Forgiveness
*Kayla*
November 9, 2015
“Yes, I know.”
I clench my hands into fists, feeling my nails bite into my skin. I wince when I manage to make a cut, and I feel warm blood drip from the wound. Ignoring it, I focus on the revolutionary news that Kyle just supplied to us.
Dallas steps forward, eyes wide. “Who?”
“I can’t tell you,” Kyle responds.
“What do you mean, ‘I can’t tell you?’ How are we supposed to help if you don’t tell us?” Dallas’s voice rises as I see tension forming on his shoulders. I understand his frustration, however. I am angry too.
Kyle’s eyes stare up at his brother with uncertainty before he lets out a sigh and then looks over at me. “I have to go,” he whispers.
“No. No,” I cry, stepping forward to reach out to him, but as my hand goes to grasp his shoulder, it falls right through the air. Kyle then deteriorates away before our eyes. I spin around to look up at Dallas. His eyes are watery as he shakes his head.
“I can’t keep doing this,” he whispers. I take a step toward him but stop when I see him move back. “I just want it over, Kayla.”
I nod my head and let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair. Turning my head, I look out the windows of the Dairy Queen shop to see Anne, Katie, Mikey, and Tyler staring at us, their mouths hanging open.
Did they see Kyle too?
“Why does he show up when he does?” Dallas asks, causing me to return my attention to him. I cross my arms over my chest, almost as if I’m hugging myself, and shrug.
“Has he appeared to you?” I ask him.
“No. You?” I shake my head, biting my bottom lip. “The last time we saw him was a month ago. We were together. Then I kicked you out of my life, and he never came back. Now, we’re together at a Dairy Queen that means something to both Kyle and you, and he appeared.” Dallas’s voice is so soft as he paces the lobby of the shop, talking mostly to himself, voicing his thoughts.
“Yeah, well. What’s the one thing Kyle wanted?” I mumble, turning away from Dallas to avoid his gaze. I don’t know what emotion would hide in his eyes, but I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to feel sorry for him or forgive him.
But I do.
“I’m so sorry, Kayla,” Dallas says, his voice gentle and sincere. I feel, rather than hear, him walk up behind me. I tense when I feel rough fingers tenderly seize my wrist.
Looking down over my shoulder, I watch Dallas lift my hand to draw lazy circles on my palm. “Dallas—”
“I always convinced myself that girls were distractions. That’s why I never had a girlfriend. Basketball was too important. After Kyle died, I decided to give up basketball; it doesn’t feel right to be on the team without him here to watch me. Distractions were acceptable.” Dallas tugs on my hand to twirl me around. “Though you were a distraction for pain. For sorrow. You brought me happiness and joy when I thought it impossible to ever have such feelings again. But Kyle needed my help. And for his whole life, I always sidelined him. I couldn’t do that to him again, Kayla.”
Dallas’s words are profound. They touch my heart. I had already forgiven him, though I felt cheated to forgive him when he didn’t truly deserve it. Now, with his explanation, I understand where he’s coming from. Dallas lived a life with different views than me. Now Dallas feels as if he has to make it up to his brother.
Dallas raises my hand to place a kiss to my palm. I shiver, looking up into his blue eyes. “I sidelined you this time. And that was wrong of me. You’re just as much a part of this as I am. It was wrong of me to throw you aside. It wasn’t my place. I had no right to treat you that way. I hope you can forgive me, because I need your light in my darkness.”
I smile at how corny that last part was. Bowing my head, I stare at our hands, twisting my fingers around his. I let out a deep sigh. If I tell him I forgive him, then it opens us up to a second chance. It opens my heart to possibly being stepped on again. But I have to eat the words I spoke to Dallas. We have to seize our opportunities of happiness. And who knows? This may be a sign from God. He might be delivering us a second chance.
“I forgive you…but I’m only giving you one more chance. I am not one of your girls, Dallas. I will not be one of them,” I say, looking him dead in the eye to get my point across.
Dallas steps forward, closing the gap between us. His hands cup my cheeks, never breaking eye contact. “You never were and will never be one.” His words are a promise.
One I hope he can keep.
It turns out Anne, Katie, Mikey, and Tyler did not see Kyle. What they did see was their best friends talking to thin air so passionately and emotionally that it elicited tears.
Not knowing what to say to them, Dallas and I decide to just shrug off what happened. What could we say? Could we tell them the truth? Would they think us mad?
Perhaps we are mad.
Anne was not too thrilled with me reappointing Dallas as a friend. Katie seemed to be more understanding. She was the one who tried to convince me to befriend Dallas in the beginning.
But it doesn’t matter what either of them think at the moment. It seems Kyle appears when Dallas and I are together, not apart. So, for the time being, they’ll have to get over the fact that Dallas is very capable of breaking ties and hurting me again.
I have.
But I truly believe that this time will be different. Dallas claimed to have kicked me to the curb because he thought he had to focus of Kyle. However, the only way we can access Kyle is together.
Dallas knows he’ll have to work hard to regain my trust. Just because I forgive him doesn’t mean I completely trust him again. I have to remain guarded.
*Dallas*
I didn’t expect Kayla to forgive me.
No.
I was certain she was going to refuse me. It’s what I deserve. However, it goes to show just how selfless Kayla is. I’m not sure if she forgave me for me or for Kyle. But most other girls wouldn’t have done so easily.
I have a lot of work to do. Not only am I going to devote some of my time to catching Kyle’s murderer, I am going to spend an equal amount trying to win Kayla back over.
A while ago, she gave me a few ideas of what she wishes to do. One in particular surprised me.
She’s never been on a plane?
A hot air balloon ride also surprised me, but in a different way. I had always wanted to go on one as well. I enjoy the heights but had never gotten the opportunity to go on a hot air balloon ride. I’ve been hang gliding, zip lining, bungee jumping, and even parasailing. But never on a hot air balloon.
Smiling, I remember back to when I took Kayla to the movie theater. I told her that I required her to take me zip lining, horseback riding, and on a boat. Unlike her list, I have done all of mine. Perhaps I’ll combine our lists together.
Maybe after all these excursions, I will fully regain her trust.
And, if I’m lucky, her heart.
“Basketball tryouts are today,” Tyler says, tossing one of my grapes at my head to bring me back from my thoughts of how I am going to get Kayla to forgive me.
“I’m not going,” I say, tossing the grape in my mouth, looking around the cafeteria for Anne and Kayla. They’re not in their usual spots.
“What do you mean?” Mikey interjects, leaning across the table.
They’re appalled. I don’t blame them. Basketball has been the thread between the three of us since we were in middle school.
I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck as if to wish away this conversation. “I can’t. Not after everything.”
Mikey frowns, looking over at Tyler. They share a silent conversation, shaking their heads at each other.
“What are we shaking our heads at?” I can’t help the stupid smile that finds its way across my face when I hear Kayla’s voice. I look over my shoulder to see her standing there.
She looks beautiful today.
She looks beautiful every day.
She’s dressed in her usual skinny jeans and sweatshirt. Her hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, and she wears a light coat of makeup. Her Nike shoes are navy blue, matching her sweatshirt. Kayla’s style was never one I found appealing. I actually found it lazy. However, I’d now rather she wear that than the blouses and skirts Ashley always wore.
Kayla sits beside me, her eyebrow raised in question.
“Dallas isn’t trying out for basketball today,” Tyler answers. His brown eyes meet Kayla’s, and I can tell he’s disappointed.
Kayla turns to face me, her brow dipping. “How come?” she asks, her voice soft and not accusatory.
“It doesn’t feel right, knowing that Kyle won’t be there to watch,” I say. I look down at my hands, sighing. It seems that every topic Kayla and I share revolves around basketball or Kyle. I wish that I could spend one day just getting to know her. Or even a lunch period.
“Kyle would want you to play. Basketball is your future.”
“Is it?” I peek up at Kayla to see her frown before she nibbles on her bottom lip. Oh, how I wish I was the one biting that lip. If only she knew what she was doing to me.
Kayla sighs, shaking her head. “Only if you want it to be.” I’m surprised by her answer. I’ve always been told that basketball is my path, and I have never had any thought to think of anything else.
I have never given thought to being an accountant or a teacher or a contractor. What am I good at? Math? English? Could I find the area of a building? Or the velocity of a moving object?
I never gave myself the opportunity to think about a different life. But when Kayla just now allowed me to, I’m realizing that there really isn’t another path for me to take.
Reaching over, I gently grab Kayla’s hand. It’s been three days since she forgave me. I am taking things slow. I don’t want to risk having her run off. However, I may have to book this weekend up and take her to Lake Michigan. It may be a little chilly, but we’ll still be able to rent jet skis.
“All right. Only if you come with me to tryouts,” I say.
“You want me to come to tryouts with you?” Kayla asks, a soft smile forming on her lips.
Is that not what I just asked? I laugh.
“It’s what I want, yes.” Kayla giggles, nodding her head in acceptance. I don’t know why she’s so excited to be going to tryouts with me. It will be dreadfully boring, and I’m sure she’ll want to escort herself out before it’s halfway over.
But I enjoy her smile, and I won’t question its appearance.
“Kayla?” She turns her head, her mouth full of turkey sandwich.
“Hmm?” she asks, chewing quickly.
Why is that so cute?
I laugh at her. “What’s your favorite color?”