June

Berlin was beautiful in June.

It was summer, and the city was beautiful.

Josie stood by the pillars of Brandenburg Gate and listened to the tour guide give them a brief history lesson of the construction of one of Berlin’s most known landmarks.

“More fun this way, huh?” Josie asked her younger sister, Angelika, who licked her ice cream.

She nodded eagerly with a beaming smile on her face. “I wish Heidi could have come with us.”

“Yeah, me, too. But she has that ballet audition coming up to be part of the Berlin Youth Ballet. We can’t distract her,” Josie said as she bit into her wafer cone.

Heidi was auditioning for a spot in the Berlin Youth Ballet at the Berlin State Ballet School, one of the best ballet schools in Western Europe. When they were at lunch with their father, she had told Josie the news. She was so happy and ecstatic for her little sister. As promised, Josie had spent Christmas with her father and her sisters. Johanna was there, too. And because Josie wanted to live in peace, she accepted Johanna’s apology but told her that she had to earn her respect. Johanna was still trying, and Josie appreciated that.

Her relationship with her father was a slow build. They went from speaking once a week, to dinner once a week, to seeing each other every few days for lunch. It was nice. He was finally the father she needed. He gave her space when she needed, and when she was studying, he would bring her food and make sure she ate before he returned to work. Josie knew her mother would be proud of how well they were getting along. It was another promise she had fulfilled.

“Do you think we should have asked Lazlo if he wanted some ice cream, too?” Angelika asked as she looked over her shoulder.

Josie followed her gaze and smiled at the man in charge of their safety. It wasn’t easy to walk around Berlin unaccompanied because threats were often made against their safety. With Heidi and Angelika’s grandfather being the chancellor, it was never going to be normal. But Lazlo made sure Josie had space to do what she wanted without being put in danger.

“We can get him one on the way home. He’s working right now,” Josie said as she glanced down to find Angelika’s ice cream dripping down her hand. Digging into her jeans pocket, Josie pulled out a tissue and handed it to her.

“Danke,” Angelika said, reverting to German to thank Josie. She used to apologise, but Josie insisted that she speak it more often so she could learn from her.

“Gern geschehen.” You’re welcome. “How was that?”

Angelika beamed at her. “Perfect.” Then her smile faded. “Josie?”

“Yeah?”

“Why can’t you come to France with us next weekend?”

The tour group began to walk away, and Josie decided their skimming of free tour group guidance was over. She knew she and Angelika wouldn’t get in trouble because they had recognised Angelika as the chancellor’s granddaughter. Josie’s sisters had been very popular with the media during and after the election.

“I have so many of my law assignments due. It’s harder now that I do my degree online. Plus, I skipped last week’s online lecture, so I gotta catch up on that.”

“Okay, will we see you when we come back?”

Josie grinned. Her mother had been right. She had needed more love in her life. And her sisters’ love filled a hole she had in her heart. It made her feel purposeful. It made her feel wanted and needed. They made her feel loved. “Will you bring me a souvenir?”

“Definitely.”

“Well, I’ll be at the airport waiting. I told Dad that I’d see you guys off, and I’ll be there when you land.”

“You’re the best sister ever!” Angelika declared, causing Josie to laugh.

“Well, let me be the worst. Let’s get you back to my apartment so you can finish your homework. Our study break has gone on long enough.”

Angelika pouted. “Fine. We’ll go back.”

Josie spun around and waved Lazlo—who was a few metres away—over. “Time to go, Laz!”

He nodded, and Josie grasped Angelika’s hand, ready to walk back to the government car. She would much prefer it if they walked, but it was blistering hot, and Josie could tell her sister’s ice cream wasn’t going to last much longer.

Her father’s government car came to a stop outside her apartment. After studying and helping Angelika with her homework, Josie had taken her home. She chatted with her father and made light conversation with Johanna. Nothing deep or meaningful, just the standard pleasantries. Josie had stayed longer than planned, knowing Heidi would be home from the studio soon. She turned down an invitation to stay for dinner, citing she was behind on one of her assignments she had to submit to Jason by the end of the week. It wasn’t a lie. She was definitely behind, but she was sure she could hand it in on time.

She appreciated the moments with her sisters.

They made her grief easier to live with.

They were curious about her mother and wanted to hear stories.

It was nice to remind herself of all the good moments she had with her mother. And it was nice to be able to tell others of just what a wonderful woman she was.

“Thank you for picking up Angelika after school and spending the afternoon with her,” her father said, sitting next to her.

Josie smiled. “Anytime. Will I see you guys before you go to Paris?”

“We can do a family dinner. You are more than welcome to join us in France, Josephine.”

“Thank you, but I’m not ready for a family holiday away. As much as I’ve adjusted to being their sister, I’m not ready to be Johanna’s stepdaughter. I stayed in Berlin. I hope that proves I want to be in their lives.”

He grasped her hand, and she faced hm. “You didn’t have to prove anything. We were the ones who had to do all the proving. So I thought I should at least make sure you’re less lonely while we’re away.”

Josie’s brows furrowed. Besides Lazlo and a few of her neighbours, she had no friends in Berlin. “What?”

A knock on the window had her father’s driver winding it down from the driver’s seat. Josie peered past her father to find a familiar face smiling at her.

“No,” she breathed, shaking her head in disbelief. “You didn’t.”

“The past four months haven’t been easy for you. You deserve to have a good summer, too,” her father said with a smile.

He was right. The past four months had been hard on her. And she appreciated his support and kindness through it. Josie leant forward and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Dad. This means more than you could possibly know.”

Jeff reached up and brushed away her tears. “I know. I’ll call you later.”

Josie scrambled past her father, pulled on the handle, and got out of the black sedan. When she stood straight, tears succumbed her as her chest expanded.

“Is this a German thing where we just stare at each other?” Stella Weller, her best friend, said with her own tears falling down her face.

“Stella,” she breathed as she threw her arms around her and held her tightly. Josie heard the car start and then pull away from the kerb.

“You know, I’m here, too,” a familiar male voice said.

Josie pulled away and turned to face him. “Hey, West.”

He grinned. “I’ve missed you, Josie.”

She let out a sob as she took in her two best friends. “I’ve missed you both so much.”

“Well, could you miss us both inside? Out of this heat? I mean, we know heat, but we just left winter, Josie. This is too extreme for us,” Stella teased.

Nodding, Josie reached into her pocket and pulled out the keys. West turned and walked through the gate. As they followed him to the entrance of her apartment building, Stella wrapped her arm around Josie’s and whispered, “We’ll talk.”

It took several hours of chatting before West finally declared that jet lag had won out and he needed to sleep off his “fucking exhaustion.” Josie had laughed and led him down the hall towards the bedrooms. Her apartment had four. There was the master bedroom with its one creaky floorboard, which was Josie’s room, and a room each for Heidi and Angelika for when they stayed over during the weekends and holidays. And the last room with the en suite bathroom was her guest room. It hadn’t been touched until she watched West scurry under the thin covers and fall asleep. She left the door open so that the cold air from the air conditioner would reach him. Then she and Stella walked back into the lounge room, and Josie began to remove her textbooks from the coffee table.

“Are you going to say it out loud, or do I have to?” Stella asked as she sat down on the cream coloured couch.

Josie set the constitutional law textbook Jason had sent her down with a sigh and lowered herself to sit on the floor. That mild, lingering ache in her chest now became a painful throb as the tape that held the pain back was ripped off.

“He broke up with you, Josie,” her best friend reminded.

She blinked at Stella, unable to find the words she would need to assure her that she was okay. That she had gotten over Maxwell Sheridan. That she didn’t love him anymore.

“You haven’t had a chance to wallow,” Stella stated, referencing Gilmore Girls.

“I’ve wallowed. I’ve had four months to,” Josie finally said.

February.

Max had broken up with her in February.

Two months after she had last seen him and kissed him.

She should have seen it coming, but she didn’t.

She ignored the signs.

She had held on, thinking they were forever.

But time and distance won in the end.

And Josie and her heart were the battered losers.

“You still love him.”

To her horror, her heart’s pain over Max was evident in her tears. It was the first time she had cried over him in two months. She covered her face with her palm and accepted that she hadn’t wallowed.

She had buried her pain with denial.

But she knew the truth.

“I still love him,” she sobbed into her hands and conceded defeat.