Chapter 33

“I guess you’re alone again, girlfriend.”

Claire spoke the words aloud as she climbed the last landing to her apartment and the melancholy clouded in around her. Only minutes ago, she had been carefree, going on with Monica about all the girl talk in the world. Now, it was if a gray cloud had quietly moved in over her on the walk home and begun to shower discontent down upon her shoulders. Fishing in her purse for her keys, she was caught off-guard by the response that came from just outside her door.

“You don’t have to be.”

Claire’s head jerked up to find herself looking into the eyes of Harper, leaning against her door frame. How long had he been there waiting for her, she wondered? He looked just as handsome as ever, his bright blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight as he smiled uncertainly. She wanted to either slap or kiss him, but she was having trouble deciding which one. Instead, she heard herself begin to speak, though it felt like someone else talking.

“Harper…” No more words came to her other than just the acknowledgement that he was there.

“Yes. I realize that my visit is unexpected, but I was afraid that if I called, you wouldn’t see me after I’ve been such an ass to you for so long.”

It took a moment for her to absorb the words in her confused, somewhat drunken state. It seemed surreal to see him standing there. She was more than a little tipsy, but no way had she drank enough to be hallucinating. Still, she reached out and pushed at his chest with a single finger like a small child testing to see if something was make believe. “You’re real.”

Claire had hoped many times during the weeks that had passed that he would come around and tell her that everything would be okay, but when it hadn’t happened for so long, she had accepted it.

Even though she had not had any time to date anyone else, in her mind, it was over. Her heart? Well, it wasn’t yet healed enough to make a reasonable decision on its own. Then again, her mind wasn’t in a much better state.

“You were expecting a hologram?”

His voice sounded a little nervous, even though he was flashing his usual dazzling smile as he spoke the words. It seemed to steel her backbone as she remembered how he had abandoned her without even letting her explain what had happened. He had left her when she could have really used someone to lean on.

“I was expecting the same thing I have seen for weeks when entering my apartment. Nothing. Why did you come back?”

Once again, she knew her words were cold, but that was how she felt at the moment. All the love she had begun to feel for him was still there, but it was buried somewhere behind an avalanche of blinding pain just waiting to come unraveled and kill anything in its path.

“I came back to tell you that I was wrong. I should have listened to you. Instead, I ran off like an injured animal to lick my wounds.”

He looked at her intently as he spoke, as if trying to absorb what she might be thinking. How that was possible, she wasn’t sure as she wasn’t sure what her thoughts were herself, but she felt the ice shift just a little.

“Look. I don’t know why you are here, but you can’t just show up and expect me to forget that you abandoned me when I needed you most. You should have trusted me.”

All the anger came flooding back. The weeks of frustration and abandonment rearing their ugly head. There was still an urge somewhere within her that wanted to say nothing, just to run to him and kiss him madly. Her pain wouldn’t let it be. Nothing she had done was wrong and if he had given her five minutes of his precious time, he would have known that. It had been way too easy for him to believe the worst.

“I’m sorry, Claire. I have no excuses for how I behaved—” His words were interrupted by a young couple topped the landing and looked at them curiously before walking up the next flight. “Look, can we just go inside and talk for a bit? If you don’t like what I have to say, I will leave and not bother you again.”

“That sounds like something you are good at,” she murmured bitterly, but she put the key in the lock and waved her arm for him to step inside. He was quite literally a total buzz kill, as she suddenly felt completely sober again.

“I heard that.” His tone was light, but had undertones of seriousness.

“I intended for you to,” she responded with snark as she pushed the door closed behind them and stood their glaring at his still turned back.

“Oh, boy, this is going to be fun.” He turned to face her. No doubt he could see that she was now red in the face with anger. Claire could see it in the wall mirror to one side of the door.

“I didn’t ask you to come here, Harper. If this isn’t your idea of “fun” then you can just get right back on whatever horse you came in on and ride back to your house.” She was suddenly feeling very antagonistic. She knew it was the hurt feelings talking, but she just couldn’t stop herself. It was if he had opened a can of venom that was just spewing out in pressurized blasts.

“Whoa, now. Slow your roll, Claire. I didn’t come here to fight with you. Can’t we just sit down and talk?” He was trying, but she didn’t feel reconciliatory at the moment.

“Fine.” She sat down in the chair by the sofa and waited for him to take a seat.

“Claire, I’ve been miserable without you. All I’ve been able to think about is being with you and how much I missed you.” He paused for a moment, seeming to gauge her reaction, but she was playing her feelings very close to the vest. “I want to try to fix this, make it up to you.”

“Oh, so you’re suddenly willing to just completely forget that you arrived here to find a man in my bed. It no longer matters that I cheated on you?” It wasn’t true, of course, but she wanted to push his buttons. She could feel mounds of sarcasm just welling up in her chest, waiting to be unleashed at the slightest provocation.

“You didn’t cheat. You were helping a friend, just as you said. I know that now,” he said.

“I see. So, then you’ve found out the truth about why Samuel was here. Who told you?”

Claire felt even less inclined to excuse his previous behavior now that she knew the only reason he was suddenly so forgiving is that he had somehow learned why the man in her bed had probably been here. Obviously, he hadn’t trusted her even in the slightest, but someone else telling him what was going on made all the difference in the world.

“Taylor told me. He had called the office to thank us for our work on his ad campaign and wanted to thank you personally. When I told him you had accepted a position elsewhere, he had insisted on contacting you there. I gave him the name of the new agency. He told me in a later conversation that your boss had told him that you were out of the office to attend the funeral of your friend Samuel and that you had been taking care of him for some time. I put two and two together.” He looked down at his feet for a moment. It was obvious that he felt sorry for how he had acted, but was that enough?

“Well, that is just great, Harper. So, you came here to be absolved from behaving badly and not being there when I needed you? Fine. I forgive you. Now you can go.” You would think that the heated anger she felt inside would thaw the ice, but it seemed to only harden it against intrusion.

“Claire, that is not fair. Put yourself in my shoes. How would you have reacted if you had walked in to find a woman in my bed unexpectedly? It’s not like you told me about it. You deliberately kept it from me for some reason. Why? I could only assume the worst.”

His intense expression began to dispel her anger. It was quickly replaced with guilt for bringing all of this on herself.

“Perhaps, but I would have at least given you an opportunity to explain. Even if I had stormed out, I would have come around to talk to you. How can you say you love someone if you aren’t willing to fight for them?” The words felt sad, even as she said them. How easy love was to just cast aside in favor of pain.

“It took me a while, Claire. I’m sorry it took so long. I’ve been down this road before. I forgave and forgot. I accepted the excuses and the lies. It tore me apart. When I walked in and found him here, I just couldn’t stand the thought of being in that place again. Everyone tried to tell me that I needed to talk to you about it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to hear what you might have to say.” His gaze was firmly fixed on his hands as he spoke.

“So, that is why you have been alone all this time. Someone hurt you and now everyone has the potential to be her? I didn’t get a chance to explain myself because a woman in your past scarred you so badly that you feared an old wound opening and not being able to close it again? You really don’t give us women much credit, do you?”

Her anger was rising again. Everything he was saying to try to fix this was only making matters worse. She was beginning to wish he hadn’t come here and opened her barely healed wounds.

“I’m sorry.”

They were the final words of a broken man. A man who had said everything he knew how to say to resurrect the dead and resigned himself to failure and loss. She felt the same. Her anger was rapidly being replaced by numbness so profound that she didn’t anticipate any true feelings for some time to come.

“Me, too.” It was all she could say as they sat there looking awkwardly at the floor between our respective feet, not making eye contact under any circumstances. Finally, Harper spoke again.

“For what it is worth, I am truly sorry about your friend. He was lucky to have someone so wonderful to care for him in his last days. You have no idea how badly I felt about how I reacted or the fact that I hit him.” He finally looked up at her and she returned his gaze. Though she had tried to hold them back, there were tears in her eyes.

“Thank you.”

Claire willed the tears to stop, but they ignored her, trickling down her face in an ever-increasing stream. It was the first time she had cried since Samuel had passed. There had been so much to do, so much to take care of… then there was work. Now, with this episode with Harper, it was all coming to the front full force ahead and there was no stopping it. she broke down in heavy sobbing.

“Come here.” Harper sat her down on the sofa and got down on his knees in front of her, holding her close to his chest. “Just let it all out, Claire. I know it must have been so hard for you to let him go. You must have been close.”

The words cut through the tears as she realized that Harper hadn’t been completely wrong. she had lied to him, in a sense. It was a lie of omission. She had not told him about Samuel nor had she told him who Samuel was to her. She tried to calm herself as she pulled away and looked at him.

“Harper, Samuel was not just my ex-boyfriend. We used to be engaged. We split up because he cheated on me and I couldn’t forgive him. When he came to me for help, I couldn’t let the past be an excuse not to help him. He had no family and he needed me. I couldn’t say no to that. It was never anything but platonic, but I just didn’t want you to get the wrong idea so I decided not to tell you unless I had to. I brought this all on myself.” For the second time that evening, she felt like she was babbling as she spat it all out between sobs.

“It’s okay. We both made a mistake. Can’t we just forgive one another for being a little less than perfect, Claire? It’s probably not the last misunderstanding or argument we will ever have. We have to be able to get through these things if we’re meant to last.” He wiped her tears away with his hand as he spoke.

“We made a mess of it, didn’t we?”

A weak smile crossed her face as the avalanche came raging down, clearing a path to her heart but balling up in her stomach in case it needed to catapult upwards to resume its position. Forgiveness was a challenging thing, but she had to realize that it was a two-way street and she was just as culpable in this as he.

“Yes, we did. The good news is that we’re here together now. We can chalk it up to mistakes and promise to always be honest with one another in the future. Can we do that, Claire?” His timid smile matched her own.

“Yes, I think we can.”

Further comment, if there had been any to offer, was cut off by his kiss. It was if the pilot light on her libido had died out, only to be sparked again by his overwhelming presence. Claire wanted him in the worst way. They could sort all of this out later. Right now, all she wanted was to feel him inside of her, pushing her to her limits and sending her careening off a precipice of ecstasy like only he seemed to be able to do.

“I love you, Claire.” His face was still very close to hers as he whispered the words, letting them vibrate across her lips and sending warmth throughout her entire body. she felt alive again.

“I love you, too,” she whispered back.

She found herself being hauled up from the sofa, tossed roughly over his shoulder with her ass up in the air as she giggled and got carted off to the bedroom like a cavewoman being taken home by some Neanderthal brute. She had to admit that she liked it more than a little. Then, she was falling backwards, being tossed on the bed as he climbed across her and kissed her lips again.

“You have too many clothes on.”

He reached forward and ripped open the buttons on her blouse to expose her less than sexy bra beneath.

“Hey, I liked that blouse,” she protested half-heartedly.

“I’ll buy you another,” he told her as he broke the straps of her boring gray cotton bra and pushed it downward to expose her breasts. Her nipples were hardening rapidly in the cool air-conditioned bedroom. “Bra, too.”

His mouth covered her hardened nubs, sucking and licking enthusiastically as she let loose with multiple low moans of pleasure. His hand found its way downward, pushing up her skirt and sliding his fingers inside the rim of her panties.

“God, you’re already so wet. I love how moist you get,” he moaned as he moved from her breasts upward toward her neck and back to her lips, kissing her passionately as he manipulated her clit with his deft fingers. Their rough pads felt delicious against her most sensitive body part and she squirmed to try to relieve the intensity he was creating between her legs.

“You’re driving me insane,” she panted.

“Good. It’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better, baby. We’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.” His words were punctuated with a thrust of two large fingers deep inside of her as his thumb took over the friction on her clit, causing her to mumble incoherently about how much she liked it. “That’s my girl. Just lay back and enjoy,” he coaxed.

“Yesssss,” she cried as his kisses moved downward, back across her breasts and across the center of her stomach to the edge of her skirt.

“Yeah, this is way too good not too taste.”

Claire gasped as his fingers slid out from inside her and she watched him lick them clean. “You taste just as good as you look.”

Then both of his hands were on her skirt, ripping the delicate fabric away to expose her hideously functional cotton panties beneath it.

“I have to admit that these felt much sexier than they look. Say goodbye.” Before she had a chance to respond, she felt them being ripped free.

“You realize that you now owe me an entire outfit, right?” She laughed as he stood and began to undress, looking down at her body, now nude save her shoes.

“Well, good news. I’ll let you keep the shoes. As a matter of fact, why don’t you just keep those on? You may need the heels for traction before we are done.”

He fumbled out of his own shoes as he spoke and then he was on her again, skin against skin. His powerful body pressed into hers with all its hard-muscular angles.

“Thanks. I do appreciate that.”

He cut her words off with his kiss…searching, hungry. His mouth was hot with desire and it quickly flowed through her, causing a familiar warm tingle throughout her body.

“Now, where was I?”

His fingers found their way down her side and he leaned sideways a bit, slipping them inside of her once more while his eager thumb resumed its intoxicating massage on the throbbing nub just above them. She bowed her hips upward as his fingers curved into the spot he knew so well, bringing her to an orgasm that caught her completely off guard.

“Oh, God…I’m coming. Jesus…” she wailed as her body lost complete control and embraced the release it had longed for during the weeks she had been alone. She shuddered as it shattered through every limb and spiraled down into her fingers and toes.

“We’re just getting warmed up, gorgeous.”

His fingers pushed inward and resumed their motion. She didn’t think she had anything left to give, but found herself responding to him again, the pressure building inside of her as he brought her to one orgasm after another until she was squirting from the force of her own climax. She was soaked and it seemed the more she gave up, the more he wanted her to give.

“Please, I don’t think I can take anymore,” she begged.

“Yes, you can. I’m not stopping until you say the secret codeword.”

The statement threw her off. Secret codeword? They didn’t have a secret code word. What was it? The friction from his fingers was both exciting her and making her a bit sore, at the same time. It still felt incredible what he was doing as he bent down to take a nipple between his teeth, pulling at it as he gently bit softly down.

Shockwaves seemed to explode and replicate themselves throughout her body as her hips jolted forward in yet another insane orgasm and in that moment of pure, unadulterated ecstasy, it came to her.

When thet were together at Taylor’s farm, she had playfully uttered a loud cry while riding him as if he were a cowboy. He had laughed and told her that it would be their little secret that she had a dark desire to be a cowgirl. She had forgotten all about it, but it was the only “secret” she could think of. A smile crossed her face as she smiled up at him and repeated her sexual battle cry.

“Yeeeee Hawwww!”

The words seemed to come from outside of herself as she was caught up in the spiraling climax and collapsed, his fingers pulling free of her, replaced by his throbbing cock. He felt amazing as he pushed into her, filling her already aching walls with his girth. Her nails dug into his back as their hips met again and again, reminding her of how much she loved how he felt.

“Yes, baby. Yes,” he groaned as he made love to her, taking his time. Their bodies moved together slowly at first, but picked up tempo as they grew more aggressive.

“Fuck me harder, Harper. I want you to fuck her so hard that I scream,” she moaned loudly. It felt good just to let loose and go with things. She had never wanted him so much in her life.

“Yeah? Whatever you want, baby.”

He pulled free of her and flipped her over, slapping her on the ass as he positioned her on all fours and stood up by the bed. His hands found her hips as he centered himself and thrust his hard cock into her with one swift move, fucking her hard and fast as she screamed into the surrounding room. Hopefully, the neighbors wouldn’t call the cops.

“Oh, yeah, harder. Fuck me, Harper. Give her every hard inch,” she wailed as he did exactly as she asked, ramming her so hard that it hurt in the most incredible way. They had never been so rough in their lovemaking and she loved it. Not only did it feel amazing, but she knew that it was a sign that she felt truly free with him.

“I’m coming. I’m coming…. ooohhhh,” Harper moaned.

He shoved deep inside of her and let loose with an orgasm so intense that he dug his fingers into her hips, no doubt leaving bruises that she would smile at later. They collapsed on the bed, him still inside of her as he lay against her back. After a moment, he rolled onto one side and lay beside her, stroking her hair with his hand.

“You are so beautiful. I’m a lucky man to have you in my life, Claire. I can’t believe she came so close to losing you.” His smile and the familiar twinkle in his eyes said far more than his actual words. He was happy here and it showed.

“I think we might just be okay,” she told him with a little laugh. “Now, I have to go find some non-ripped clothing because it’s a bit chilly in here. You want to take a shower with me?”

“I can’t think of anything that she would love more,” he replied.

By the next morning, it was as if the two of them had ever spent a day apart. After a long weekend of making love and talking, they were stronger than ever. For the first time in a long while, she felt like things might just be looking up again. Glancing at herself in the bathroom mirror, she saw the face of a woman who was on the verge of having it all. There were no traces of the naïve girl that had come to the city only months ago. Claire was a woman, a woman in love.