CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

Emma

I woke up the next morning feeling lighter. As Simon had maintained, giving Trevor a piece of my past had relieved me of this heaviness I’d been carrying. I wasn’t sure where this relationship was heading, but staying in Dallas and being with him filled me with a sense of hope I’d never had before.

I was at the office early, happy it was Friday and excited for the weekend. Trevor and I planned to drive up to Austin, where he’d gone to university, so he could show me around. I looked forward to learning more about him and maybe seeing where he’d gotten his tattoo.

“Where is Simon?” Tom inquired, coming into the office as though he owned the place.

I’d only just arrived, but I thought it obvious Simon wasn’t here yet. “I don’t know.”

“Perhaps he’s with Trevor. Do you think they’re comparing notes about you?”

One of Tom’s favorite digs missed the mark by a mile every time. In his mind, Simon and I had at some point been romantic. He wouldn’t be the first to assume that. Now he was hoping I would bite. I didn’t.

“What do you want, Tom?” I was exasperated by him. And repulsed. Although eight years ago I could’ve called him handsome, I no longer considered him so. Funny how much the character of a person could make one ugly.

“Interesting question. What do I want? It’s simple, really. You on your knees sucking me off would be a good starter.” He leaned in for a whisper. “Just for old time’s sake.”

Memories of being nineteen and eager to please him came flooding back, making me gag. Of course I hadn’t known Tom was married when he’d started to show interest. I’d gone willingly into his tangled web of deceit. So eager for attention, so young, and so fucking stupid.

“Not happening. And we had a deal.” He was never to bring up our past with me or anyone else in exchange for me not telling his wife about me or the dozens of other women with whom he’d cheated on her over the years.

 “Your threats about telling my wife won’t work with me anymore. At this point, she could find out that I slept my way through half of Manhattan and it won’t change the divorce settlement. So the question is what incentive do I now have for keeping secrets, sugar.”

The way Tom dropped the term of endearment only Trevor used made my skin crawl. But worse was the realization that he no longer had a motive for keeping his mouth shut about our past. “What do you want?”

He moved closer, causing me to stiffen. I flinched when his hand covered mine and snatched it back as though I’d been burned.

“I want you back in my bed. And you want Trevor working here. No reason for him to find out our dirty secret. Just one more you’re keeping from him.”

Acid burned down the back of my throat. I doubted Tom had the influence with his uncle to get Trevor fired, but I didn’t doubt he’d attempt it. “Are you trying to blackmail me?”

His smirk made me envision punching it off his face. “Such a dirty word. You used to be much more creative with them.”

“What’s going on here?” Trevor’s voice boomed from the doorway, making both Tom and me jump.

I swallowed hard, watching the man I loved try to take in the scene. No doubt my face was white and Tom’s was smug. He spoke first.

“I was simply offering Emma a choice. One I want her to think long and hard about right this very moment.”

And then it occurred to me. This had been Tom’s plan all along. To be able to tell Trevor about us. To watch his words destroy the new relationship we’d been building.

“Emma?” Trevor saying my name made me wish I could shrink into the floor.

Instantly, I regretted not having confided in him last night about my worst mistake. I’d thought to protect him, believing if he knew about me sleeping with Tom eight years ago, their working relationship would be compromised. I’d naively thought Tom wouldn’t bring it up for fear his own marriage would be affected. But I’d been wrong.

For better or worse, the choice to tell Trevor now was taken out of my hands when Simon came out of his office. He surprised us all.

His jaw was clenched, his gaze focused on Tom. “What’s going on seems to be Tom giving Emma a choice between sleeping with him or letting him go to his uncle and ruin your career prospects at the Stone Group. That’s what I overheard, right, Tom?”

My eyes went wide, trying to rewind and figure out what Simon would’ve overheard.

 Tom turned bright red.

I didn’t expect Trevor to launch himself at Tom with a well-placed punch to his face. “You son of a bitch.”

Oh, God. I was going to be sick. The sound of his fist hitting flesh echoed in the room.

I went and put my hand on his arm. “Trevor, no more. Please stop.” I had visions of Tom pressing charges. Of Trevor ruining his career all because of me. “He’s not worth it.”

Neither was I. Especially since Trevor and Simon didn’t know the entire story.

He finally looked at me. “You’re right. He’s not worth it.”

We all watched Tom grip his reddening jaw with his eyes focused on me. “Again.”

“What?” Trevor asked while dread seeped into my gut.

“I was trying to get her to sleep with me again. Simon missed that crucial part in his eavesdropping.”

I could see it. The moment it all registered on Trevor’s face. The confusion, then the pain when he realized I couldn’t refute Tom.

“And if anyone is not worth it, it’s this gutter slut who obviously didn’t tell you the truth about her past.”

“You’re lying,” Trevor challenged.

“Am I? Ask her.”

“Is it true? You were with this piece of shit?” Trevor’s voice was full of disbelief, his incredulous gaze on me.

Tom spoke before I could form words. “I have a nice parting gift, a faded tattoo that after many rounds of removal attempts still remains on my shoulder, if you want to see it. Although perhaps another time as I have a phone call to make. Your career is done, Trevor. Kiss your hopes of ever working with Phillip and the Stone Group goodbye with your coming assault charge.”

Having Trevor find out this way was horrible, but hearing Tom gloat about taking away Trevor’s career made me absolutely sick. But not as sick as watching the man I loved turn blazing eyes on me.

I had an entire defense ready. That I’d been nineteen. I’d been stupid and naïve and had regretted it for years. But the only thing making it past my lips was “Yes. It’s true.”

Trevor took a shuddering breath before turning on his heel and leaving. Out of my life completely.

It wasn’t until I tasted the salt I realized tears were streaming down my face.

***

While Tom followed Simon into his office, where I could now hear him shouting, I slipped out. But not before typing up a letter of resignation and emailing it to my boss and friend of the last seven years. I couldn’t put him in a position to choose between me and the relationship with Phillip upon which he’d built his career. And I refused to work with Tom again. I could only hope that once I was out of the picture perhaps Trevor would be able to keep his job.

One thing that was clear was that it was over with him. I’d seen it in his eyes. The disappointment, the judgment—and worst of all, the rejection. My worst fear, coming true.

Although Tom had always been a prick, I couldn’t have predicted today. At the end of our two-week affair over eight years ago, I’d confronted him upon learning he was married. His reply had been I wasn’t good enough ever to play first chair in a relationship and should feel lucky as a side piece.

After ending things with Tom, I’d gone on to work exclusively for Simon. I’d put Tom in my review mirror and thought never to see him, except for the occasional office encounter. Then, out of the blue, he’d asked to be assigned to Simon’s acquisition team. I absolutely loathed having to work with him, but the thought of leaving Simon and a job I’d actually come to like had overridden the distaste of having to deal with Tom while we were on-site for a deal. It would only involve a few days a month, I’d reasoned.

We’d had a come-to-Jesus moment early on. I’d persuaded him to keep his mouth shut if he didn’t want his wife finding out about his extracurricular activities. Despite his digs over the years I’d had to work with him, I’d vowed I wouldn’t let him have the power to affect me again. Unfortunately, it turned out he could do something worse than what he’d already accomplished, breaking my self-worth back when I’d been nineteen. He could shatter my heart by ruining my relationship with Trevor.

After I arrived back at my flat, I numbly went through the motions of booking a flight, packing up my things, and trying not to look at the empty parking spot where Trevor’s truck should be. I waited until the last possible second before ordering an Uber to take me to the airport, hoping he might come over or ring me. He didn’t. Not even after I sent him a text that simply said:

“I’m sorry.”

I let the tears fall until my luggage was loaded into the back of the Uber. That’s when I made myself stop. I’d started over before. I’d do it again. And where better than in New York City? Where my life had begun once, it would begin anew. I had enough in savings that I didn’t have to work right away if I didn’t want to. I could take my time in finding another job. Although Simon would be upset about me leaving, he’d surely be relieved he wouldn’t have to explain this to Phillip. I hoped Simon would still be able to work with Tom.

By the time I was on the flight, I’d actually started to convince myself this was all for the best. Both Trevor and Simon were better off with me out of their lives. And I was incredibly relieved I’d never have to see Tom again. Five hours later, when the car pulled up in front of the corporate apartment I used whenever I was in New York, I waited for the comfort to hit me. Because the city should be soothing. The obscurity amid a society of strangers should’ve given me a reassurance I could reinvent myself.

So then, why did it feel so lonely? Why did the flat, with its gray walls, nondescript furniture, and view into Times Square, seem like a prison cell? I dropped my things where I stood at the threshold and let the sudden sob consume me before crumpling to the floor in a complete overload of emotions.

I wasn’t sure how long I sat there on the floor, eventually inching up so my back was against the wall with my knees tucked up under my arms, but I was emotionally exhausted from the crying. Wiping my face, I took a deep breath and made myself stand up. I thought back to the day I’d first arrived in this city, virtually penniless. Now at least I had a flat, a warm bed, a hot shower, clothes on my back and in my suitcases. One by one, I made myself count my blessings. I ticked off each and every one until I stopped feeling sorry for myself.

Then I stripped out of my clothes, took a shower, and fell into bed. I hadn’t bothered to turn my phone on since the flight, unable to talk to Simon with any coherence and not wanting to be disappointed when Trevor didn’t respond to my earlier text. Easier to turn it off. Mirroring what I started to do with my emotions. I stacked them behind the defensive walls I’d temporarily lowered before the ambush this morning.

Finally, I fell into a restless sleep to the sounds of the city.

I woke up in a sweat and glanced around the dark room, forgetting where I was for a moment. The clock told me it was still the middle of the night. I got up and guzzled a bottle of lukewarm water from my carry-on bag and changed into pajamas.

I fought the urge to turn on my phone and instead sat on the couch by the large window, a dark silhouette overlooking the city that never sleeps. This view used to spike my adrenaline about getting out there in the world and making something of myself. Tonight, it only served to depress me further. For the first time, I wasn’t consoled by the city. I wasn’t energized.

I was empty.

One more soul in this city who nobody knew or cared about.