CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

Emma

It was with dread that I went into the office the next morning. I knew, without a doubt, Tom would be there first thing to give me a hard time about Trevor. I also knew I needed to have a conversation with Simon, so he could hear it firsthand instead of from Tom.

At first yesterday when Tom found about us, I’d freaked out internally. But then I realized, as with all things Tom, letting him know it would only give him power. And getting annoyed could potentially set Trevor and me back a step in this precarious relationship we’d started. The last couple weeks had been so good. So, I’d forced myself to remain calm and not give Tom any power.

I wasn’t wrong about Tom coming early to the office. When I opened the front door, he walked out of the conference room, a smirk on his stupid face.

“Good morning, Emma.”

My history with Tom started when I began working for the Stone Group in New York. Once upon a time, I thought we could manage to get along and be cordially polite, but the years had made me wiser. Although I’d love to tell him to fuck off, I knew it would annoy him much more to ignore him.

 “What, lover boy and you didn’t carpool in this morning?”

Luckily, I was turned away from him, putting my purse in my drawer, so he couldn’t see my expression. At that moment, it was murderous.

Simon’s voice surprised us both.

“Is that what you’re calling me these days, Tom?”

I turned around quickly to see my boss with his eyes fixed on Tom.

“No. No, of course not.” Then Tom fixed his derision on me. “I was commenting on Emma’s newest conquest, who happens to be the newest member of the team.”

Simon shifted his focus to me, and I could feel my face heating. Fuck. This wasn’t the way I’d wanted him to find out.

“Unless, of course, you’re okay with her putting both the team and Phillip’s money at risk with her bedhopping.”

I witnessed the tick in Simon’s jaw and knew it was his tell for being pissed. Great. Just great. But my boss surprised me.

“Who Emma chooses to spend time with is none of my business, nor is it yours. Matter of fact, if it’s responsible for her being in such a great mood lately, I’d highly recommend she keep doing it.”

“It’s unprofessional. And a complete conflict of interest that Phillip would—”

“I’d tread carefully, Tom, considering I met the love of my life on the job. Understand?” He’d met Peyton on the last acquisition and they’d kept it on the down-low for months, so I wasn’t shocked by him saying this. However, I knew my situation with Trevor was different since we actually worked together.

I had the distinct pleasure of watching Tom squirm. “Certainly. However, I do think—”

“You don’t get paid to think about the personnel on this team. I do. Now this is the end of the subject and the end of bringing it up to either Emma or Trevor. Have I made myself clear?”

Tom swallowed hard. “Yes. It is.”

Simon offered a smile which didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Good. Now then, Emma, I have a number of things to go over with you, so please come in once you get settled.”

“Yes, certainly.”

I let out a breath as soon as Tom left, with a glare thrown in my direction. I was used to them and didn’t react. What I wasn’t used to was having my personal life a topic of discussion for my boss. I walked in, hoping he might skip over it. I wasn’t so lucky.

“Close the door and take a seat.”

I did as he requested while hiding my nerves. I’d only seen Simon cross with me one other time. In that instance, however, he’d been taking out his frustration on me when things with Peyton weren’t going as planned. But this time, I wasn’t sure what to do. What if he asked me to break things off?

“How did Tom find out?”

That wasn’t the question I was expecting. “Last night in the carpark, Trevor greeted me when I got home. I didn’t realize Tom was staying there at the complex. I intended to tell you about our relationship this morning, but clearly not this way.”

He steepled his fingers on his desk, appearing every bit the “Ice man” he used to be nicknamed.

“Although I appreciate you putting the arsehole in his place, if you’re about to tell me to stop seeing Trevor, the answer is no.”

He raised his brow. “He means something to you?”

I sighed. “Yes, but don’t ask me to lay out my feelings as I haven’t quite figured them out myself yet.”

The look of shock on his face was something I didn’t see very often. “I suppose I’m surprised given he’s a suit.”

My lips twitched. “You’d be surprised to hear he ticks off more boxes then you’d think.”

He chuckled. “I guess I walked into that one and now know what I can’t unknow. There is a small part of me wanting to enjoy your misery over what I’m sure is a very confusing time for you. But the bigger part of me is simply happy for you.”

I knew Simon was the one person I could undoubtedly trust with anything. “I don’t know what I’m doing in a relationship. We went from something temporary to playing it by ear to whatever it is now.”

“Have you talked to him about that?”

“He’s aware relationships aren’t easy for me but doesn’t quite get why.”

“Emma, I think of you like a sister, so with that comes unsolicited advice. I’m telling you Trevor is a good man. Talk to him. I think he’ll understand why you have a challenge with trusting people once you explain why.”

I leaned forward. “What makes you say that?”

“He’s an honorable guy whose word still seems to mean something.”

Yes, he was. But despite that, trust wasn’t easy. As if sensing my thoughts, Simon spoke again.

“What’s the worst that can happen if you tell him how you grew up?” His tone turned softer as he brought up a subject we hadn’t discussed in many years.

“It’s not just that.” I had things I’d done I wasn’t proud of. Secrets I wasn’t sure I could share with him without him changing his view of me.

“After I told Peyton about my past, it took a load off my mind. Food for thought.”

I took a deep breath, wondering if I’d feel the same. If I could possibly put myself out there for rejection if Trevor knew all of it. I swallowed hard. “There are some things I’ve done I’m not proud of. Mistakes.” Even Simon wasn’t privy to all of them.

“Are they pertinent to the future? That’s what I think you need to ask yourself. The point in telling Trevor isn’t for him to judge; it’s so he’s aware what may be holding you back. If it won’t make you feel better in admitting things from your past, and they won’t impact your future by leaving them there, then my advice is you keep it to yourself.”

Made sense. Yet there was one thing I wavered on. At least I wavered until Simon’s next words cemented that I absolutely needed to keep it to myself.

 “Something to keep in mind is you two have to continue to work together, too. Making sure your relationship and any discord doesn’t come in here on a daily basis has to be a priority.”

He was right. The last thing I could do was jeopardize our working relationship. Not only with each other, but with the entire team.

“And what about Tom?” He was bound to push the issue and might tell Phillip.

“If it wasn’t clear before that this is none of his business, then I’d say we have another talk coming. Six months ago, I might have said a possible relationship wouldn’t be worth the risk.”

I smiled. “But now?”

“Now, I have absolutely no regrets.”

***

Although there were several things about which I needed to be honest with Trevor, it was the story of my childhood with which I’d start. That was the reason I had a hard time trusting. Had a hard time letting someone get close. And an even tougher time leaving myself vulnerable for rejection.

I took stock of my feelings by way of a bath later that night after work, a glass of wine going down easily after a long day. Reflection and contemplation were heavy in the air when the knock came. I heard the door open and shut and then footsteps approach.

“Emma?”

Once his Texan drawl called my name, I knew. I knew absolutely without a doubt I wanted more with this man.

“In the bath.”

The door opened, revealing him handsome, still in a suit and tie. Ironic that I’d once saw a suit as a turn-off. Seeing him in one made me want to climb him. Luckily, the thoughts were mutual if evidenced by the way his gaze raked over my body.

“You should learn to lock your door.”

“Mm, considering a hot guy in a suit is in my door frame, I’d say I’m hard pressed to follow that particular rule.”

“Cute.” His fingers loosened his tie.

Damn. That single act had me all hot and bothered. I ran my foot up the length of my opposite calf, watching him watch me. Then he splashed the atmosphere with ice water with his next words.

“Did Tom say anything to you today?”

“Just a quip in front of Simon, unfortunately. Wasn’t the way I wanted to tell our boss, but I’m glad it’s out there.”

He ceased his motions in unbuttoning his shirt—which was a shame. His eyes were rounded with astonishment. “Are you now?”

I bit my lip, trying to gauge his expression. “Are you upset?”

He flashed me the panty-melting smile I’d come to adore. “Not at all, sugar. Just surprised.”

“I had to say something after Tom was giving me shit. Tom didn’t say anything to you, did he?” After Simon’s threat, I hoped not.

Trevor continued to undress. “No, he didn’t. And that’s not what I’m surprised about.”

I was losing my train of thought when both his dress shirt and T-shirt fell to ground, bringing into view his sexy, muscled chest and his sexy-as-fuck piercing. “What is?”

“That you’re okay with it.”

In other words, he’d expected me to freak out about people knowing about us. Hell, if Simon had found out a few weeks ago, I would’ve been. “Maybe the benefits are outweighing the risk.”

He threw his head back with laughter. “Good to know.”

“Wait. Did you walk Rufus?”

He grinned, taking off the rest of his clothing. “I love that you’re concerned about him. And I did walk him, fed him, and then gave him a bone to keep him occupied.”

I couldn’t help the guilt that crept up. “Perhaps I should spend the night over at your house tonight, so he’s comfortable in his own space.”

He knelt down next to the tub, running his hand up the length of my calf and slowly to my thigh. “Careful, or I’ll start to think you’re developing deeper feelings for Rufus.”

I swallowed hard, meeting his eyes, aware we weren’t talking about his dog any more. “And if I did, how do you think Rufus would react?”

He stood back up and maneuvered into the tub, water sloshing over the side as he braced himself above me. “Rufus would be the happiest dog in the whole wide world.”

I couldn’t keep the emotion out of my voice. “Then that would make two of us. Of course, there could be some challenges.” Such as me telling him everything and us managing to continue to work together while in a relationship.

“All manageable. I promise.” He settled his big body between my legs, dipping his head towards mine and making more water pour out onto the floor.

“You know I’m not talking about Rufus, right?” It came out as a whisper. A vulnerable question about to fall over the edge of the most fearful place I’d ever been.

“Neither was I.”

He nuzzled my neck and kissed down my throat to my breasts. He found my nipples, licking, sucking, and biting them until I gasped with the pleasure. “I want you. Bare. Nothing between us.”

“I’ve never.” Not even once. “But I’m on the Pill.”

“I haven’t, either.” He positioned himself at my opening. A mere fraction away from what we both craved.

“I want to. With you.”

His lips met mine in a carnal frenzy as if we both let all the emotion we’d been tucking away erupt into this moment. But when he filled me—oh, God. I felt as if the world tilted on its axis, and for the very first time, I didn’t care if I fell. Because I knew he’d be there to catch me.

His hips pistoned into me.

Thrust after thrust, I met him, gripping onto his ass and barely feeling my head bumping the lip of the tub.

“Sorry. Shit. Let me get you onto the bed.”

“No. Ignore it. Fuck me.”

“Jesus, Em.” He did his best to put his hand between my head and the porcelain, cushioning the blow as best he could. He then used his other arm to lift up my body for the perfect angle to hit my G-spot over and over.

“You feel so good like this. Let me feel you come.”

Damn. I let my fingernails rake his back, hearing his grunt at the point my climax hit. “Trev—”

“I’m right there with you, honey. I can feel you. Feel you coming all over my cock.”

His hot release came deep inside of me, along with great satisfaction regarding this new intimacy. Trevor’s lips met mine again, this time the kiss shifted from the frenzy of earlier into a languid, emotional connection.

Finally pulling back, he moved to help me up from the uncomfortable position and then to my feet. “You okay?”

I rubbed the spot on the back of my head that had been banging on the lip of the tub. “I think so.”

He landed a kiss on top of my hair. “Sorry, beautiful. Give me a second, and I’ll start the shower for you.”

He stepped out of the tub and turned on the water for the shower, also finding some towels for me to step on so I wouldn’t slip. Always a perfect gentleman.

And while I got into the shower, of course he cleaned up the water off the floor. And if I hadn’t already thought I was falling for him, the fact that he left and came back in with a towel he’d warmed in the dryer for me sealed it.

“My mom used to do this for me and my sister when we were little. Nothing better than a warm towel when you’re coming out of a shower.”

Thump, thump. I was falling. Hard. It had to be love. What other emotion left you happy, while at the same time wanting to puke.

“You okay?” He looked concerned.

I nodded. “I don’t remember much about my mum. Never knew my dad.”

His thumb reached out, wiping a tear I hadn’t realized had broken free.

“Come here.” He led me out to my bed, settling me on his lap so we were face to face.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to just blurt that out.”

He shook his head. “I’m glad you did. Why didn’t you know your mom?”

I took a deep breath. “She gave me up when I was a toddler. I found out years later she was a prostitute who’d gone clean and then relapsed, so she was unable to take care of me. I was with a foster family, then taken in for adoption. I was with them for a few months, but once the couple found out they were expecting a child of their own, they stopped the adoption process and returned me. I was four when I went back into the foster system. Six more foster families over the years. Never adopted. Finally aged out at eighteen.”

In his eyes was a measure of sympathy along with unwavering support. “That must’ve been tough.”

“It’s something no child should have to go through.” I wanted to say more. Such as explaining this was the reason I had a difficult time with relationships. That I’d never been loved. And couldn’t figure out how to trust I could be. But I couldn’t find the words.

“I take it Simon knows.”

“Yes. He’s the only other person.”

He entwined his hand with mine. “I’m glad you told me. I want to learn everything about you.”

“Even the bad?”

He kissed the inside of my wrist in an intimate gesture which stole my breath. “Especially that.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s the bad that makes the connection more real. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”

I bit my lip. “It’s a front most of the time.”

“I don’t believe that. What you’ve accomplished and done with your life, despite your rough beginning, is remarkable.”

“Thank you.” I believed it might have had more to do with luck.

His fingers stroked down under the towel to my hip, over my tattoo. “What does this symbol actually mean?”

I swallowed hard, never having revealed what it meant to anyone. “It means strong. I got it when I first moved to New York. Inspiration, I suppose.”

“Fitting.”

His smile signified how much it meant to him that I’d shared it. Too bad most days I didn’t believe I was strong. “I don’t have a university degree.”

“All a degree means is that you had the financial means and put forth the effort to get it. Steve Jobs, Paul Allen, and Henry Ford all didn’t graduate from college.”

I laughed. “Do you memorize these things?”

He grinned. “I researched it when I was ready to quit school a number of times in order to defend the decision to my father.”

“But you didn’t quit.”

“No. Part of the reason I stuck with it was my friend and roommate, Mason. We both saw college as a means to an end. And we chose to do more than just the typical college stuff.”

I was happy the subject was switching to him. “Tattoos, piercings, and motorcycles.”

His lips met mine. “Thank goodness. I guess rebelling in those small ways made me feel as if I remained in control of my future despite the fact I was checking the boxes for a degree like my father wanted.”

“And graduate school? Why did you go to Harvard?”

“Once Mason went off to the Marines directly after undergrad, I felt lost, to tell you the truth. We’d done everything together for the previous four years. Since I hoped to get into real estate, I figured getting my MBA would give me the credentials I’d need at some point. Plus, it got me out of Texas, something I’d been anxious to try. But business school didn’t come natural to me. I much prefer looking at blueprints and having a hand in building something to crunching numbers and managing my portfolio.”

These were some of the qualities that made me so attracted to him. “When do you think you’ll pursue that dream?”

He shrugged. “It’s on my list for things to accomplish before I turn thirty. We’ll see if it happens. What about you? What’s your dream?”

A vivid memory hit me from when I’d been five. One of the other kids had told me about ‘wishing on a star.’ So I had. The same wish every night for the next few years. Yet it hadn’t come true. Nobody had ever loved me.

I’d started to believe only fools suffered dreams and had shifted to thinking about goals instead of wishes. Survival had been the mantra. Day to day, sometimes meal to meal. When you’re trying to survive, you don’t entertain dreams. “I don’t know what my dream is.”

“Because?”

It was as if he already knew my answer. “Because dreams don’t come true.”

“Says who?”

I sighed. “At least they never did for me. Maybe I’ve been afraid to try again.”

“Perhaps it’s time to be unafraid.”

Easier said than done. If I hadn’t been worthy when I’d been a sweet and innocent child, now as an adult with a multitude of regrets, I definitely wasn’t. “There are things I’ve done I’m not proud of. Things I wish I could erase.” Including most of the men I’d ever been with.

He simply looked at me. “Don’t you think it’s time you stop punishing yourself for them?”

I sucked in a breath. He was more perceptive then I’d realized. He was correct that I’d perfected the art of self-loathing over the years. I felt as though I deserved bad things to happen to me. But I’d never been wanted by anyone like Trevor. He appeared to understand a lot more than I’d ever revealed to anyone. “I want to.”

He cupped my face as if understanding and then appeared the most serious I’d ever seen him. “I won’t hurt you, Emma.”

“How can you promise that?”

“Because I just know. And it may take some time for you to believe it, but I have every intention of proving it to you.”

For the first time, all I could think about was how I wanted that, too. Now I just had to try trusting him without worrying about the other shoe dropping.