Chapter 11
JASE had sat in his truck, mortified, for at least ten minutes before he made a move. He looked up, wondering if anyone had seen his embarrassing and absolutely insane moment of weakness with Ase.
Fuck, he’d done that in front of all his coworkers and his boss. Fuck, his boss’s nephew of all people, who may be Ase’s boyfriend. He banged his head on the steering wheel. And why? He didn’t even know why Ase had kissed him. Hell, he still didn’t know why Ase was here.
Ase’s entire rage seem to be borderline manic and somewhat misplaced. He hadn’t been wrong. Jase’d been a dick for a second, pre-judging Dustin, but damn, Ase had taken it much more personally than Jase had thought. Then he’d been all over Jase.
And Jase had felt equally turned on and ashamed as he’d melted, become malleable as clay, and clung to Ase. If his daddy could have seen them, he wasn’t sure whether his daddy would’ve had as much to say about him kissing a man and in public so much as Eddie Emery would have lost it over how his son was swooning into Ase’s arms like a teenage girl.
That was why Jase rarely let himself fall into men, because he literally did. He liked being with women, being what a woman needed, but he’d also always liked to be on more equal footing. He didn’t want a girl who needed him to step on all the spiders and constantly reassure her. He liked to feel they were on the same level, that she could handle her shit—he liked a strong, capable woman who could meet him tit-for-tat, especially in bed. The same couldn’t be said for when he was with a man, though.
He hadn’t let himself bottom since he’d been with Ase, had barely done anal more than a handful of times. But even when frotting with another man, he had this urge to give up complete control, almost become submissive. One of his old fuck buddies in San Antonio had even broached the subject of true submission. But that hadn’t been Jase’s kink. He just liked being overwhelmed by a man, enfolded.
Jase hated that side of himself for a long time, but he’d come to understand it was a need on his part, both sexual and emotional, in a relationship with a man. He’d started accepting that piece of his sexuality, slowly but surely. But apparently, all the ghosts he hadn’t laid to rest in Hope Springs were turning him back into that same self-loathing asshole.
He could hear some of the names his daddy had called him. “To toughen you up, son.” Like that was completely logical.
Tonight, the ghosts were strong. He felt his daddy’s breath in his face, spittle flying on his skin as he yelled at his son to “Man the fuck up, for once.”
He cranked his truck and headed blindly down the highway. He drove for what felt like hours, though it couldn’t have been, because he didn’t have that much gas in the tank. He did his best to shut his brain off, to do like he had a million times and focus on work or a drill. He needed more, though.
When he was approaching Lacey’s house, he considered texting her. Hell, he considered stopping by. He even slowed his truck on the road, feeling the urge to turn into the drive. Her car was there and he knew she’d be welcoming. He didn’t think she’d necessarily jump his bones, but he thought about her soft curves and her strength. Lacey would call him on his shit, but she’d maybe help him with all his twisted, confused thoughts. Even if that help was in bed.
But Jase realized what an asshole he’d be to use her like that. Because that’s what he’d be doing, slaking his need for Ase on Lacey if she was willing. She deserved better than his trying to prove he was his father’s version of a man. Especially, since thinking about her wasn’t turning his crank right now. His mind was firmly on Ase.
He wondered what it’d be like living with Ase. Would they have a quiet routine, or would Ase prowl around the house looking for ways to rid himself of the dark energy that lurked in his feline eyes? Would they go to bed separately a lot, like Jase and Lacey had, or would they fuck ‘til they passed out?
Just the thought had Jase revved up, his cock lengthening.
God, he was fucked. It was this stupid town and his ghosts. Jase hadn’t been this bad when he was a fucking teenager, trying to prove he wasn’t into guys. He’d fucked his way through a good number of the girls in his smaller high school graduating class before he’d found literature on bisexuality. It’d been both perplexing and liberating to realize it wasn’t unusual to be attracted to all genders.
But he’d not truly accepted the side of him that was attracted to men, back then. He’d only ever truly enjoyed and let go the one time with Ase and afterwards when he’d fucked around in gay bars in San Antonio.
He cussed himself for every kind of asshole and pressed the gas pedal a little harder, speeding by Lacey’s driveway.
He’d like to say he was acting and thinking so erratically because he was nervous over his mom coming home, but he had to be honest about Ase having knocked him for a loop. Though, who wouldn’t be? The fact Ase was even in Abernathy was a mindfuck.
A buzzing sound pulled him from his thoughts. He realized it was his cell phone after a moment of feeling confused. The screen displayed his boss’s name, which made Jase’s heart thump loudly in his chest. Had his boss seen, earlier? Was Dustin pissed? Was he totally fucked?
That’d be just the perfect fucking way to end this train wreck of a day.
The buzzing stopped before Jase could pull his head out of his ass. Of course it wouldn’t be a personal call at this hour. He was a deputy for fuck’s sake. He shook his head, snorting at his stupidity, and pulled off on the first shoulder of the road that’d accommodate his truck so he could call the sheriff back.
After a few rings Rob Dean’s gruff, if slightly inebriated voice answered. “Dean.”
“Heya, boss. You rang?”
“Bout damn time you answered.”
“What’s up, sir?”
“I’m guessing you know this Dr. Alessandro Ramirez?”
What did Ase have to do with anything? Jase swallowed nervously then replied. “Yessir.”
“Dustin seemed to think so, because he told me to send you after the damn fool.”
What? “Sir?” Oh, shit. Had Dustin seen and put Ase out? Shit, shit, shit.
“Miller has Dr. Ramirez down at that bar in the strip on Jefferson and Central. She called me as a courtesy since it’s Dustin’s... friend. I’m not one to pull favors, but Dustin asked if you could go get him.”
“Sir?” Jase was still confused.
“He got in a brawl. This will be his fourth since I’ve met the man. He’ll just spend another night drying out in my drunk tank, taking up space, and go home with a misdemeanor drunk and disorderly. If you can get him home so Jan doesn’t have to clean up his vomit, cite him for the drunk, scare him a bit. It’s best for everyone tonight.”
“Are you sure?”
“Tonight. Yes. He’s lucky he caught me drunk. My nephew’s also pretty pissed, so he’s lucky I’m sending you instead.”
Fuck. Why couldn’t Miller handle it? He asked as much.
“Dustin said maybe you talking to him would straighten him out. I don’t even want to know the story behind this, and I’m in too good a mood to bother with it. And I’ll do anything not to see him in county again. He’s gonna get in deep shit, and I can’t give him too many more chances.” The sheriff sighed. “He seems nice, but a little fucked up, you know? I try not to meddle. But Dustin likes him, for some reason. So maybe a little push. If you think it’ll help.”
Jase scoffed in his head. Him? Help Ase? It didn’t seem likely anything he said would penetrate that stubborn jackass’s insane mood tonight. But what could he say? The least he could do after contributing to the insanity was give the guy a lift home.
“Sure, Sheriff. On my way.”
“Good man. He gives you any trouble, feel free to toss him on in a cell. But let’s make that a last resort, okay?”
“Yessir.”
They ended the call and Jase turned the keys in the ignition. He looked up at Lacey’s little mobile home, feeling the heaviness of guilt in his chest. She’d turned off the front porch light, and only the flickering light of a television winked through the curtains. He’d known better than to stop here tonight, and he couldn’t tell himself any different now he was thinking a little clearer. He owed her a big apology.
His truck rumbled to life, and he backed away from her house, made his way back onto the highway toward town, thinking the night was probably only going to get crazier from here.