THE ONLY NOISE IN THE still dark room was the sound of Garrett’s even breathing as he slept. We’d made love over and over again until he’d finally fallen into an exhausted sleep sometime around three. I, on the other hand, hadn’t slept at all because my mind refused to shut down long enough to give me any rest.
As I lay there, I’d foolishly let myself imagine what it would be like to live close to Garrett, to be able to have this incredible man in my life. To be allowed the opportunity to explore whatever this was between us because there was definitely something there, something very special. I pictured all the things we’d get to see and do, how I’d introduce him to Bethany and he’d take me to his parents’ house for Tuesday night dinner. I smiled as my fantasy played out in my head, but then reality hit when my phone had buzzed with an incoming text message.
BETHANY: No lifeguard, huh?
I’d squinted at the bright screen, as she sent the link to a well-known online tabloid. I clicked on it and immediately felt my heart sink as an article popped up with a picture attached. It was one of me and Garrett at the luau, right after he’d won the limbo contest. In it, I was swinging him around in the air and he was laughing.
Someone had caught us in a private moment and decided to sell the photo to the highest bidder. I was seething by the time I finished reading the article in which “a source close to the couple” reported that “the two seemed very close as they canoodled together and there was even whispered talk of an upcoming wedding between the two lovebirds.”
ME: The article is a lie…mostly. I’ll explain later.
She’d texted back a bunch of heart emojis and I turned off my phone. I realized then that there was no way my fantasy would ever become a reality. Garrett was a private man. He would never be all right with having his whole life put on display, and that was exactly what would happen if he was with me. It had already started. It was my job to be in the public eye but, unfortunately, that sometimes carried over to the people I was closest to as well. Bethany had grown used to it over the years as they snapped pictures of us eating lunch or going out to a play, but I knew that it would be even worse with someone I was in love with.
Not to mention that he had people waiting for him in Chicago. My parents had never cared about me, but he had two parents who loved him unconditionally. I refused to take him away from that. Garrett’s whole life would be turned upside down if we were together. He was a great guy and he deserved to be with someone that added to his life, not took away from it. As much as I wanted him, I knew he was better off without me.
A couple of hours later, I was still wide awake. A glance at the clock told me that I only had a few minutes before his alarm was set to go off. Just a few minutes before I had to start letting him go. My eyes burned, and my heart clenched painfully at the thought, but I forced it aside. I would have plenty of time to fall apart after he was gone, but for now, he was still here, and I refused to waste a second of the time we had left.
My arms tightened around him and I brushed my lips over the back of his neck. I buried my nose in his hair, filling my lungs with his warm, sweet scent. “Garrett,” I whispered.
“Please, no. I’m too tired to go hiking or surfing or whatever you have in mind at this ungodly hour,” he whined.
A sad smile lifted the corners of my mouth. I would give anything to be doing one of those, or any number of other things with him that day instead of putting him on a plane. “No, baby. It’s time to get up. We need to get to the airport,” I reminded him, hoarsely.
He stiffened against me. “Oh.” He reached over and turned his alarm off, then grabbed his glasses off the bedside table and slid them on. He rolled over, blinking at me in the dark. “I need to shower.”
“Okay, I’ll make some coffee.”
Garrett laid a hand on my chest. “No. Shower with me. I can get coffee on the plane.”
He grabbed my hand and led me into the bathroom. We stood next to each other at the sink, brushing our teeth as we waited for the shower to heat up. The whole scene felt very domestic and it sent a sharp pang through my chest. What I wouldn’t give to be able to do this with him every morning.
Once we were done, we climbed into the shower together. Steam swirled around us as we kissed, giving the air a dream-like quality. We moved slowly, taking turns soaping each other. My cock recognized his touch and it began to respond, but there was no time for any of that, so I ignored it. We rinsed and then dried off. Not a word had been spoken, and the air felt thick with things left unsaid.
Twenty minutes later, I loaded his suitcases into the trunk of my car and we headed for the airport. We held hands the entire way and arrived much sooner than I would’ve liked. Garrett went to the counter and checked his bags with the airline. The woman working there assured him that his flight was on time, and I felt my shoulders slump. Of all the times I’ve suffered through delayed or cancelled flights, why couldn’t this be one of them?
“You have time to get some coffee?” I asked hopefully.
Garrett checked his watch. “Yeah. We actually got here earlier than I thought since traffic was so light.”
Placing my hand on the small of his back, I steered him over to a nearby airport coffee shop. “Why don’t you get us a table, and I’ll go order for us,” I suggested.
I watched as he walked away, choosing a small table in the corner, and then I got in line behind a mother and her young son. When it was my turn, I ordered two cups of coffee as well as a large blueberry muffin for Garrett. He had a long flight ahead of him, and while I knew they’d probably feed him on the plane, I wanted to be able to take care of him one last time.
I carried everything over to the table and then pulled my chair out, scooting it closer to him before taking a seat. “I got this for you,” I said, handing him the muffin.
“Thank you.” He gave me his first genuine smile that day and my heart melted. I’d missed that smile. I would miss that smile.
“So, what will you do once you get home?”
“Probably crash in my bed. Somebody kept me up until the wee hours of the morning.” I laughed at his teasing, and it helped to ease the tension that had been building between us all morning.
“Well, I’d like to say I’m sorry, but that would be a lie,” I joked back.
He laughed and then his face grew serious as he looked at me. “I want to thank you.”
“For what?”
Garrett stared down at his coffee cup. “I was a mess when I first arrived here. I was embarrassed, not only because of the mess I’d made of my friendship with Akio, but also because of the way I’d run away afterward, hiding from the people who loved me and hurting them in the process. I wasn’t in a good place at all, probably the lowest I’d ever been, and even though I’d made the decision to come to Maui and try to get myself back on track, I wasn’t sure how to do that.”
He lifted his head, his gray eyes shining as he looked at me. “Then you came along and you were like no one I’d ever met before. It didn’t even matter how grouchy I was in the morning or how afraid I was to try something new, you never gave up. You just kept patiently urging me out of my shell. And I’m so glad you did because I’ve seen and done some of the most incredible things on this trip, things that I will remember for the rest of my life. So, thank you. I know this was only supposed to be casual fun for the two of us, but it meant so much more to me than that. Anyway, I just wanted you to know.”
I bit the inside of my cheek as I struggled to hold back my tears. My voice shook as I responded. “You’re the one who deserves the thanks. I came on this trip because I needed to escape my life for just a little while. You know I’ve been frustrated with my job lately, but it’s more than just that. It’s the people I’m surrounded by in Hollywood. Sure, I have Bethany and her husband and a couple of other close friends, but for the most part, I’m surrounded by fake people who are only interested in how much money I make or what I can do for them. Then I saw this cute guy while I was out for a run one day. I’ll admit, I sat down next to you at that bar because I was hoping to get in your pants and let off some steam. Kick my vacation off in style.”
Garrett barked out a laugh and I grinned at him, then I gave him a tender look. “I started talking to you and I couldn’t believe how kind and sweet and genuine you were. And the best part was that you had no clue who I was at all. You talked to me like you would’ve talked to anyone else and even when those fans interrupted us, you helped me without expecting anything in return. That was the main reason I showed up at your place the next day, asking you to spend your vacation with me. I mean, I definitely was hoping for more sex, but mostly, I wanted to be around you because I felt better when you were near. Garrett, these last two weeks have been the best and most real two weeks of my life and I have you to thank for that.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and his eyes were swimming with tears. He chuckled as he swiped the back of his hand across them. “Sorry. I can be a bit of a sap sometimes. I guess it’s the romance writer in me,” he said with a self-deprecating chuckle.
“Don’t ever apologize for that. Your big heart is one of the best things about you.”
I held his hand as we finished our coffee and then he glanced down at his watch. I felt a sharp stabbing in my chest when he looked back up. “I guess I better get going. I still have to get through security.”
“Yeah, of course. Here, I’ll take your trash. Be right back,” I said.
I gathered everything up and walked over, dumping it in the garbage can, then I stood there with my back to him and let out a slow breath. I just needed to hold it together for a little bit longer. I pulled my phone from my pocket and quickly typed out a text message, hitting send before walking back over to him. I heard his phone chime in his pocket and he pulled it out, reading over the text. He looked up at me as I got nearer.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“I wanted you to have my address, you know, just in case you ever decide to come to California. I’d love to see you again. And you’ve got my number. Please, call me if you ever need anything, but also, you can text me if you feel like it too. I’d really like to stay in touch,” I mumbled, probably not making a damn bit of sense.
He smiled though and then launched himself at me, kissing me soundly as his arms weaved around the back of my neck. I wrapped mine around his waist, hugging him close to me. “Thank you. I really want to stay in touch too,” he said when he’d finally broken our kiss.
We walked slowly toward the security checkpoint and then I grabbed him into my arms, kissing him one last time. I heard a couple of cameras clicking in the background, but I couldn’t be bothered to care. This was the last time I would get to hold the man that I loved, and I was going to enjoy every second of it.
Eventually, we ran out of time though, and Garrett had to go or risk missing his flight. He gave me one last kiss and then he walked through the security gate. I stood at the visitor’s area and watched him until I couldn’t see him anymore. I turned from the gate and walked back through the airport and out to my car, sliding my sunglasses on over my eyes so no one could see the tears that were blurring my vision.
So many places that I’d shared with Garrett now served as aching reminders of what I’d lost, so I tried to ignore them as I drove back to my house. I walked in the door and set down my keys, rubbing my hands over my face tiredly. Everything felt off. The sun seemed too bright for my mood, and the house, that I loved, suddenly seemed too big and quiet with only me in it.
Exhausted and miserable, I went to my room and stripped my clothes off before climbing into bed. The sheets still smelled like Garrett from the last time he’d spent the night. I pulled them over my head, letting his familiar scent soothe me. My phone chimed, and I pulled it out to see a text.
GARRETT: Getting ready to take off, but I wanted you to have mine, just in case you’re ever in Chicago.
I smiled as I read over the address he’d given me, but then the tears came, swift and fierce, and this time, I didn’t try and stop them.
I hiked my laptop bag back onto my shoulder and grabbed my suitcases from the baggage claim before they could circle back around and then wheeled them out of the airport. The cold and rain of Chicago was a shock to my system after the sunny days and clear skies of Maui. I was thankful that I didn’t have to wait for the car I’d ordered to arrive. The driver helped me put my bags in the trunk and then I climbed in the back seat and settled in as we pulled away from the curb.
The drive from the airport to my apartment wasn’t a long one, but traffic was heavy, forcing us to move at a snail’s pace. I pulled my phone out and shot off a quick text to Travis and Jasper.
ME: Hey, guys! Just got back in town.
JASPER: OMG! I can’t wait to see you.
TRAVIS: It’s about damn time!
I chuckled at Travis’s blunt response and the difference between the two.
ME: I missed you guys.
JASPER: We missed you too. It hasn’t been the same without all four of us here. Why isn’t Akio in this group text btw?
My mouth went dry when I read Jasper’s message. How was I supposed to answer that? Luckily, Travis sent another text before there was too much of a pause.
TRAVIS: I missed your ugly mug too.
ME: LOL. Thanks, you really know how to make a guy feel good, Trav.
TRAVIS: That’s what they all tell me.
JASPER: Man-whore.
I grinned at the familiar teasing between them. They’d always been that way, calling names and picking on each other, but we all knew that it was just their way of communicating. It was how they showed each other affection, almost as if they were truly brothers.
ME: Okay, you two. I’m exhausted. I’m going to crash as soon as I get home, but I’ll catch up with you sometime tomorrow if you’re available.
JASPER: Get some rest. Of course, we’ll make time to see you. You’re our best friend.
TRAVIS: Buzz me anytime and I’ll be there.
ME: Will do.
I smiled as I stared down at our text. We’d always been extremely close. In fact, since we’d met, there’d hardly been a day that went by when I hadn’t seen at least one of my friends. Reading over their quick assurances that they’d drop whatever they were doing made my heart swell with love for them. But it also made the guilt swell up in me too.
I’d lied to them. Not outright, but a lie of omission was a lie all the same. I’d walked away from them, basically abandoning them for months on end and never even given them a true explanation. Of course, I’d told them I was writing, which I’d tried to do on numerous occasions, but I never told them the main reason I’d left, or the fact that I was struggling so bad that I hadn’t written a single word in months.
Of course, they’d believed me because they didn’t know they had a reason not to and they trusted me. They were the best kind of friends and they deserved better than a part-time friend in return. In the long run, I knew I’d hurt them with my absence and I’d hurt me too by closing myself off from the people who loved me. I swore to myself that from then on, I’d be more open with them about what I was going through and I wouldn’t shut them out anymore. We were best friends and just as I’d want to be there for them if they were hurting, I knew they’d want to be there for me.
Like now. My thumb hovered over my phone screen. Should I text and let Dean know that I’d made it back home safely? I waffled back and forth for a few minutes and then decided that yes, I should. He’d said he wanted to stay in touch. I just hope he’d meant it because I couldn’t imagine not talking to him ever again. It was painful enough not seeing him, not having him by my side, but the thought of never talking to him again, not knowing if he was okay, felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest with a knife.
I opened the text thread we’d started and smiled when I saw his address pop up. I scrolled up farther and stared at the photos he’d sent to me the night of the luau. We looked so happy together in our matching shirts and cheesy grins. Loneliness hit like a tsunami, nearly crushing me in its intensity.
ME: Just wanted to let you know that I made it back safely. I hope you did/do as well. Not really sure when you’ll land. Can’t believe I forgot to ask that. Anyway, thank you again for an amazing two weeks. I’ll never forget them, or you.
I hit send and then closed out of the text quickly. It hurt too bad seeing his face on the screen right then. Perhaps after some sleep and seeing my friends, I’d feel better, but for the moment, everything was still too raw and painful.
I sent one last text to my mom, letting her know that I was home and going to get some sleep. It may have been cowardly to text instead of calling her, but I knew that if I called, she’d pick up on the sadness in my voice and want to know what was going on. “A mother’s intuition,” she would answer whenever I asked how she always seemed to know what I was thinking and feeling. I’d tell her eventually, but it made me even more exhausted to think about telling her that I’d just had my heart broken.
Broken.
I rubbed a hand over my chest as if that would help the ache I felt deep inside. My heart was broken, not bruised like it had been after Akio. The pain was fiercer this time and so was the overwhelming feeling of loss. With Akio, I’d been sad because I knew I might have lost my best friend, but with Dean, I felt like I was missing a part of myself. Only it wasn’t really missing; I knew where it was. I’d handed my heart and soul over and he’d taken them all the way back to California with him. And the worst part was…he didn’t even know he owned them.