The courtyard had to be one of the most serene places she’d ever sat.
When she’d slid from Ryan’s arms and bed it had been with the intention of leaving. Watching him sleep, his hard, handsome face for once free of brooding, those lips that had kissed her so gently relaxed without the hint of cruelty. Cruelty he’d never shown her. On his back, one arm flung out across her pillow, his other bent across his muscle-ribbed abdomen.
His physique had always been totally ripped, the years he’d been away toughening and hardening him in both body and mind. When he shifted slightly, bent his arm, the bicep bulged. Sheer strength, power, yet he’d cradled her to him as gently as though she’d been a fragile kitten.
Had made love to her with tenderness - well, before they’d both gotten swept up in a wash of sexual heat and desire. But she couldn’t forget the way he’d looked at her, the love in his eyes.
Holding her ballet flats in her hand as she’d tip-toed to the front door, it was the memory of the love that had made her pause. He still loved her. She still loved him. Was it enough to wash away the pain? Enough to make her trust him again?
As she’d stood there mulling it over, the sound of water trickling had caught her attention and she’d looked through the lounge room doorway to see the open glass doors on the other side of the large room leading out into the courtyard. The fountain was trickling water, the ferns were soft and green, and the tranquillity of it drew her across the room, the soft lighting giving it a secret, peaceful aura.
Then she’d seen the piano. The lid was up, a music sheet propped up on the music rack. Ryan had always played the piano, played it well. Apparently that hadn’t changed.
What else hadn’t changed?
She looked back towards the hallway through which his bedroom lay. She could walk out but he’d follow. Truth was, she didn’t want to leave. Sharing that bed, sharing the most intimate of acts, had only brought home how much she still loved him. Wanted him.
He wanted to start afresh. The question was, could she? Could she forgive him? Learn to trust him again? She’d found herself waiting for his phone call to say he was back in the city, and when she got his message all she could do was sit and stare at the phone. She hadn’t meant to contact him again, called herself all sorts of a fool, but something tugged at her, drew her, made her change her mind a dozen different times in several short hours.
The truth was, she couldn’t stay away. She wasn’t surprised to find neither his name, phone number nor his address listed, so she rang Wells Security. Raymond answered. She expected him to refuse to divulge the address but he surprised her by giving it, adding, “Ryan gave permission if you ever asked.”
She’d driven over, and the rest…well.
Before he even reached over her shoulder to place the glass of icy cold Coke on the little table, she felt Ryan’s presence. She certainly didn’t miss the brush of his lips across the top of her head - fleeting, so lightly most people wouldn’t even feel it, but she was too attuned to his ways not to. Picking up the glass, she took a mouthful as he sat down in the chair opposite her.
After placing his own glass on the table, he stretched out his legs, crossed his bare ankles, rested his forearm on the table, his other hand relaxed on his thigh, and regarded her quietly from dark brown eyes.
Right then every hard line, the hint of cruelty, the tightly leashed dangerous edge, wasn’t evident. But he wasn’t the same man she knew years ago, it was plain to see.
Then again, they’d both changed. She certainly wasn’t the same woman.
In silence they regarded each other. It wasn’t uncomfortable - silence between them never had been - but there was a wealth of emotion and explanations lying between them.
Finally, lifting the glass, Ryan took a sip while observing her across the rim before placing it precisely back onto the table. “I’ll start at the beginning.”
“Best place to start.”
“Any questions, any comments, feel free to break in.”
“Don’t worry. I will.”
His eyes crinkled a little at the corners before he grew serious. “I’ve always loved you. Never stopped. From the moment I laid eyes on you in high school and saw your smile, I knew you were the one for me.” He didn’t go all dreamy-eyed, his gaze locked levelly on hers. “Getting engaged once we finished school, moving in together, the plan for marriage, it was a natural step for us. Everyone who knew us expected it. You never once tried to talk me out of joining the Army, you even stood with me against my parents when they objected.”
“They were proud of you.”
“Once they got used to the idea, yes.”
“I was proud of you.”
“I know.”
“I would have been just as proud if you’d made a living as a garbo.”
His eyes warmed. “I know.”
“So what happened?”
There was no hesitation. “Going into the Commandos was a dream come true. I had it all - you, my career, a home we were saving for. A family we planned. It was all so perfect. I had no idea that my being military could possibly bring such disaster on my family. My parents killed by a terrorist because of me being in the military. I almost fell to pieces, Ella.” He stated it plainly as though he was used to pushing the pain way down deep. “There I am in a hellhole in a middle eastern country fighting for our freedom, and I get the news my parents were murdered by the same type of people I’m fighting. I couldn’t get home fast enough, knew you were alone except for some friends and your grandmother, and I was so bloody scared, Ella. So scared that I wasn’t there to protect you. Before I even got home that murdering bastard’s brother had targeted you. If not for the guard put on you, he’d have taken you from me as well.” That hint of cruelty etched into the corner of his mouth. “If he had lived, if he hadn’t died at the hand of your guard, I’d have killed him myself.” Ryan’s eyes focussed intently on her face. “Make no mistake, Ella mine, there would have been no place in the world they could have put him and kept him safe from me. I’d have found him.” The dangerous edge curled around him, the dimness of the fern-covered walls behind him seeming to shadow beneath a darkness.
Unafraid, Ella studied him. No matter what happened, she would never be afraid of him. Once the harsh reality of the man he’d become would have alarmed her, but now? No.
“But he was killed even as he took aim at you, the guard spotted him and ended it. I’ll always be eternally grateful to him.” Ryan didn’t move an inch, so still, so absorbed in her and the memories. “I thought losing my parents shattered me but when we stood at their graveside, stood there in that pouring rain and you held that umbrella to try and shelter me more, when I looked down at you standing by my side yet again, so staunchly supportive even when, however unwittingly, I almost caused your death, I knew there was one thing worse - losing you. If you’d been killed, if the guard had been mere seconds too late, I’d have lost you. Just that thought, Ella, the knowledge that it could have happened, I knew it would literally tear my heart out.”
She remembered. Remembered the way he’d looked down at her, the sadness in his eyes, the stunned horror that still gripped him. The slow darkening that she’d sensed creeping over his soul. She just hadn’t realised how dark or what it would mean for them. For her. “I felt you draw away. You never moved a step, you didn’t let my hand go, but I felt you move away.”
He didn’t try to make excuses, just nodded.
“It bloody hurt then, Ryan.” Her jaw clenched, she forced it to relax. “And it still bloody hurts now.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Ella.” He didn’t move, didn’t try to reach out and take her hand, just kept her the sole focus of his attention.
“Why? Why did you just walk away like that?”
“Because I thought the best way to deal with it, to keep you safe from further attempts on your life, was to leave you. I believed I was doing the right thing, the noble thing. I blamed myself.”
“I told you.” Her heart ached as she held back the tears. “I told you that you were not to blame, that people die every day for their beliefs, kill for their beliefs, for reasons we can’t even fathom.”
“You did.”
“I never asked you to leave the Army, I would never have asked you.”
“I know.”
“I believed in you. I believed in what you fought for. I still do, that has never changed.”
“I know.”
Unable to say anything else past the damned stupid lump in her throat, Ella waited.
Quietly, Ryan resumed talking. “Right then revenge was what drove me. No way could I just come home to a normal job. I fought for my country, I fought for my people, and I felt like I’d let down the ones who meant the most to me. By leaving you, I made you safe. You could find someone else, have that family. I saw a psych, debriefed, I know my parents deaths and your near miss weren’t my fault but right then, at that time, I couldn’t accept it. I was good at telling the psych what he wanted to hear. I was also good at killing. A sniper in the Commandos, I’ve killed. I won’t sugar-coat it.”
“You don’t have to. I know what you did.” The lump in her throat receded. “I never judged you for it.”
“No, Ella mine,” he said softly, “you always accepted me just the way I was.”
For several seconds the silence stretched but when she didn’t comment, Ryan picked up where he’d left off. “Guilt ate at me and I made the wrong decision. Back then I believed it was the right decision, but now I know it was wrong, the worst mistake of my life. In my grief, which I didn’t allow you to share, I walled myself up and left you. I made sure you were watched until I was certain you were safe before I finally stopped the monitoring company and closed you out of my life for good.”
God, that hurt. “And did you, Ryan? Did you succeed?”
“Mostly,” he replied honestly.
Okay, that didn’t just hurt, it bit down savagely.
“But deep down. Here.” He placed a hand over his heart. “You were always with me.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“You asked, I answered.”
“You never came home.”
“I buried myself in the job. I went on the most dangerous missions, moved up the ranks. I don’t know how many men I killed to save hundreds - thousands - of lives. I did the jobs no one else wanted and I was good at it. Excelled.” He wasn’t boasting, just stating facts. “Am I proud of it? No. Do I regret it? No. Because I knew for every terrorist I killed, that was one less to hurt you. To hurt the only person in the world I loved. I freely claim those kills. I was the best at what I did.” Taking a drink of Coke, he regarded her.
Ella didn’t look away. She’d known he was a sniper, knew that he’d been on dangerous missions while they’d still been together. She wasn’t surprised by his words. But now she knew where the cruelty that tinged his hard, handsome features came from, the quiet, deadly edge that was now so much a part of him. “You left the Army.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“It wasn’t enough. After awhile I became unsettled, wanted more, wanted to do things that weren’t tied up in…” He hesitated, searching for the word before finally saying, “It just wasn’t enough. I preferred undercover work, going to other places. It wasn’t hard for someone like me to find my niche. I left the Army, was hired by enforcement agencies, security agencies, agencies that worked in grey zones, depending on the job offered. I went into grey areas - legal but not sanctioned by those above board, places where if we were caught we just didn’t actually exist. The grey areas were places I excelled at, slipping in with other agents or alone, doing what needed to be done, doing what had to be done for the greater good, getting out. I slid in and out of that world. Then one day I came face-to-face with my growing killer instincts. That day it hit me how close I was coming to crossing a line, and I left. I walked away after that mission. I’d met Aaron on some jobs, worked a bit with him from time to time, and I knew he’d started a security company. I met up with him, was hired, and I’ve worked with him ever since. So here I am.”
The condensation on the glass was coldly wet against her fingertips. “You never once thought about finding me.”
“No. I thought you’d have gotten married, had a family. I didn’t want to destroy your life by walking back into it.”
Sitting across from man waiting quietly for her reaction, Ella pointed out, “Yet here you are.”
“Because you walked back into my life.”
“I walked into Aaron’s office.”
“And I was there,” Ryan said softly.
Thinking about his explanation, his feelings, his reactions, she could understand to a certain extent. But still… “It was my decision to make, Ryan. My choice to take the risk, to be your fiancée, your wife. To be your partner no matter what danger faced me, faced you. But you took that choice away from me. You didn’t talk to me, you shut yourself off. You ripped my heart right out of my chest the moment you told me you were leaving, no explanation, no talking about it. The moment you walked out… When you walked out…” She forced back the sting of tears. “You took a piece of me with you. No. No, you took everything.”
“Oh God, Ella mine. I’m so, so sorry.” Leaning forward, he started reaching for her hand.
“Don’t.”
Instantly he stilled, gaze searching.
Taking a deep breath, she pulled her hands off the table onto her lap. “Just wait a minute.”
Easing back into the chair he waited, but she felt him his regard, his concern. If she allowed it he’d be at her feet within seconds.
She wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. Not when… “There was no other man. I dated a few but nothing filled that gap you left in my heart, my life. Friends meant well, tried matchmaking, but gradually I drifted away from them. Most of our friends were married or couples, I never wanted to be the third wheel, the one invited to gatherings only to find yet another single bloke picked to be with me. I withdrew into my own little world. I functioned, I moved on. I worked, I nursed Gran when her heart started to fail. She wanted to die at home. Palliative Care came and helped. Nights were long, though, the hardest for her, and I sat with her night after night until one night I listened to her tortured breaths growing fainter until finally they stopped. I sat with her for an hour before I finally called the nurse.”
“She was a good woman.”
“The best,” Ella agreed. “She was always your champion, you know, always said you’d come back for me. You didn’t.”
“No.” There was heaviness in his tone, so much regret.
“After she died I stayed in the house. She willed it to me. I still have it, you know. I rent it out.”
He nodded.
“But no, no man, Ryan. No kids. No white picket fence. In fact, I can’t have kids. The attack was so bad I had to have a hysterectomy.” Ella looked him right in the eye. “No family, Ryan. No kids. That family we planned? That you’re still young enough to have? I can’t have it with you.”
“I want you, Ella, with or without kids. There are no conditions. You’re all I want, all I need.” His jaw firmed. “The first I knew of the attack was recently in Aaron’s office when Edward brought your file. I read the report. I saw the photos.” There was a cold glint in his eyes, a harsh twist to his lips. “Don’t doubt it, Ella, I would have organised for those two bastards to be shanked in gaol. It was my first intention as soon as I knew. But I would never hurt you. I knew that if those bastards had been shanked the story would have risen once more, journalists would have hounded you for a story. One of the TV stations would probably decide to do re-enactments, badger you for an interview, even film you from a distance and told everyone where you were and what you did now. I know, I’ve seen it happen with clients to whom I’ve served as security. Not for anything would I have you relive that again, not even for my own satisfaction. If that makes me weak in your eyes, I’ll live with it. I will never see you hurt again in any way.”
The man knew how to touch her heart. “It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong. It makes me feel…” She hesitated.
Ryan waited, so still, his forearms now on the table where he’d rested them when she’d withdrawn her hands from his earlier reach.
“That you know me,” she finished.
“I do know you, Ella mine.”
“I’m not the same woman, Ryan.”
“I’m not the same man.”
“Yet here we are.”
“Here we are.”
The tinkling of the fountain was soothing in the late night air. The soft glow of the lamp on the wall, the brighter one of the lounge room that spilled through the wide, open glass doors into the courtyard.
It was romantic.
It made her ache for what they’d lost.
For the first time she glanced away from him to look down at her hands. Uncertainty chased through her, fear. Need. Wanting. A yearning that shook her as deeply as her fears worried her.
“Ella.” His voice was so deep, so soft.
Her vision blurred.
“Ella mine.” This time there was an edge to his tone, a gentle command that was as definite as it was careful.
Letting out a shaky breath, she looked at him through her tears.
“Ah, Ella mine.” Ryan stood, came to her, knelt down before her to gather her hands in his. “What we had was beautiful. I’d have that again. What we were, what we went through, are we now going to let it stop us being together? What we are now, what we know, we have a second chance. Please, don’t throw it away like I did. Give me another chance. I swear to God, Ella mine, I will never leave you again. Ever.”
Overwhelmed, trying to maintain her composure, she shook her head. “I need a minute. Please.” She dropped her head again, unable to bare the yearning in his eyes, needing to think, sort through her emotional turmoil.
Lifting her hands, he pressed a kiss to her knuckles before releasing her and pushing upward with a powerful surge of his thigh muscles, an easy move that was as elegant as it was controlled. Dimly she became aware of him moving to stand in the glass doorway, his back to her to give her a semblance of privacy without moving too far away.
How often? How often had she dreamed of this, of them being back together? Almost every minute when he’d first left her. Then every hour. Slowly it became every day, and as time passed, as the only correspondence came through a lawyer, as her letters were returned unopened, she stopped hoping, stopped dreaming.
But she never forgot him.
Now her once-dreams were true. They’d both changed as he’d rightly pointed out. They’d both gone through their own private hell and come out the other side. They’d both let revenge rule them in different ways. Now they stood in the same city, the same house, the same room on the same night, and an opportunity was right in her grasp.
Did she take it? Did she risk it? Could she truly believe he meant every word? Yes, he loved her still that she knew with certainty, but…
She sensed a change in the air, an awareness, something tickling her senses making her glance across at Ryan. His back was still to her, his shoulder against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest. Those broad shoulders, the muscles clearly defined as he shifted slightly, the strong play beneath the tanned skin. To anyone else he would appear immovable, a force to be reckoned with, but there was something…
Getting up from the table, she approached him silently, coming to a stop just behind him. Lifting one hand, she started to reach out to touch him, hesitated a fraction above his skin, bit her lip.
Didn’t matter, he knew she was there just as he’d always known when she simply walked into the room.
“I took your photos from the frames, put them into an album because no matter what I told myself, I couldn’t put you from my life completely,” he said hoarsely. “The first thing I always packed, the first thing I always unpacked, were the albums holding your photos. You were out of sight, but Ella mine,” he turned to look down at her, the glitter of tears in his eyes showcasing his pain and yearning, the soul-destroying loss he’d felt, still felt, “the echo of you was always in my heart, my life, no matter where I was, what I did. You were like a ghost of my past, a ghost that stayed here.” Again he touched his chest right above his heart. “Now you’re here, my reality and not an echo, I can’t let you go again. Please, Ella mine, don’t leave me. Please.”
Oh Jesus, it broke her. The raw agony in his eyes, the open love, it just stripped away her fears and doubts.
“You really mean it.” Reaching up, she laid a hand on his cheek, felt him lean into her palm. “You really love me that much still.”
“Oh, Ella mine, I never stopped.” He closed his eyes, a tear slipping down his cheek.
So much vulnerability on such a strong face. Not afraid to show her his emotions. Sharing with her.
It was all she needed.
Coming up on tiptoe, she whispered, “I love you, Ryan. This is our second chance. This time we have to do it right.”
In answer he wrapped his arms around her, pulled her in against him, bent down to lay his cheek against hers. “There is no ‘have to’,” he whispered. “We will.”
She hugged him almost fiercely, pressing as close as she could, felt him do the same as they just held on to each other, the late night sky sparkling with distant stars, the fountain tinkling softly, the light surrounding them - bright from the lounge, soft from the courtyard.
The flame of hope was relit.
~*~
Entering the house, Ella found a very disgruntled Boof sitting in the doorway of the kitchen.
“I know,” she said. “It’s morning. You should have been fed an hour ago. What can I do to make it up to you?”
His one tatty ear went back.
“Salmon? Tuna? Sardines? Prawns in jelly?”
Boof looked away, his little chin up. Obviously he wasn’t going to be appeased with such paltry offerings.
“Rump steak, Your Majesty?”
His whiskers twitched.
“Okay, I lied.” Kneeling down, she rubbed his ear. “I only have tin food. But if you forgive me, I’ll buy you some steak as soon as I’ve showered and changed.” His one eye cut to her. “I did the walk of shame this morning, Boof.” Ella grimaced. “And I know someone from Wells Security watched me the whole time.”
But it had been worth it. Pushing to her feet, she stepped over Boof into the kitchen, dropping the keys onto the bench. Taking out a clean bowl, she opened a can of sardines and prawn in jelly, scooped it into a clean bowl and placed it on the floor for him.
He might have pretended scorn just minutes ago but right now he was happily slurping it down.
Leaving him to his breakfast, Ella stripped off her clothes and stepped into the shower. The hot water beat deliciously down upon her. Muscles she hadn’t used in a long time ached decadently, thighs twinging a little.
With a small smile she soaped up, rinsed off, shampooed and conditioned her hair. As the fragrant bubbles were chased down the plug hole by the water, she stretched luxuriously. She’d spent the rest of the night sleeping in Ryan’s bed, securely cradled in his arms. He’d woken her twice with hungry kisses, firm hands, taking her first with tender desire, the second time with fiery passion. Both times he’d left her panting, wrung out, so deliciously spent. Her heart so full.
She knew he’d been reluctant to let her leave but she’d insisted. Boof was waiting for her and she had things to do. If she wanted to eat, she had to shop.
In the doorway, Ryan had looked over her head at something she hadn’t been able to see, but then he’d dropped his eyes back to her, smiled slightly, leaned down and kissed her before ordering quietly, “Wait a minute.”
It was as she’d waited in his doorway that she remembered there was a bodyguard somewhere watching her at all times. Which meant they’d seen her enter Ryan’s house and not leave all night.
Great. Walk of shame. She’d actually blushed a little. Ryan had cast her an odd glance when he returned, but then amusement had quirked his lips slightly.
“Stop it.” She lightly slapped his bare chest.
Ryan actually laughed, a low rumble that was a little, well, rusty, as though he’d never laughed much. Probably hadn’t, she thought. But rather than tease her, he’d reached down, slid his hand under the hem of her shirt and into her pocket, plucked out her keys and threaded two keys onto the key ring. At her raised eyebrows, he’d handed the keys back to her. “My house keys.”
“Oh.” She was suddenly a little flustered.
“My home is your home.” His eyes had lingered on her face. “You can come and go as you please. Move in.”
Oh boy, not going to touch that last one. Not yet.
“Well…thanks.” Ella had cleared her throat. “Um, I’d give you my keys but I only have one set on me so I’d not be able to get into my house.”
Ryan had just smiled.
“Okay, gotta go. Boof is waiting.” Turning, she’d quickly gone down the steps and beat a retreat to her car sitting in his wide driveway.
Her last sight of him had been of a tall, broad-shouldered man leaning against a veranda post watching her drive away.
Rubbing her hair dry, she knew she’d also needed some space to just absorb what had transpired between them. There was no doubts in her mind now, no fears, she wanted this - wanted them - but the night had been emotionally arduous. Time to recoup and regroup. Time to absorb the changes that had occurred, that affected her whole life.
The future was suddenly bright, rosy, but they still had a ways to go. It would still take work, as with any relationship. It wasn’t just going to magically be perfect.
Ella grinned wryly. She and Ryan were far from perfect.
And there was still the spectre of those bastards and the underage girls to be sorted. Which reminded her, she had to check in with Rose.
After dressing in a skirt and blouse topped with a thin cardigan, she slid into a pair of Mary Janes, bundled her hair into a loose bun and grabbed her shoulder bag. Taking out the burner mobile, she nibbled her bottom lip thoughtfully. Should she call Rose now? A glance at the clock and she debated. Rose was probably at uni today. She’d call her a little later.
Locking the house, she got into the car, slid the key into the ignition just as the burner mobile rang. Only one person had that number.
Looked like the decision was made.
Winding down the window, she flicked it on. “Hi, Rose.”
“Hey, Ella,” Rose replied. “How’s it going?”
“Okay this end. I was debating whether to ring you now or later.”
“Most times are good times to ring.” Rose paused. “Well, except at the dinner table. That’s never a good time.”
“Yeah, I reckon. Listen, I can’t apologise enough for what happened.”
“I told you, it’s not your fault. Sooner or later the feds were going to pick up on us.”
Ella sighed.
“We’re lucky we lasted as long as we did. And you know…”
“We should have gone to them earlier?”
“I feel a right dill.”
Ella frowned. “You did what you felt was right, Rose. Like I did. I don’t regret it.”
There was silence for several seconds before her friend said, “Me neither.”
“How’s it going? How are the feds handling this?”
“They’re being nice abut it. Also, I don’t see a guard but I know I’m being tailed. They told me.”
“Tailed? How quaint. Also, that paints a very disturbing mental image.”
“They can’t tail me like that, I sit on my tail. All the time, remember?”
“Yeah, but you can do wheelies in that wheelchair. Impressive wheelies.”
Rose laughed.
Ella relaxed, resting one elbow on the window sill. “So, apart from wheelies and tailing, how’s it going?”
“Not too bad. I’ve been working with a couple of feds, giving them the information I have. They have my computer, downloaded everything I had including the tracking of where I go on the web for info.”
“The Dark Web.”
“Not a nice place.”
“How do you do it, Rose? I never thought much about it before, but it’s a grim place.”
Rose paused briefly. “Let’s not go there, okay? I’m fine. I get through it. But to be honest, it’s good to be able to hand that stuff over to experts who can delve into it and leave it more mentally together than I’ve done a time or two.”
“I’m sorry.” Guilt tugged at Ella. “I should have helped you.”
“Are you kidding me?” Rose snorted. “You’d have left great honking footprints all over the web, Dark or not. Nah, she’s cool, Ella. I know what I’m doing, I’m okay. I’m still finding out things and handing it to the feds, things I find in Dad’s study, things I overhear.”
Ella idly watched Mrs Featherstone walk down her garden path to pick up the newspaper lying on her lawn. “How close are we to finishing this?”
“I’m not sure. I found something today. I’m going to meet Fran and Carlson at a little café, give them what I have. Have a nice cup of coffee and some cake, shoot the shit-”
“Shouldn’t that be ‘shoot the breeze’?”
“Trust me, its shoot the shit. Carlson is a hoot.”
Ella grinned. “Is that a crush I’m hearing?”
“The man’s hot. He has a gun, a badge, and a bulge in his trousers that makes me want to climb out of my chair and into his lap.”
“That’s even more disturbing.”
“Me climbing out of my chair?”
“That you’d actually tell me all this.”
“Hey, girl’s got to get her jollies where she can.”
“You are so bad.”
“Thank you.”
“You think that was a compliment?”
“You think it wasn’t?”
They laughed.
Suddenly, something Rose said hit Ella and she frowned. “Overheard? You’re overhearing your father talking about this club?”
“I heard him talking to one of his cronies. I was on the landing just outside. He didn’t hear me because I had the wonky wheel on my wheelchair fixed so I can skim around in silence now. He had the study door cracked open the tiniest bit so I stopped and listened.”
“Cripes, Rose, you have to be careful. What if they’d opened the door?”
“I’d have burst into tears and told Daddy dearest that my leg hurts.”
“You don’t have feelings in your legs!”
“I know. So that’d certainly cause a stir and sidetrack him, wouldn’t it?”
“Oh geez.” Closing her eyes, Ella pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Chill out, sister.”
“Rose-”
“It’s all good.”
“Argh!”
“Change of subject. How’s Boof?”
“Doing fine. Subject changed back. Do not take such dangerous chances and-”
“Subject change! Met a man yet?”
“You can’t just-”
“Can. Did.”
“Rose-”
“Oohh, look! Gotta go. My taxi’s here to take me to meet my lover-boy and share intimate secrets with him.”
“Oh boy.”
“I’ll ring again. ‘Bye!” Rose hung up.
Swearing beneath her breath, Ella turned the mobile off and dropped it into her bag. Rose took chances, she always had done, but that had been when no one was in the house. To linger outside the door when her father and an associate, both in the perverse club, were talking was a huge risk.
She and Rose had trodden a dicey path before but had always been careful. With several of the club members having been taken in by the law it was getting dangerous. Was Rose getting too reckless? But then, overhearing info was too good an opportunity to let pass. She just hoped her friend was being careful. Really careful.
To be truthful, she felt like she was sitting on the outside looking in, Rose still working with the feds while she…well, she sat safely on the other side of the country with bodyguards and yes, her own personal bodyguard in Ryan. No chances, no dicing with danger. After doing all the travelling, the planning with Rose, the meetings, the secret phone calls, she was down to sitting safely on the sidelines while her friend continued.
Annoyance crept in, guilt, a feeling of being left out. Scowling, she slammed one hand on the steering-wheel, dropping her head back against the seat and swearing softly. She should be happy the feds were onto it, that they’d be able to catch every bastard, but she’d wanted to be the one to dob a certain few in. Two she’d succeeded in doing, but - “Argh!” She gave the steering-wheel another thump before abruptly turning the key in the ignition.
What was done was done, couldn’t be undone. She just hadn’t thought it would affect her this way. How idiotic was that on her part? How selfish? What about those underage girls being used, disappearing, murdered? They took priority over her own revenge.
“Shit.” Gritting her teeth, feeling even lousier, Ella pulled out of the driveway and onto the street.
This wasn’t just about her anymore, she had to get used to it. She’d been one of the main cogs in the wheel, now she was a minor cog. Suck it up, Ella. The outcome outweighs your own ego.
Sounded good. Still felt like shit.
~*~
Driving to the shopping centre, Ryan contemplated how much things had changed so quickly yet seemed so long as well. From the moment he’d set eyes again on his Ella, he’d wanted her back in his life.
He’d gotten his wish. His dream, really.
He actually smiled. The night had been nothing short of miraculous, not just the sex, but the closeness, the sharing. Yes, most of the conversation had been hard, there was no arguing that, but it had been necessary. But after…that closeness…magic. Most importantly, his Ella had agreed to trying again. That was a gift he wasn’t going to destroy.
However, regardless of how things had changed for the better, there were still, as Ella had pointed out, everyday things to do. Housework, shopping and gardening were there even for the most mercenary of men.
Unless you were an utter pig, which Ryan certainly wasn’t. He liked things neat, tidy, everything in its place and that included the yard. He also found it therapeutic, something most men he knew disputed. Except maybe Aaron. But then Aaron, like himself, could be considered an oddity.
Ryan didn’t care.
One of the first things he put into his trolley was a carton of Diet Coke. Ella liked it, and he wanted to ensure she had things she liked in his ‘fridge to help her feel at home.
He was on his way home when his mobile rang. Noting Aaron’s work number, he pulled over and answered. “Ryan.”
“Aaron.”
Ryan waited.
“Richie is on Ella’s guard detail today. She got into her car, answered her mobile, seemed fine but when she hung up she wasn’t happy.”
“Define not happy.”
“Thumped the steering-wheel twice, swore, was plainly frustrated.”
“Who was the call from?”
“You know we tapped her normal mobile. This was a burner.”
His eyes hardened. “Ella is still using a burner phone?”
“Yes. So was her caller, who has already ditched the burner.”
“Where did she go after the call?”
“Shopping. Bought groceries, a newspaper and a magazine at the newsagent along with a couple of books. Drove home. Arrived alone, is still alone. Hasn’t made any calls.”
“Unless she’s using the burner.”
“Possibly. Richie could demand information but she could tell him a lie about who called, or she could tell the truth. Alternately, we can search her and the house to find it.”
“I’m onto it.”
“I can have him bring her into the office.”
“No. I’m onto it.”
“Your call.” Aaron hung up.
Yes, it was his call. His Ella, his problem. He was level-headed enough not to go into her house with accusations, he would ask for an explanation and assess her reply. He always worked calmly, coolly, and this was no different. He’d deal with her first as a client, then as his lover.
Pulling into the driveway, he noted the open garage door with her car parked inside. Locking his car, he walked up the steps and knocked on the front door.
Ella greeted him with mild surprise. “Hey. I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”
“I didn’t expect to come so soon.” Removing his sunglasses, he slid them into his shirt pocket.
Studying his face, she pursed her lips. “Hmmm.”
He waited. There was no hint of guilt in either her stance or expression.
“You’re annoyed about something.”
He gazed calmly at her. “Not annoyed.”
“Is this business or pleasure?”
“Business first.”
“Huh.” With a shrug, she stepped back. “Then by all means, let’s do that first.”
Following her through into the kitchen, he saw her shoulder bag on the kitchen bench, the keys on the hook below the clock, and shopping bags half unpacked. No sign of a burner mobile.
Folding her arms loosely, Ella leaned her hips back against the kitchen table and waited.
Coming to a stop several feet from her, Ryan hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans and planted his sneakers apart, adopting a casual stance as he surveyed her.
She raised an eyebrow.
Whenever he looked at someone for a length of time, however short, they’d invariably start fidgeting, looking away and avoiding eye contact. But not Ella, she merely arched an eyebrow in silent query. Almost a challenge.
Cute.
But not right now. “You’re using a burner mobile.”
She didn’t hesitate, didn’t blink. “Yep.”
“Someone spoke to you on the burner and you were upset.”
“Frustrated,” she corrected. “Upset insinuates I was crying.”
“Who was on the phone?”
“Rose.”
“What did she say?”
“She was meeting two feds, Fran and Carlson, to share some things she’d found and some things she’d overheard.”
“What things?”
“No idea. She didn’t tell me.” There was a definite edge of something in Ella’s voice now.
“Did you ask?”
“No.”
“Why the burner phone?”
“Because we always use burner phones to talk. No one can track us.”
“Your phones are now tapped for protection from anyone contacting you or attempting to trace you.”
“True.”
“It makes it difficult when you use a burner.”
“Ah.”
His gaze remained steady, his expression stoic.
Ella rolled her eyes. “It’s a habit I’m really loathe to give up.”
“Why?”
“Because this protects Rose as well.”
“She’s under surveillance.”
“Yeah, but she doesn’t have her personal bodyguard sharing her bed, does she?” Her cheeks flushed a little as she added lamely, “Or, you know, a bodyguard to dob her in to you.”
“Are you blaming a guard for doing his job?”
“No. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to kick his arse.”
Instinctively knowing she was telling him the truth, Ryan inwardly relaxed. “Where’s the burner?”
“Oh, you mean the dobber doesn’t know?” Ella’s eyes widened in mock horror. “Oh, dear me. How shameful. I do hope you take them in hand.”
He hid his amusement. “I’ll take you in hand in a minute. The burner.”
“Promises, promises.” Straightening, she crossed to her bag and pulled out the burner mobile, returning to him to drop it into his hand before resting her hips back against the table and linking her fingers loosely in front of her.
“You didn’t ditch it.” He looked it over.
“Not yet.” Ella sighed. “Getting a bit slack. Unforgivable, really.” She gave her jaw a thoughtful scratch. “I will next time.”
“There will be no next time.” He slid the phone into the back pocket of his jeans.
“Is that so?” Her expression was distinctly annoyed.
Ryan studied her as he took out his mobile and rang Aaron.
His boss answered on the first ring. “Report.”
“She has a burner. Gave it to me. Rose contacted her on it, Rose has information for Carlson and Fran which she didn’t divulge to Ella. Ella has a burner to protect Rose in case someone traces Rose’s calls. Ella is now aware that no more burners are allowed.”
As he spoke, Ella rolled her eyes.
“There’s to be no more contact between Rose and Ella until this case is closed,” Aaron stated. “It’s getting too dangerous.”
“Definitely. I’ll drop the burner off on my way home.” Ryan didn’t take his gaze from Ella.
“See you when you get here.”
As he slid the phone back into his pocket, he stared her down. “Right now, Ella, you are a client, however unwilling, of Wells Security via AFP. In this you will follow directions. Understood?”
“Ryan-”
“There is to be no communication between you two until this case is over. Nothing that can link you.”
Her eyes flashed.
“This is for Rose’s safety as well as yours. After this case is over, you can talk. Until then, no. Do you understand?” When she didn’t reply, steel coiled through his tone. “Ella.”
For several seconds she looked like she was going to argue, but then her shoulders slumped, her thick eyelashes sweeping down to cover the grey irises as she muttered, “Yes. Whatever.”
Hmm, something definitely going on here. “And?”
“There is no ‘and’.”
He studied her.
She eyed him back.
The silence lengthened as he waited her out. Time and nature of his various jobs had taught him the skill and benefits of patience.
Many people would have been spilling their guts within the first two minutes. It took Ella a whole five minutes, the clock ticking the seconds away loudly.
Finally, she sighed. “Ryan, it’s nothing. Just something personal I’m dealing with at the moment.”
“Share.”
“Are you kidding me?”
He arched an eyebrow slightly.
“No.” She shook her head. “This has nothing to do with the case. It’s something I’m personally grappling.”
A sudden unwelcome thought hit him. “Is this about us?”
She blinked. “What?”
“Because I’m here in an official capacity?”
“No.” Her expression was bewildered.
Ryan took a step forward. “Ella, I am here to tell you what to do for your own good. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. You might not like some of what I do, may object, but be sure of two things.”
“Ryan-”
“Stop right there.” Another step that had him almost toe-to-toe with her, causing her head to tip back so she maintained eye contact. “One, as part of your security detail I will keep you safe at all costs even if I have to force you to do something to make it so.” He slid his hand around her nape, his thumb scraping gently up and down the side of her neck. “Two, I’m your lover, and as such I’m also your protector in general.” Pausing, he gauged her reaction to that statement.
Ella’s cheeks were a little flushed. “I’m not sure if I should kiss you or smack you.”
Good result. “Kiss me.”
“Yeah, but-”
“I’ll smack you.” Laughter laced his tone.
“This is sick.” There was definite annoyance in her eyes, along with a little touch of heat. “You make me mad at the same time all that gung-ho big protector crap is a bit of a turn-on.”
Her bold confession brought a bark of laughter from him.
Ella’s eyes narrowed.
“Oh, Ella mine.” Cupping her cheeks, he brushed her lips lightly with his. “You’re the only woman to make me laugh in so long.”
“Glad I can entertain you,” was the tart reply.
“Mmm. Speaking of entertain…”
“I’m not that turned-on right now.”
“Shame.” He brushed his lips across her smooth cheek to lick a hot path along the sensitive skin below her ear, rewarded by her breath catching. “I have the sudden urge to take you in hand.”
“Does this hand have anything to do with my arse?”
His shoulders shook with silent laughter even as desire started to coil deep inside him at the very definite response of her body in the form of her pressing against him.
“Don’t laugh,” she warned. “You’re right on the edge.”
“Am I?” He pressed an open-mouthed kiss on the side of her throat, laid his tongue flat on the silken skin.
“Yeah.”
“So what can I do to change your mind?”
“You want me?”
That wasn’t even in question. His hand tightened on her nape.
Her sudden low, throaty laugh was unexpected. “Then maybe you should just take what you want.”
That had him stilling. Had he heard correctly?
“Unless, you know, you’ve changed your mind,” she taunted.
Heat flared through him at the provocative words, swamped by a whole overload of carnal memories.
They’d shared gentle loving in the past, the soul-touching tenderness of lovemaking where they gazed into each others eyes and lost themselves in shared bliss. But there were also times that were more passion. They’d indulged in both types the previous night.
And then there had been times years ago when their lovemaking had been more volatile, erotic, when she’d teased and taunted him until his dominant side had flared to life so readily in response. The lovemaking then had been so bloody hot.
Her tone, her words, made it clear what she wanted right now.
He was more than ready to give it to her. Take it.
Lifting his head, he looked down at her. God yes, she was looking up at him with hot challenge, daring him as she tossed her head and pertly asked, “Still got it in you, Ryan, or has that fizzled out with your mega self control taking over?”
His eyes narrowed, the natural dominance so much a part of him rising immediately. Oh yes, she had always known exactly how to press his buttons.
The provocation combined with the dark laughter in her eyes, the touch of annoyance that still lingered deep within them, the way she placed her hands on his shoulders and gave a dismissive shrug as she stepped to the side with an airy, “Ah well. Disappointing, but never mind. I’ll take myself in hand later,” had the dominance spilling out.
It also had the danger in the room notching up, especially when she started to jauntily stride away. At the subtle shift of his body she glanced over her shoulder, desire and a spark of uncertainty crossing her expressive face. He zeroed in on the challenge, her body.
His needs.
Dark, hot, the predator in him flaring out as her eyes widened, pupils dilating as he lunged forward. Ella jumped to the side but not swift enough to evade his hand.
Ryan’s fingers shackled her wrist, jerked her back against his chest, that plump little bottom hitting his groin so deliciously to nudge up against the bulge already burgeoning behind the zipper.
One arm around her waist holding her fast, his hand cupped her chin so he could tip her head back to enable him to scrutinize her face. The combined heat, daring and little touch of uncertainty she revealed was a heady mix, especially with the tantalising rise and fall of that big bosom beneath the plain, long-sleeved t-shirt. The pebbling of her nipples was clear to see.
“Oh, Ella mine,” Ryan purred darkly, a sinister note unknowingly lacing through his voice. “I’m the only one going to take you in hand.”