XVI.
“You came back?” Enoch asked. His heart, which had been a lead weight in his chest, suddenly seemed lighter than air.
“I never left.” Rafael tossed down the shovel and came into the car. “I hid on the roof of the caboose, until I could get the drop on the brakeman.” He tried to grin, but it wavered, uncertain. “I’m good at that, if you recall.”
I’m glad to see you, Enoch longed to say. Or: I can’t believe you didn’t leave me. Instead, he only stretched out his legs. “I don’t suppose you’re good at knots too?”
Rafael’s grin faded, and he knelt by Enoch’s feet. “I need to apologize,” he said, dark head bent over his work to hide his face.
“Damned right you do.” Enoch lay back and stared at the ceiling again. He didn’t know if he was angry or glad, or some combination in between. “If you’d told me from the start, I wouldn’t have walked on the train with you perched on my shoulder where anyone could see. Why the devil did you think Bone wouldn’t recognize your hawk form?”
“I don’t know!” Rafael exclaimed. “Most people can’t tell one hawk from another. Why would he be any different?”
“Because he knew you well?” Enoch shook his head. “You risked our lives by not saying anything to me.”
“I know.” Rafael’s voice trembled, and Enoch lifted his head again. Rafael’s black hair concealed his expression. “But…I was ashamed. I didn’t realize what a pendejo Mason is, not at first. Or maybe I just overlooked it.” He shook his head. “I helped them break into that bank. The teller was my friend, I didn’t lie about that. I brought him into it. When Mason shot him…his blood went everywhere, Enoch. I didn’t realize people had so much blood in them.”
The anguish in his voice tugged at Enoch’s heart. Rafael had described the teller as a naïve young man, but perhaps it had been himself he’d truly spoken of. “You’re not the first man to be cockstruck,” he said at last. “I’m not angry because you had the bad taste to fall into bed with someone like Mason, though Lord knows why you would.”
“I was on my own.” Raw misery coated Rafael’s words. “I told you before—my kind of hawk needs a pack. I thought…I thought that’s what Mason had to offer. A place to belong. I was so stupid.” He shook his head. “It was my fault Alfred—the teller—died. If I hadn’t agreed to bring him in on it, he wouldn’t have been there that day. When he died, instead of doing the right thing, I ran like a coward. I knew Mason wouldn’t stop killing, but I flew away and hid, and so everything they did after was my fault too.”
“It wasn’t.” No wonder Rafael had done everything he could to get Enoch to help. He wasn’t looking for revenge, but atonement. “Bone’s sins are on him, not you.”
“I should have told you, but I didn’t want you to think I was like Mason or the rest. I wanted you to think well of me.” The ropes fell free, and Rafael sat back on his heels. “I’m so sorry. I truly didn’t believe he’d know me in hawk form.”
Enoch struggled into a sitting position. Rafael must have been desperately lonely, to fall in with the likes of Mason Bone. “I understand,” he said gently.
“There’s still time to fix things, though, isn’t there?” Rafael looked suddenly vulnerable, afraid, and Enoch found he wanted to put his arms around Rafael and draw him close.
“We’ll stop them.” He tugged uselessly on the hand cuffs. “Bone took the key, so you’ll need to look around for something to cut through these. There ought to be an ax in the caboose, on the same wall as the shovel was stored.”
Rafael bit his lip. “Or I could look through that crate headed for the hex emporium. I’d bet good money there are unlocking hexes in there.”
“They wouldn’t ship them charged,” Enoch said with a shake of his head. “The emporium’s witch and familiar will do it whenever a sale is made, not before.”
“Right.” Rafael drew in a deep breath. “I know you turned me down before. Because you didn’t think I wanted to bond with you, not really.” He swallowed nervously. “And I didn’t. But we’ve had time to work together, and I think…I think we could really be something, you and me. Something amazing.”
Enoch took a deep breath. He didn’t think Rafael was lying, not this time.
Bonding might make it easier to get out of here, true. But they’d be connected for the rest of their lives, no matter what else happened. A lawman and a bandit. An ex-member of the Bone Gang.
The other rangers might look down on him for it. Bonding with an outlaw.
But it wouldn’t be with an outlaw. It would be with Rafael. Rafael, with his quick grin and beautiful eyes. With his regrets and his strange sense of honor, and his refusal to carry bullets in his damned gun.
“Are you going to say anything?” Rafael asked, his tone betraying his fear. “Or just stare at me in horror?”
Enoch swallowed. “It’s not horror. Come here.”
Rafael frowned in puzzlement, but drew nearer. When he was in reach, Enoch leaned forward and kissed him.
For a moment, Rafael’s lips were still against his—then the familiar kissed him back. His arms went around Enoch’s shoulders, clinging to him.
The train lurched. The car swayed and leaned as the train took a sharp curve, and baggage tumbled free. Rafael let out a startled cry and tightened his hold on Enoch.
“What the hell is the engineer doing up there?” Rafael demanded. “Any faster and he would have derailed us!”
Enoch’s throat went dry. “There’s no curve like that on this line.” His eyes met Rafael’s puzzled orange-brown gaze. “It’s the work of the Bone Gang. Their hexwoman wasn’t on board—she must have gone ahead and tampered with a switch. We’ve been diverted onto a spur. They aren’t just stealing the baggage car. They’re stealing the whole damned train.”