“Are you really going to look for a new place?” Gabe motioned to the patio we were sitting at, his glorious lawn stretching out all around us. “All this isn’t enough for you?”

I chuckled. “I love it here—but now that Ellis is back, I want him to have my house. I hope it’s okay if I stay until then.” 

“We want you here. It’s safer, and quite frankly, you’re much nicer to have around than Levi. You can stay forever, as far as we’re concerned.”

“Thanks, buddy. That means a lot.”

His kind words didn’t stop me from wincing at the thought of being separated from Hannah, or from frowning at my dinner. I pushed the tofu around with my fork. 

“What’s the matter, bean curd doesn’t excite you?” Gabe joked.

“Do we ever get to eat meat again?” I kept my voice low, hoping Lauren and Hannah couldn’t hear me from the kitchen.

Gabe speared a pale rectangle of tofu and inspected it. “Let’s go to the steakhouse Friday night. I’ll ask my brothers to come—ask Ellis, too. Guys’ night.”

“I am so in.” 

Lauren and Hannah came out to the patio. I forced myself to smile and simultaneously willed my stomach to hold down the slimy tofu. Jesus, do people actually think this is good?

Hannah patted my hand. “You’re such a good sport with your vegan meal, honey.” 

I coughed. “It’s good. Really good.”

Gabe started laughing, and Lauren rolled her eyes at him. “Remember when we started dating? You stopped eating red meat to be supportive.” 

“I was trying to get you into my bed.” He reached out and put his hand possessively over hers. “Now we’re engaged, babe. We’re in for better or for worse territory.” He held up an offending piece of tofu. “This is the ‘worse’ part. The steak is the ‘better’ part—better because I get to eat it again, and you can’t run away from me, because you’d have to take me to court.” 

Lauren giggled. I’d worked for her for two years, and I’d never heard her laugh before she met Gabe.

Then her phone buzzed, and she jumped up. “It’s Leo—I need to take this.”

Lauren spoke to him for only a minute, but when she hung up, she looked pale. “Li Na hacked into our system again just now. I have to get to the lab.” 

“Is this what you weren’t telling me at Jim’s service—she’s been in the server again?” Hannah glared.

“I thought you were dealing with enough for one morning.” Lauren grabbed her plate, and Gabe and Hannah both got up to follow her. “No—you two stay here. Depending on what the damage is, I might need you both tomorrow for a planning session. I’ll find out what she’s up to, and then we’ll take action. Okay?”

Gabe and Hannah both frowned, and Lauren frowned right back, not bothering to coddle them. “I won’t be long.” She left before they could argue further.

Gabe looked as if he’d like to smash something. “I don’t know what the hell Li Na’s doing now.”

“I don’t, either,” Hannah said. “Lauren and I were just talking about it—what could she be after? She knows Lauren won’t sell. She’s already seen most of the proprietary information.”

“And she’s busy terrorizing Fiona Pace into selling her company,” I finished. I cringed, thinking of how frail Fiona had looked at the service this morning, how devastated she was about her husband.

Hannah looked to Gabe. “Lauren said you have a theory about Li Na and what she’s after. I don’t understand how she could do these things—have people kidnapped and murdered—just for money.”

Gabe scrubbed a hand across his face. “It’s not just for the money. Money would be too easy, and Li Na already has plenty of it.”

“So why is she doing these terrible things? To get ahead?”

Gabe shoved his plate away. “It’s along those lines, but it’s more complicated. Have you had any experience dealing with Chinese business partners before?”

“No,” Hannah said. “Paragon hasn’t really started a comprehensive marketing campaign there yet.”

Gabe leaned toward me. “Wes? You have some expertise, don’t you?”

“My military foreign-relations background focused on China.” I shrugged. “Ellis and I have both been there several times on assignment, so I know something about the culture.”

Hannah’s jaw dropped. “You don’t tell me anything.”

“It never came up.” I nudged her, then focused back on Gabe. “What were you saying?”

“My theory on Li Na is that she’s after ‘face’—it’s a Chinese sociological concept. In Chinese business, ‘face’ is extremely important. It’s your social and business standing, your social currency, your level of respect, honor, and worth. Respect is crucial in corporate China.”

I put down the offensive tofu, giving up on dinner. “And Li Na insists she has her government’s backing, correct?” 

“That’s right.” Gabe nodded. “She’s said repeatedly that she’s helping to invigorate the city of Shenzhen and that her country would never extradite her.”

Hannah leaned forward. “Tell me more about ‘face’—I want to understand exactly what it means.”

“This requires reinforcements.” Gabe went and grabbed three beers from the fridge. Hannah scowled as I opened mine. 

“I’m cleared for everything except work,” I reminded her, and winked.

Her face reddened. 

Gabe wrapped his fingers tightly around his beer. “When we were looking for ammunition against her, before the closing, I dug a little deeper into Jiàn Innovations. I realized that Li Na’s been making promises for some time about the great things her company’s going to do, and all the prestige they’re going to bring to Shenzhen. To date, she’s failed to follow through. She couldn’t get the patch, and Jiàn’s market reach hasn’t grown much outside of China.”

I took a sip of beer. “She’s getting desperate.”

Gabe looked thoughtful. “Seems like it. She didn’t even try to bargain with Fiona Pace—she just went straight to murder.”

Hannah put her face in her hands, and I wrapped my arm around her. “It’s okay.”

“Sorry,” Gabe said.

“You two don’t have to apologize. Li Na’s the one with blood on her hands.” She peered out from above her fingers. “We need to go after her. I know you don’t want to kill her, but I don’t see how we can extricate ourselves from this situation without making her go away permanently.”

“I agree,” I said. “We need to get rid of her. I’m sure Hannah doesn’t want to hear this right now, but Ellis and I both have the military training perfect for a situation like this.”

“Wes, no.”

I rubbed her back. “What you said is true—she needs to be dealt with, once and for all.”

“We’re not risking you and Ellis,” Gabe said. “We have to figure something else out.”

“But while we put it through a committee and try to be ethical and conscientious, Fiona and her girls are grieving the loss of a good man. It’s not right.” Hannah took a sip of beer. “Li Na needs to be dealt with—I’m done being afraid all the time. Screw ethical and conscientious.”

“What are you proposing?” Gabe asked.

“Nothing that involves Wesley or Ellis, that’s for sure.”

I put my hand on hers. “Baby—”

“Don’t ‘baby’ me!” she barked. “You almost died this year. That’s enough risk for me for one lifetime, thank you. We’re moving forward. Not dying.”

“What are we going to do if we don’t go after her?” I asked.

Hannah rubbed her temples. “Let me think about it.”

---

HANNAH

Wesley had insisted on walking four miles on the treadmill before we went to bed. I sat and watched, a wreck, as sweat poured off him. 

“This is frickin’ humiliating,” he said, wiping himself down with a towel and breathing hard. 

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” I followed him back upstairs when he’d finished. “And you don’t have to push yourself so hard.”

“I’m not interested in continuing my career as an invalid, thank you very much. I’ve done my time.”

“You just walked four miles, and you haven’t used your wheelchair all week.” I tugged on his arm. “You’re not an invalid, and there’s nothing wrong with taking the time to heal!”

He grunted, heading for the bathroom.

I paced our room, waiting for him to get out of the shower. Lauren texted me, saying things were under control at Paragon. She promised to be home early. We needed to discuss strategy tomorrow—about how to deal with Li Na going forward.

But I didn’t want to just “deal” with Li Na. I longed to see her face-to-face so I could punch her. I was pretty good in my cardio-kickboxing class—I yearned to land a nice, hard kick to her face, to do some damage to those high cheekbones of hers.

But she wasn’t here, and I couldn’t kick her, and I sure as hell couldn’t let Wes go to Shenzhen to kill her.

Wes. He continued to surprise me. First the fact that he’d read Fiona’s book, then the fact that he had a background in foreign relations with China. I’d underestimated him, which made me sort of an asshole.

He’d also been there for me during the panic attack, when I woke up from my nightmares, and when I’d had to face my doctor. He kept showing up, and he kept making me feel like I was worth showing up for.

Wes was so not going to Shenzhen.

He came out of the bathroom then, a towel wrapped around his waist, and I sucked in a breath. We hadn’t talked about any bedroom issues for a while, but Dr. Kim had cleared him for sexual intercourse today. “Just don’t get too crazy,” the doctor had joked.

My cheeks burned as Wes stalked through the room, obviously still pissed about sweating so much from his walk. “I think I’m ready for bed—I’m tired from my walk.”

He said “walk” as though it were something disgusting he’d found on the bottom of his shoe. 

“You can’t be so hard on yourself—it’ll just make the whole process feel like it’s taking longer. You’re doing great. Even Dr. Kim thinks so.”

He rolled his eyes and let the towel drop to the floor as he grabbed some boxer briefs from his drawer.

I sucked in another breath as I inspected him…every inch of him. Had he gotten bigger? Or had it just been a really long time?

“Babe?” 

I jerked my gaze away from his naked parts. “Yeah?”

He grinned. “Are you staring at my dick?”

I tried not to notice it was growing. “N-no.”

He pulled his underwear up. “I’ll just put it away, then.”

“You don’t have to.” I licked my lips and tried to gather my courage. “Dr. Kim said you were okay to…you know.”

Wes pulled a T-shirt over his head, then smiled at me. “That doesn’t mean we have to do it tonight.”

I felt crestfallen and relieved all at the same time. “Don’t you want to?”

He laughed, then shrugged. “Of course I want to. But I want the time to be right, for both of us.”

But the time was right for him—finally. I was fine. I could do this.

I went and tentatively wrapped my arms around him, relishing the feel of his muscles against me. He might not be back to where he was before the injury, but it felt like he was regaining strength fast. 

I sighed in relief.

“What?” His question came out muffled against my hair.

“You feel like you’re getting stronger, back to your old self. I’m just so relieved.”

He held me tighter. “Shh, I got you.”

My body throbbed for his. It had been so long. “I want you to make love to me.” I reached up to kiss him.

His tongue sought mine, and I moaned against him. He ran his hands down my back, pulling me closer, and my body molded against his.

My body continued to respond, but I couldn’t fully focus. My thoughts kept crowding me. I want him. I want to do this. 

Ugh, I willed my brain, then shut up!

Wes deepened the kiss, and I wrapped my hands around his hips, getting as close to him as possible. I tried to lose myself in his embrace, but I wondered what he was thinking right now, if I felt the same to him as I always had…

His hands roamed through my hair, and I stiffened. I want him. I want to do this. I can do this… He kissed me again, but I felt like I was two seconds behind, trying to catch up and not connecting to the moment.

He pulled back. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head, trying to clear it. “What do you mean?”

“You seemed like you checked out a little.” 

“I think I just got distracted.”

He brushed the hair back from my face. “Let’s just go to bed, okay? I’m beat.”

I stepped back, stung. “I didn’t mean to ruin the mood. Can’t we just forget about it—”

“Hey.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. “We are in no rush. C’mon, we’re both tired. It’s been a long day.” 

“I’ll just be a minute.” My voice came out small.

I retreated to the bathroom with my pajamas. I changed and started brushing my teeth, staring at myself in the mirror. There were dark circles under my eyes. My complexion looked dull. I barely resembled my normal, perky self.

I was tired. I was tired of this shit.

I roughly pulled my pajama top on and headed to bed. I climbed in and faced away from Wes.

He sat up a little and sighed. “You’re mad at me? I wasn’t trying to be a jerk.”

“You weren’t a jerk.”

He was quiet for a minute. “I just don’t want to rush you.”

“I’m perfectly capable of deciding what I’m ready for, thank you very much.” I sounded meaner than I felt.

He sighed again and lay back down. “I know that. But you hesitated.”

“So?”

“So there was no way in hell I was going to keep going if you were just going through the motions—or worse, you were doing it for me.”

“I wasn’t going through the motions—like I said, I got distracted for a second.” I swallowed hard. “And I wasn’t doing it just for you. I miss having sex, too, you know.”

Wes sighed again. “That doesn’t mean we have to rush it.”

“It doesn’t mean we have to wait until it’s perfect either.” Part of me just wanted to get it over with.

“Of course not.” He rolled over and put his arms around me. 

I relaxed against his warmth, even as different emotions jostled inside me. 

He was quiet for so long, I’d thought he’d fallen asleep, but then he said, “What distracted you?”

“I couldn’t stop…thinking.”

“About what?” 

“Just thinking. That I wanted to do it, that the way we were kissing felt good.”

“You had to convince yourself?” Even though it was a loaded question, Wes only sounded genuinely curious.

“It wasn’t that. It was more like I was waiting for myself to freak out, and I was trying to head it off.”

He played with my hair. “Why were you worried you were going to freak out?”

I sighed. “I had a panic attack last night, remember? I’m not exactly in control of my emotions right now.”

Wesley dropped the lock of hair he’d been twisting. He sat up. “But what does that have to do with us being intimate?” 

“I don’t know! It’s emotional, I guess. I was worried I’d react weird.” My half-truths were confusing me as much as him.

Wes sighed. “I want you to know that I’m not judging you—I hope I don’t sound defensive, because that’s not what this is about.”

I wrapped my arms around myself. “I know that. Listen, let’s talk about this another time, because tomorrow’s another hellish day. We have to meet with Lauren at Paragon about this newest round of hacking.”

“And I made us an appointment with the couples’ therapist Dr. Fisher recommended. It’s for first thing tomorrow morning.”

I’d thought Wes agreed with me about seeing the therapist—and didn’t want to go. “What? Why’d you do that?”

“Because we’ve both been through a lot.” He patted my back kindly, but in a way that also made it clear he wouldn’t budge an inch.

“I don’t need to see a therapist, and I don’t have time.”

“Do it for me, then. Just come with me to the first appointment.”

I cursed inwardly, wishing we’d just had stupid sex and gotten it over with. I’d be fine once we did, I knew it. 

“Fine,” I said.

“Fine,” he said back.

But I wondered if we really were. Fine, I meant.