Moment of Truth
Erebus couldn’t wait to return to his house, and to Felicity who he hoped would be his woman.
The last month had been non-stop work and finally he was in a position to walk away from it all, find a local job and put down roots in the town. Most of his money came from auctioning off and handing over his client list. One by one he matched his high maintenance and high value clients with their perfect new “toy”.
Ready to settle down and be a one-woman man. If she still wanted him.
The question that burned late at night, keeping him from sleep was honesty. So many times she had told him she could accept anything as long as he was honest. It was the one feature she demanded in a man.
Through screens of texts and hours of phone calls, their bond was stronger than ever. Now, he was as turned on by the essence of her as he craved her soft, sweet body. In his darkest hours, he missed the lavender scent that would forever remind him of Felicity. Her light, grey blue eyes, the hair so glossy and free. The sense of the girl who was her own person and not defined by fashion or the corporate jungle.
Felicity. Simply Felicity. No lies and no pretense.
That was all him.
He was the lie, still living a lie. Well, with her he hadn’t been living a lie – but from the moment he didn’t tell her everything about himself, in effect he lied.
The mirror almost cracked as he practiced how to tell her.
“Felicity, there is something you need to know about me. I watch other people have sex for money.” No, how about …
“Felicity, people sometimes have problems in the bedroom, this is how I help.” Even worse.
“Felicity, I stuffed up my career and ended up in a mountain of debt – got my parents into debt. The only way I could make money was through my body.”
He was fucked.
He needed to spend more time together, trust that she loved him beyond all doubt before he took the biggest risk. When his last trade went wrong, he lost his career. Now, if being honest with Felicity went wrong, he feared he would lose his love and his new chance at life.
The second hand ute he picked up was travelling well. Only a thousand dollars, it didn’t look pretty but it was all he could afford and exactly what he needed now. Driving on the bumpy, country roads, he heard the tools jumping around in the back. Each one a deliberate choice, second hand from online or garage sales. He didn’t expect the bonus advice when he picked up the equipment. He now had a much better idea of how much of the work he could do himself – and which trades not to skimp on.
As every mile passed, he drew closer to Felicity and home, torn between surprising her with more flowers or whether to call her first and let her know he was on his way.
“Hey, you,” the excitement of surprising her couldn’t compete with his need to hear her voice.
“Hey, yourself. How soon will you be here?”
“I’m about half an hour away, are you almost finished work?”
“Oh, didn’t I tell you – I took the day off. I’ll meet you at the house?”
“Sounds good.”
“Don’t bother picking up any food, I have it sorted.”
“It isn’t your food I’m looking forward to,” did he push too far? For a month their relationship had been phone calls and text. Did she still want him as much as he needed her?
“Oh, you, stop it!” her laughing only ceased when the call disconnected. He imagined the soft blush that would have crept across her cheeks.
He pressed down on the accelerator, in equal measures, he wanted to crush her and yet protect her.
Felicity
Felicity finished the last touches to the bedroom. She never met a man like E – then again, she didn’t even know his real name! At first, calling him “E” seemed mysterious. After they made love it seemed strange to ask. Now she was a giddy school girl, head over heels in love with a man that she was only getting to know through his texts and calls. As soon as settlement for the house came through, she organized the keys and cleaners to make everything perfect for when he arrived. The previous owners removed all furnishings. She didn’t want E arriving to an empty and lonely shell of a house. She wanted him to feel at home so he’d never want to leave.
She wanted a relationship, and for the last month she dreamed of the white picket fence – and was prepared to paint it herself. She wanted babies and family.
She wanted him.
Their first night together in the house needed to be special, and for that they needed more than a mattress thrown on the floor. She hunted through the recycling depot for old pallets and built a bed but until she finished the assembly, she didn’t realize how large it was. Which meant she had to go king size mattress shopping for the bed she hoped to christen with E. Then shopping for linen - what sheets would he want. In the end, she ordered the softest white cotton that suited the house and offset the construction look of the bedroom. After buying the pallets, she found an old wooden wardrobe, set of drawers and a fabric covered settee that was perfect by the window. She imagined them sitting in the winter sun, drinking tea before returning to bed.
Oh, she had it bad. He was a gentleman, hard working and honest. She knew everything about him other than his name – and really, that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the phone call and that after weeks of waiting to see him again, E called, was on his way home to her and their new bed was waiting for them.
Erebus
He barely cut the car engine before racing towards his front door. Felicity greeted him on the porch and as their lips met, he wondered how he survived the month without her.
“I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I left,” he murmured in between kisses as he picked her up in his arms and carried her inside. His footsteps echoed on the empty floor boards and he wished he thought to arrange furniture, at least a couch for him to place her on.
“There’s a surprise for you in the bedroom,” she smiled at him. So sweet, so innocent yet she had a flirtatious twinkle in her eyes that he knew spelt trouble, in a good way.
“Then to the bedroom we will go,” cushioning her head as he carried her through doorways, up the stairs until he stopped, mesmerized at the main bedroom.
White sheer curtains blowing in the breeze through the open window. A massive bed in the middle of the room, white sheets and pillows.
“Perfect, you are perfect.”
“I hope you will remember to thank me,” the kisses on his neck reached every part of him.
“How about I keep trying until you feel properly thanked,” he carefully lay her down and his hands admired the soft folds of her floral dress. He removed each sandal, holding her ankle while releasing the strap. Kissing her toes as he carefully placed the shoe on the floor.
For the first time, he didn’t know where to begin. Every part craved her, wanting to enter and reclaim her as his own. Every part of him wanted her to call to him, demand him.
She lay, stretched out expectantly, waiting for him with her shy smile.
“Well?” she asked.
“Well, what.”
“When are you going to start thanking me – after all when was the last time a woman made you a real bed?”
His heart caught – many women offered him their bed – no woman had offered him his own.
“There has never and will never be a woman like you, not for me.” His decision made, this woman deserved to be loved in every way, starting slowly and building until he found her boundaries. If it took the rest of his life, he would be patient and kind and anything else she wanted.
The kisses started on her neck as she allowed him free access.
“You don’t need these,” as he removed the buttons on the top of the dress and his hand found the soft breasts encased in the nude cloth bra.
“Ohhh,” she moaned as his fingertips found her soft peaks before she claimed his mouth with her own, her hunger as real as his.
Lying beside her, he remained torn at either taking his time and unwrapping her slowly and surely, or giving into the animal urges. Again, she set the pace by sitting up and removing her dress and bra. His shorts and shirt quickly joined her clothes on the floor.
“I don’t want to wait any more,” she whispered shyly, pulling him to her. His hands found their way beneath her panties, preparing her, loving her. “Oh, please, now, please,” she cried again as he threw all caution to the wind and he knew he found his home. Here with her.
Felicity
Tonight, a new woman was born. She became an animal – his animal. Within minutes of his arrival, he obeyed her command and took her upstairs to be … this was not normal love making. No foreplay or conversation. All she wanted was this feeling of him inside her, giving into every muscle and every thrust. She couldn’t spread her legs wide enough for him, or claim him deeply enough inside.
As he bought her to a peak, she lost control of all senses and screamed, scratching his back as the tremors claimed her body. She never felt like this before.
Then he joined her with his own climax and she clung him to her as he shuddered into her arms.
“Thank you,” he whispered, rolling to the side.
“You think that’s thanks enough,” she panted. “It took a lot of work to make this bed!”
“How about we say hello first, and I can thank you again later.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.”
She felt guilty as he touched the marks from her nails. Never had she lost control like that, and she didn’t what to say.
He smiled as he traced each red line. None had broken the skin but all would leave bruises.
“Sorry, I don’t know what happened to me,” she leant over and kissing each mark.
“Felicity, it’s okay.”
“No, it isn’t, I’ve never – I mean, I’m not like that.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t do that sort of thing.” He must never know where her thoughts often led. He’d never think of her the same.
“Were you having fun?”
“Yes, oh yes, you know I did” bare chest against bare chest – too soon again, but the touch of his skin completely against her own was exhilarating.
“Then, my beautiful girl, if you want to scream, scream. If you want to scratch me, then go for it.” He kissed her as passionately as the first time. “Consider me your sexual canvas to paint anything you want.”
Felicity blushed, despite her inexperience, this man was encouraging her to want to do things that nice girls didn’t do. What would he think of her if she showed her inner thoughts!
“I’ll remember that,” they started kissing again and already she wanted more.
“My turn,” sometimes, she thought, he could read her mind as his fingers went to work, finding her lower lips ready for him again as her still sensitive nipples responded to the deft touches of his tongue.
Every sense of her inflamed, as her back arched and too quickly, she cried out again, his fingers plunging deep inside her and then she closed her legs around his hand, not letting him continue and not letting him go.
“Wow, I didn’t expect that, well, so soon.”
“You realize I’ve only begun to thank you.”
“It’s only a bed.”
“Felicity,” his eyes bore into hers in earnest as he cupped her face with his free hand, “You’ve already turned this house into a home.”
Shaken by her feelings, embarrassed at the wanton way she greeted him, Felicity sat up and grabbed her dress from the floor. She didn’t need to worry about her underwear, she needed something between her body and this gorgeous man with the ripped abs, strong arm and lips that could open her with one lick.
“I set up a picnic lunch in the garden, if you’re hungry?”
He grabbed his shorts with a smile that lightened her heart, “I guess we need to keep up our strength for the whole weekend.”
“Only a weekend?” so hard to keep the tremble from her voice.
“I’ll see what I can do, but no promises,” one last embrace and kiss before leaving the room.
“I don’t want promises, only honesty,” she left to organize lunch.
Erebus
Damn, honesty. Not the first time and probably wouldn’t be the last she told him she valued honesty above all. He didn’t know who hurt her in the past that made honesty such a valued commodity – but would she be ready to hear and accept his truth?
One more day of loving her, and then he’d tell her. It’s what he promised himself after their first time together and then every day since. While he was back in the city, it became too impossible and impractical to tell her over the phone knowing how easily she could block his calls and eradicate him from her life.
Now, he needed to tell her the truth, the whole truth and hope she accepted it and him. The scratches down his back gave him hope. If there was a sexual animal inside her and if he could awaken her beast, perhaps there was a chance she would understand the difference between making love, having sex and being involved in sex.
He tried to concentrate on listening to Felicity over lunch, however he kept being distracted by how to tell her and when to tell her.
“Start with telling me your real name,” her words cut through to his thoughts.
“What!”
“I was saying all the things I don’t know about you. I know how you like your toast buttered, your coffee served, your kisses returned. But I don’t know your real name.”
He thought quickly, “I thought you would have seen it on the contracts for the house sale.”
“Remember, I found you the house but I’m not the agent. You were lucky they gave me the keys.”
“It doesn’t matter what my name is. Keep calling me ‘E’.” If she knew his name, any online search would link him to the scandal. And if he gave her his working name, well that could end even worse.
The sun shone through her hair, beautifully backlighting her face. He saw the toll the absence of truth was taking on her when she lay back on the rug, unable to look at him, “It matters to me. Don’t you get it - I want to get to know you and you can’t trust me with your name? I get the same nick name you give out to friends. Is that all I am to you?”
“No, no, nothing like that.”
“Then what,” she cried. “Are you an axe murderer or a famous celebrity that I should recognize but don’t?”
“Felicity, there’s a lot about me you don’t know and the truth is I am scared that once you find out, you will …”
“I won’t,” she rolled to him, the depth of her feelings for him clear.
“You don’t know me.”
“Then, please introduce me to the man I can’t stop thinking about. I’ve even decorated your house for. Introduce me to the man who is everything I have been waiting for.”
“Felicity, I am falling in love with you, and the truth is the more I am falling for you, the harder it is to tell you anything about the man I was before I met you.” His heart was racing and his mouth so dry he could barely speak. He needed to tell her the truth, but he also needed her to forgive him and accept his love. Damn it, yes, he loved her and wished he had told her sooner. Before this conversation happened.
Would it have made a difference?
“What could be worse than not telling me your name?”
Still in his arms, he had one last kiss before he told her the truth. Her body responded to his touch and he wanted to take her one last time, to feel the magic of her love before it disappeared with his lies.
“Not here,” wanting what he was about to share to be private and theirs alone. Not even willing to share this moment with the gorgeous garden.
She followed him inside, up the stairs to the bed that still showed the evidence of their earlier passion.
“I can’t do this.” He shook his head and turned to her. “I want to make love to you, I want to lie you back, make love to you so you can feel how much you mean to me – but I can’t”
“Why not?”
“Because, the next time will be after you know everything. I mean everything, and I can only hope you will still look at me with those beautiful eyes,” he drew on all his courage to continue as he held her and stroked her flowing hair.
“The next time we make love I hope you’ll tell me that despite everything, you are still willing to love me. The next time will be after you’ve heard the truth and are willing to love me anyway,” the closer he came to the truth, the harder he wanted to hold her. Stop her from running away.
“You gave me this bed – you turned the house into a home. I want to share that and more with you. You deserve the truth and that’s all I have left to give you.”
He started at the beginning, school and study, working in the finance industry. “You should have seen me. There were days I was on fire. Making deals, watching stocks rise and fall – being ahead of the game. I was awesome and winning millions for a client or the firm was the biggest rush.”
“You’re not in finance anymore? You said you did laboring.”
Then he told her about money he made and gambled on one trade.
“You lost your job?”
“I lost everything and so did my parents. They believed in me and invested when their amazing son told them to,” even though theirs was the money he repaid first, he never forgot his father’s face when Erebus told him the life savings vanished.
“I lost my job, my friends – no one would hire me or even interview me. Banks wouldn’t touch me – one of my major clients was a bank who was forced to explain to their board and press how much they lost because of me.”
“You paid cash for the house, how?” She pushed away what he feared would be their last kiss. Instead, he tried to remember her adoring gaze instead of the confusion and panic in her eyes.
“That’s what I need to tell you. You asked for my name, well,” he took a deep breath and linked his fingers around hers so she couldn’t run.
“They call me Erebus. I started out as a stripper – mainly for hens nights. That started paying back my parents, but there was more money on offer if I came and watched couples, well you know.”
Her innocence apparent when at first, she didn’t know what he meant. Then her eyes widened, and she flung her hands, trying to break free.
“Felicity, please, you wanted the truth so please hear me out.” His kisses landed in the air as she lowered and shook her head away from him.
As her knees gave way and she fell to the floor, he tried to hold her crumpled, crying body. How could he tell her the rest? But if he didn’t, she would never learn to love him and his truth.
Felicity
“Noooooo! Let me go, let me get out of here!” Felicity struggled to pull herself together and pushed off the man she thought she knew. The man who loved her, made love to her was not the man she thought. How could she have been so very wrong and let him into her bed and her heart.
Almost tripping down the stairs, she looked for her bag. Wanting to get far from here, from him.
“Felicity, wait, I want you to understand.” He followed her downstairs. As she turned towards him one last time, she held her hand out to stop him from coming closer.
“Don’t, please don’t,” after hearing his truth, knowing his bedroom skills came from that sort of experience … how could she ever let him touch her again?
“Felicity, please,” he begged.
Yes, she loved him – or at least the man he used to appear to be. Yes, the pain in his eyes was real. It had taken a lot for him to tell her the truth – and she realized how large a risk it took for him to tell her. But how could he have done those things? How could she now unhear the words he told or think of him with those women, those couples!
Slowly, she walked backwards. Towards her bag and then the door. Unable to turn away from him, knowing that once she did that she never wanted to see him again.
“Please, Felicity, all those things I did because I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t let my parents down. All I had to use was my body.”
“There’s nothing to understand,” she choked. “You did what you had to do to survive. And I’m glad you were finally honest with me, before this got any,” she shook her head trying to find the words, “Before this got any harder to walk away from.”
“Please, can’t we talk about the future – our future together. I want to walk away from it all, the only thing I want from you is hope that you can one day understand and allow us to move past it.”
How could he even think she would be willing to “move past it”?
“You haven’t even apologized!”
“What would I be apologizing for – you wanted the truth and I gave it to you,” the first sign of him fighting back, his pain now turning to frustration.
“I did what I had to do to get myself and my parents out of debt. Did you expect me to stand by and let them lose everything because they had trusted me, their son?
“I had to do something, and when that woman offered me a strip job I felt the only victim would be me.
“Try and think about what it was like for me standing on the stage or wherever they wanted me, doing my thing only being a piece of meat for those horny women. Did you think I was turned on by being on display for them. One day, I’m being paid for my brain and then the next day women don’t care how smart I was or even wanting to know my name. I was nothing to them and in return they became a meal ticket for me.”
“I don’t care. I’m leaving. I never want to see you again. If you ever cared about me, you’ll let me go.”
“Felicity,” her heart broke as the tears fueled by years of anger, regret and now fear fell down his cheeks. Only once had she seen a man cry - her father at her mother’s funeral.
“Felicity, you deserve better than me – I’ll be the first to admit that. All I want you to know is that I can’t apologize for what I did in the past, but I am sorry for the way my past is hurting you and us right now. I want a future with you but to do that you need to be able to accept me faults and all.”
He came towards her and despite all her internal protests to run and run fast, this time she didn’t flinch when he cupped her face in his hands. “I love you. I’ve never said that to another woman before and I can’t imagine ever saying it again,” tears unashamedly fell down his cheeks. His pain was real, but so too was hers.
“I love you and I don’t want you to walk out of my life,” he pleaded.
She allowed him to kiss her, savoring the last touch before leaving.
As reality dawned, her walk became a run and she couldn’t get into her car quickly enough, nor drive fast enough away from the white house with the man she loved but could never be with again.
Erebus
He’d blown it.
As he paced around the empty house, he replayed every word, every touch, every kiss.
Did he make a big deal out of his past? Should he have waited until they tried a new position, “Hey, if you like that, there’s other things I learn when I was being paid to watch couples fuck.”
No. He knew from the first moment, Felicity would never understand or accept him. The only thing crueler than hurting her with the truth now would have been if his secrets came out after they got married and had children. He would have married her and been the best husband she deserved.
Now, he had a house but it was merely that, four walls and some furnishings. Felicity bought the light and life into the place, and with her gone, it seemed cold and empty.
She wanted, no begged, for the truth and so he left nothing out. Now everything they had was over and he owned a house in the town she lived in. The one place he hoped to reclaim his name, lost to him.
A shower didn’t clear his head, instead he allowed himself to try and objectively reexamine his options.
All the reasons for coming to this town remained. It was far enough away from the city to avoid any of his “clients.” Close to the beach and all the people he met were friendly, unpretentious and willing to accept him on face value.
It was still a town he wanted to call home. The house still needed his touch – actually, the more he looked around the more work needed to be done.
By the time he unloaded the building supplies from the ute, Erebus decided to continue working on the house. Only after the renovations were complete would he decide whether to stay or sell up, take the money and leave. Perhaps this could be a new career for him – all his laboring skills and contacts would come in handy. You couldn’t get a more honorable profession than buying houses and turning them into homes.
Felicity. The sadness in her voice as she left. The anguish in her eyes. She didn’t want to leave him, surely, she loved him, too. After what he told her, she just didn’t know how to stay.
He loved her enough to give her space. But first, he needed to do something to prove to Felicity how much she meant to him and give her different truths to think about.
The first text, “Flick, I don’t regret being honest with you. You deserve the truth.” He regretted not finding a better way of telling her, but she needed to know. The second text was harder to write, “I meant what I said – you deserve better.” She’d have to agree.
“I love you.” She might deny the strength of his feelings, but at least he was giving her what she most valued – honesty.