THE NEWS OF my father’s involvement in the case seemed to shake Natalie more than I’d been expecting. Sure, she let me draw her into my arms and hold her, but at the same time, it felt as if she were closing off some part of herself, stacking more bricks onto her protective wall. I’d hoped that we were finally starting to tear that wall down, one painstaking piece at a time, and that we were making progress toward eliminating it entirely. But instead, we were once again moving in the opposite direction.
Carter’s gleeful shouts and Snoopy’s excited barks out back were such a sharp contrast to the heavy weight settling between us inside. But at the same time, they were proof that, with the right care, anyone could live a good life.
That damn dog had been left on the side of the road to suffocate and die, but I’d never known a pup so loyal and loving before. He’d always be undersized because of the malnourishment he suffered before I had him, but that didn’t prevent him from opening up his heart to every human he came into contact with.
Carter was constantly being shuttled back and forth between my home and Kinsey’s, but he knew we both loved him, and he was the sweetest fucking kid I’d ever been around. The way he treated Natalie was the only evidence required to see what a big heart he had.
But kids and animals healed faster than adults. They were more forgiving. They soaked up love and affection, letting it fill them up instead of trying to fight it off, thinking they didn’t deserve it. They tended to assume the best of people instead of expecting the worst.
I needed to convince Natalie that I could keep her safe, but how could I do that when, with every day that passed, I felt less certain of it myself?
She snuggled against me, trying to get closer, so I cautiously tightened my arms around her. I wanted her to feel safe and protected but not trapped. It was probably a very fine line between the two extremes.
“How did I end up like this?” Her lips barely brushed the side of my neck as she spoke, and her eyelashes fluttered softly against my skin just before a hot tear dripped to my chest. “I was supposed to be too smart for this. I was in the top ten of my high school class. Top ten students, not just the top ten percent, even. I had scholarship offers from four different universities, but I turned them all down because Hayes wanted me with him wherever he ended up playing hockey. He didn’t want me to go to college. I used to be smart. How did I end up so stupid?”
“You’re not stupid.”
“I have to be.”
“Look at me,” I said, and I tipped up her chin until she met my eyes. “You’re not stupid. Maybe he wanted you to think you are, but that was all him. Because he felt the need to control you, probably because he felt out of control himself. That’s all it was. But it doesn’t make you stupid.”
“I feel like such an idiot,” she said, her eyes swimming.
“Please don’t call yourself that. Not in front of me.”
I wanted to kiss her tears away, but I’d already gone further than I should have by dragging her into my lap. Instead, I forced myself to keep my hands where they were, my lips far away from hers.
“I don’t deserve you, Ethan,” she said. “I don’t know what I’ve done to have you in my life, but—”
“You deserve so much better than me.”
She shook her head. “There’s no such thing. There is no one better than you.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Not about this. Not for me.”
Everything in my chest clenched at her words and the sincerity in her eyes. I wanted to kiss her more than I wanted to breathe, but I’d meant what I’d said before—if anything was going to happen between us, she was going to have to initiate it. In her own time, when she was ready, and not a moment before. I’d broken part of that vow by holding her, but I wouldn’t do more than that.
And however much I hoped she was ready, that she’d make her move now, I knew it was too soon.
After a long, electrically-charged moment, Carter and Snoopy interrupted us by slamming open the back door and racing inside, both of them sopping wet.
“I think it’s gonna rain!” Carter shouted as Natalie squirmed to get off my lap, her cheeks pink. But was it a blush or something else?
“You sure about that?” I replied, reluctantly helping her shift over.
“There’s a lotta clouds.”
Sure enough, some more dark storm clouds had rolled in. I checked the weather app on my phone, and it said we might actually get a good soak. About fucking time.
“We should go sit outside in it,” Natalie suggested.
“I’m gonna do a rain dance,” Carter said, racing up the stairs.
“Why are you going upstairs?” I called after him, but he and Snoopy were already gone. Seconds later, the door to Carter’s room slammed closed.
“A rain dance?” Natalie repeated, laughing softly.
“No idea. I guess we’ll both see in a minute.” But with any luck, it would work.