Smyrna’s heart felt like it had frozen and then been ripped from her body. She knew she’d come to this point, the point where she had to tell Caayn that everything she’d led him to believe was a lie. But she hadn’t thought of how she’d feel about the disclosure. Of how she’d feel about him. Damn.

Wait. She couldn’t tell him everything. She couldn’t tell him why she was looking for Baldwin Porter. What if he turned her in? She’d have to keep that lie going.

She let a breath out and looked up at his confused face. “I had to.”

His dark brows drew together. “Why? I would have helped you. I didn’t want a hand-fast any more than you did. I didn’t want this Outreach thing.”

She felt like she’d been hit by a hammer. She knew he didn’t want this. But… What the heck was she supposed to say to that? What happened to that kiss between them? Now, he’d hate her and think she was a horrible person.

“I didn’t know. I couldn’t be sure.”

He barely nodded, slowly drawing away from her.

“Please understand.”

Another barely perceptible nod. “I do.”

But she doubted it.

His voice was low. “When we get to the suite set up for Nights o’ Sweetness—honeymoon, is what your people call it—I’ll put finding your fiancé into motion.”

The way he stressed the word fiancé made her want to cringe.

“Thank you.” The Pulser felt like it was scorching her chest.

Or maybe that was guilt.

She looked out of the long horizontal window in front of them, and studied the animals pulling the carriage.

They resembled camels crossed with armadillos. Four legs, plated armor-looking leather skin covered their backs and sides, while their faces resembled a camel’s.

What the hell kind of horses were these?

She wanted to ask him questions about them, but it didn’t seem to be the time.

Moments later, the carriage pulled into a building that seemed to be constructed of glass and bronze. Standing tall, reaching toward the clouds, the shining creation sprawled out before them. The area that the carriage pulled into was probably some sort of underground garage, complete with vehicles and more of those camel-armadillo creatures.

How strange that they had vehicles, and then these animals, too. It was a blend of a world that had a foot planted firmly in its past and at the same time, reaching toward its future.

She found Caayn studying her face.

“You’ve never seen maccorans?” He indicated out of the front window.

“Is that what those are called?” she asked.

“We don’t have them on Zama. They are native to Janus.”

“And how are your cars—do you even call them cars—powered?”

“I don’t think you did any research of life on Janus, did you?” A smile played on his lips, but it wasn’t filled with mirth.

Why did it seem self-deprecating? Didn’t he realize her lies had nothing to do with him? That they weren’t personal?

Yeah, how is he supposed to not take that personally when I take it personally that he’s recoiling from me?

“I confess. I didn’t look at anything regarding Janus.”

“You are in for a shock.”

She frowned, frustrated by the accusation in his tone. “Did you study anything about Earth?”

“I was not the one who was moving to a new place to build a new life with my fiancé. On a planet that I knew nothing about.”

“Touché.”

His face was grim again. “I’m not trying to attack you.”

“No matter. I deserve it. For lying to you.”

“You did what you could so you could be with your man.”

She glanced down. She couldn’t bear the look in his eyes. “You must think I’m a total skank. Kissing you…”

“I think you’re a damned good actress.”

That stung.

“I’ll take you up to the room they have set up for us. Then I’ll get to finding Porter. To helping you get on with the rest of your life.”

Suddenly that life didn’t seem something she was anxious to pursue.

Against everything her heart was telling her, Smyrna nodded.

Caayn finding Porter would set her free. Then maybe…

She looked into his eyes and knew better.