Chapter 12

Libby couldn’t stand it. She knew that Bev wasn’t hurting Jaz physically, but with every growl and whimper she heard, it was driving not only her crazy, but her wolf, as well. She wanted to rip the stupid witches’ hand off for daring to touch her mate—and to cause him pain, no less.

Rational Libby knew this had to be done. This was the only way to get to the demon.

But newly mated, she-wolf Libby didn’t give a damn about the demon. She wanted to protect her mate. She wanted to take him home, and soothe all his sadness and suffering away. She knew Jaz hadn’t had the greatest life. When they completed their bond, she felt his loneliness in a world full of people. She hadn’t gotten any memories, as Bev was doing now, but she had experienced the dominating emotions of his life thus far, and she didn’t care for how they made her feel. She wouldn’t pity him, that would only serve to tick him off. He was the man, and she didn’t want to lose what they had gained so far by feeling sorry for him. A man like Jaz wouldn’t appreciate that.

Libby wanted to go to Jaz when Bev slumped against the couch, but he didn’t move. He lay on the floor, his body trembling, and had his eyes closed tight. No one made a sound. The silence only served to irritate her beast.

Bev broke the silence. “War is coming.”

Willow stared at Jaz like it was his fault the witch was pale. But Bev shrugged her off and moved to sit on the couch. Her body jerked with each small movement.

The others sat quietly, waiting for her to continue, but Libby could only stare at her mate. His eyes were open, and when he took one moment to look at her she caught his expression of disgust before his attention snapped away from her.

The wolf whimpered, and Libby frowned. Was he angry at her? She didn’t think she could have done anything to make him look at her that way.

Jaz sat up and glanced around the room before lowering his eyes to the floor. “I need some air. Can I go out on the porch?”

Aris frowned at her mate but nodded. “Sure.”

Jaz didn’t acknowledge anyone as he stood and walked past her. She reached out for his hand, but he yanked it away. She went to stand to go after him, but he growled.

“Don’t follow me.”

Shocked, Libby coward on the couch. He’d never used that tone with her before. But she let him go. Her heart ached knowing her mate didn’t want her.

“Give him time, child,” Bev said. “He’s just relived everything in his life. It’s going to take some time for him to get over it. He’s never looked at his action this closely before.”

“But—”

“Trust me. If you go to him now, he’ll shut you down, and you won’t like what he says. He’ll be okay in time.”

Libby sighed. She didn’t want to listen, but she also didn’t want Jaz anymore upset with her than he was now.

So, she sat.

And she waited

After several minutes of silence, she began to wonder if he was waiting to see if she would go to him, even though he’d told her not to. What if he really wanted her and she didn’t follow? If he was truly worried about the things he’d done and what her perception of him might be, if she didn’t go to him, wouldn’t he think she didn’t care enough? This could be a test for her. One she wasn’t sure she was passing at the moment. No matter the outcome, if he thought she was ashamed of him, it would ruin what was slowly building between them.

Lost in thought, Libby paid no attention to the others. She heard them talking, but she had no idea what they were talking about. She didn’t care, and they didn’t seem bothered that her mind was a million miles away. As far as she was concerned, the only thing that mattered was the man outside hiding from her.

“I can’t do this,” she muttered and stood up. “I’m not leaving my mate alone to suffer.”

Aris shrugged. “If he’s anything like me, he’s stubborn and won’t want you to see him in a weakened state.”

“I can’t let him deal alone. That’s what I’m there for, to be his strength.” If he turned her away, she’d leave him be, but she had to try. When no one stopped her, she headed to the front door. It was open, but she hesitated at the screen. Jaz was leaning against the porch railing. His back was to her, his head downcast. She saw the tightness in his back and shoulders. He seemed to be deep in thought and a part of her held back. She figured he knew she was there as she hadn’t been quiet.

***

Jaz released a shaky breath. He wasn’t surprised that she had followed him, but he wasn’t sure if he could handle talking to her. Reliving all of his past was hard to swallow. It was almost as if he was watching himself on the sidelines. When he killed, he’d never allowed himself to feel, yet when Bev forced herself into his mind he saw everything he’d ever done in a different light. It wasn’t something he wanted to do ever again.

“I know you’re there. You might as well come out,” he said, but he didn’t turn to face his mate. If he had thought hadn’t deserved her before, now the feeling was worse. No one would want to be with a man like him. She needed someone good, someone who put her first and didn’t have a dark past that would always haunt him.

Libby walked toward him and his body tensed, but she didn’t touch him. Instead, she copied his pose beside him. He waited for her to speak, though he could tell she wanted to, she kept quiet. Her presence was more comforting than he thought possible. His body relaxed, knowing he had her.

But would he be able to keep her once she found out about everything he’d done? Should he tell her? He wasn’t worried Bev would tell. She was all right for a witch. He had a feeling his past would haunt her for the rest of her life, just as it would him. He’d never wish that on even his worst enemy, never mind a woman who probably had her own share of darkness. Everyone had a past, but his was more—colorful—than most.

“Don’t shut down on me now. Whatever you saw—it doesn’t define you.”

He kept his eyes away from her knowing he’d melt under her gaze. “But it does. My past is long and horrible.”

“But you have changed.”

He chuckled. “I haven’t been good long enough to be able to say that. My past is very much my present.”

Libby placed her hand on his arm and squeezed. “I won’t lie and say that the things you’ve done are okay, even if I don’t know what they are. You’ve warned me you’ve done awful things. But you won’t do them anymore. The only thing you can do is move forward and try to be better.”

He glanced at her then. “You really think I can do that?”

“Of course, you’ve got me now. I won’t let you fall back into the darkness.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

She sighed. “Everyone deserves love. You’ll see that one day. Until then, we need to go back inside and complete our mission. The demon is still out there, and our part is far from over.”

Jaz turned and pulled Libby in his arms, just like he wanted to do as soon as Bev’s exploration was over. But he hadn’t allowed himself the peace. Now he did. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest. She was warm and soft, and nothing had felt better. He kissed the top of her head before pulling away.

“You’re right. We need to end this.”

Libby nodded and went back inside. He followed, keeping her in sight. Right now, he felt the need to remain close to her. The bond between them seemed to grow each time he allowed her close to him, and he knew that soon she would know the full truth. Whether she stayed or not was up to her, but he really hoped she didn’t leave him.