THE SAND WAS WARM BENEATH my toes as I pushed against it, gently rocking the hammock back and forth. Garrett was curled up beside me and I smiled at the sound of his gentle snores. I knew that our time on the island was limited and there were still so many things I wanted to show him. So, I’d tried to pack as many activities into the past few days as I could.
I’d given Garrett a few more surf lessons, despite being in what he referred to as “shark-infested waters,” and after successfully standing up on his board, I took him back to our waterfall for another picnic. We’d also gone parasailing, visited an animal sanctuary, and watched the sun come up while perched on top of the Haleakala Crater.
Garrett had whined and complained the whole way there, and I’d poured copious amounts of coffee down his throat, trying to offset his early morning grumpiness. But he’d grown quiet as the sun started to make its appearance, lighting up the sky with a beautiful array of colors and revealing puffy white clouds that floated all around us.
“We’re literally on top of the world right now,” he’d whispered. I’d wrapped my arms around him, nuzzling my cheek against his, and I’d realized that I wouldn’t have wanted to share that moment with anyone but him.
The days had flown by in a whirlwind of activity, and I struggled between wanting to hurry up and show him everything and wanting to slow down the clock, so our time together wouldn’t end so quickly. Something had shifted between us the night I’d told him about my parents, and while I was afraid to examine it too closely, there was no denying it was there. I knew he’d felt it too because I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his touch. Sex between us had changed too. It was slower, less frenzied, as if we realized we needed to savor the time we had left with each other.
I kept the hammock swaying as I stared down at the man in my arms. He looked healthier than when I’d first met him. He’d always been gorgeous, but his time in the sun had turned his skin from pale white to a beautiful, golden hue that seemed to radiate from within. The dark shadows that I’d noticed under his eyes that first night were nothing but a distant memory, and his smile came more easily.
I brushed the back of my hand over Garrett’s cheek, being careful not to wake him. It was amazing to me how close the two of us had become in such a short amount of time. He knew me better than almost anyone else in the world and I trusted him implicitly. I already dreaded the moment we’d have to say goodbye. It was going to be hard enough not seeing his beautiful face every day; and I was going to miss holding him in my arms each night as we fell asleep. I refused to give him up entirely. Aside from Bethany, he was my best friend, and I didn’t want to lose that.
My eyes grew heavy and I rested my head against his, letting the smell of sun, salt, and Garrett carry me away. My last conscious thought was that I was going to do whatever it took to keep him in my life, even if I could only have him as a friend.
I groaned as I leaned back in my chair and rubbed a soothing hand over my stomach. “I can’t believe I ate so much.” I glanced down at my nearly empty plate. I didn’t normally eat that much in one sitting, but the lobster dipped in melted butter had practically melted on my tongue, making it impossible to resist. “Seriously, you may have to roll me out of here.”
Dean smiled from across the table and my heart did that little flipping thing it liked to do whenever he flashed those pearly whites at me. It was almost embarrassing how even the smallest things he did could turn me inside out. Thank God he wasn’t a mind reader. Although, there were times when it seemed like he knew me even better than I knew myself.
“I’m glad you liked it. This is by far the best seafood restaurant on the island. I make sure to eat here every time I visit.” After we’d woken up from our hammock nap, Dean had announced that he was taking me out to dinner. I’d already learned to expect the unexpected when it came to him, but he managed to surprise me once again when I found out he’d rented out the entire restaurant so that the two of us could dine privately.
The food was delicious, but even better was the time spent talking with Dean. Ever since he’d shared his past with me, he’d been opening up more and more. He told me all about Bethany, from how they’d first met, to how her husband had asked Dean for his blessing before he proposed to her. He got a happy look on his face every time he spoke about his best friend and, even though I’d never met her, I felt so grateful to her for taking care of him all these years.
He regaled me with stories about the movies he’d starred in and the people he’d worked with. I was slightly appalled to hear of some of the behind-the-scenes drama at last year’s Oscars, but Dean had just laughed and said that was mild compared to some of the other things he’d seen. He asked me about my writing and seemed genuinely interested in how I got started and what my writing process was like. I’d cringed when I told him that my characters speak to me. I had grown used to all the strange looks and teasing I got from the other people I’d told that to and I worried that he would do the same, but he just nodded his head.
“I can understand that. Your characters live inside your head and tell you what their story is, so that you can write it for them. That’s not all that different from how I have to get into my characters’ heads and try to become them in order to tell their story,” he said.
I stared at him in amazement. “Yes, that’s exactly it. No one else I’ve told has understood it. They usually just think I’m crazy.”
“You’re not crazy. Well, not about that at least,” he joked. I laughed, but I knew he was right. I was crazy about one thing. I was crazy about him.
We were both full from dinner, so we decided to take a walk along the beach before heading back home. It was a beautiful night out and the gentle wind carried with it the fragrant smell of plumeria. Waves crashed over each other along the shore, but in the darkness, I could only make out the white foam as they rolled in. It felt so natural to reach for his hand and he smiled at me as he curled his fingers around mine.
“Tell me more about your life in Chicago,” Dean suddenly said, catching me off guard.
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything. What do your parents do? Where do you like to hang out? What are your friends like?”
I chuckled. “Wow! Okay.”
“Sorry. It’s just that we leave in a couple of days and there are still so many things I want to know about you.”
A sharp pain lanced through my chest at the reminder that our time together was almost over. So far, the time I’d spent with Dean had been the best two weeks of my life. The thought of letting that go, of having to say goodbye to him, hurt more than I’d thought it would. What started as a simple little fling had turned into so much more, for me at least. I cared about him and, in a lot of ways, I was closer to him than I was to anyone else.
“No, I get it because I’ve been feeling the same way.” I gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he smiled at me, bumping his shoulder against mine. “Okay, so let’s see. My parents are both teachers in the same school district. My mom teaches kindergarten and my dad teaches middle school math.”
“Were you ever in their classes?”
“My mom stayed home with me until I started kindergarten and then she went back to college to get her degree. So, I didn’t have her in school, but I did have my dad,” I told him.
“Was it strange? Did you ever get in trouble in class?” he asked.
I snickered. “My dad is really cool. He did a good job of treating me like all the other kids and not doing things that would embarrass me. As for getting in trouble, no. I worked hard and was a straight-A student. But if I had gotten in trouble in class, you can be sure I would’ve heard about it at home too, especially once my mom found out. My parents weren’t strict, but they did set clear boundaries and I knew whenever I was getting close to crossing a line. My mom had this look she would give me… To this day it still can stop me right in my tracks.”
“What kind of look?” he asked.
I tried to make the face, but apparently, I’d failed miserably because Dean started laughing. “Yeah, that was really bad, but trust me, it’s very scary when she does it. I’ll have her show you someti…” My words trailed off as I realized what I’d said.
We walked quietly for a few more minutes and then Dean broke the silence. “Tell me more about your friends. How did you meet Jasper and Travis?”
“We met our freshman year of college. We had virtually nothing in common, but for some reason, we just clicked from the very first day. And thank God for that because otherwise it could’ve been a very miserable year having four guys, who couldn’t stand each other, all in one dorm room.” I shook my head at the thought.
“Who was the fourth guy?”
I felt my shoulders tense. I hadn’t spoken about Akio to him before. At first, I hadn’t mentioned him because I was trying to move on and forget what had happened. But the more time I spent with Dean, the less time I spent thinking about Akio until eventually, our trip was almost over, and I still hadn’t told him about my best friend.
“His name is Akio,” I answered.
“Are you still friends?” I swallowed hard, not sure how to answer that. Were Akio and I still friends? Could he ever forgive me for the way I’d acted? These were the thoughts that had plagued me for months and ultimately what had kept me away. I was afraid to go home and find out the answers.
As if he sensed my distress, Dean led me over to a dry area and sat me down in the sand. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, staring out at the inky black water. He dropped down next to me, his arm brushing against mine. The heat from his body felt good, and I automatically leaned into his side. Dean moved his arm, wrapping it around me.
“It was always the four of us together from day one. Like I said, we were all really different. Travis was there on a basketball scholarship and Jasper was an art major. Akio was a business major and mine was English. We shouldn’t have meshed together but, somehow, we found a way. We did everything together; lunch in the cafeteria, all-night study sessions, and parties on the weekends. My parents started referring to us as the four musketeers,” I said with a laugh.
“After graduation we stayed close, finding places to live around Chicago that weren’t too far from each other. Travis went to grad school then got a job as a physical therapist, Jasper started working as a tattoo artist, Akio worked through a temp agency for a while and eventually got hired as an office manager for his friend Landon’s new entertainment management agency, and I began my writing career.” I glanced over at Dean. He was staring at me, a small smile on his face as he listened to me talk about my friends.
“They’re a great group of guys and I couldn’t have asked for better friends. Jasper is quiet and shy, but the most compassionate of all of us. Travis…” I shook my head with a laugh as I pictured my friend. “It’s hard to describe Travis. He’s fun-loving and wild and likes to take home a different guy every night. When you first meet him, you’d probably think he didn’t have a care in the world, but Travis would drop anything he was doing to help one of us. He doesn’t take much in life seriously, but his friendship with the three of us, he does.”
“And what about Akio?” Dean asked.
I looked out over the water as my mind brought up an image of my other friend. “I love all of my friends, but I’ve always felt the closest to Akio. For some reason, I just always found it easier to talk to him about some stuff than it was with the other guys. If something was bothering me, I tended to go to him first, and he usually did the same with me. He’s funny and smart and cares so much about others.”
Dean stiffened beside me. As usual, he seemed to have picked up on the things I hadn’t said out loud. “Is he the one who bruised your heart?”
I drew in a deep breath and then nodded. “But it was my fault, all of it,” I admitted brokenly.
“What was?”
I released a shaky breath. “Over time, I started to develop feelings for Akio. I’d never really dated all that much. I’d had the occasional boyfriend, but I wasn’t into casual hook-ups.” My eyes darted over to him, expecting him to make some joke about how we’d hooked up our very first night, but he kept quiet as he waited for me to continue.
“I was happy, and my career was going well, but I was lonely too. I looked at Akio and realized that here was this incredible guy who already knows all the good and bad things about me and cares about me anyway. We had fun together and we trusted each other. To me, it was a logical next step, you know? In my mind, the two of us would end up together and life would be great. But it didn’t end up that way at all.”
“What happened?” Dean asked softly.
I shook my head ruefully. “I didn’t say anything about my feelings for a long time. I guess I always assumed that I had time. Plus, as much as I wanted to be with him, I was also worried about changing the dynamics of our relationship. Then one night, the four of us were having dinner together and Akio started talking about this man he’d met. His name is Morgan, and he’s a cousin of Akio’s friend Landon. I hadn’t even known he was seeing anyone and, all of a sudden, he was talking about how his heart was breaking over this guy. I was shocked, and I realized I was running out of time. If I didn’t move quick, I was going to miss my chance with him.”
I took another deep breath, steeling myself for the next part. I hated admitting to Dean what a fool I’d been. “One night, I saw Akio and Morgan at a club together. I waited until Akio got up to go to the restroom then I made my move. I laid it all out on the line. I told him that I loved him and that I wanted to be with him. Then I kissed him.”
Dean cleared his throat, but his voice still sounded strained when he spoke. “What did he say?”
I let out a humorless laugh. “He didn’t get a chance to say anything. Morgan walked in and saw me kissing Akio and he decked me; punched me right in the nose. And before you ask, no, I don’t blame him. I was out of line and he had every right to be pissed, but at the time I was too upset to see that. I was still on the floor bleeding when Morgan took off. I knew where I stood with Akio when he chose to chase after Morgan instead of staying with me.
“I stayed away for a month after that. I was hurt and angry, mostly at myself. I was too embarrassed to face any of my friends or to tell Travis and Jasper what I’d done. Morgan ended up being a pretty decent guy, and I could tell how much he cared about Akio because he called me and set up a meeting between me and Akio. He said Akio missed his friend and the two of us needed to talk and work things out. I met with Akio and he assured me he wasn’t upset with me, in fact he seemed more afraid that he’d done something to lead me on.”
I swiped angrily at a tear as it rolled down my face. “Seeing him upset just made everything worse, so I decided it would be best if I left town for a while. I told my other friends and my parents that I was going away to work on my book, and I disappeared.”
“How long ago was that?” Dean asked.
“Too long, honestly. I went to my grandparents’ cabin out in the middle of nowhere and basically shut myself off from the rest of the world. Then one day my editor called and reminded me about my deadline coming up. As soon as I hung up from talking to her, Travis called and reminded me that Jasper’s birthday was coming up and that I better be home in time for it. I’d already made excuses that got me out of going back home for Christmas. I wasn’t there for Akio and Morgan’s wedding either, and apparently Travis had decided it was enough because he insisted it was time to come home.
“Talking to Travis was a wake-up call for me. For the first time in my life, I was afraid I would miss my deadline. I hadn’t written a single word the entire time I’d been away. I hadn’t been taking care of myself, drinking too much and hardly eating or sleeping. Worst of all, I’d been hurting the people I loved and all because I was too much of a coward to show my face around them. Travis was right. It was time for me to go back, but I knew I’d hurt them worse if they saw what a mess I was, so I came here to kind of pull myself together before I go back home. So, now you know everything. What an idiot I was, what a coward I’ve been, and that I’ve probably ruined one of the best friendships I’ve ever had.” My shoulders slumped.
“Hey!” My head snapped up at Dean’s sharp tone and I turned to look at him. I was surprised to see anger brewing in his bright green eyes. “Don’t ever call yourself those things again. You weren’t a coward at all. It took a lot of guts to put yourself out there that way and even though it didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, the important thing is, you tried. You also weren’t an idiot for trying to find love.”
His eyes softened, and he reached up, running a finger down the side of my face. “Love isn’t logical though. It’s not something you can plan like the outline of a book. Sometimes it just grabs you and knocks you off your feet when you least expect it. Or so I’ve heard anyway.” His eyes shifted away as if he was embarrassed by his words. I raised my hand, covering his where it cupped my cheek, and his eyes darted back to mine.
“I know that now. I’ve had plenty of time to think about everything. That’s pretty much all I did at the cabin, even when I tried not to, and I’ve realized that while I do love Akio, I was never in love with him. He never made me feel…” I bit down on my tongue, forcing myself to stop before I could take things too far, reveal too much.
“Is your heart still bruised?” He’d asked it so quietly that if I hadn’t been looking at him, I probably would’ve missed it.
I thought about his question. My heart didn’t feel bruised anymore. Somehow, all the time spent with Dean, laughing, exploring the island, exploring each other…my heart had healed. I felt stronger mentally and physically, but also emotionally. In many ways, I felt like I had gotten to know myself better and I had him to thank for all of it.
“No,” I whispered. Dean held my gaze for several moments. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he brought his lips forward, kissing me instead. We stayed that way for a long time, wrapped in each other’s arms, exchanging long, unhurried kisses.
When he pulled away, he was grinning. “Will you go out with me tomorrow?”
I smiled back. “Sure. What do you want to do? I’m always up for another trip to the waterfall.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him, but he shook his head.
“No, I meant go out with me. I want to take you on a date.”
My face scrunched up in confusion. “You’ve already bought me dinner several times and taken me to some of the most amazing places on earth,” I argued.
“Yeah, but we never called any of those things dates. I want to do something special with you because you deserve special. I want to take you on a date.” The intensity in his gaze nearly stole my breath as the air between us thickened.
My heart thumped wildly in my chest and my blood rushed through my veins. As much as I’d tried to resist, as hard as I’d fought against it, I could feel myself caring for him more and more each day and that scared me to death. Our vacations were almost over and then we’d each go back to our own lives. Chances were, we might never see each other again after we left the island. Going on an actual date with him was probably a bad idea; a colossally bad idea that stood the chance of hurting me much more than I’d ever been hurt before. I should walk away before I ended up shattered, I thought, but as I stared into his hopeful eyes, I knew I was powerless to say no.
“Yes. I’ll go out with you.”