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Within These Walls by J. L. Berg (21)

 

 

I’D JUST FINISHED my lackluster lunch of lasagna and broccoli when there was a knock on my door. My heart fluttered in anticipation, wondering if it was Jude about to grace my presence, but then I realized I had no idea when or even if he was going to visit me today. When I’d asked him yesterday, he’d been especially vague, actually sidestepping the conversation altogether.

I gave my okay to enter and felt my jaw hit the floor.

Weighed down by an assortment of glittery gowns, boxes of shoes, and several other bags, my mother and Grace entered my room and nearly collapsed as they dumped things on the end of my bed.

“What the heck?” I said, looking around for some sort of clue. “Are we playing dress-up?”

Grace’s eyes lit up, and it was then that I noticed she wasn’t dressed for work. Instead, she wore a pair of slim dark jeans, pink ballet flats, and a flowery top. Her hair was pulled back into a large neat bun at the top of her head. I’d never seen her out of scrubs. She looked beautiful and exactly how I would have pictured her—girlie with a touch of class.

“We are here to get you ready,” Grace announced.

“Ready for what?” My eyes darted around the room from her to my mom, who was not nearly as excited but still showing more emotion than I usually saw out of her.

“I can’t tell you,” Grace said.

“Okay.”

“It’s another one of those crazy ideas your boyfriend thought up,” my mom added with a slight smile and a roll of her eyes.

She was warming up to Jude. It was taking a while, but slowly, she was coming around. Maybe by the time we were in our forties, she might work her way up to a hug.

“So, where do we start?”

We started with dresses. Grace had brought a huge selection, all with various styles and colors.

“Where did you get these?” I asked.

“Never you mind that,” she answered with a wave of the hand. “Jude asked me to handle the beauty side of things, and I did. Now, which one do you like best?”

I looked through all my choices. Some were sweet, and some were sexy. I chose several to try on, but my eyes kept going to one—a strapless mint green gown that reminded me of Jude’s eyes. I saved that one for last. Grace loved everything, and my mother even got teary-eyed from seeing me in something other than sweats and jeans. But when I came out in that last dress, there was silence.

It was stunning. The bodice was simple with a sweetheart shape that gave lift and shape to my otherwise straight body. The part that made it interesting was the lace overlay covering my scar just perfectly, curving around my collarbone, but it was still see-through enough that the sweetheart-style was visible. The dress hugged at the waist and then flared with wisps of fabric cascading elegantly down to the floor.

They both stared up at me.

“It’s perfect,” Grace finally said.

“It’s lovely,” my mom chimed in.

“Yay!” Grace exclaimed. “Now, let’s choose shoes!”

Those were an easy choice. I went with a flat silver sandal. The dress was long enough, so no one would see my shoes anyway, and since I’d never in my life walked in heels, I didn’t want to start now. I actually wanted to get out of this hospital sometime in the near future.

Once that decision was made, we moved on to makeup. Grace had me strip out of my dress and back into my regular clothes. She pulled out this huge toolbox-looking thing that had about fifty-thousand compartments crammed inside.

“Are you sure you don’t have an apartment in there?” I asked.

She opened yet another hidden drawer. “No, I’m just very organized when it comes to makeup.”

“Obviously.”

I was nervous when she began painting on foundation and puffing on powder. I’d never worn makeup, and even though I had no clue what was going on, I knew I didn’t want to look like a hooker for it.

“Okay, time for the reveal,” she said, holding a mirror out in front of me.

I took a deep breath and looked up at the reflection staring back at me.

“Oh my God, Grace.”

“I know,” she said.

She’d done an amazing job. It was me, only slightly improved but nothing overstated. There were no harsh black lines or daring eye shadow. I just had subtle highlights here and there to accentuate my cheekbones and eye color.

“Thank you, Grace,” my mother said, giving her a hug.

“So, someone please tell me we’re going to do something with my hair?” I said, looking into the mirror at my long blonde hair pulled to the side.

“Your mom has actually asked to do your hair,” Grace declared with a smile.

I looked over to my mom, who was pulling out a few things from a shopping bag.

“What?” she scoffed. “I do know a thing or two!”

I held up my hands and laughed as she gathered her things and sank down behind me.

Smooth, methodical strokes of the brush moved through my hair, tingling my scalp and relaxing my tense shoulders.

“When I was younger, Grandma used to braid my hair. She could do every kind of braid you can imagine. I’d hold up a mirror and watch her every day as she’d create beautiful patterns in my long hair.”

The tips of her fingers brushed my crown, and I felt her grab several strands.

“By the time you were born, her arthritis had taken over, and she wasn’t able to do many of the things she’d done before. I regret to say that somehow over the years, I’ve forgotten about the simple things.”

“Mom, you’ve kept me alive.”

“Yes, but what have I cost you? Jude said you keep a list. Everything he’s been doing has been to give you a piece of a normal life. I should have done that.”

“You’re doing it now by braiding my hair and having an afternoon with my friend and me,” I said.

Grace smiled from the chair.

“It’s never too late.”

“He really does care for you, doesn’t he?” Mom softly tugged and smoothed strands of my hair, putting them in place.

“He’s her Flynn Rider,” Grace said in a dreamy voice.

“What?” my mother and I said simultaneously.

“Remember when I said you were Rapunzel, sitting up in your tower, just waiting for your prince? Well, he’s your Flynn,” she said with a grin. “And he found you.”

Who knew being a girl could take up so much time?

The three of us spent the entire afternoon primping and preparing for an evening I didn’t know a thing about.

But I knew I wasn’t going solo.

After my hair had been braided into an intricate updo that even Katniss Everdeen would envy, both my mother and Grace pulled out dresses of their own, and they proceeded to get ready. My mother was understated in a simple black cocktail dress. It flattered her small figure and brought life back to her cheeks.

“Mom, you look hot,” I said, grinning.

“Oh, stop. It’s just something I picked up on sale.”

“It’s beautiful.”

Grace wore sapphire blue, and the dress she’d chosen was gorgeous. Strapless with a fitted bodice, it flared at the waist. It was short and showed off her toned legs and monstrous high heels.

“How in the world do you walk in those things?” I asked, eyeing them warily.

“Just a bit of practice. Besides, shoes like these weren’t meant to be walked in. They’re just meant to be admired,” she said with a wink.

By five o’clock, all three of us were dressed and ready…for something.

“Okay,” I said, looking at them. “What do we do now?” I asked.

They both just turned to me, smiling, and then the knock came.

“Right on time,” Grace sang, skipping to the door in her stilettos.

She cracked it open, and I heard murmuring. She turned around and motioned with her head to my mom to join her. Within seconds, they were both exiting through the door with a few winks and grins, leaving me alone in the room.

Another knock came, and before I could answer, it slowly swung open, and Jude appeared.

“Holy shit,” he whispered, stopping dead in his tracks.

He’d dressed up for the secret occasion as well. Until this moment, I’d never seen Jude in anything other than jeans and scrubs. Dressed in head-to-toe black, he oozed sexiness without even trying. He’d also cut his hair. No longer shaggy and overgrown, his hair was now cropped short but left purposely messy in the front.

“You’re breathtaking,” he said as his eyes drank in every detail.

“So are you.”

He stepped forward, closing the distance between us, and he cupped my cheek tenderly. Bending down, his lips brushed mine ever so briefly. “I couldn’t let another second go by before I did that.” He smiled against my cheek.

“Are you ever going to tell me what we’re doing?”

His hands curved around my waist, and I felt his smile grow wider. He pulled back, and I saw the excitement and anticipation in his eyes.

“Not yet. First, we are going to eat dinner.”

“Like this?” I asked, looking down at our formal attire.

“Don’t worry. No trays for you tonight.” He ran back to the door, opening it briefly to reach for something on the other side. He came back with a picnic basket. “We’re having a picnic,” he declared.

“Number eighty-two.” I remembered a night not too long ago when I’d told him a few new dreams and wishes from my list, which included having a picnic.

“I’m trying to knock a couple off that list tonight.”

He’d thought of everything, and he’d brought enough food to feed the entire floor. We sat on my bed, enjoying fruit, gourmet sandwiches, and even pudding.

“This is much better than snack packs,” I commented, dipping my spoon into the container we were sharing.

“You don’t like my snack packs?” he joked, looking wounded.

“No, I love your snack packs. This is just different. It’s like what a snack pack could be, if it wanted to be.”

He stared at me blankly. “Why do I think that had nothing to do with desserts?”

“I’m sorry. I just can’t stop thinking about you and the stuff going on with your family. Are you really not going to do anything?”

“No,” he said firmly.

“Do you miss it?”

“What?”

“That part of your life and using that part of yourself—the analytic, brainy side that can’t possibly be happy with checking bedpans and taking vitals all day.”

“Sometimes, I guess,” he answered honestly. “I was good at it, but money always came first. I can’t go back to that.”

“Don’t you think they’d listen to you? Especially now?” I asked.

He stared off into the distance and finally shook his head. “I have no desire to go back,” he said, looking back at me. “I have everything I need right here.”

“No peeking!” Jude laughed as he pulled me out of the wheelchair the hospital had insisted I use.

The mint green fabric of my dress had been tucked neatly underneath me as the wheels creaked along the worn linoleum. We’d gone down several floors in the elevator and passed through many different hallways—all the while, with Jude’s large hands firmly planted over my eyes.

“I don’t think I could if I tried!”

“Good. Now, just a little bit further. We’re almost there. Okay, I’m going to take my hands away. Don’t open your eyes yet.”

I heard a door swing open, and the booming sound of music immediately poured out.

“Okay, stand up, and take my hand, but keep your eyes closed.” His firm grip closed around mine as he guided me, and then his arms reached around my waist from behind. “Now, open your eyes,” he whispered in my ear.

My eyelids fluttered open, and I immediately noticed we were in a low-lit room. Multicolored balloons and streamers lined the ceiling. A large group of people were dancing in the center of the room, and tables were off to the side with drinks and food.

“What is this?” I asked.

“It’s your prom,” he said, pointing to a banner near the ceiling.

The Someday Prom, the banner boasted in large loopy script.

Emotions so deep that I couldn’t describe them poured through me. I turned around and flung myself into his arms as tears made their way down my cheeks. “Thank you.”

I didn’t care if it all ended that very moment. We could never even make it to the dance floor, and I didn’t think I would ever feel happier.

In all my days of sitting in that hospital bed—wondering why me, why had I been selected to have this burden, to be given this life—I never expected such amazing things were going to happen to me.

“How did you manage to do this? I don’t know what to say,” I said, looking around. I started to recognize several nurses and staff from the cardiology unit.

“Don’t cry,” he said, giving a small smile, as he gently wiped away the tears. “Dance with me?”

I nodded, and he pulled me to the small group of people in the center. I recognized Grace with a guy who must have been her fiancé. She gave me a wink as she placed her head on his broad shoulder.

I went into Jude’s embrace and let him lead us as a new song began. John Legend’s “All of Me” played as we swayed back and forth, and I listened to Jude hum the melody in my ear.

“Have I mentioned that you look beautiful today?” he said softly.

“Jude,” I said, turning away, as I felt the blush beginning to burn.

He didn’t need to do this.

“No, look at me,” he demanded, turning my chin up until my eyes met his sizzling gaze. “You are stunning. I don’t say this because I pity you or want you to feel normal. I say this because it’s the truth. If I saw you anywhere else, I would think the exact same thing.”

He kissed me, and I melted into his embrace.

“You make me feel beautiful,” I murmured against his lips.

“That’s because you are.”

I rested my head on his shoulder as he continued humming. We were lost in each other and the moment.

“I hope you won’t mind if an old man tries to cut in?” I heard from behind, a male voice bringing me back to reality.

I looked up to see a finger tapping Jude’s shoulder and a face I didn’t recognize, but Jude apparently did.

“Nash,” he said with a grin. Jude greeted the man with a handshake that turned into a big hug that included the big man picking Jude up off the ground.

“I missed you and our quiet talks, Jude,” the man said after setting Jude back on the ground.

“You, too, Nash. The cardiology unit hasn’t been the same without you.” He laughed. Looking over at me, he grabbed my waist again. “Nash, I don’t think you ever got the chance to formally meet this one before you were discharged. This is my Lailah,” he said, giving me a squeeze.

My Lailah.

I had a ridiculous amount of butterflies in my stomach over the addition of that one word to my name.

I shook hands with the infamous author, and he took Jude’s place on the dance floor. I saw him walk over to the drink table to talk to Dr. Marcus, who was sipping punch. He was nicely dressed in a suit and tie.

“You’ve changed him,” Nash said with a grin. “He’s not broken anymore.”

“He did that on his own,” I said as we moved back and forth to a song I didn’t recognize.

“Maybe so, but you gave him a reason.”

He didn’t press for any more conversation after that, but he did insist on teaching me how to really dance. I had visions of rose stems in my mouth with my leg up in the air, but he kept it tame and just turned me in a slow circle before doing a little dip. I couldn’t help but laugh. The old man was a charmer. When the song ended, he thanked me for the dance and said he had a little surprise for me. Disappearing out the door, he reappeared seconds later with a small cherub by his side.

Abigail.

“Lailah!” she shouted, running up to me with outstretched arms.

I bent down as she came into my embrace.

“I missed you!” she exclaimed.

“I missed you, too.”

“I’ve been writing almost every day. I wrote so much that Papa had to buy me another diary, and this time, he let me get one that’s pink,” she said with a grin.

“Good.” I laughed. “Make sure you get one with sparkles and rhinestones on it next time.”

She giggled, and I pulled her over to the snack table for a healthy dose of sugar. We joined Jude around the table of goodies and stacked our plates high with brownies and sugar cookies. Jude led me over to a table where he made me sit down and rest.

“I don’t want you to overdo it,” he said, pulling my legs into his lap.

He pulled my shoes off and began rubbing my feet as I dived into a chocolate brownie.

“Thank you.”

I’d polished off an additional cookie or two in record time when Dr. Marcus joined us at our table.

“Nice party,” he said. “Didn’t think you could actually pull this all off, J-Man.”

Jude smirked. “I can be very persuasive.”

“I see that, and it turned out great. It’s a perfect way to say good-bye to Lailah.” He gave a knowing grin.

My eyes widened, wondering what Dr. Marcus was talking about.

Jude and I looked at each other in confusion before our eyes settled back on Dr. Marcus.

“Lailah is being discharged tomorrow.”

“Oh my God, are you serious?” I said in one quick relieved breath.

He nodded. “I should have sent you home a week ago, but I was being overly protective. That sickness you came down with scared me, and I just hated the idea of not having you here, but there is no reason for you to stay. We are here if something happens, and if not, we’ll just wait for more news regarding the transplant.”

I looked back at Jude, and his eyes were full of excitement and anticipation. I jumped into his arms, laughing and crying, as Marcus made his exit.

“I’m going home.”

“No, you’re coming home with me,” Jude said.

“What?” I laughed, pulling back to see the seriousness on his face.

“What are we waiting for, Lailah? Call it a visit or an extended stay. I don’t care. All I know is that I want you with me.”

My hands came to his face, and I kissed him. “Yes. I’ll go anywhere with you.”

“Good. Now, let’s go find your mom. I want to get the beatdown over with, so we can start packing. I know she’s not going to take this well.”

“That’s the understatement of the year.”

I looked around, but I didn’t see her. I’d seen her standing in the corner, talking with Grace and her fiancé earlier, but she was gone now.

“Maybe she took a breather,” I suggested. “The hallway might be a good place to tell her anyway.” I grinned.

“Yeah, that way no one can hear me scream,” he joked.

I giggled as we walked out into the hallway and found it deserted. Marching to the end, I turned and heard movement, and I instinctively followed the noise. In a dark corner, two silhouettes shared a passionate embrace. I moved closer, and a gasp escaped my mouth as recognition washed over me.

“Lailah,” my mother cried, instantly pulling away from Dr. Marcus as if he were on fire. “I’m sorry. This was a mistake.”

She took a step forward, but I held out my hand in an attempt to halt her. I couldn’t help the slight laugh that escaped me from finding my mother in a compromising position, considering all the illicit behavior Jude and I had engaged in over the last week or so.

“Please, Mom, don’t be sorry. If you want to date my doctor, you shouldn’t feel like you have to sneak around hospital hallways and hide it from me. Allow yourself to be happy, Mom,” I said with a warm smile. I was suddenly very proud of my maturity.

She and Dr. Marcus gave each other a brief glance filled with emotions I couldn’t quite decipher. They both looked hurt and angry and deeply filled with regret, and I could only wonder why. I turned around and took the hand of a very silent Jude, who had his gaze fixed on Dr. Marcus.

“Molly, I can’t keep doing this—the back and forth between us and the lying. We need to tell her,” Dr. Marcus said with an edge to his voice.

“Please, Marcus, don’t,” a tiny voice pleaded.

“I’m your uncle, Lailah,” he whispered.

I spun around and saw hurt and regret in the eyes of the man who had taken care of me since the day I was born.

“Your father was my brother. We should have told her a long time ago, Molly.”

I turned to my mother, waiting for her to dispute it or to offer some other alternative for why they both felt the need to lie to me throughout my entire life. But she didn’t say a word. She just looked at me like she’d been mortally wounded.

“Why?” I asked them both. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I wanted to, but it wasn’t my secret to tell. But I’m tired of being just a doctor to you Lailah,” Marcus said. “And your mother has her reasons. Don’t be angry with her. She went through hell and back with my sorry excuse of a brother. The fact that she even allowed me to be a part of your life was more than I could have ever asked.”

I shook my head, trying to expel the words and images out of my head.

It didn’t work.

“No, I can’t handle this right now. I’m being discharged tomorrow. In the morning, I’m going to pack, and I will be leaving—with Jude. Please give him all my discharge paperwork. Mom, I’ll come home when I’m ready to talk.”

Her echoed cries were the last thing I heard as I left that hallway.

Sometimes, being a grown-up sucked.

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