“Who is your source?”
Ella’s lips pressed together mutinously.
He used to love seeing her get mulish, she always looked so cute when she was trying to evade something. But it wasn’t cute now - well, yes, it was - but this was a perilous time.
Ryan kept their gazes locked. “Your source.”
“I can’t tell.”
“We can go in circles all night, Ella. If you don’t tell me, don’t tell the feds, you are withholding information.”
The frustration was practically pouring off her. Those beautiful grey eyes were stormy, anger kindling in the depths. “Then maybe they should arrest me.”
“This is more treacherous than you know. High-up people are involved, the feds are trying to figure out who. They need to find these members, destroy this club before it sucks more young girls down into its pits.”
She glanced away, the internal war inside her so easy to see.
Easy to see because he’d always been attuned to her moods.
He waited, letting her conscious grapple with the decisions facing her. Knowing deep inside that she’d do the right thing, because his Ella always did the right thing in the end.
Abruptly, she shoved away from the bench, sliding off the stool to stride to the ‘fridge. Retrieving a can of Diet Coke, she popped the tab, took a long drink before rubbing the cold can against her brow. Another cold swallow before standing there staring at the fridge’s closed door.
It was a fight inside her, the tension blatantly obvious in her curvy body. As she struggled internally, trying to find a solution that didn’t go against her loyalty, Ryan studied her.
Man, she looked so good. So pretty. The thick golden hair was caught up in a messy bun, little tendrils falling down to curl around her cheeks, sweet little body so deliciously plump, all curves and silky skin. The scent of floral soap teasing his senses when he’d held her close to him. Big grey eyes, cupid lips, haughty little nose.
He remembered as clear as though it was yesterday how she felt against him, those soft lips pressed to his, those silky curves undulating beneath him. Remembered it as though it were yesterday instead of thirteen long years ago.
She’d been through so much and had come out stronger.
But he should have been there for her.
He would be there for her. This time he’d be there for his Ella. Whatever happened, in this she wasn’t alone.
Returning to the bench, Ella placed the soft drink can on the surface and leaned forward on her hands. “I need to sleep on this.”
“No.”
“I know I’m probably going to have to tell you. I just need to think about this.”
“No.”
“I’ve told you everything I’ve done. I’ve cooperated. All I ask is to that you give me until tomorrow.”
“No.”
“Damn it, Ryan, can’t you give me one bloody night?”
“I would, Ella mine, but I don’t have that luxury. You don’t have that luxury. Those young girls don’t have that luxury.”
“Then at least let me ring my source and give them the heads up.”
Ryan actually blinked at that. A slow blink, the only sign of his astonishment. “Seriously?”
“They deserve that much.”
“Time to fly the coop.”
Her laugh was bitter. “Trust me, they won’t be flying, running or hiding. They’re not that kind of person.”
Angling his head to one side, he studied her. “You admire them.”
She nodded.
“This woman.”
Ella didn’t bother to deny it.
Regarding her thoughtfully, Ryan mentally tapped his fingers.
“I think she deserves to know that I’m going to betray her.”
“I can’t allow that.”
“I’m not a suspect, remember? I’m a person of interest, an informer.”
“Who, in turn, has an informer we can’t risk slipping away.”
“Fine. You can listen to the call, trace it, get the address. You can do all that. But she deserves to know.” Ella’s lips tightened. “You have no idea what she’s gone through to get me this information.”
“She’s a victim.”
“Of sorts.”
“Ella-”
“I’ve told you everything. I’ll tell the feds everything. In return I want to talk to my source.”
He shook his head.
She grabbed his hand. “Please, Ryan, I owe her that. You’ll understand once you know.”
Jesus, he wished he could tell her not to worry, that he’d sort this without hurting her. But giving in would only lead to a whole world of hurt for everyone involved, including her. “I’m sorry, Ella.”
Face going blank, she released him.
Near on broke his bloody heart. “But I’ll see what I can do.”
She sat there while he rang Edward, listened to him talk to the fed. Mobile still at his ear, he looked at her. “You tell the feds everything and they will let you ring her before they pick her up. But they’ll already be at the house.”
“Ryan…”
“It’s the best I can do, Ella mine.”
“They can’t go to the house. It’s dangerous for her. It’ll tip off the members.”
“We’ll let Edward know. He’ll sort it.”
After several seconds, her shoulders slumped. “Okay.”
“Edward’s coming around to talk to you.”
“Guess I’d better get dressed then.”
“Ella-”
“Don’t. Just don’t.” She walked out.
The next couple of hours weren’t pleasant for her, though Edward and the female fed who accompanied him were polite, but there was no doubting their brisk efficiency.
Marcia sought to put Ella at ease. They sat at the kitchen table, Edward and Marcia opposite her. Ryan leaned against the wall behind them, putting himself in direct line of Ella’s sight so she could see him.
She repeated what she’d told him. Hands clasped loosely on the file Ryan had retrieved from the coffee table, Edward asked questions while Marcia took notes. When she finally revealed the name of her source, he and Marcia looked sharply at each other.
“Mind repeating that?” Edward requested.
“Rose Carlisle,” Ella said.
“Rose Carlisle, daughter of the judge that sentenced the men who attacked you?”
“Yes.”
“His daughter is giving you the information on the club members?”
“Yes.”
Edward studied her while Marcia tapped the screen on the iPad. Within seconds she brought up a photo and slid the iPad over to Ella. “Is this Rose Carlisle?”
“Yes.”
When Marcia pulled the iPad back, Ryan studied the photo from his nearby position against the wall. Rose was pretty, dark-haired, dark-eyed, no more than nineteen. Sitting in the wheelchair, smiling gently at the photographer, sweet was his first impression. But why Rose? Why would she help Ella?
It was the exact question Edward asked. “Why help you? How did you meet?”
Ella rested her folded arms on the table. “Like I said, I’m not that good at researching things on the internet, I get derailed I guess you could say. I’m not tech savvy. So I researched as best I could. Apparently Rose was already doing research of her own, and she’s very tech savvy, she’s one of the smartest people I’ve met. She knows her way around the internet. Somehow she was alerted to my presence, what I was looking for. She checked me out - background, where I lived and work, what happened to me, who was involved. Not hard to do, apparently.”
Definitely the internet made it a very small world, not to mention perilous.
“She contacted me, we talked. Turns out we both had an agenda, only she was able to get more information and had more knowledge than I.”
“Explain that.” Edward watched her closely.
She met his gaze levelly. “Her friend was worried and Rose was able to get out of her what was wrong, and it was very, very wrong. Apparently her friend suspected that her fourteen year old sister was seeing an older man but refused to reveal who it was. The friend found some disturbing things in her sister’s school bag - a wig, some slutty clothes, high heels, you name it. A DVD with porn on it involving what looked to be young girls about her sister’s age. She demanded her sister tell her what was going on but she still refused to talk. The friend threatened to go to their parents and the fourteen year old ran away. Or that was what everyone thought until her body was found a week later naked and beaten. Tortured, with signs of rape and worse. There was no evidence though, the killer or killers had been careful to wash her, use condoms, I don’t know what else, but they were thorough enough to leave no trace. Rose’s friend was distraught. She told the police about what she’d seen but everything was gone, there was no sign of anything in the sister’s room or laptop, no letters, no diary, nothing. It was like it had never existed. Time passed and then Rose’s father gave her a gift. A beautiful necklace with a little unicorn on it. Rose wore it, her friend saw it and freaked out. Turns out Daddy’s gift was the necklace that the little sister had worn when she disappeared. At first Rose wouldn’t listen, refused to believe, but then her friend turned it over and showed her the little gouge in the back. That gouge had happened when they’d gone trail walking, the necklace had snapped and while searching for it the friend had accidentally stepped on it, gouging it against a rock.” Ella shook her head. “Sucks, doesn’t it? Rose asked her father about it, where the gouge in the necklace had come from, the similarities in the flaw. By nightfall the friend had disappeared. Body never found. Meanwhile Judge Carlisle never wavered from the jeweller story.”
The feds might not betray by a twitch what they thought, but Ryan could see that the necklace was something they could use. Start with a small item and trace it back. They’d have to do it carefully, discreetly, but they were experts in their job and they’d succeed.
“Rose never told the police,” Marcia stated.
“It’s her father. Who wants to think their father could be involved in anything like that? Rose clung to the hope that it was just a flaw in the necklace, just a coincidence, but deep down she knew it wasn’t. She started checking her father’s study when he was away, but it’s not easy for a wheelchair bound person to search on top of bookcases, underneath things.”
“Does anyone help her search?”
“No idea. I don’t think so. There doesn’t appear to be anyone she trusts enough, her mother died years ago, and she has never mentioned anyone else to me. But she finds things. It takes awhile, it’s not as though everything is laid out neatly for her. Sooner or later things come down, get left on the desk. Slowly she started piecing things together, and when she found a thumb drive with disturbing pictures on it she finally had to come to grips with what her father was tangled in.”
“She chose not to go to the police with the evidence.”
Ella gave Edward a distinctly unfriendly look. “Rose isn’t stupid, she’s grown up around lawyers and judges, she knows proof needs to be efficient enough to get someone taken in and charged. She didn’t want to dob her Dad in, both because he was her Dad and because he knew others and would alert them, and then what would happen? They’d close things down, go under, and there would be no chance of ever finding them and putting a stop to everything permanently. She had to have proof of involvement, proof that couldn’t be denied. She got that from reading the odd document, from going into the Dark Web…” Ella halted, sighed. “Shit.”
Obviously hadn’t meant to let that out. Ryan gave her a small smile. It’s all right, Ella mine.
“If Rose is as tech savvy as you say, there’s no doubt she knows places to look,” Edward reassured Ella. “It doesn’t surprise us that she’d access the Dark Web. There’s a lot of twisted stuff on there, things no person should have to see or be involved in. That she did it to find these scum is admirable, but high risk. Dangerous. So, she looked in the Dark Web…?”
Taking a mouthful of tea now gone lukewarm, Ella thought about her next words as she took a brief respite from talking. Placing the cup back down, she looked up at Ryan.
Did she even realise that now and again she glanced up at him, seeking reassurance however unknowingly? When she faltered, when she looked guilty, when she felt particularly bad, she’d look up at him. Each time he’d give her a slight smile, a nod, give her that steadiness she needed to continue.
Ah, Ella mine, I’m here for you.
“She found a website with photos, but she traced further, dug more. I’ve heard the Dark Web hides IP addresses, things like that, so I have no idea how she does it, but she slowly traces back. God, she looks at all this twisted shit and somehow traces things back. I don’t know how, I only know it takes awhile. It has to leave a mark on her, a stain on the soul, right? You can’t look at the perverted things out there and not be marked by it.”
Marcia nodded. “She’s a brave girl.”
“Yeah.” Ella rubbed her thumb on the side of the cup. “Braver than me. She’s a good kid.”
They sat in silence for a short time, Edward not pushing, everyone waiting.
Finally, Ella continued, “When she finds something, gets all the proof she can amass, she contacts me. I fly over to Melbourne, meet with her, she gives me names, places, areas to find the incriminating evidence. I buy a burner phone, ring the information through to the AFP, wipe all prints off the phone and ditch it. In fact, I beat the living crap out of it with a hammer.”
Ryan couldn’t help an inward smile. His Ella might not think she was very smart, but she had no idea.
“Will Rose clam up when we appear?” Edward asked.
Anxiety slipped across Ella’s face. “Edward, you can’t just go to her place, she lives with her Dad, the judge, and he’s involved. The feds turn up and he’s going to hit every alarm he can.”
The fed raised an eyebrow. “I’m well aware of that. In fact, the lawyer and psychiatrist being taken in have probably already rang alarm bells.”
“I thought you only had a certain time to keep them?”
Edward didn’t reply.
“Then how do you mean to just ‘show up’?”
“That’s where you come in.”
“Huh?”
“You’re going to contact her, tell her what has happened, and then pass the phone to Marcia. She is going to organise a contact place and time. This won’t be done at the house. Her father won’t know.”
Ella chewed her lip worriedly. “If he finds out-”
“He won’t, Ella. The AFP isn’t stupid. We do surveillance, we’ve got informers. We protect. It’s what we do.” His eyes narrowed. “And we wipe out these scum no matter how long it takes us to find them.”
“You think we’ve been stupid. You think we should have come to you a long time ago.”
“I think you both should have come to us. But I understand Rose’s reasoning and yes, I understand your need to get some revenge.” His eyes softened slightly. “You went through hell, Rose is going through her own hell, and you found each other, found a way to cope, to help others however misguided.”
Ella scowled. “I think we found out a whole lot more than you did!”
“There’s no denying that, and what you gave us was appreciated, but now we can move quicker.” At her unhappy expression, Edward added, “You’ve helped us a lot, Rose’s information has brought down two people in this club already and that wouldn’t have happened so soon without her help. But with Rose cooperating with us, we have other angles we can pull, look at, other people to help her work through the Dark Web. We have the means and qualified techs to accomplish so much more. Rose can still help us a lot.”
Only slightly mollified - Ryan suspected she felt a lot of guilt - Ella nodded.
“Phone Rose,” Edward instructed.
“She’ll be asleep. It’s two in the morning over there.”
“Is her bedroom close to her father’s?”
“No. She’s on the other side of the house. It’s a mansion.”
“Phone her.”
Jaw tight, Ella got the phone, sat down, dialled. After a couple of seconds she said, “Hi Rose. It’s me, Ella. Sorry to ring you so early. No, everything’s okay. Kind of.” She glanced at Edward and Marcia. “Well, not really.” She relayed what had transpired, what the feds wanted. At the end she went quiet, nodding before handing the phone across the table to Marcia. “Rose’ll talk to you.”
Marcia spoke softly, reassuringly, setting up a time and place to meet two feds in Melbourne before handing the phone back to Ella.
“I’m sorry,” Ella said into the receiver. “Yeah, I know. Guess we both did. Okay. Bye.” Turning it off, she set it down on the table and looked at Edward.
“Thank you.” He stood. “We’ll be in touch.”
Ryan knew the judge’s house would be watched to ensure Rose or her father didn’t flee.
Marcia handed a card to Ella. “My number’s on the front, Edward’s is on the back. Anything you think of, anything you think we need to know, ring us. Anytime.”
“Okay.”
Ryan waited while she politely showed the feds to the door. When she returned he noted her pale features, the suspicious glimmer in her eyes. Pushing away from the wall, he walked over to wrap his arms around her and draw her in against him.
Earlier she might have shoved him away, but after a brief second of standing stiffly, she suddenly melted against him, her arms going around his waist as she rested her head on his chest and drew a shuddering breath.
“Rough night, Ella mine,” he said softly.
There was no answer, but he felt her burrow in closer.
Leaning his chin on top of her head, Ryan closed his eyes, let the quietness lull her, there for her if she cried or ranted. Anything. There to bear the brunt of whatever she was feeling.
He thought of what she’d been doing, everything she’d revealed in the last hours, and marvelled that she would choose to work at night. Many people who’d been attacked would have chosen to stay in the daylight and be locked in tight by nightfall. But Ella? No. And he suspected why. It was a big, fat “f-you” to those who had shaken her world and nearly taken her life.
Commonsense said he couldn’t have known, that the attack could have happened even if they’d stayed together, but that he hadn’t been there to support her through the months following, to be with her in court and after, that needled him mercilessly.
Never again, I swear.
Regardless of what had transpired to bring about Ella leaning into him, Ryan was thankful for this chance. Because to him it was a second chance. He wouldn’t fail her this time, would be there for her no matter how much she might protest.
Having her in his arms made him feel so…complete. For so many years, even set on his dangerous career, he’d always been aware of an emptiness deep in his heart, that missing piece.
That missing piece was back in his arms making him feel whole once again.
He wasn’t going to make the same mistake, wasn’t going to lose her. Because as he cradled her in his arms, he knew one thing with stark clarity - Ella was his. Always had been, always would be. And he meant to make her his once again if she’d have him.
He just had to convince her of that.
He’d convince her if it killed him.
After awhile she stirred, pushed back enough to look up at him. There was a tear track on her cheek that hadn’t been there previously, testament to the fact she’d cried silently without him even knowing. Gently, he wiped along the damp track with his thumb. “Tears, Ella mine?”
“Guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was.”
Cradling her cheek, he drank his full of her pretty face. “You’re one of the bravest women I know.”
Her smile was a little wobbly, but a smile nevertheless. “How much does Aaron pay you to say that?”
“Nothing.”
“So I’m going to get your bill in the mail?”
It’d been a long time since he’d smiled outwardly, it felt almost alien. “No bill. But here’s my card with my phone number.”
“Nice to have something for nothing for a change.” Pocketing the card, she pulled away.
Tiredness was stamped on her face, weariness in her eyes. Emotionally, she was wiped out. “Go to bed, Ella. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Tomorrow,” he stated firmly.
With a sigh, she led him into the little hallway. “I’m too tired to fight you tonight.”
“Tomorrow is a whole new day. Give it your best shot then.” Wouldn’t work, anyway.
She gave him an ironic smile over her shoulder. “Something to look forward to.” Laying her hand on the doorknob, she opened the door a crack then stopped. Looking up, she said with quiet sincerity, “Thank you.”
He arched an eyebrow.
“For everything. For not throwing me to the wolves. For talking to me. For staying. You didn’t have to stay once the feds came.”
He couldn’t help it, the warmth, the love he felt for her filling his heart. Reaching out again, he cupped her cheek, slid his thumb along the silky skin.
She gazed up at him out of grey eyes that could go stormy with anger, drown with tears, sparkle with laughter. Right now they were grave, but something inside them…something in the way she turned her head slightly into his palm…something in the way she leaned a little towards him…
Bending down, he watched for her reaction, watched for her retreat, but all she did was watch him in turn, those thick eyelashes lowering as he drew nearer.
His lips touched hers. Lightly. The barest whisper of skin on skin.
It hit him hard, a hot bolt, the sudden need to crush her to him, to back her against the wall, to devour her mouth, take her body, replace the graveness with ecstasy. Have her beneath him, around him, bury himself in her soft body and sweet scent.
Iron control slammed into place. So very aware that this moment , these precious seconds when she didn’t draw away in anger, was a gift.
His kiss deepened as he pressed a little more firmly, giving himself one last taste, the chaste kiss as meaningful as any deep, wet, hot kiss would be.
The first taste of her lips in thirteen long years. God, he was so hungry for more.
Knowing everything hung on a cusp, not wanting to give her a chance to regret it or rebuff him, Ryan lifted his head.
She gazed up at him searchingly.
“I’m here for you, Ella mine.” Straightening, he opened the door, unlocked the security screen and stepped out onto the veranda. “Lock the door. Go to bed. Don’t go anywhere tomorrow until I arrive.” Without giving her a chance to argue, he walked to the car.
The door was shut, the security light on when he pulled out into the street. He didn’t see them but he knew Kelly from Wells Security was on watch duty tonight, she’d be somewhere close by. The cameras on the house were no longer just recording but were now transmitting the comings and goings of everyone to Control Centre. Tonight he’d done what he could, tomorrow was another day. Or today, he amended, noting the time was one in the morning.
Once home he showered, donned boxers and nothing else, padded barefoot back to the lounge and sat at the piano. Though the hour was late and he’d been on the go since early morning, he was too wired to sleep.
Fingers tracing across the ivory keys, Ryan inhaled and started playing, the notes filling the air sweetly.
He played with Ella on his mind.
He played with Ella in his heart.
~*~
After a restless sleep, Ella was up early and showered. With several hours to kill before the boarding cattery opened, she hit the road to do the shopping early, choosing one of the shops nearby that opened at seven in the morning. With groceries in the boot, she headed to the boarding cattery.
Janie met her at the door. “Boof is so annoyed.”
“When is he never?” Amused, Ella followed her into the building where the individual cat runs were situated.
“A truer word was never spoken.” Janie stopped at the end run.
They both looked in at the cat doing a Sphinx pose on the above-ground platform. His one eye was slitted, his one ear pulled back in displeasure. The look didn’t change at the sight of Ella. He did, however, manage one rusty meow before resuming his glare.
“Ready to come home, grumpy-bum?” she queried.
The ear flicked upright, went back down, and then he studiously looked away.
“Spurned,” Janie said cheerfully.
“Story of my life. Come on, Boofie-bums. I bought your favourite fish,” Ella wheedled. “Come on mummy’s little man.”
“Want me to get him?” Janie offered.
“Nah, I’ll get him. He’ll behave better for me.”
Boof hissed when she entered the run, but Ella simply opened the lid of the cat basket Janie handed to her, unceremoniously grabbed him and plopped him into it, closing the lid quickly. Boof grumbled and sat up, glaring around at the other pens and hissing at the watching cats as Ella carted him back up the centre of the runs to the office.
After paying the bill, she settled the basket in the passenger seat, buckled her seatbelt and surveyed him. “Well, happy to see me?”
Boof glared before deciding that maybe he did - a wee bit - and bumped the top of his head against her finger where she wiggled it between the bars.
“You are such a con artist,” she chided with a laugh. “Come on, let’s get you home and settled.”
Feeling a little more cheerful with Boof by her side, she nevertheless was aware of the time. Right now, back in Melbourne, Rose would be meeting with the AFP. She’d have to ring Rose later, see what had happened, how she’d coped.
Pulling into the driveway, she saw the Wells Security car parked on the side, Ryan at the steering-wheel talking into a mobile.
Her heart skipped a beat.
God, he’d kissed her mere hours ago. She’d let him, hell, she’d enjoyed it. No sense lying about it. It was a kiss so sweet it had her melting a little. Like hot chocolate. Sweet like hot chocolate.
She liked chocolate.
But maybe he’d meant to just comfort her or something. Maybe it had meant nothing. Maybe - but he called you Ella mine several times, remember? He always called you Ella mine. The memory sent a warm flow through her. But it also set off internal warning bells because that was in the past, had nothing to do with the present. She might have been his Ella mine, but obviously not enough to stop him leaving her.
“Only one man in my life, Boof,” she informed him, “and that’s you, isn’t it?”
Boof flicked his one ear and stared at the dashboard.
“Yeah, because being back home is so much more important. I get it.” Smiling, she reached for the door handle only to grab air.
Turning, she looked straight at lean hips clad in navy blue slacks, a flat abdomen and the beginnings of a muscular chest clad in a navy blue polo shirt. She didn’t have to see the face of the man holding the door open to know his identity.
Getting out of the car, she straightened, coolly met his gaze. “Ryan.”
“Ella,” he greeted pleasantly.
“Something I can do for you?”
“Called in to check on you.”
“What for?”
“Part of the job.”
“Very commendable,” she said a little more tightly than she meant. Hmmm, that hadn’t affected her at all. Nope. “But I’m fine, so you can stop the checks.”
Closing the door, he strode around to the other side of the car and opened the passenger door.
“I wouldn’t do that,” Ella said, moving quickly. “He can get a little touchy.”
Ryan bent down to look in at Boof.
Boof glared back.
Ryan gazed at him in silence for several seconds, not flinching when Boof hissed.
Expecting Ryan to back away, Ella was disconcerted when instead he reached in, grabbed the carry basket handle and lifted it out of the car.
Boof growled menacingly.
Ryan looked down at him. The big, tattered tom glared in return.
She was surprised when Boof didn’t lash out. It was as though Ryan’s calm regard did something to his usual bad temper. He still hissed, but he didn’t poke a paw through and attempt to use Ryan’s hand or arm like a scratching post.
With a nod, Ryan handed the basket to her. “Tough cat.”
“Yeah, I thought so.” She eyed Boof, who eyed her back as though daring her to say it. So she did. “Normally he’d use you like a cheese grater.”
“Does he do it to you?”
“He threatens a lot but I take no notice. He’s never scratched me.”
“Smart boy. Take him in and I’ll follow with the groceries.”
“There’s no need. I can bring it all in.”
Unperturbed, Ryan opened the boot and started gathering bags.
Ella tried one last time. “Look, your job is done. I gave you the information so there’s no need to check on, much less help, me. I’m sure you have more important jobs to do.”
“You’re important.” Calmly, he strode past her with handfuls of bags.
Yeah, that went well. Not knowing what else to do, Ella followed, unlocking the door and letting him in ahead of her before entering and letting Boof out of the basket.
Boof rewarded her by stalking into the lounge room to do some recon, but she knew he’d soon be in the kitchen demanding food.
Ryan already had the bags on the bench, returning to the car for the remainder.
With a shrug, she started unpacking. He was here for something, but in true Ryan fashion he was dealing with one job at a time and wasn’t going to be side-tracked. The man had always had the tenacity of…well, like Boof when he spotted a prime piece of steak. There was just no diverting him.
Grinning, she continued unpacking and putting the items away until a sudden warmth at her shoulder had her jumping.
“Sorry.” Ryan placed the last of the bags on the bench. “Did I startle you?”
Startle her? Disturbed was more like. She’d admit that when hell froze over, however, so a shrug was her answer.
Now, startled was the word for it when he started unpacking the food. Watching him, she frowned. The man was stacking everything neatly on the bench. Even worse, he hefted a packet of chocolate biscuits and studied it before sliding his gaze to her.
“What?” she asked. “Don’t approve of my choice?”
“You always did like Caramel Crowns.”
“You always liked Tim Tams.”
“It’s why we always bought one of each.”
“Boof prefers his tuna flavoured biscuits.”
Little crinkles of amusement creased the corners of his eyes. “We’ll just have to buy one of all three.”
“Decadent, don’t you think?”
“Some are worth it.” There was something in his tone and eyes that had her stomach flipping.
Swallowing, she returned her attention to the bags. “Yes, Boof is worth it.”
The silence that greeted this was just loaded with meaning which she refused to take further. Didn’t want to take it further. In fact, she was shit scared of taking it further.
Seeking to divert the conversation - feeling in the air, hidden meaning, whatever - Ella stacked the small cans of fancy cat food in her arm and crossed to the pantry. “What do you want, Ryan? I can’t imagine you’re here for old time’s sake.”
“No?”
“No,” she replied firmly. “Did you tell Aaron I don’t need monitoring anymore?”
“We discussed it.”
“Good.” Moving back to the bench carrying several empty containers, she picked up the flour and tore open the top. Pouring the contents into the container, she glanced up with feigned curiosity. “You’re still here.”
The man looked completely at ease leaning against the sink with his arms folded, the bulge of muscular biceps and triceps shown to perfection by both the position and the short sleeves of the polo shirt. Long legs were crossed at booted ankles. “We’re keeping you under monitor for now.”
“No, you’re not.”
“You’re not yet out of danger.”
“Danger?” She scoffed. “I’m over here. It’s Rose who is more at risk than I.”
“At this time we don’t know if anyone has twigged that you and/or Rose are involved in the information concerning the psychiatrist and lawyer. You’re both being watched.”
“Hey, you didn’t even know until I told you.” Crumpling the bag, Ella put the lid on the container and pushed it to one side before picking up the bag of sugar and repeating the process. “It’s my decision. I don’t need protection.”
“It’s not your decision.”
“Like hell.” Annoyed, she tipped the last of the bag into the container and put the lid onto it with more force than necessary. Grabbing both containers, she took them across to the pantry. “I’ll ring Aaron myself.”
“I’m afraid, Ella, this is out of your hands.”
Shutting the pantry door, she swung around to face him with a scowl. “Out of my hands? This decision is about me, and I decide what’s best for me. Not you. Me.”
That cool gaze didn’t waver. “Until we’re confident that you’re not in any firing line, you remain under Wells Security protection.”
“That’s just bullshit.”
He regarded her steadily.
Hands on hips, she glared at him.
Not one more word passed his lips. Damn, that was irritating. “So the feds don’t give a crap about me, only you.” Realising how that sounded, she added quickly, “Wells Security, I mean.”
“Wells Security is working in with the feds. We’re doing the security detail for both you and Rose.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“Is it?” He tracked her progress from bench to pantry and back again.
“Yes, it is. This has been taken out of our hands now, so I’ll fade into obscurity. Rose, however, I agree she needs protecting. When the shit hits the fan she’s going to cop the fall-out.” Lips tight, Ella put the milk, cheese and eggs into the ‘fridge before gathering up the empty bags.
“She will,” he agreed. “But nevertheless, you are a part of this and until it’s deemed otherwise you are under my protection.”
“Your protection?”
“Wells Security.”
Obviously the decision wasn’t hers anymore. Moodily, she folded the bags and left them on the bench to put back into the car boot. With nothing more to occupy her hands, she welcomed Boof stomping into the kitchen. Placing his saucer of salmon with whiting before him, she knelt down and stroked him.
The silence continued, but she felt Ryan’s gaze. With a sigh, she stood to face him. “So who is my bodyguard?”
He quirked an eyebrow.
“Oh, hell no!”
“I’ll be one of several rotating. Does that bother you?”
“What do you think?” She threw her hands up in the air. “Of course it bothers me!”
His head angled slightly to one side.
The temptation to tell him she didn’t trust him was strong. It was also a lie. This was a different situation. He wasn’t her lover, he was her…protector.
Nevertheless, the temptation was there. It trembled on the tip of her tongue. She opened her mouth, almost said it, but then the realisation of what she was about to do hit her.
Deliberate cruelty had never been her thing, lashing out at someone with intention to hurt was not something she did no matter how raw those wounds were when she’d thought them long healed.
It was a shock to discover just how far she’d almost allowed her anger to take her.
Not knowing quite what to say, she strove to appear unaffected, grabbing the kitchen cloth and starting to wipe down the already clean benches.
Damned if the benches didn’t blur a little.
Warmth behind her, a long, muscular arm reaching past her to pluck the cloth away and toss it into the sink. Growing still, she felt him behind her, his heat, his scent, his strength.
All designed to drive her so freaking crazy, to make her traitorous body crave that familiar touch, to feel him pressed against her. Loving her.
Jesus. Why am I thinking this?
Tired, nerves stretched taut, she gritted her teeth, folded her arms, shoulders hunching just a little as she battled a riot of emotions. Battled her treacherous body that just wanted to sway back into that memorable embrace, let him hold her, support her, keep her safe.
Yeah, she would be safe from physical harm, no doubt about that, but emotionally she’d be torn apart. She couldn’t go through that again.
Taking a breath, she was startled to hear the quaver in it. Idiot. Seeking composure, she started to straighten her shoulders, only to have big hands clamp on her upper arms and turn her around to face him.
So near. Standing a mere breadth away, towering over her, those fathomless eyes fastened on her face.
So disturbing. So delicious. So forbidden. It was like poking a snake - all treacherous beauty but with dire consequences. Too many painful memories that, apparently, she had never come to terms with. No, wait, she had come to terms with the memories, but she had never expected that the wounds were as raw now as they had been the day he’d torn her heart out.
Swallowing, she tried to slide away but he’d effectively pinned her into the corner where the two benches met. The only way she could move would be to press against him, slide her belly along those lean hips. No way on God’s earth did she trust herself to even attempt that manoeuvre. All she could do was ask him politely to shift, show him she was in full control, that she had no feelings about him whatever.
Before she could do more than open her mouth, however, Ryan said quietly, “Ella, this is different. You are under the protection of Wells Security, and every man and woman Aaron puts in your bodyguard detail. You won’t see us unless we want to be seen. It won’t affect your everyday life. As long as you maintain your normal routine it won’t be intrusive. Okay?”
“If you say so.”
“I promise you, Ella, I won’t abandon you. I won’t walk away and leave you alone to face whatever may come. You’re safe with me, with us. One of us will always be near.”
“So when this is all over you just walk away again.” Unable to stop it, she spoke bitterly. “Just like before.”
“No, Ella mine,” he replied gently. “Not like before.”
Inwardly cursing the stupid lump in her throat, she looked away. Already he was affecting her, turning her orderly life upside down. A look, a touch, and here she was ready to turn into a blubbering mess.
Man, she really needed some sleep to get her head back on straight. Yeah, just some sleep.
Ryan slid his hand along the side of her neck, his thumb caressing her jaw line, sending little tremors of pleasured heat through her. “No, Ella mine, I won’t be walking away this time. This time I’m staying.”
Sadly, she looked up at him. “Why? To make amends? It’s too late for that.”
“I don’t believe that.” He spoke with quiet assurance. “I can’t excuse what I did, I can’t fix what I did. I made a choice back then, the wrong choice. I admit that, own it. But I don’t believe we can’t go forward.”
“As friends? That’s-”
“As lovers.”
The words resounded in her head. Shocked, she stared at him. “What?”
His gaze didn’t waver. “Time has passed. We’re older, wiser, we’ve both been through so much, both suffered loss and heartbreak. But there is still something between us, Ella. You feel it.”
All she could latch onto was one word. “Heartbreak?” It felt like a knife twisted in her heart. “You loved someone else?”
Ryan leaned down a little, moved closer. “No, Ella mine. There has never been anyone but you. You’ve always been the only girl for me.”
She wasn’t so sure that the knife didn’t just take another savage turn. “You loved me and you walked away. How does someone just walk away, Ryan? Tell me that.” Angry tears sparkled. “How do you leave someone when you love them?”
“I had my reasons.”
“Let me guess.” Her head was starting to thump with the effort of holding back tears, holding back temper, stopping her from screaming at him, lashing out. “It’s complicated.”
“No.”
“So - what? You’re finally going to tell me why you dumped me?” She was hanging on by a thread. So close, so damned close - and she feared it.
By God, she really feared it. Feared his reasons, feared facing it. Irrational. Stupid. Illogical. But undeniable.
The realisation had her throwing her head back, masking the fear with hostility. “Well, I don’t care, Ryan. You know that? I don’t give a shit what your reasons are. I don’t want to know.”
He didn’t reply, watched her closely. Not even a flicker of an eyelash gave away his thoughts, his reaction to her harsh words.
“There’s nothing between us. Nothing. I feel nothing for you. You only think you feel something for me, and you know what that is?”
Nope, not a blink, that steadfast gaze locked on hers.
“Guilt. You feel guilty for what you did and you’re trying to make it up to me. Don’t worry about it, Ryan, okay? I’m a big girl. I don’t need your pity or your guilt.” Taking refuge in righteousness, she glared at him.
Damned sure a hell of a lot better than crying.
His hand didn’t shift from her nape, his thumb continued grazing her jaw line, his gaze wandering over her face - eyes to lips, lingering, rising again to look at her.
Drinking her in.
Fanciful thinking, Ella. You are not an impartial participant in this encounter. Now get the hell away from him before you break and put yourself right in his hands.
As Ryan continued to watch her like a hawk, almost merciless in his cool control, his mobile rang. After the third soft ring, he plucked it from his pocket with his free hand and placed it to his ear. “Ryan.”
Cornered with him leaning towards her, his palm on her nape feeling both delicious and entrapping, Ella determinedly kept her composure, watching him as coolly as he watched her.
“Where?” Ryan’s eyes never wavered.
A tiny voice came from the mobile, the words indistinguishable.
“When?” He listened. “I’ll be there. Tag Gail.” He hung up.
“Duty calls?” Ella asked tightly. “Lucky me.”
“You won’t be alone. Another guard will take over.”
“I don’t need one. I don’t want one.”
“You have one.”
Reaching up, she knocked the inside of his wrist so his hand fell away from her nape. “Better run, Ryan. Important things to do, remember?”
For a brief second a flash of annoyance was evident in his eyes, a cold flash, a deadly spike that flared in the brown depths before being extinguished immediately, his expression regaining the calm, controlled exterior of normal.
He straightened, stepping back, and with relief she started to slide sideways, only to stop when his hand hooked into her blouse, fisting the soft material firmly but unmistakably, stopping her retreat before reeling her into him.
Grabbing his wrist, she ignored the little thrill that shot through her at the sheer possessiveness of his action. Teeth clenched, she tossed her head back defiantly.
“One day very soon, Ella mine,” he said with deadly quietness, a darkness oozing through his tone like black velvet, “We’re going to talk. I’m not prepared to throw this away. I made the biggest mistake of my life once, I’m not making another.” With that, he bent and pressed a kiss to her forehead, releasing her almost immediately to stride away.
The words she could deal with, but the chaste kiss left her feeling the imprint of his lips on her skin. Like a brand.
Forcing her feet to move, she walked around the bench, listening as he left through the front door before sagging against the table. Oh God, she felt ragged.
The sound of the door opening again, heavy, deliberate footsteps in the hallway. Ryan strode into the kitchen and up to Ella. His hard, handsome face held a dangerous edge, a quiet purpose haunting his very presence as he grabbed her, jerked her up against him, kissed her.
Hard. Ruthless. Lips on hers, tongue demanding entrance, running along the seam of her lips in silent demand. Automatically she opened to him, tasted him as he entered, his tongue sweeping through her mouth, marauding, devouring, kissing her mercilessly.
Stamping his dominance, his ownership, on her. Leaving her in no doubt what he wanted, what he was determined to have.
Her response was instantaneous, giving to him, letting him take her, kiss her, welcoming the heat, the blistering fire he built so effortlessly inside her. Scattering her wits, her commonsense, destroying the brittle guard she’d managed to put up.
Shattered her.
As fast as he’d grabbed her, he released her, steadying her with his hands before simply turning on his heel and leaving. Again.
Heart thundering and heat coiling in her loins, Ella could only stare after him with her mouth hanging open.