened her eyes and her body to a new world. The way he touched her, every part of her wanted more. When she was with him, she felt as if she was the only woman in the world ever to feel that way about a man – the only woman ever to feel as if she could truly die if he didn’t enter her and take her in the most manly of ways.
“He was …” she tried to find the words.
To hear he used sex for pleasure and profit not only shocked, but embarrassed her. How could a man like him, probably used to women experienced and worldly, ever be satisfied with her. He would be better suited to the young buxom blonde who was staying with him.
“Everything. He was everything.”
How did they know each other and why would he have told her things he hid from Felicity! Felicity blushed – what if they came as a package deal! Images of his hands taking control of those breasts and certainly the girl seemed to know how to work her body even when clothed in an old shirt.
Oh, no, she recognized the shirt. The blonde was wearing Erebus’ shirt and staying in Erebus’ house. How could she be so blind.
He moved on with a girl who wouldn’t be shocked at his lifestyle – more likely she would join in.
It wasn’t fair, she fell in love with the man behind the mask or whatever other strange sex games he liked to play.
She loved him and only walked away in shock. Whenever she thought back to the way she scratched his back in the throws of their passion, she realized she stayed away from Erebus because her sexuality scared her and she thought if she allowed him to remain in her life, he would take her places she would want to but feared to go.
“He was everything, but it’s over,” she sobbed until she could cry no more.
Erebus
One day turned into one week that quickly turned into two weeks. Cat contacted her parents and told them she was staying out of town with a friend. They didn’t believe their party princess was helping to renovate a house until she showed them video and her brother came up to check things out before heading off on another of his charity travels.
“What sort of name is Erebus?” her brother, Lucas, asked as he was packing up to leave.
“Mine.”
“Man of mystery. We didn’t know you existed until Cat turned up here.”
“She’s a friend.”
“Cat’s always had a strange taste in friends.”
“I’ve been called worse than strange.”
Cat interrupted the interrogation. It was hard to remember her as anyone other than the bubbly, confident girl who could handle a sander as expertly as she could hammer a nail. Without breaking a fingernail!
“Kitty cat, I’ll miss you,” Erebus and Cat shared a wink at her family nick name.
“One day you’ll realize I’ve outgrown the Kitty.”
“You’ll always be my kid sis. I know that this whole mum and dad thing is messed up and you got caught in the middle of it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Erebus stepped in, “There’s an invisible list of things we don’t talk about on the fridge. That’s on the top.”
He was quite prepared to stare the brother down if it meant protecting Cat. “She’s safe here with me.”
The brother offered his hand, “Don’t you hurt her.”
“I think I’ve already proven I’d risk a lot to protect her.”
“That’s what she told me, but she was scarce on the details.”
“Need to know basis, and the lady doesn’t want you to know.”
Never to be friends, but at least the brother knew Cat was safe and her parents stopped pressuring her to go home.
With three of them working, the walls were now stripped of the awful wallpaper and patched, ready for painting. The doorframes were returned to their natural cedar and begging to be stained.
Any time he needed supplies, Cat offered to drive into town so he could keep working. In truth, he avoided any opportunity to run into Felicity or her friends. Cat told him about her own run in at the pharmacy. If he saw Felicity - how could he explain they were close friends – more like brother and sister. Especially if Felicity asked how they met. He didn’t want to lie, but the truth would hurt her everyone.
Better for everyone if he focused on the house and kept his distance.
“You owe me a night out!” Cat cajoled. “I’ve been a very good girl, and I deserve to let my hair down and have one night of fun.”
“You know I can’t, I’ll take you out for the biggest steak you can eat when we get back to the city.”
“Not fair, Erebus – you kept me trapped here as your slave. I demand a cold beer – unless you’re ashamed of me.”
“I would love to take you out and there is no way I would be ashamed to be seen with you.”
She pouted, “Then prove it.”
“I’m not ready to face the town yet. You don’t understand, small towns people know or at least think they know everything. Someone will have seen us here and told someone else, and if we go out together then someone will tell Felicity.”
“They probably already have,” she reasoned. “If we go out as friends then all they can talk about is how we’re friends. If she asks about us no one will have seen us holding hands or kissing. The longer we stay hidden away, the worse it could be looking.”
“I want to see her.”
“I know,” she knew him so well, “If you won’t go into town with me, at least drop me off and I can flirt a little, get my mojo back and have some fun. I’ll call you when I’m ready to come home.”
He dropped her at the same pub Felicity took him to that first night. Every part of him wanted to go inside and cook a steak, recreate their first date. Or at least make sure Cat was alright. But, as she said – it had been a while since she had cut lose and he’d only cramp her style.
Still, he couldn’t face going straight home to the empty house. Food would be a pleasant distraction, so he dropped into the local pizza restaurant.
“A large, meat-lovers with extra cheese,” he ordered and sat down to wait.
Waiting gave him time to think. In the two weeks, even though Cat assured him she told Felicity he still loved her, there was no visit or response to his calls. Clearly, she wanted to pretend what they had either never happened or was over. Perhaps in her mind, he never existed. Unfortunately, he still dreamt of her and thought he could still smell her perfume in the house.
Working on the house gave him clarity, a purpose. In his spare time, he arranged a couple of laboring jobs in local towns. Not a lot of money, but enough to put food on the table and pay the electricity bills. Once the house was finished, he’d look around for something more permanent.
He knew what living with Cat appeared from the outside. From the beginning it was far too late for them. They were more like brother and sister and he would always look out for her, protect her even from herself. They even celebrated when Cat admitted whatever she once felt for him was gone. These two weeks had healed her in so many ways.
“Hi, how is the house going?” Felicity’s friend, the real estate agent sat down beside him. Lost in thought, he hadn’t even noticed she entered the restaurant. No opportunity to hide.
“Hey Sonia, it’s a lot more work than I expected, but nothing I can’t handle.”
“Good, I’m glad you are fixing it up. Will you stay in town after you are finished?”
Erebus laughed, “Direct to the point, aren’t you. Are you asking on behalf of another commission or on behalf of Felicity?”
Sonia’s face darkened, “Whatever you did to Felicity, I wish you would fix it.”
“Why, what’s wrong with her?”
“What would you care – I’ve never seen her fall for anyone before, one day she is happy and the next day she’s a mess.”
“How bad,” he had no right to ask, but still he couldn’t stop caring.
“Bad.”
“Sonia, please,” as his pizza order was called, Erebus needed to finish their conversation, “Let me buy you a drink, coffee, anything – I need to know how she is and if there is anything I can do to make things right with her.”
He waited while Sonia sized him up. She had been friends with Felicity almost all their lives. If Felicity shared anything about their break up it would be with Sonia. If anyone could shed light on how to win her back, again it would be Sonia.
“What’s with the blonde you’re living with.” There it was, his living arrangement had been noticed and no one was buying the “just friends” excuse.
“A friend from the city,” he shrugged, “There was a rough night and she needed to get away from everyone and everything to get her head back together.”
“She’s very pretty.”
Erebus smiled and nodded, “That’s kind of what got her into the mess. She was exploring herself and things got out of hand. I bought her here to chill and she’s been helping out on the house – her brother came down last weekend to make sure things were on the up and up.”
“I heard,” Sonia shook her head, still unconvinced.
“Look, Sonia,” after living a lie for so long, now he couldn’t stop telling the truth, “If sending Catherine away would win me back Felicity, I wish I could say I would. The girl needed somewhere safe and despite knowing what it looks like, and even though you may think the worse of the situation and me, I wouldn’t be the type of man that Felicity should love if I can throw someone on the street.”
He made his pitch, and she heard him out. With his pizza in hand, there was no reason for him to hang around.
“So where’s the blonde bombshell tonight?” Sonia called out as he opened the door.
“I dropped her off at the pub, she wanted to get out and have some fun. I’ll pick her up later when she gives me a call.”
“What if she doesn’t come home tonight? Will you care?”
Erebus shook his head, “She’s a big girl and her head is in a much better place. If she doesn’t come home tonight, I hope she has fun.”
“Damn,” he slammed the ute door. Sonia didn’t try and stop him or want to know more about his relationship with Felicity. If she didn’t care, then obviously neither did Felicity.
The house felt empty without either Felicity or Cat inside. As beautiful as they had made it, the house needed to be filled with voices and laughter – and love.
For the first time he seriously considered selling it - to a family who would never have the time to do the place up, because they were so busy raising a happy family.
Opening the fridge door, he wanted to grab a beer. Hard work, hot night, he deserved it. Instead he grabbed soda water. Tonight was not the night to get drunk, alone with his thoughts.
He took his drink and pizza out to the back garden, sitting right where he and Felicity almost … it was no use. Her memory was everywhere and that’s all he had left of her. He couldn’t sell the house.
“E, are you out here?” What was Sonia doing at the side gate?
“Having a picnic for one on the lawn, come and join me,” he dared to hope.
“Thanks,” she lay out her pizza on the grass. “You’ve done a lot in the back yard. The vegetable garden looks almost productive.”
“Felicity started it, clearing out the weeds and things, and Cat has started some sort of crop rotation system. It’s amazing what you can learn on the internet.”
“She didn’t strike me as the gardening type.”
“I think she surprised herself. But we’ve gotten to the stage where there’s a lot of waiting around for coats of paint to dry so we started outside.”
“It’s looking good,” Sonia acknowledged before another uncomfortable silence.
“I love her.” He didn’t have to say who.
“So, she told me.”
“What else did she tell you.”
“Obviously not the whole truth – only that there were things in your past that she couldn’t accept, wouldn’t accept. That you were not the man she fell in love with.”
“She loves me?”
“Enough that breaking up with you has shattered her. E, she is doing stupid stuff, drinking and going out. She is wearing clothes she would never be caught dead in before, going out and flirting with any random guy.”
They shared a glance, Erebus did not try to hide his jealousy, growling, “What guys?”
“It doesn’t matter – that’s what I’m trying to tell you. She doesn’t care about herself or her reputation anymore. She doesn’t go home with them, but there have been a couple of close calls where she has been lucky to have friends around to step in.”
Honesty created the mess with Felicity. Perhaps the only way to get her back was by being honest.