Making love to Toby had left my body raw and my mind reeling.

I was leaving my heart out of the equation completely.

I tried to put him out of my mind as I did housework and ran errands, but it was impossible.

I went into the newsroom half-an-hour before my shift started, just to try something new. Billy looked up and smiled as I approached his cubicle. I’d avoided him at home last night and I knew he would be full of questions about my date with Toby yesterday and I wasn’t ready to answer them just yet.

Turns out, I didn’t have to.

He always could see right through me.

“You’ve got a glow to your skin this morning. You fucked him, didn’t you?”

I smiled, shaking my head as I sat down next to him.

“Give me all the details,” he said, spinning around in his chair.

“I don’t even know what to say…”

“You did fuck him!” he cried out with a smile.

“Shhh!” I said, looking around as heads popped up from the chest-height dividers at other cubicles in the newsroom. “Let’s go out back.”

“You better tell me everything, Haley!”

“Alright, c’mon already!” I said. The truth was, I wanted to talk about it. I just wasn’t sure Billy was the right person. He hated Toby for the way he’d treated me and I knew he would continue to be over-protective.

In back of the building, he turned to me with an expectant look on his face. He wasn’t going to give me an inch on this.

I smiled, looking away, my cheeks flushed.

“Come on, you can tell me.”

“Well, we took some photos, just like you knew we were going to.”

“And?”

“And he dropped me back off at home.”

“You fucked him at our house?”

“God, Billy, don’t be so dramatic! Besides, it’s my house, too!”

“Go on,” he said, his voice weary and dry.

“He’s not so bad, actually.”

“Yeah, right.”

“People can change…”

“Yeah? So did he?”

“What?”

“Did he change? What’s the deal? All of a sudden, you’re back together?”

“What? God, no…it’s not…it’s not like that…,” I replied, lowering my voice.

What was it like? I wondered. I shook my head, not ready to think about it yet. It was too soon to even question things like that, wasn’t it? It was probably just a one-time thing. For old time’s sake, right? I mean, we really didn’t even have plans to see each other again. He’d tried to pin me down on his way out the door, but after having sex with him, I’d quickly become worried that Billy would come home and all I could think about was getting him out of there as quickly as possible.

I’d still not even told him the Billy and I lived together, a fact I was a little weirded out by. Somehow, it just never came up in conversation. During the lulls between subjects, I just hadn’t found a way to say it.

Sure, I guess right after sex would have been as good a time as any, but all I could think about was getting caught in bed with Toby, and I just wanted him gone.

I needed time to think. About what this all meant.

And if it meant nothing, then what was the point of letting him in on the details of my life?

Time, I just needed time.

So, maybe I was a little abrupt. Perhaps making another date was in order. But if I did that, did that mean we were dating?

You see my problem, don’t you?

It was just too much to think about…and yet that’s all I could do.

“Hello? Earth to Haley?” Billy’s voice broke through the tornado wreaking havoc in my brain.

“Oh, sorry,” I said, trying to shake myself back into reality.

“Look, do what you want with Toby. I just don’t want you to get hurt. You’re right, people change.”

“Thanks, Billy,” I said, smiling gratefully at him.

“You know I love you,” he said, pulling me in for a hug. “I should get back inside. Scott is on the warpath today.”

“Yeah, he’s mad at me too. I’ve not brought in any great photos lately.”

“The ones of Toby and the kids were nice.”

“Yeah, but the lighting in there was all weird.”

We made our way back inside, heading to our home away from home in the newsroom. I contemplated texting Toby to make a date, but I waited. I needed more time to figure out how I really felt about all of this.

Whatever this was.

* * *

That night, I fluttered around the house, preparing a lasagna, roasting vegetables and baking a chocolate cake. I’d been starved since having sex with Toby and no matter how much I ate, I was still hungry.

Maybe it wasn’t food I was hungry for.

I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t want another taste of Toby.

Whether it was right or not was an entirely different matter.

At this point, my body didn’t seem to be interested in what was right or wrong. Now that I’d welcomed Toby into a part of me that I rarely allowed anyone to venture, I just wanted to keep opening myself up to him.

We used to know each other so well, our flesh memorized by our fingertips, our lips fitting together like they were made for each other.

Maybe things don’t always change so much after all.

My phone buzzed on the counter as I was pulling the cake out of the oven. A smile spread across my face when I saw that it was Toby texting me.

“Can I please see you again tonight?”

Short, simple and sweet. And yet, it answered everything I’d been wondering today. Maybe this wasn’t going to be a one time thing after all. I answered quickly, before I could let any reasons to say no pop into my mind.

“Of course. Meet me at the Night Light at ten o’clock.”

I went back to my work, frosting the cake after allowing it to cool on the rack, my head filled with memories of Toby, past and present. I’d spent so long trying to push his memory away and now I was suddenly filled with the urge to remember every detail from our past.

He’d hurt me, but that was only at the end. Up till then, everything had been completely magical.

Maybe it could be again, I thought, my heart speeding up with the thought.