CARTER MADE ME laugh so hard my ribs hurt. But this was a much better sort of ache than what I’d felt before. There was just something infectious about that little boy—the way he swirled ketchup and mustard together to make a dip for his fries, the giggle when he flipped his spoon and it sent ice cream smothered in strawberry sauce and hot fudge flying into his father’s hair, the care he took in wiping his sticky hands clean before reaching for my hand when we were leaving. And then there was the way he got upset when we were leaving and he realized he’d forgotten to buy a treat for Snoopy.
“He needs a sundae,” Carter insisted, stopping in his tracks when we were halfway across the parking lot. “Hot fudge and strawberry like mine.”
Ethan appeared to be having great difficulty not laughing. “Dogs can’t have chocolate. No fudge. How about we just get him a cup of vanilla froyo? I bet he’ll think that’s the best thing ever. And we can get a lid on it so it won’t melt or spill in the car.”
After a couple of minutes haggling in the parking lot, it was agreed that Snoopy would get vanilla frozen yogurt in a cup, but Carter insisted on a taking a waffle cone with us, as well, so his puppy wouldn’t think he was missing out.
When we got back to Ethan’s house, Carter raced inside without bothering to bring his backpack or even his iPad. All he bothered with was the treat, leaving the rest for his father to deal with.
I walked through the garage door to the sound of happy barking and a giggling boy. Snoopy and Carter had met up in a tackle-hug in the middle of the kitchen floor, and Snoopy had the boy pinned beneath him while he licked the child’s face.
“Snoopy, stop! You’re going to spill your ice cream!” Carter squealed, but the dog didn’t seem to care. He was too excited about his boy being home to worry about trivial things like making a mess in the kitchen.
Ethan carried all of Carter’s things past him and up the stairs.
I sidestepped the pile of fun, careful not to step on fingers, tails, or toes, and headed for the living room.
When Ethan came back down the stairs, he had his cell phone pressed to his ear. “You’re sure?” He shot his eyes over to me, but I couldn’t decide what his expression meant. “So they’re going to cooperate? They’re taking the deal?”
My lungs got so tight I felt as if they were going to completely close themselves off from the rest of my body, but I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t. It would take too much air, and I didn’t have a bit of it to spare.
“How soon?” he asked, reaching for my hand.
His felt warm and strong, a steady reassurance that he would be by my side through whatever might come.
“And she doesn’t have to be there?” Ethan asked, although it didn’t come across as much of a question. “She doesn’t have to face him yet?”
A few more moments passed by with nothing but the soft buzzing of the voice on the other end of the line being drowned out by Carter’s laughter and Snoopy’s energetic efforts to eat his frozen yogurt.
Finally, Ethan ended the call. “It’s happening fast,” he said.
“How fast?”
“Tuesday. Both of the guys already agreed to take the deal. Lennon’s going to be there. They’ll arrest him and charge him on the spot, as soon as he steps into the courthouse.”
“And he won’t get a lesser sentence?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from cracking…but I failed. I failed miserably. And now, my eyes were welling with tears.
I wasn’t sure why I was crying now. He couldn’t hurt me anymore. He was finally going to pay for what he’d done, at least in some small way. Why should that make me cry? I ought to be happy. Or relieved. But instead, I felt overwhelmed.
“His lawyers might try to get a plea bargain of some sort, but if his buddies testify against him, and you and I testify against him, he won’t get off.” Ethan tossed his phone on the sofa and reached over to brush away my tears, which only caused more to fall. “You’ve got medical evidence to back you up. There’s video showing what the other guys did to you. It’ll be enough. It has to be.”
I was glad Ethan seemed certain, because I definitely didn’t.
“And I don’t have to be there? When they arrest him?” Because I didn’t think I was ready for that yet. Yes, someday, I’d have to face him in a trial. But I needed time to prepare. I needed more time to heal.
“You don’t have to be there. He’s never going to be able to hurt you again, Nat. I’m going to make sure of it.”
“So the only way he can keep hurting me now is if I let him,” I said.
“Like if you don’t let yourself love someone.”
He didn’t need to fill in the blanks any more than that. I knew Ethan meant I needed to allow myself to love him.
And I wanted to. I wanted to feel free enough to love him and Carter and Snoopy.
Someday.
I would get there.
I had to.