Chapter 18
JASE changed his shirt for the third time. He didn’t know whether Bar None was local yokel or nightclub. Hadn’t paid much attention. It was one of three gay bars in the area, though he did know it drew the more mixed, collegiate crowd. That’s why he finally opted for a pair of looser fitting jeans than he usually wore, a t-shirt that hugged his muscles just so, and a pair of boots. He didn’t want to look like he was trying too hard. It wasn’t a date or anything. They were just hanging out with some of Ase’s friends.
He’d tried to ask Ase what he should wear, and Ase’d seemed to have something important he’d wanted to say, but Jase’d been busy around the ranch and had two million things to do so he’d forgotten to call Ase back. He felt bad, thinking back on it. He’d sounded tense in the voicemail he’d left, but he’d said, “Guess I’ll see you tonight.” And now his phone went straight to voicemail. Jase had to assume Ase would’ve let him know if he was begging off.
He felt kind of foolish after he’d kissed Ase the day before. It’d just seemed so natural, like they’d done it a hundred times. Even with Ase seeming to run hot and cold, he hadn’t seemed annoyed by the slip. Hell, he even seemed a little pleased with it.
Jase couldn’t stop himself, though. His feelings had hit their boiling point on the trip to the ghost town the previous weekend.
He’d called Lacey when he hadn’t been able to get ahold of Ase, and she’d blessedly picked up. She’s swiftly told him to get over himself and just make a move. And she also called him an asshole for trying to work out his daddy issues on her. He deserved that, for sure.
When Ase had called him on it the weekend before, he definitely had started re-examining himself. He’d been independent, fairly confident. He was a soldier, for fuck’s sake. Would he really spend the rest of his life miserable because of what his now-dead daddy had said? He’d like to think not.
He had a sneaking suspicion Ase’s problems over the last four years with his family stemmed from the same shit. He’d been surprised Ase had admitted to denying himself. It was definitely incongruous with the devil-may-care man he’d known. Ase Ramirez didn’t seem the type to give two shits what someone thought of him or his being gay.
But many might think the same of Jase, especially some of the friends he’d had in San Antonio. They’d be surprised he was as beaten down as he’d become from the moment he stepped back into Hope Springs. He was a little ashamed of himself. He had some more thinking to do, but he knew one thing he wanted to say to Ase was: “I want to be more than friends.” They’d waited so long, and they’d gotten so close again.
He knew there was some shit he didn’t know about Ase’s life since they’d parted, but he knew enough to know Ase was fun and loyal and a good man. Smart and funny, if a bit broken. He could definitely use with some more talking, but Jase was the last person to pull the communication card. He had some work to do there himself.
But he would make the first step. If Ase shot him down, yeah it’d suck, but he couldn’t leave any more what ifs in their relationship. Friendship. Whatever. Too many years they’d been apart, and they’d still been brought back together. From the moment he saw Ase’s smile, heard the shutters of the camera, watched him with the birds, kissed his lips. He had to know. Even if Ase only agreed to a few more months. But, hey, the future was the future....
So he spritzed himself once with his cologne, grabbed his keys, and set out to see if he could untangle whatever this mess of theirs might be.
Jase’s palms were sweating as he entered the bar, but not for any reason other than he was nervous to meet Ase’s friends. And he was nervous as hell he might freak Ase out with his proposition.
He looked around for Ase, but didn’t spot him, so he made his way to the bar. He ordered a beer and was relieved to have something to do with his hands when the bartender passed his Budweiser over. He peered back out into the people milling around the room, hoping to spot Ase. When his gaze landed on Dustin, his jaw automatically clenched, jealousy ripping through him. The nurse looked fucking edible, Jase couldn’t deny, in his tight skinny manpris and sleeveless shirt that was ripped far enough down the sides to show his ribs and toned belly.
Jase didn’t blame Ase for hitting that. He’d have been inclined had he met the man first, but at that point, Dustin was the last person he wanted to see. And damn if Dustin’s face didn’t light up when he saw Jase. Dustin started slithering through the crowd, waving at Jase, who couldn’t find it in himself to be a dick and turn away like he hadn’t seen the man.
“Heya, Jase!” Dustin said cheerfully, when he was within speaking distance.
“Uh, hey,” Jase said, hoping he didn’t look as annoyed as he felt.
Dustin paused, rolled his eyes, and grabbed Jase’s arm. “Lighten up, honey. I’m here with Ase and his friends. We’re in the back.”
That surprised Jase. He knew Ase said he wasn’t fucking around with Dustin any more, but that didn’t mean Jase’d expected they’d still hang out. Why should they? He grumbled to himself as Dustin pulled him through the crowd and into a back room, which was down a hall with wood-paneled walls, circa nineteen-eighty.
The back room they entered was dimly lit except for the stage where a drag queen was busy twirling her hair. Jase squirmed a little, never having been close to a drag queen, other than the ones he’d seen in Munich, or one or two he’d bought a shot from at his favorite gay bar in San Antonio. He’d never actually sat in on a show before, though. None of his gay friends had ever really been comfortable around them, which Jase found a little strange, but he supposed as Good Ole Texas Boys, they all had the same residual effects of daddies who talked shit about queers being fairies and sissies.
Dustin pulled Jase along, talking happily, as if they’d known each other for years, though of nothing of consequence. They had to shove through quite a few bodies and cross the large room until they came to a table with a reserved sign on it. Jase blinked when he saw the group there. Aside from Dustin there was a fashionable blonde woman who leaned on a hipster-y guy like maybe they were more than just friends. Then there was, not surprisingly, a couple of guys doing the same.
One wore a well-fitting suit that was more fashionable than dressy and the man next to him wore an outfit much like one Jase’d decided against—button down plaid shirt, tight Levi’s, and a fancy black Stetson. Jase took the empty seat Dustin pulled out for him. Everyone at the table looked his way. The music died and the drag queen left the old wooden stage just long enough for Dustin to make introductions.
“Y’all, this is Deputy Jase Emery. He’s Ase’s friend.” They all looked at each other with one part surprise, and one part knowing smiles. Dustin turned to Jase. “You’ll have to excuse them, this is a first.”
Jase couldn’t help the look he gave Dustin, who guffawed and shook his head. “Oh, no, honey. They know we were strictly DTF and not lovey.” That didn’t exactly make Jase feel better.
Dustin didn’t seem to notice Jase’s chagrin as he continued with intros. “The girl and the straight boy are Ella Reed and Marshall Howard. They’re friends with the gays here. They work for a magazine in Austin.” Dustin presented the cowboy and his friend with a wave of his hand, a la Vanna White. “And these guys are my bosses at my weekend job. This is Chance Beckett and his husband, Bradley Heart. They own an awesome steakhouse.” Jase recognized Chance’s name.
“Nice to meet, y’all!” he said, above the music that’d picked back up. Chance nodded with an easy smile; Bradley seeming more reserved as he nodded Jase’s way and put his arm around the back of his husband’s chair. He wondered if it’d be tacky to congratulate them on their marriage being legal. He imagined so, so he kept it to himself, but he was happy for them because they looked awfully in love. It also made him feel instantly more comfortable, and like all signs were pointing him in the direction of breaking the fucking ice with Ase, finally.
“I’m happy you came! I’m surprised you did, but happy! Ase’ll be thrilled,” Dustin said, having to lean in to talk above the noise on the speakers.
Jase looked at Dustin funny. He didn’t know why he thought Jase wouldn’t come. Dustin’s eyes narrowed and he watched Jase’s confusion for a second, then sighed loudly. Jase could’ve sworn Dustin said shit, but couldn’t be sure.
He noticed, though, all eyes at their table lit up and they started wolf-whistling at the stage. Dustin shook his head, rolling his eyes, seemingly mumbling to himself, but applauded as well as a drag queen who pronounced herself the Hostess with the Mostest took the stage in a green sequined dress, with an over-large blonde wig and garish pink lips.
“Y’all havin’ fun tonight?” The crowd cheered at her question. “Alright, bitches. Y’all love this next one. Our sexy Latina who’s too good to come out more than once a month.” The crowd cheered again, pretty loud, obviously knowing who the emcee was talking about. “It’s okay, though. Y’all know this fish is going places. She dropped off her broomstick here in our trailer park. After we beat her ass and stole her weave, we decided she could stay.”
Jase didn’t really listen to much more of the intro. He supposed he wasn’t used to the humor because he didn’t know what some of the words were or why they were so funny. But he had this sneaking suspicion he knew what Ase hadn’t told him.
“Put your hands together for our own California queen, Ms. Ariel Del Rio!” The crowd grew louder, Jase’s table mates cheering loudest—aside from Dustin, who seemed to be staring at Jase—as a song from a woman singing about her wild heart getting her in trouble came on the speaks. Jase didn’t hear too much of it as he watched, trying to really grasp what he was seeing.
Oh, no doubt that was Ase on that stage. Unlike the previous drag queens, or most he’d seen, Ase wasn’t in a pageant dress or covered in pads. He was wearing a sexy red and black number that was revealing. The material covered where a woman might have breasts, then wrapped around, leaving his taut brown belly exposed down to his crotch, becoming a long dress.
Jase was… Surprised. Ase’s body had been shaved, his face smooth and made up to accentuate his feline features in a very feminine way. What was a lean, strong, male body somehow had the right curves; what with his thick thighs and his perky, round ass being so shapely. Jase had no doubt the heels helped the illusion.
His sexy Ase’s masculine beauty had transformed into one gorgeous drag queen.
“Ase does drag?” Jase heard himself ask stupidly.
Dustin looked put out, but with Ase, not Jase. “I can’t believe he didn’t tell you.” He shook his head, glaring at Ase—er, Ariel. “He started in Munich.”
“Are you serious? That’s where we met.”
Dustin’s eyes widened. “And you just found this out?”
He could hear Ase’s voice, see the look when Ase’d mentioned his having a problem with being called a sissy by his mother. “Sounds like you have a problem with how they perceive you? I hadn’t pegged you for the type.”
Fuck.
So he could see why it hadn’t been mentioned, why he wouldn’t seem like the most sympathetic person to a man who liked dressing as a woman. And he had to admit; he’d not have guessed it of Ase because Ase rode a motorcycle and had the tattoos. But Ase was almost painfully pretty to look at with those full lips and his sharp, exotic facial features and onyx eyes with the thick black lashes.
“I, uh, need a beer,” Jase said. None of Ase’s friends heard him or looked his way, but Dustin had a deep frown pulling down his face. He wished he could tell Dustin he wasn’t about to hurt Ase. But he didn’t have the energy or the brainpower to give platitudes. He needed a minute to process. He was mad at Ase for not warning him or saying anything. But he was also mad at himself for things he may have said over time and his reactions to certain things that led Ase not to trust him with the info.
That sucked the most, not feeling worthy of Ase’s trust with all the parts of his life. All because he had let himself get wrapped up in being miserable in this damn town. He stood abruptly from the table and made his way out into the bar area, then out into the dark night.