“Blades.” Natalie comes into the living room and leans her back against the wall as she sits on the floor.

The nickname throws me back in time, and I smile a bit, even though I’m currently rubbing my wall with alcohol and a magic eraser.

“You’re the only person that called me that.”

“I know, that’s why I liked it. It was just ours.” There’s a wistfulness in her voice that I don’t really know how to respond to.

We haven’t talked about everything.

I wanted to focus on soaking in my first weeks with Addison, not the past. With the trade possibilities, playoffs coming up…there just hasn’t been time.

It’s definitely been the elephant in the room.

“I didn’t mean to yell at her. I feel bad.” I put more alcohol on the rag I’m using, trying to get all the marker off. It smells terrible in here, and I’ve got the windows open.

“Well, it was my fault. Her wall at home can be drawn on, and I should’ve made sure we talked about it.”

“I didn’t like seeing her cry. How do people discipline their kids when they look so damned innocent?” My voice is pained. It really makes me see parents in a different way.

I mean, I am one now. But…up until today, it’d been mostly smooth sailing. Obviously, I’ve still got a lot to learn.

“If you don’t discipline them, they don’t stay very innocent. Addi’s tough, I don’t baby her. She was just shocked because it was her first time getting into trouble with you, but it’s not the end of her world. I explained why she got into trouble, but you two can talk tomorrow and she’ll still love you just as much.” She reaches up and takes the bottle of alcohol from me, setting it down. Pushing highlighted brown hair out of her face, she pats the empty spot next to her. “We need to talk.”

Her cornflower blue eyes are serious, and she stares ahead for a quiet second before turning to me.

“I know you must hate me.”

I lean back against the wall, resting my elbows on my knees and sighing.

“I don’t know if it’s full-blown hate, now. I am not your biggest fan, I can admit that. It’s hard to hate you as much now that I’ve seen Addi, seen you with her. I want to believe you’re not as cold-hearted as you were then, but it…I don’t know what to trust.”

“When I…” She takes a deep breath. “When I went to get the abortion, I…I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t feel ready for anything. You knew me then, I wasn’t in a good place with myself or with my behavior. I was selfish and I just…I wanted more than I’d ever had growing up. I thought men were the way to do that.”

“We don’t have to rehash everything.” The old feelings get stuck in the back of my throat. My anger, my sadness, how betrayed I felt. How disillusioned I’ve felt, even up to now.

“We do. We need to clear the air so we can be the best team we can be for that little girl in there.”

I can’t disagree with that.

“I’m not used to you being the rational one. It’s going to take some getting used to.”

“We’ve got at minimum 14 more years with each other, which is plenty of time. But anyway, I was at the appointment. I was alone in the waiting room and then they said there was an emergency but they could schedule me for another hour or so. I just…never went back. You’d just been traded to New York from Toronto and I realized you’d be busy and I’d be alone. All I could think about was how we’d have to uproot if you got traded again, how I’d be away from all of my family, how much time hockey already took from you…I didn’t want any of it.”

“You could’ve talked to me, Nat. We could’ve worked it out. I don’t know how, but every other option that wasn’t you breaking up with me and keeping my child a secret seem pretty damn good.”

“I don’t have any excuses for you.” Her voice wavers in the face of the anger that’s seeped into mine and I rub a hand over my face.

Crazy, I’d just said those same words to Keyra. The thought softens me a little.

Fuck, we make mistakes. Stupid, senseless mistakes - but we make them.

“Don’t be mad at your parents. You were starting a new chapter because of me and your mom hated me, for good reason. I was why her baby boy was leaving home. Just to get away from me.”

“I didn’t seek out the trade just to get away from you.” I hedge.

She looks at me with a skeptical expression.

“I didn’t. Yeah, you slept with my coach, but it was time for me to change it up. It was good timing.”

“If it’s any consolation, he was bad in bed.” She says it with a completely straight face before she lets a laugh slip, and before I know it, we’re laughing together.

She reaches for my hand and lays her head on my shoulder, body still shaking a little with amusement.

“I can’t go back in time. But I do want you to get to know the person I’ve grown into. She’s not perfect but…I hope you’ll like her.”

We sit there, and I figure she’s probably running our entire history through her mind the same way I am.

“Are you…dating anyone?” She breaks the silence, turning to me.

I immediately think of Keyra. And with the thought comes a helluva lot of conflicting emotions.

I know she said we were in a good place again, but we haven’t been talking. She’s come to a game or two, but not with us if we go do anything after or grab food before.

I miss her presence, but I haven’t been able to do much about it because the little time I have, I’m with Natalie and Addi.

“I’m…” I hesitate. Pining? Hoping for something?

“Ah.” She pats my leg, rising from the floor. “It’s complicated.”

“We…I don’t know. I don’t really have time to figure things out right now.” I pick up the rag again and go back to scrubbing at the wall.

“Hey.”

I turn to where she’s leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed.

“Yeah?”

“Pro tip. If you care about her, you’ll find the time. Addison and I will be here…don’t sacrifice something if you think it’s good. If anything, it’ll be good to try something out before you completely focus on our little family.”

She disappears down the hallway and leaves me to mull over that little nugget of wisdom that I wouldn’t have expected from her.

Maybe she has a point.

I don’t even know if Keyra still wants me that way. I went so long not trusting anyone to be real with me, that I broke the trust of the one woman I’ve never doubted.