Nick left the jobsite earlier than usual on Thursday.
At the rental he took a quick shower, washing away sweat and grime from the workday. Most everything in the small house was boxed up and ready for the move that would begin the next afternoon. But he’d kept enough clothes and toiletries out to get him through until he was settled in his new home.
After feeding Boomer and giving him a bit of exercise, Nick put the dog in the kennel. “Sorry, fella. Can’t go with me this time.”
He arrived at the Moonlight Diner at ten minutes before the appointed time. He told Lucca he was early and would wait for the rest of his party, but she said it wasn’t a problem and seated him anyway. He ordered a Diet Coke to drink while he waited.
Those extra ten minutes crawled by.
But at last Nick saw Samantha cross Main Street, having walked the short distance from her grandmother’s house. She wore a pale-yellow dress, sleeveless and with a short skirt, and she carried a sweater of the same color in one hand. Her long hair was pulled back on the sides, then fell loosely down her back. The red strands caught and reflected the early-evening sunlight.
His pulse quickened as he watched her enter the diner. He stood, and when she looked around and saw him, he gave her a brief wave and a smile.
“You walked over.” Internally, he winced. His nerves were showing.
“Yes. It’s only two blocks.”
“Yeah.”
She slid into the booth across from him.
Lucca arrived to take Samantha’s beverage order, but before she walked away, she said, “I hear something exciting’s going on to do with Ruth’s shop. I tried to get Brooklyn to tell me, but she clammed up.”
“She knows how to keep a secret.”
“So, will you tell me?”
Samantha’s smile was radiant. “Nope. Not a chance.”
“You rat.” Lucca shook her head. “I’m usually better at getting people to spill the beans. You know. Similar to telling a bartender your woes.”
“Sorry.” Samantha didn’t look the least bit sorry.
Lucca released an irritated huff, but her quick smile said it was all for show.
Nick leaned against the booth and waited until the server was gone. “She didn’t even try to get the information out of me.”
“What could you tell her?” Samantha gave him a narrow glance.
“If it has to do with a guy whose initials are A. M., then I could have been of some use to her.”
Now her eyes widened. “Who let the cat out of the bag?”
“The same person you said knew how to keep a secret.”
“Brooklyn! How did you weasel it out of her?”
He shrugged. “Just sat on the back porch, sipped iced tea, and let her talk.”
She was silent for a few moments and then laughed, that light, airy sound Nick loved so much.
Suddenly he couldn’t think straight. All he wanted to do was look at her. He blinked, grasping for a thread of their conversation so he could continue where he left off. Oh yeah. He remembered. “I hope you’ll tell me more about it.”
Still smiling, she shook her head.
“You can trust me, Sam.” And he meant far more than keeping a secret about a book signing by a popular author. Would she realize that?
“Hey, Nick.”
He looked up to see Craig Hasslebeck approaching their booth from the back of the diner. “Hey, Craig.” He liked the guy, but now wasn’t the time for interruptions.
“How’s it going, Sam?” Craig added.
“Good.”
Craig looked at Nick again. “You sure you don’t need any extra help tomorrow night?”
“I’m sure. Derek and I have it covered.”
“All right. Then I’ll see you bright and early on Saturday.” He pointed with his thumb toward the cash register. “Better go. Enjoy your dinner.”
As Craig walked away, Samantha said, “You’ve made a lot of friends in Thunder Creek.”
He looked across the table. “You’re right. I have. I knew more people in Corvallis, between the university and my sports activities, but I don’t think I could have called most of them friends. Not real friends. Not the kind Derek and Craig have become.” He leaned slightly forward. “Not friends like you and Ruth are to me.”
“I’m glad we can be friends, Nick.”
“Me too.” Only he wanted more than friendship. And before this evening was through, he was determined he would tell her so.
Samantha’s gaze slipped to Nick’s mouth as he acknowledged their friendship, and desire coiled inside of her. Emotional desire. Physical desire. She couldn’t separate them. Memories flared, memories of when he’d kissed her in that empty new home of his, memories of years ago when he’d kissed her a hundred other times.
She drew in a breath, trying to push those unwelcome memories away before they could overwhelm her, and said the first thing that came to mind. “Brooklyn told me your parents are staying at the inn this weekend.”
“She told you my secret?” Nick looked surprised.
For a few moments, she thought he was truly taken aback. But then she caught the amused glint in his eyes. Her tension eased. “Tit for tat, as Gran would say.”
“Or all’s fair in love and war.”
At his choice of comeback, that strange sensation coiled in her belly a second time.
He seemed to sense her reaction. His gaze became more intense, his amusement gone. “Seriously, Sam.”
Seriously what?
He glanced around the diner, every booth and table filled with customers, then back at her. “Do you mind if we eat later?”
She shook her head. Her hunger had vanished before entering the diner.
“Could we walk to the park? There’s something I’d like to tell you, but it’s hard for me to think in here. It got kind of noisy.”
After Nick paid for their beverages, the two of them walked out into the soft summer evening. Their steps were unhurried as they crossed Main Street. It wasn’t until they reached the corner of Orchard and Sharp that he spoke. “I’m glad you agreed to meet me, Sam.” They crossed the street and entered the park, following a path toward the footbridge. “I know things got strange between us last week. I’m not quite sure why.”
Tell him. Tell him what you thought. Tell him why you were scared.
Nick jammed his fingertips into the front pockets of his jeans. “There’s so much I want to say to you. I’ve been rehearsing it in my head so I wouldn’t forget.”
“Oh, Nick.”
“But the thing is—” He stopped walking.
She took a couple of steps before realizing it, then turned to face him.
“The thing is, Sam . . .” One hand came out of his pocket and he raked his fingers through his hair. “I want— No. I have to tell you something else first. I need you to know more about . . . about my accident.”
Those weren’t the words she’d expected him to say.
“No, not the accident itself,” he continued. “The effects of it.”
“You told me.”
“I didn’t tell you everything.”
What more could there be? And what did it matter?
“I’ve kept it from most everyone. I told myself it was ’cause I didn’t want anybody to feel sorry for me. That’s not true. It’s pride, pure and simple. I think I told you I’m learning to be content. But I’m not there yet. Not completely. Not all the time.”
“That’s understandable.”
He didn’t seem to hear her. “A few weeks ago I got lost on my way to the jobsite. My brain just shut off. I didn’t know where I was or where I was going. I panicked. It’s why I didn’t call you all that week after the wedding.” He released a sound of frustration. “Getting lost and panicking happened to me a lot while I was staying with my parents. Almost every time I left the house alone. But it hadn’t happened to me in a while. I thought it was a thing of the past, despite my physicians warning me I can never be sure of that.”
Samantha’s chest tightened, making it difficult to breathe.
“What if it happens again—and it could—and when it does I put someone at risk? Not just me being late somewhere. What if I was supposed to pick up a little kid after school and forgot? Not for a few minutes but completely forgot. What if it was five degrees out and that kid was left standing out in the cold because of me?”
She didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want her pity. She knew that much.
“Wondering that scared me, Sam. Really scared me. It filled me with doubt. I decided the best thing to do was to never be responsible for or to anybody. I told myself I would be okay that way, just me and my dog. Only the trouble is that’s not what I wanted.” He took a breath. “It isn’t what I want.”
“Nick—”
He held up a hand, stopping whatever she might have said. “When I was driving back from Salt Lake last weekend, I felt like God promised that He had a better future in store for me, that I needed to forget all the reasons why I don’t think I can have the life I want. That I can’t be afraid. That I have to trust Him with tomorrow.”
Samantha knew more than she cared to admit about what it meant to be afraid. She’d lived that way most of her adult life. She only had to think back a couple of weekends for an example: the terror she’d felt as Nick had leaned over that churning, foaming river.
“This is the part where you come in.” Nick took a step toward her.
She caught a whiff of the fragrance of his shower soap or shampoo. She saw the warmth in his gaze.
“Sam, I love you, and I want us to be much more than friends.”
He loves me?
A second step brought him to her. His hands closed on her bare arms below her shoulders. She seemed to melt on the inside at the touch. The sweater she’d held in one hand dropped to the ground. Nick lowered his head, and instinctively she tipped hers back so their lips could meet.
He loves me.
Nick Chastain had kissed her many times during those months they’d been a couple. He’d kissed her again less than two weeks ago. But none of those kisses affected her the way this one did. Perhaps it was cliché, but she went weak in the knees. If he hadn’t held her, she would have crumpled to the ground.
He loves me.
But was love enough? He’d broken her heart before, even if some of the fault was hers, and now he’d explained to her one more reason why she should be afraid to be with him. Strength returned to her legs. She put her hands on his chest and ended the kiss by stepping back. He didn’t release his hold on her arms at once. Instead, he looked intently into her eyes, as if he would see into her soul.
“Nick, I . . . I’m only here for a couple more months.” The words came out in a whisper.
“I know. But is going back to Oregon what you want?”
Her heart wanted her to return to his embrace, and it forced an honest reply. “I don’t know.”
“Do you think you could come to love me?”
The answer came out a whisper this time. “I don’t know.” Which wasn’t as honest as before. Because she already cared for him. Perhaps more than she wanted. Perhaps more than was wise. She drew in a breath and released it. “Nick, do you remember what it was like between us before?”
A frown creased his forehead. “Yeah. Mostly.”
“We were attracted to each other. There’s no doubt about that. But what we wanted in life was different. What we wanted from each other was different. I always wanted more than you were willing to give. You . . . you put yourself first.” She drew a breath. “You hurt me.” She thought of him leaning over that rushing river, with no thought for her. “How can I trust you now?” Surprise flickered in her chest. Those weren’t the words she’d meant to say to him. And yet, she realized, she’d needed to say them. She probably should have said them the day he’d asked for her forgiveness.
He was silent a long while before answering, “Maybe you’re right, Sam. Maybe you don’t have a good reason to trust me. But I’m asking you to give me a chance to prove I’m different. We’ve got eight weeks. Right? Give me a chance to prove that I’m the man I should have been before. If I do that, if I prove it to you, we can work through everything else. Whether it’s here or in Oregon. But if you find you can’t love me, if you find you still can’t trust me, then I’ll send you off with my best wishes. I promise. No anger. No harsh words like before. Because I love you, and I want your happiness.”
Fear warred with hope inside Samantha, and she wondered which one would win, even as she answered, “All right, Nick.”