I DON'T LIKE TO think about what might have happened if I hadn't gone for a swim. If I hadn't needed to be on Coquet that morning. So many ifs. None of them to the point. I was there and that meant I saw her go under.

I was out there because there was a glitch in the computer that ran the main light. As I was based in Amble, it made sense to call me. I was out there last night as soon as the news reached me, headlight of the boat illuminating the way as I sailed across from the mainland a little after three in the morning. It felt odd seeing the island without the reassuring sweep of the light passing over the waves, only the bulb on the front of my boat keeping me from losing my way in the dark.

I got to work straight away, hoping to get things back online quickly. It wasn't to be and I had to message Trinity House to warn them this was a bigger job that they'd thought.

They sent out warnings to the coastguard and to any boats in the area while I got to work, trying to fix the battered old processors that ran the place. The whole thing needed upgrading of course but budgets being what they were, it wasn't likely to happen until the system died completely.

I'd been working on the problem so long, the sun came up without me even noticing and an hour after that, I was able to step away, let the rebooting do its thing. I was exhausted, having had to concentrate solidly for so long.

I knew from experience I had an hour to wait. I decided to have a gentle swim to pass the time, though I got distracted by bird watching on my way out of the door.

There were huge colonies of puffins and gulls on the island, a consequence of me being the only person to set foot on there. It was pretty relaxing to watch them from time to time, each of them having their own little idiosyncrasies if you observed long enough.

An hour to go and then I could get back to it. Once the reboot was done, fingers crossed the system would be up and running again. One night without the light was one night too many, no one would be happy if the problem continued into a second.

I'd have to stay there and run the thing manually if that was the case and I had enough of a backlog of things to be doing. Staying much longer would make my life a hell of a lot more difficult.

Better that than anyone getting into trouble in the water though. I'd never have guessed it wouldn't be the dark that would cause a shipwreck, it was in the glorious morning air.

I first saw her through the binoculars. I was looking out at the puffins on the edge of the island, standing by the kitchen window in the lighthouse, peering out through the glass as they waddled about over by the cliff edge.

I happened to look her way, seeing her setting off from the shore. I hadn't seen her kayaking here before and I'd grown used to seeing the regulars. Did she know about the current? I hoped so.

That question was replaced by another as I looked closer. Did she know how beautiful she looked? I felt something stirring inside me, something I hadn't felt for a long time. I ignored it, after all, it wasn't like I was ever going to actually meet her in person. I put the binoculars down, refusing to watch her any longer, it was feeling too much like I was spying on her.

Leaving the computer to do its thing, I walked out and looked across the bay. She was closer, getting too close to the sandbar in fact.

It was a tricky bit of water if you didn't know what you were doing. The beach sloped down into deep water from the mainland but then about two hundred yards from the island there was a sudden rise, a sandbar which at its edge was topped by rocks. I'd scraped the boat on it a couple of times in my youth before getting to grips with its location and she was heading straight for it.

I was at the edge of the jetty when she reached it. I shouted, waving in her direction, doing my best to warn her. She looked my way but she didn't seem to respond.

Then she went over. A couple of the big waves caught her and the kayak just tipped.

I thought she'd right herself but she didn't. Her boat stayed upside down. Why wasn't her life jacket bringing her back to the surface?

I didn't wait any longer. I had to make a spilt second decision. Untie the boat and get it started or swim out to her? It was near enough for swimming to be the better option. By the time I got the engine on the go, she'd have long drowned.

I kicked off my boots, throwing my jumper to one side as I leapt off the jetty. I swam hard, ignoring the cold of the water, getting to the kayak in under a minute. I was sure it was too long though. She couldn't have survived.

I took a deep breath before diving down, I saw the problem at once, the strap of her helmet had caught on the rock. Her eyes were closed and she was rocking back and forth in place, her arms floating free.

I got my finger to the strap, tugging it free away, shoving her upwards, the life jacket doing the rest of the work. She shot towards the blue, leaving me to follow. Another second and she was up. I surfaced beside her, looking for her oar. It was nowhere to be seen.

It wasn't easy getting her to shore and I kept picturing the seconds slipping away. "Stay with me," I shouted, hoping I wasn't too late. I had to kick hard, working against the waves until I was in the relative shelter of the bay. I was worn out but I couldn't stop yet, I had to reach either the jetty or the shoreline. I aimed for the jetty but the tide pushed me off to the side. By the time I could stand in the shallows, I was exhausted but I had more to do. She was slumped to one side in the kayak. I was sure she was dead.