I watched Katie and Quinn as they slept. Their faces were relaxed, a far cry from how they’d looked in the terrible days since their dad died. My poor girls. I took another step into the semidarkness of their room, making sure that each of their chests was rising and falling.

When they were babies, Jim and I took turns checking on them. We were both paranoid—a fact I relied on and relished. We used to joke that the kids never slept through the night because we were always poking and prodding them, making sure they were breathing okay.

I clutched my chest as I watched the girls sleep peacefully now. Oh, Jim…

I heard a noise behind me and whirled.

“It’s just me,” Ellis said.

It was the most he’d said since he’d been assigned to protect me.

“I was just checking on them.” I kept my voice low.

“I get it.” 

I stepped out of the girls’ room and headed to the kitchen, Ellis close on my heels. At first, I’d been unnerved by his constant, silent presence. But I’d gotten used to him. It felt safer having his six-foot-four, two-hundred-and-something pounds of pure muscle nearby.

I went to the fridge and stared inside, wondering if he’d judge me for having a glass of wine. I poured one anyway. “Would you like a drink?” I asked.

“No, thank you.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.

I watched as his eyes flicked methodically around the room, then out the window to the driveway. There were three other armed guards outside, but I’d noticed Ellis still periodically did a perimeter scan. 

My thoughts wandered over the day, pausing for a moment on the embarrassment of crying during yoga. Jesus. I’m such a mess. I allowed myself a shudder, then moved on. Missing my husband wasn’t a weakness—it was human to mourn him, and I refused to punish myself for it. I’d been suffering enough.

I thought back on the conversation I’d had with Hannah after class. What she’d proposed had surprised me, and my immediate gut reaction was a hard no. License my technology to the woman who’d killed my husband? And then reverse-engineer a hack to ruin it? Hannah was asking me to play with fire, a fire that could consume the rest of what remained of my family.

I couldn’t take that risk. But was it riskier to do nothing and leave my family vulnerable?

“I’m sorry,” Ellis said, interrupting my train of thought, “but what are you thinking about?”

“What?” I startled, having forgotten he was standing there. He’d never asked me a question before.

“The look on your face… Can I help?”

I sighed. I was leaking so much that even my monosyllabic bodyguard had noticed. “I’m just trying to figure something out, and I don’t know what the answer is. Normally, that’s not a problem for me.” Making good decisions had always been easy for me, a point of pride. But for the moment, I felt lost.

“If you need to talk about it, you can. I might not be able to help, but I can at least listen.”

“Thank you.” I swirled my wine around, wondering if he’d find me even more ridiculous if I spoke further. 

I took another sip of Fumé blanc for courage. “Hannah had an idea about how to deal with Li Na Zhao. She suggested that I let Protocol license the antibody therapy to her, then compromise the technology, so it doesn’t perform. So it malfunctions.” It seemed dangerous to say it out loud. 

Ellis nodded, waiting for me to continue.

“I think it’s a good idea—maybe the only shot I have for a preemptive strike. I don’t know if I want to do it, but only because I’m afraid Li Na will come after us. That she’ll…” I couldn’t say it aloud. I thought of Katie and Quinn sleeping safely in their room, and I felt sick.

“I can’t tell you what to do with your business, but I’ll protect you and the girls. No matter what. I won’t let anyone hurt you. You don’t have to include your fear as a factor.”

I looked at his massive form, touched. “I know you’re very good at your job, but can you actually promise that?”

“It’s the only thing I can promise.”

“Thank you.” I didn’t know if his assurance was enough, but it was something. 

Ellis nodded again, and I sensed the conversation was over.

“Well, good night.” I paused at the door. “Do you sleep?”

He’d been with me for over a week, and he’d barely taken time off. I’d been so consumed with grief and anxiety, I hadn’t even wondered if he was taking care of himself.

“Less than I talk.” 

I might’ve imagined it, but I thought he smiled. At least a little.

---

HANNAH

I scowled at Dr. Karen, the therapist, as I sat on the couch. She arranged a long box at eye level in front of me. It had a row of small lightbulbs running across it horizontally.

“What is that thing?”

She tucked a corkscrew curl behind her ear and plugged the box in. “It’s a light box. I’m going to use it to help alleviate your negative thoughts.”

I crossed my legs and bounced my knee nervously. “I don’t think I have any negative thoughts.”

Karen appeared to ignore me as she gathered her file and sat in a nearby chair. Then she asked, “So what was that panic attack all about?”

I sighed. “I was upset about Jim’s murder. Once you add that event on top of all the other crazy that’s been going on in my life, it’s clear why I had anxiety. But I’m fine. It hasn’t happened again.”

“Have you experienced any other symptoms?” she asked.

“No. I mean, I’m a little anxious in general, but that seems normal to me.”

“Have you and Wesley had sex yet?”

I grimaced. “No.”

“Does it make you anxious to think about it?”

I picked at some invisible lint on my blouse. “Maybe a little. I just want to get it over with, but then I feel guilty for feeling that way.”

Karen pointed her finger at me. “That feeling—that guilt—is what we’re going to eradicate with EMDR. That guilt is a negative thought, a consequence of the trauma you experienced. If you relax and try this for me, I promise you won’t be disappointed. And remember, you’re doing this for you and for Wesley.”

“That’s manipulative—you know I’d do anything for Wes.”

She smiled brightly. “I know, but I’m a therapist. I have to work with the skills I’ve got! So, are you ready?”

I swallowed over a sudden lump in my throat.

Karen reached over and grabbed my hand. “It’s not that difficult, I swear. It’s better than living this way.”

“Okay.”

“EMDR can be done several ways. The one I have experience with is using this box,” she tapped the light box, “and it’s proven very effective.”

I scowled at the box, unconvinced.

Karen sat back against her chair. “I want you to go back to that image you shared with me—when you woke up and the guard was standing over you, masturbating.”

I shivered.

“How did that make you feel?”

“I felt vulnerable…helpless. I felt afraid, which really pissed me off.”

“And what thoughts were you having the night you had the panic attack?”

“I was thinking about my friend’s husband who was killed, how sad my friend and her daughters were. And then I kept thinking about Wes, when he got shot and when he was hooked up to all those machines at the hospital.” I shivered. “And my parents, I thought about when I saw my mom after she died…”

“And how did those thoughts make you feel?”

“Panicked, obviously.” I laughed, but it sounded brittle, like I might break. “Hopeless. Helpless. Angry.”

“Good job.” Karen motioned toward the box. “Now take a deep breath and get ready. I want you to watch the lights. Bring that memory back up—the guard standing over you. How did that make you feel?”

I watched the tiny lights blink across the box as I recounted the memory. “I felt powerless—disgusted with myself because I felt so weak.”

The light sequence finished, and I blinked.

“Excellent,” Karen said. 

I wrinkled my nose. She had a weird concept of “excellent.”

She leaned forward. “Take a deep breath. Let’s try this again…”

---

“Do you think it worked?” Lauren asked. I’d brought lunch to Paragon, but she was only pushing her grilled salmon around inside its reusable container.

“I don’t know.” I still hadn’t told Lauren the full extent of what had happened with the guard who’d assaulted me—I didn’t want to burden her with any more guilt. But I’d explained that the therapist was treating me with EMDR for my anxiety.

“How does the light impact you, exactly?” Lauren’s scientific brain craved details.

I chewed my quinoa thoughtfully, trying to remember exactly what Karen had said. “At first she had me think of something that was bothering me—a negative thought that was causing me anxiety—and then she asked me how the thought made me feel.”

“I need an example,” Lauren said. “I can’t picture this.”

“My negative thought was that when the guards had me, I felt helpless. I felt powerless, and that’s seriously stressful for me. So the other night, when I had a panic attack and my body went out of control, I felt powerless all over again, and it was this self-fulfilling episode of…crap, for lack of a better word. Mental crap that incapacitated me.”

Lauren’s shoulders slumped.

“I’m not telling you this if you’re going to get upset.”

She frowned. “Fine. Tell me how the therapy works.”

“The doctor had me say my negative thought out loud, and she ran the light box at the same time. The idea behind is that you activate the old memory to short-term memory at the same time your eyes track the light. Supposedly the memory becomes blurred, and the bad memory loses some of its power.” I wrinkled my nose, unsure if I’d explained it right. “Does that make sense?”

“Absolutely.” Lauren’s eyes lit up—science excited her. “The treatment disrupts the negative thought process. The sequencing allows the brain to make new connections while the negative thought is present. It’s pretty brilliant in its simplicity.” Satisfied, she finally took a bite of her lunch.

I laughed.

“What?”

“I’m glad it makes sense to you. I thought my doctor was crazy when she sat me in front of a lightbox, but if you think there’s a valid scientific reason for it, that’s good enough for me.”

“Do you feel better?”

“I don’t know. I think so? My anxiety has been…” Situational. I refused to say it out loud. Wesley and I still hadn’t had sex, and that was starting to cause me anxiety. “Minimal.”

Lauren didn’t look fooled. “Go to the follow-up appointments.”

“Yes, ma’am. I already put them in my calendar. But enough about that—where are we with my proposed plan for Li Na?”

Lauren hadn’t mentioned it, and I’d been dying to know her thoughts.

She smiled, a gleam lighting up her eyes. “I had an idea.”

“For…?”

The smile widened into a grin. “A prototype we can upload to Paragon’s server—something to tempt Li Na with. I’ve been secretly working on this technology for months, and it’s shiny and glittery and full of promise, but it doesn’t work yet. It has a flaw.”

I leaned forward. “Is the flaw so tiny only my brilliant CEO-scientist sister would be able to notice it?”

“That’s right.” Lauren looked pleased with herself. “Li Na’s a wannabe—she would never flag this design defect until it’s too late. At least, I think she wouldn’t. I still need to work on how to present the specs, but the thoughts have been coming fast and fierce.”

I clapped my hands together. “Yes! I want to hear all the details.” My phone buzzed, and I glanced at it—a text from Fiona.

I’ve decided to go ahead with the agreement with Jiàn…and the plan.

Excellent. I’m in a meeting. Call you later to talk.

I did a double fist-pump. “This is totally turning into my day.”

“What was that?” Lauren asked.

“Fiona wants to go ahead with what we discussed. She wants to exclusively license her technology to Li Na, and then have Dave and Leo infect it with the code they reverse-engineered.”

My sister’s eyebrow arched. “Li Na’s going to go ballistic with all this new technology. My new prototype actually dovetails with Fiona’s—she’s not going to be able to resist either one of them. She’s going to be excited. You know what this means, don’t you?”

“We’re getting rid of Li Na once and for all? We might actually make her cry?” The idea made me giddy.

“No. It means that if we don’t take her down for good this time, we’re screwed.” She raised her gaze to meet mine. “All of us.”

I swallowed over a sudden lump in my throat. “Well, we know what we’re doing.” I hoped. “And the time is now—after killing Jim, and everything else that she’s done, we have to stop her. We can’t keep living like this.”

Lauren nodded. “I know. It’s crazy that we all have round-the-clock security. And trust me, I want to make her pay for what she’s done.”

“We all do.” I went quiet for a second, wondering how to broach the next topic. “I actually had another idea.” 

“I’m listening.”

“What if we—and I should preface this by saying that not only have I not thought this all the way through, you aren’t going to approve, but—what if we hire someone at Jiàn Innovations to work for us? It would be helpful if we had someone on the inside to keep us updated so we’re not sitting over here, holding our collective breath while we wait to find out if and when Li Na’s plans are going to implode.”

“How do you propose we do that?”

I shrugged. “Li Na had Clive Warren working for her.”

Clive Warren had been a board member at Paragon, but he’d been lured to the dark side and had worked with Li Na to try to steal the company from my sister. 

Unfortunately for Clive, the only place his allegiance had got him was jail, where he was murdered.

Lauren looked unconvinced. “Li Na threatened Clive Warren—that was the only reason he worked for her. That, and because she probably made him all sorts of wild promises in the beginning.”

I shrugged again.

“Hannah! We are not getting involved in that sort of criminal activity!”

“But we need someone to let us know if Li Na’s working on the specs you plant and what the status is with the Protocol technology. We need an informant. I’m not suggesting we stab them.”

Lauren crossed her arms. “Then what are you suggesting?”

I took a deep breath. “We could always just threaten them, a little…”

She shook her head. “I’m willing to entertain all possibilities, but this is moving in a questionable direction awfully fast. Listen, it’s Friday. I want you to take the weekend off.” 

“Since when did we take weekends off?”

Lauren planted her hands on her hips. “You take weekends off when I order you to—last time I checked, I’m still your boss. You’re going full throttle, but you just got back on your feet. I want you to take a couple of days.” 

I sprang out of my chair. “You’re saying that as my big sister, not as my boss, and we both know it.”

“That may be true”—her face softened—“but that doesn’t mean I’m taking it back.” 

“Fine. But we need to move on this. I’m done waiting for Li Na to terrorize us again.”

Lauren sighed. “I want you to think this whole thing through and then come back on Monday morning with a clear line.”

“What kind of line?”

Lauren’s blue eyes, so much like my own, bore into me. “The kind you aren’t willing to cross. We’ll go from there. Now, go away with Wesley and have fun. Be young. Be carefree.”

At the mention of Wes, I frowned, playing with the pages of my notebook.

My sister, who missed nothing, frowned back. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s about Wes. He said he was buying a new house—he’s letting Ellis have the old one.”

“Okay. So why do you look like you might cry?”

“Because what if he buys a new house?”

Lauren twisted a lock of hair, looking stymied. “Then he’ll…have a new house?”

“And what? I’ll still be with you guys? I’ll buy my own house?”

“You can stay with us forever,” Lauren soothed, clearly misunderstanding me. She thought I was afraid of being alone.

“I don’t want to stay with you forever, and I don’t want to buy my own house.” I bit my lip.

“So, what do you want?”

“I want to be with Wes. I don’t want to just be young and carefree and have a fun weekend or only be living with him because it’s safer that way.”

Lauren’s face softened. “I’m glad you’re bringing this up, because I want to talk to you. But I don’t want you to get mad at me.”

“Okay…”

“Bear with me, it’s a little circuitous.” 

I laughed. “Lauren, I’m used to the crazy-brilliant way you think.”

She sighed. “Li Na’s responsible for a lot. She hurt you, and she hurt me, and she hurt Wes. And Jim… She’s done terrible things.”

“I’m aware of them,” I said, still wary.

“I just don’t want you to…react to her.”

“I had a panic attack the other night, and I’m considering blackmailing one of her employees into working for us, remember? I think I’ve already failed.”

“You didn’t fail, but I’m worried. Ugh, I don’t know how to say this.”

“So, it’s personal—whatever it is you need to say.”

Personal was difficult for Lauren, even with me. 

She bit her lip. 

“Just spit it out.”

“I think it’s nice that you have Wesley, especially during this difficult time. It’s great.”

I arched an eyebrow. “But?”

“But, I don’t…I don’t want you to feel like you have to be so serious with him, just because he got shot for you.” 

I almost fell out of my chair. “You think that’s why I’m with him? Because he took a bullet for me and almost died?”

“No. But it would certainly be understandable.” 

I shook my head. “That’s not why we’re together.”

Lauren looked miserable. “But you haven’t exactly ever been serious about a guy before. This all seems very sudden. You went from casually dating to both being traumatized, and now you’re about to lose it because he’s buying a new house?”

I scoffed. “I’ve never been serious about a guy before because I hadn’t met the right one. Wesley is the right one.” Now that I said it out loud, I knew it was true.

“I care about Wes, too, but I don’t want you to make him a promise because you feel like you should.”

I stood to go. “I’m not—I wouldn’t hurt him like that. And yes, I think I will take the weekend off. Think about what I said about Li Na’s employee. It’s about time you started taking me seriously.”