Waiting in the diner for Grant, I start to get nervous. I wasn’t able to fall back asleep after my dream. Instead, I laid in bed, staring at my ceiling, trying to figure out what else I might be missing. I want to know why Grandma never told me about Grant. There’s a big piece of the puzzle that I’m missing. I can feel it deep down in my bones.

“Mornin’ beautiful,” Grant coos as he slides into the booth seat across from me.

“Morning,” I mumble.

“Why so grumpy this morning?” Grant asks, frowning at me.

“I didn’t sleep well.” I want to tell him the entire truth, but I don’t have the energy.

“I’m sorry. Food will do you good.” The waitress appears just as Grant finishes. We order breakfast, a large cup of coffee and an omelet for me, a huge platter of food for Grant.

By the time our food arrives, my spirits are lifted a little. Grant is telling me about a party after his game on Friday night. Chester is hosting it in lieu of the homecoming dance. His parents are out of town and it’s going to be pretty big, I guess. Students from both schools have been invited, including us.

“I’ll pick you up after my game, sound good?”

“Sure,” I reply, taking a sip of my coffee.

“Are you planning on coming to the game?”

“I’m sure we are.”

“We?”

“Yeah. Libby mentioned something about it the other day. I’ll be the third wheel, but I’ll get to see you play again so it’ll be worth it,” I say, winking at him from across the table.

I follow Grant to class and we walk in together, taking our usual seats in the back of the room. After listening to the professor lecture for an hour, I’m ready to fall asleep. If it weren’t for Grant poking me from time to time, I would have fallen asleep in class. I need a nap. Stat.

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive to school? I can give you a ride if you want and we can come back for your car later.”

“I’ll be okay. I don’t have any tests today, so I think I’m going to head home and take a nap. Call me when you get out of practice tonight,” I say, yawning.

“Of course. Do you want me to come over?”

“You can if you want. The cable guy is scheduled to come at some point in time this afternoon so I’ll be there.”

Grant kisses me softly on the lips before closing my car door and sending me on my way. I crawl in bed as soon as I get home and drift off to sleep instantly.

The sound of a knock at the door wakes me up hours later.

As soon as the cable guy leaves, I lie down on the couch and turn on a made-for-TV movie, falling back to sleep instantly. My phone rings in the distance, rousing me. The credits are rolling on the movie. I slept through the entire thing. Damn it! That movie looked good.

“Hello,” I scream into the phone, out of breath from running to answer before my voicemail picked up.

“Miss Madison, its Eloise.”

“Hi, Eloise. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, ma’am. I just wanted to let you know that you received some mail that I thought you might want to pick up before your father returns. I’ll be leaving in the morning, so you’ll want to check the mail until you change your address.”

“Thank you so much. I’ll be over to pick it up tomorrow,” I reply as I look at the clock. It’s almost six and Grant should be here soon.

“Very good, miss.”

“Good luck, Eloise. Thank you again and please keep in touch.”

“I will, Miss Madison.”

The sadness in her voice radiates through the phone, causing me to choke up. I hang up before the tears are able to form and take a deep breath, my composure returning.

Grant shows up an hour later, covered in sweat again. I send him directly to the shower, avoiding his sweat covered body this time. Once he’s fresh and clean, he makes us dinner, promising not to burn anything. I throw a pillow at him, but he’s quick, stepping out of the way in plenty of time.

By the time I crawl in bed, I’m no longer tired. I stare at my ceiling, trying to decide when I want to tell Grant about the dreams. I need to get it off my chest soon. The pressure is building, and every time I see him, every time we’re alone, it’s all I can think of. The dreams are consuming me, my thoughts and my attention. I can’t focus on anything else.

The party. I’ll tell him after the party on Friday night. I figure there will be booze there. I’ll have a drink or two and that should lower my inhibitions enough to tell him. Not the best plan, but it’ll work.

The rest of the week is rather uneventful. Grant comes over after practice every night and cooks us dinner. I’d be eating burnt sandwiches if it weren’t for him, I have a feeling. When Friday finally arrives, I’m excited to go out with Libby but nervous to talk to Grant after the party. I almost told him twice this week but I chickened out. I don’t know what his reaction is going to be and that’s what’s holding me back.

The game is amazing. Grant throws for three touchdowns, the final one for the win in the last few minutes of the game. He cements their perfect record with only one more game until the regular season is over. Everyone started to chant “Lucky 13” as the team ran off the field.

Waiting on Grant to arrive is nerve wracking. I’m pacing around the living room when he finally arrives. Fresh out of the shower and smelling amazing, Grant wraps me in a hug and kisses me on the forehead.

“You smell great.”

“I figured it was about time for me to show up smelling like a real person, so I cleaned up at school before I came over. You ready to go?”

“Yep. I just need to grab my phone off the charger,” I say as I step out of his embrace My phone rings in my hand as I pick it up. It’s my father. I don’t want to have to deal with him right now, but if I don’t answer, he’ll keep calling. “It’s my father.”

“Take your time. I’m going to grab a soda if that’s okay.”

I nod and walk into my bedroom, taking a seat on my bed. Deep breath in, then out. “Hello?”

“Madison. I just wanted to check in. I called the house, but there was no answer.”

“I’m not home.”

“Did Eloise tell you that I’ll be home on Thursday next week?”

“She did.”

“Good. I’ll see you then.”

I don’t get a chance to reply before he hangs up. He never tells me that he loves me before he gets off the phone. You would think after years of the same, I would be used to it, but it never fails to crush me a little more each time.

When my mother was still alive, my father was more alive. Now, it’s as if he goes through the motions of life but doesn’t allow himself to feel. He hasn’t told me that he loves me in years. I’m pretty sure the last time I heard those words leave his mouth were the day I woke up in the hospital. The fear in his eyes, followed by the relief that I was alive, are all I remember from that day. I haven’t seen him look at me in a caring way since.

“Everything okay?” Grant asks, taking a seat beside me on the bed.

“Fine. He was just checking to make sure I was still alive.” Taking my hand in his, Grant softly rubs circles on my palm with this thumb. I instantly relax, my thoughts turning naughty as we sit close on my bed.

“Would you rather stay in?”

“No.” If I don’t go to the party, I’ll never have the liquid courage I need to tell him about my dream. I have to do this today before I lose my nerve again. “Let’s go. I’ll be fine.”

The party is in full swing by the time we arrive. I can’t see Libby through the body of people, but I can hear her over the music so I follow the sound of her voice to see her sitting on the counter in the kitchen.

“Mads! You made it!” Sounding like she’s a few drinks ahead of me, Libby screams at me louder than necessary, announcing my arrival to the entire party and possibly Chester’s neighbors.

Chester and Grant do the fist bump, man-hug thing next to me before heading to get drinks from outside. I hop up onto the counter next to Libby while I wait for him to return. I can see why she’s up here now. You get a great view of everything that’s going on. I can see all the way across the room, almost to the front door.

People are dancing in the living room, if you can call that dancing. It looks more like they’re trying to have sex with their clothes on the way they’re grinding against each other. It’s fascinating. I know that I should look away, but I can’t. I’ve never seen anything like it, reminding me how sheltered I really am.

“Are you even listening to me?” Libby yell-whispers in my ear, drawing my attention away from the living room and back to her.

“I wasn’t. Sorry.”

“I asked you how things were going with Grant.” Libby is yelling still, causing people to stare, interested in our conversation. I don’t plan on answering her with all these people around, and thankfully I don’t have to. Grant and Chester show up seconds later, drinks in hand. “Chester!”

Grant’s eyebrows raise in surprise to Libby’s demeanor. I shake my head, telling him not to even ask. He slides between my legs and hands me a red cup full to the brim of something pink. “What is it?” I ask.

“It’s punch.”

“Liquor?”

“Yes, so don’t drink it too fast. It’s pretty potent. I can get you something else if you want.”

I take a sip, enjoying the slight burn of the liquor as it goes down. It tastes good, but he’s right. It’s potent. I’m going to have to be careful not to drink it too fast or else I’ll end up like Libby in less than an hour. “No. It’s good. Thanks.”

Slowly, I sip the contents of my glass until it’s empty. I don’t feel any different. I’m not acting like Libby, who’s about ready to pass out on my shoulder. We’re still sitting on the kitchen counter and the boys are leaning next to us, talking about the game next weekend.

“Do you want another one, Madison?”

“Maybe half?” I don’t know if another one is a good idea or not. I want to be coherent when we get back to my place so we can talk, but I don’t want to feel as much as I do right now.

“I’ll be right back. Chester, you coming?”

I watch as Chester and Grant disappear out the back door until someone steps in my view. Jason. He’s here?

“Hey, Madison. How are you?”

I look to Libby for support, but she’s snoring lightly against my shoulder. “Fine.”

“So, I see that you and Grant are a thing.” I nod. I don’t know where he’s headed with this. My relationship is none of his business. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be, Jason?” I inquire, slightly irritated.

“Well, he has a past, you know. I’m sure you’ve heard about him and Megan.”

My ears perk up at the mention of Megan’s name, but Jason doesn’t continue. What did Libby neglect to mention to me? Is there something I should know about or is this guy making shit up to get under my skin?

“We all have a past, Jason. Even you.”

“You’re right. We do. You should ask Grant about it. If he won’t tell you, I will.”

“Why don’t you just tell me right now? That is the reason you came over here, right?” He’s starting to piss me off and I’m sure he can tell by the tone I’m taking with him.

“Ask him about the homecoming dance last year. Ask him who went home with him that night.” Jason walks off, leaving me with my mouth agape at what he just inferred. I don’t want to believe him. I shouldn’t care about what happened before I got here, but it hurts, my heart aches.

I slowly lower Libby’s head to the counter, ensuring that she won’t roll off. Heading for the front door, I slip my coat on and grab my purse. As soon as I’m outside, I run. I don’t know exactly where I am, but I know enough about the town to figure out how to get back home. Close to an hour later, I finally spot a familiar sight. The river. I walk along the well-worn path running beside it. I’ll either end up near Grandma’s house and I can crash there tonight or I’ll end up at the park.

The gazebo comes into view moments later. As I get closer, I realize there’s someone inside the gazebo, sitting in my favorite spot. To avoid being seen, I veer to the left and head toward town. I’m about to pass the gazebo when I hear him say my name.

Turning around, I see Grant standing on the steps of the gazebo, the light shining brightly on his face. What is he doing here? How did he find me so quickly? I left to avoid him.

“What are you doing here?” I ask as I approach, staying at the bottom of the steps, just out of his reach.

“I saw you leave. I tried to catch up to you, but you were gone when I got outside. I figured I would find you here.” He pauses, shuffling his feet as he stares down at them. “Want to tell me what happened?”

“Jason told me about homecoming last year.” I do the best I can to sound confident. Grant’s eyes lift to meet mine. I expect to see anger or fear, but all I see is confusion.

“What about it?”

“You and Megan.”

“Megan? I went to homecoming with her.”

“What happened after homecoming?”

“Nothing. I took her home and went to bed. I was pissed off because we lost our game and our chances at a state title that night.”

“That’s not the story I got,” I say, backing up a step.

“I’m not surprised. What do you know about Jason?”

“Not a lot. He was the quarterback …” I let my voice fade off as realization hits me smack in the face. He was only the quarterback because Grant switched schools. Libby said that he quit, claiming that he was hurt after they lost every game last season.

“Yeah. He’s always hated me because I took his spot when I moved here. He used to be the starter back in middle school, before it even mattered. Since then, he’s always tried to start shit with me. I don’t like him as much as he doesn’t like me. I’m not surprised he tried to go through you to get to me.”

I shake my head and lower it in shame. I took the word of someone else over Grant’s. I’ll never be able to apologize enough. I have to learn to trust him. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s possible. As soon as I tell him everything I’ve been hiding from him.

“Can we talk?” I ask as a shiver runs up my spine. It’s a brisk night outside, but that’s not why I have goosebumps.

“Of course. Do you want to go back to your place?”

“Sure.”

Grant slides up next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, and guides us back to my place. As soon as we’re settled on the couch, I clear my throat, ready to confess everything I remember, but the words won’t come. I try again but my voice is lost, and Grant, who’s watching me and waiting for me to say something, is making me even more nervous than I was before.

“Whatever it is, Madison, we are going to be fine. I promise. You can tell me anything.” His words cause my heart to break a little, knowing that he can’t promise me that we’re going to be fine after I say what I need to say.

“I wish that were true.”

“It can be. You just have to trust me.”

“I do. I trust you more than anyone else I’ve ever met.” I pause, letting out a breath and let the words roll off my tongue. “I always have.”

Grant’s eyes widen in shock. He understood perfectly what I was hinting at. Turning toward me, Grant takes my hands in his before he continues.

“You remember?”

“Some things. Others are still lost.”

“What do you remember exactly?”

“You. My first kiss. Promises.”

“Anything else?”

“I remember asking Grandma to let you stay.”

Grant settles into the couch, absorbing what I’ve just told him. It’s a while before he speaks, but when he does, I’m shocked by what he says.

“Thank you, Madison.”

“For what?”

“For everything. We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. You’re Grandma was going to send us to Colorado. I wouldn’t be sitting here, on your couch, holding your hand if it wasn’t for you. You placed your trust in me a long time ago and I never got the chance to thank you.”

“All I did was ask her to let you stay. I think. I don’t remember anything other than that first day, the day we met. After that, things are still black.”

“The accident. The beach. You don’t remember any of that?”

“No. I was hoping that you might be able to fill in some of the blanks.” I see the moment Grant’s body tenses. What is he hiding? “What? What aren’t you telling me?”

“There’s so much that I want to tell you, Madison. Some things I will. Others, you need to ask you father about. It’s not my place.”

“Like what?”

“Like the day of the accident.”

“Was he there?”

“No, but he should be the one to tell you about it. I can’t.”

I want to argue with Grant, beg him to tell me what he knows. Instead, I accept the fact that he’ll tell me some of what I’m missing. If I feel the need to know more, I’ll suck it up and talk to my father.

“One thing. Tell me one thing that I’ve forgotten.”

A smirk appears on Grant’s face as he pulls me close to him, lying us down on the couch facing each other. My stomach turns in anticipation of what he’s going to say.

“I fell in love with you in two days, Madison. I was thirteen years old, and I found my match, the one person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Until that moment, I thought love didn’t exist. When you told me you loved me, my heart stopped beating because I knew that it was going to be a long time before I would see you again and be able to tell you that I felt the same way about you.” Lifting my chin so that he’s looking directly into my eyes, Grant continues. “I love you, Madison Melissa Thompson. I always have and I always will.”