We’d walked all day and Ryker was suspiciously quiet, especially toward me. I hadn’t tried to speak to him either, though. I hadn’t spoken to anyone.

I still couldn’t believe Sinsy was gone. I kept expecting to look over and see her walking beside me. After an hour of looking over my shoulder, I decided to pretend she hadn’t come, that she was back at the Valley, safe and sound. Then I’d glance over at Ruck and see the mourning in his eyes, the sadness that was weighing him down, and there was no forgetting.

I still wanted to scream and rant and rave, but I was done being idiotic. I wouldn’t call for any more duels. As it was, I’d already made my situation so much worse. I’d called for the duel, telling myself it was for Ruck, but I’d been looking for an outlet for my rage over Sinsy.

I hadn’t expected such a steep loss. I hadn’t expected much of anything. I hadn’t thought it through enough to get to expectations.

Now I was supposed to stay with Ryker forever? The only thing that kept me sane was knowing he didn’t really want me to stay forever. I drove him crazy. We drove each other crazy. He’d rescind it somehow.

By the time we made camp for the night, I didn’t want to think of anyone or anything. Not Sinsy or my new deal, or if I’d live long enough to get stuck with Ryker.

I tossed down my sack as Ryker asked, “Who wants to get the wood tonight?”

“I’ll go get it.”

“Ruck, go get us some wood,” Ryker said.

Ruck looked at Ryker, then me, then Ryker again. “Okay,” he said, and shook his head as he walked off.

I followed him. I’d get wood too if I wanted. I followed Ruck around the perimeter of the camp, close enough that they’d hear us scream if we needed backup but far enough they wouldn’t hear us talk.

He stopped walking, and I did too. “You okay?” he asked, and I knew this wasn’t about Ryker.

I shrugged. “Okay” was a bit of a leap. “You?”

He shrugged. I nodded. At least we were on the same page. Neither of us wanted to talk about Sinsy. She wasn’t the first person we’d lost. Not even close. But she was turning out to be one of the hardest.

I walked along and was picking up my third stick, looking for some other topic than Sinsy to think of.

“I don’t know why he’s the one who’s so angry. I’m the one all banged up.”

Ruck stared at me as if dumbfounded by what I’d said. “You know how you hate people forcing you to do what they want? Guess what? No one else likes it either.”

I froze. “Are you mad at me? I can’t handle you being mad at me too.” It wasn’t an overreaction, either. I had my limits for what I could deal with within a day.

“I was only mad for about an hour. I’m over it. I can’t speak for the others, though.”

That was the best thing about Ruck. He wasn’t into grudges.

“Here, can you take these back with you?” I asked, handing him the wood I’d collected.

“Where you going?”

“I need to see if I can find an apology out here somewhere.”

“I hope you find a really big, hulking one,” he said as he turned to head back.

I walked back into camp an hour later. I knew everyone saw me walk in and then head toward Ryker. The closer I got to him, the more they tried to ignore us both. By the time I was standing beside where he was pushing the fire around, everyone else was as far as they could get from us, without actually leaving the safety of the fire.

He didn’t acknowledge me as I stood beside him. I got it. I might’ve been a little out of line. But geez, he saw me standing here. He had to have some clue I was looking to make peace.

It took a few minutes of stalling before I held out my hand out, palm up, with three wort mushrooms offered up.

He glanced down at my hand, then met my eyes briefly, before continuing to ignore my presence. After I’d seen the chill in them, I wasn’t so upset about him looking the other way.

“If you rub these on the burned skin, it should be healed by tomorrow. Or it does with natural burns, anyway.” It was a trick I’d learned from Loretta. I didn’t know what it would do to the burns he must’ve gotten pulling me out of the Brim River.

“I don’t need them.”

He’d been exposed twice as long as I had, and my legs hadn’t stopped stinging yet. But he wasn’t going to take them, probably because they had come from me.

“I reacted badly.” I wasn’t going to add to Sinsy’s death. He knew what had happened, and I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t go crazy again if I had to delve into that gaping wound. “I’m sorry.”

That was one hard word to spit out. I’d never felt this in the wrong before. There seemed to be some sort of correlation between the difficulty of apologizing and the deed. Everyone was always so eager to offer up advice, and yet no one had ever told me that apologies got progressively harder the more you messed up. If they were all so smart, that might’ve been a good one to add.

Ryker didn’t say anything. I’d apologized and nothing? Had I been that bad? Well, he’d saved me and then I’d attacked him. Not my best moment for sure, but Ruck would’ve been laughing with me already.

I waited for another few minutes, thinking he was going to come around.

He didn’t. Apology not accepted. Got it.

I placed the mushrooms in a pile by his feet.

I went over to where my stuff was and tried to pretend that hadn’t happened. It would’ve went much better if Ruck hadn’t stalked me as if I had two shadows. Still, I persevered in silence and hoped he’d take the hint.

I squatted beside my sack, acting busy. He squatted beside me, not taking the hint. He tilted his head farther down, his eyebrows looking like matching question marks.

I’d never been considered an optimist, but I still clung to hope he would let this one rest. For once, he wouldn’t state the obvious.

He handed me a piece of meat, since I’d missed dinner, and then said, “That didn’t look like it went well.”

“Nope, it didn’t.” I took a bite of meat so he wouldn’t expect me to say anything else.

I was the last to wake the next morning, most likely because I’d been the last to fall asleep, the growls of the chewers still fresh in my head and the silence of Ryker accompanying it. It was a far cry from soothing white noise.

“Why are your legs still burned?”

I spun to see Ryker walking toward me, and yanked my pants legs down. “Sometimes it takes longer.” And sometimes you only found enough for one person.

He walked off. He wasn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows, but he was talking to me, so that was an improvement.

Ruck gave me a thumbs-up and a huge smile from where he was folding up his pelt. I smiled back, nowhere near as enthusiastic as he was over Ryker’s first words.

It took another four hours before Ryker spoke to me again. He stopped beside me while I was refilling my water sack in a stream we were passing. “They’re still red and blistered.”

I tugged my pants down again. Was I going to have to search through the forest, find a Tacky Sap Tree, and glue my pants to my ankles? It felt like my legs were being stalked. “It’s still taking some time, I guess.”

“I woke up and my legs were fine.” His tone was flat, even, and more than a tad skeptical.

“Because I couldn’t find any more. Does that make you happy? It’s out. My secret is out. I gave them all to you. It was an apology. It would’ve been a really bad apology if I’d used them all up instead. I messed up. I know I screwed you with the challenge and forced you into something you didn’t want to do, and I’m sorry.” It was quite a tirade of an apology, as if once you greased those apology wheels, they really rolled.

He stood silently while everyone watched, since, as luck would have it, we’d all needed to refill. I knew I had some faults, stubbornness being one. But worse than stubbornness, I was about as prideful as they got, so this was going to be a tough one. I swallowed loudly, knowing everyone was about to hear what I said next.

“I’m bending. This is me bending. I’ll even get on my knees and beg if that’s what you want.” I followed my words with action, ignoring the thick mud. “But please, release me from the promise I made in the duel?”

I saw the lines in his face softening. He wasn’t totally heartless. He was going to release me. He felt bad for me, and I didn’t even care if he pitied me, as long as he released me from my duel promise.

I was so sure that he would. He wanted to. I could see it. When I heard his next words, it felt like he’d taken a knife out and stabbed me.

“I’m not sure if I can.”

“I’m apologizing. I’ll bend as much as you want. Please, Ryker, don’t do this to me. I know I’m partially to blame, but…please?”

He grabbed me under my arms, dragging me to my feet again.

“It’s not my choice. I don’t know if I can.”

I was trapped, worse than I’d ever been in my life, and I’d had some hairy moments. There was no out, no choice of where I wanted to go or live. That was it. I was stuck with him. I knew what happened if you disobeyed a magical vow. You died.

I pulled out of his grasp and took a few steps away. I felt his hand land on my shoulder, but it didn’t hold me when I kept walking. “I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.”

I started off in the direction we’d been walking, taking the lead so no one could see my face as reality set in. Was I really stuck? He’d said he didn’t know. That didn’t mean there was no possibility.

I’d get out of this. I’d make it out of this entire mess because I had to. I hadn’t gotten this far, survived this long, for this to be how my life turned out.