CHAPTER 16
LUCKY
Ziggy was proving to be a tough nut to crack, but I admit I was enjoying it. My teasing was probably torture, but having him around had been a godsend of a distraction.
For the last few months, I’d been consumed with grief and anger and all the stages that came with the revelation that Nicholai had killed Eddie. After running away from him, everything in my life changed.
Nicholai used to run everything. I never had to worry about a thing. Our lives ran like a well-oiled machine, all because of him. And I let him take charge because I trusted him.
I trusted him.
All that time, he’d never deserved my trust. All that time, he’d been a murderer, a liar, he’d betrayed me in the worst possible way. I felt like my entire life had been a lie.
Since I’d discovered the truth, I’d been saturated in pain.
Since Nicholai started stalking me, I’d been bathed in fear, waiting for his next intrusion.
But since Ziggy arrived, I’d had a few moments of sunshine break through the constant dark clouds that had followed me around for what felt like forever. Part of me felt a little guilty for allowing that sunshine in. Didn’t Eddie deserve more from me? How long must I grieve? How long must I pay for Nicholai’s sins?
I shook off the guilt and shook my head, smiling and allowing myself to feel good, to feel like a woman again. Ziggy could handle the teasing. And hopefully, eventually he’d give in and give me another taste of what I desperately wanted more of.
I wasn’t looking for love.
I don’t think he is, either.
It’s just physical.
It works for both of us.
Now, if only Nicholai wasn’t haunting me, we could get on with having a good time. Alone in the dressing room, I sighed in relief knowing Ziggy and Blade were right outside the door. I allowed myself to sink into that feeling of safety, toiling with the comfort it provided. I longed to just let my guard down and trust that I would be safe. I hoped like hell the Gods’ were able to provide that.
I tore off another piece of the donut with my face on it and devoured it before beginning to peel off my sweat-soaked costume. After wrestling the wet leather off, I headed to the shower, looking forward to the cool water hitting my skin.
The shows always took so much out of me. Three hours of entertaining a demanding crowd left me weak as a kitten and I relished the moment alone now, the opportunity to just be me, without any eyes watching me, without spotlights or microphones or legions of people expecting me to be witty or look perfect or sing them a song with perfect pitch. My shoulders finally began to relax, the muscles slowing unwinding themselves from the tension of the day.
Closing the door of the bathroom, I looked at my reflection in the large mirror. Caked in stage makeup, my face staring back at me was almost unrecognizable. Reaching up to my temples, I pulled the skin back tightly, trying to erase the lines that had formed around my eyes in the last few months. I looked tired and old, and no amount of makeup would make that go away. I shook my head and turned away, hating the effect all of this trauma was having on me.
The walls of the walk-in shower were frosted for privacy, and I grabbed the door handle, slowly pulling it back to walk in.
I took one look inside and froze in place.
The scream that escaped from my lips was drowned out by the loud pounding of my heart as I sank to the floor, tears streaming down my face.