CHAPTER 14
“Kergot, do you think I should see a doctor about my problem?” Penelope asked later that afternoon when they got home.
“What problem, Pene?” he asked, looking up from some of the work he had brought home to finish.
“A fertility doctor,” she told him.
Kergot put down the paper he had been working on and studied her face for a moment. Slowly pushing his chair away from the table, he stood and walked over to where she sat, kneeling in front of her to look into her eyes. His concern was evident in the way he observed her sad expression.
“What has brought this on?”
“I don’t know. You know I hate that I can’t give you children.”
“Is that the only reason? For me?”
“No, not the only reason,” she said, looking down at her hands.
“Listen, Pene. I don’t want you to worry about me. If we can’t have children of our own, then that is just the way it is. Don’t you ever think that you are doing me any disservice.”
“I just think it would be nice to have a family. I know you do too.”
“Yes, it would be nice for both of us. Just don’t think I spend any time at all fretting over the fact that it hasn’t happened for us. If you want to do this, to go to the doctor and get tested or see what help he can give, then I support that. Do what will make you feel best, but just know I love you either way. All that is important to me is you, Pene.”
“Okay, Kergot. I think I will go, if nothing else, just to know if there is even a chance.”
“Then I will go with you. We will both get tested. It might not even be you. I love you, and we will do this together.”
“Thank you, Kergot. I love you too,” she told him, leaning forward as he kissed her on the forehead and smiled at her.
“Make an appointment for us both, and we will go.”
That is exactly what Penelope did, striking it lucky by getting in to see a fertility specialist in Dublin within the week due to a cancellation. Hopefully, it was a good sign that they were getting seen so quickly. After their initial day of testing, they returned several days later for the results, sitting in the doctor’s office hand-in-hand as they awaited what might, hopefully, be good news.
“Kergot, Penelope,” he said, addressing each of them as he came into the room and sat on the edge of his desk to face them. “I’m afraid it is not good news.”
“How bad is it?” Kergot asked solemnly, squeezing Penelope’s hand in solidarity. Whatever it is, we are in it together, his mind said to hers, causing her to glance at him with a feeble smile.
“I’m going to be forthright here. There don’t seem to be any issues with your sperm count, Kergot. The issue seems to lie with Penelope’s eggs. They are being attacked by her own body, killing them off before they can be fertilized.”
“How is such a thing possible?” Penelope asked, hoping for a reasonable explanation, something that could be fixed.
“I don’t know. Your white blood cell count is perfectly normal, so I’m guessing that it only elevates when you ovulate. At that point, your immune system is treating your eggs as if they are a foreign body and attacking them. They are dead on arrival, so to speak.”
“Is there nothing we can do to fix it?” she asked hopefully.
“Perhaps, but the honest answer to that is that I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like it. We could try medication to suppress your immune system, but that opens you up to more serious problems than infertility, I’m afraid.”
“So, you are saying it is hopeless then,” she said, already almost in tears.
Kergot pulled her to him, holding her and stroking her hair as the doctor continued to speak kindly to the two of them. It was obvious that he hated to be the bearer of such bad news, but it probably wasn’t even the worst of what he had to sometimes relay to his patients.
“Nothing is hopeless, Penelope. With your permission, I’d like to refer your records to some specialists that I know. Perhaps they have run into a situation like this and can be of some further service to you. I just don’t want to get your hopes up. I can’t make you any promises.”
“I suppose a shred of hope is better than none at all,” she told him quietly.
“We will just hope for the best. Let me get this out there, and if any of them have anything that might be useful or want to examine you further, I’ll be in touch.”
“Thank you, doctor,” Kergot told him, standing to shake his hand. Penelope rose a bit slower, but shook his hand as well before he escorted them out of the room.
“Are you okay, Pene?” Kergot said quietly as they stood waiting at the elevators back down to the first floor of the large medical complex.
“I suppose I will have to be. I’m sorry, Kergot.”
Tears fell down her face as they stepped inside the lift, which was thankfully empty. Kergot pulled her close to his chest and hugged her tightly. She sobbed as the elevator stood still, waiting for them to push a button to descend. Then, it began moving without them, and she pulled away, hurriedly wiping away her tears before the doors opened for whomever had requested it before they had selected floors.
“Come on. Let’s go get some ice cream,” Kergot told her.
“I don’t think you can fix everything with ice cream,” she told him, knowing he was only trying to lighten the mood by treating her to the rare cone she sometimes enjoyed.
“I can try,” he laughed, leaning toward her and kissing her on the forehead as they strolled, hand-in-hand, toward the Morelli’s shop they had passed on the way to the train station.
“We’re just going to have to put this behind us now and not think about it anymore. It’s better that I resign myself to not having any children and somehow get lucky rather than continue to hold any false hopes,” she said.
“There is nothing wrong with hope. Just don’t dwell on it, Penelope. We are fine just as we are. If it wasn’t meant to be, then we just have to accept that. My love for you is endless.”
“As is mine for you,” she told him.
“Here we are. I think today calls for sprinkles!”
“I’d hardly say that today’s news is sprinkle-worthy,” she said woefully, trying to force a smile.
“Then you would be wrong. Any day can be improved with sprinkles.”
“Well, then I guess we might need to double up on those right now,” she replied, finally managing a smile.
Kergot nodded as they stepped into the ice cream parlor down the street and waited in line. He reached for her hand, holding it tightly as they both stood there, lost in their own thoughts. At least, he was lost in his. She could only read his thoughts when he chose for her to do so. She, on the other hand, was an open book to him.
“Two large, chocolate cones with double sprinkles,” he told the young lady behind the counter.
“Coming up,” she replied happily, batting her eyelashes at him as if Penelope wasn’t there.
It was something she had just gotten used to over the years. Women were attracted to Kergot in a way that was unexplainable. Whether young or old, they gravitated toward him. He was a very attractive man, but it was more than that. She couldn’t explain it, but they seemed to just revolve around him anytime he came near. He seemed completely oblivious to it, laughing it off on the occasions she had even made mention of it.
“Stop it,” he whispered to her.
Penelope looked up at him uncertainly. It took her a moment to even realize her own thoughts and understand that he had read them. Her mind had drifted toward the possibility that, perhaps, he would be better off with one of those women. If he was going to be with a woman who couldn’t shift, she should at least be able to give him children.
“I’m sorry,” she said instinctively.
“Stop apologizing. You’ve nothing to apologize for,” he said softly, his words trailing off as the girl behind the counter began handing their cones to them and waited for payment.
“Thank you,” the girl told him, handing him his change with a broad smile directed solely at him.
Kergot, as usual, didn’t seem to notice. He handed her one of the cones, and put his hand on her lower back as he escorted her toward the door. Penelope’s mood lightened a bit with the reminder that he seemed to have eyes for no one but her. It wasn’t really something she ever doubted, but how much he loved her was sometimes overwhelming in such a wonderful way.
Struggling to overcome the foul mood that threatened to take her over entirely, she began to work on her ice cream and the mass of sprinkles clinging to the delicate, creamy surface. He might be right about the power of this stuff. It was hard to be distraught with so much deliciousness in hand and a beautiful man by your side.
“Much better,” he whispered, kissing her temple with chilled lips.
“Thank you.”
Penelope smiled to herself as they strolled toward the train station to make their way back to the Mournes. Penelope could no longer remember the last time she had flown without the aid of a man-made contraption. The closest she had come was hang gliding, something she still did from time-to-time when the need to take to the skies became too great.
“I think I would like to go out to the glider site tomorrow,” she told Kergot.
“Sounds good. We’ll get out there early for a flight.”
Penelope nodded quietly and returned to her ice cream before her sprinkles all melted down the sides.