God, I hated Mondays.
I’d always felt that they were nothing but the pitiful pariah of the week. I mean, the weekend could be the most amazing, fantastic time ever, then stupid Monday came trudging along and shot that all to shit, like the black sheep bastard it was.
Not that I’d had any great weekends in a while, but whatever. I still thought Mondays should be outlawed.
So, yep, it was a Monday morning and I sat at my desk letting out a determined breath, eyes glued to my computer as I examined page after page of a local financial service firm’s ledger, looking for any suspicious financial discrepancies which could be telltale signs of possible embezzlement.
I’d been a CPA for going on three years when I’d taken and passed the Certified Fraud Examiner test last year, making my official job title Forensic Accountant. I really liked what I was doing now, finding potentially illegal goings-on within a company’s accounts, which was like figuring out a puzzle within a puzzle within a puzzle, and there could be a villain at the end to boot! Oh, and I got to travel too! Whee!
Look. Accounting’s not too thrilling an enterprise, so anything that kept my mind occupied and also presented a mystery made me extremely grateful, because having no space left in my head to think about anything other than whether a number or two had been transposed was fabulous. And since Just Don’t Think about It had become my new catchphrase, well, for what it was worth, it seemed to be working.
When my phone dinged I took a break seeing as I hadn’t taken my eyes from the account I’d been scanning for going on thirty minutes.
Text Message—Mon, Jan 2, 8:27 a.m.
Jaden: You recovered yet? Me? Hell no. I just mixed a red plaid wallpaper with a pastel floral design in a mockup and thought they kinda looked pretty together o_O
I snorted. My best friend Jaden was a highly sought-out interior designer whose business had flourished so well that she was having to put customers on a twelve-month waiting list. And they were waiting, she was that good! I was so proud of her!
Saturday night, she and her husband Evan had hosted a New Year’s Eve party and, boy, had the alcohol flowed. Since I was only an occasional drinker, I hadn’t over imbibed and wasn’t feeling the effects two days later like she was. But they’d also been celebrating Evan’s landing a big account at the law firm where he worked, so they’d partied pretty damned hard.
Me: Oh no! I’ll bet Martha Stewart just experienced a full-body shudder! :P
Text Message—Mon, Jan 2, 8:28 a.m.
Jaden: Funny
Me: That’s me. The funny one.
Jaden: So?
Me: So what?
Jaden: Have you heard from Evan’s friend yet?
Evan had invited Andy, one of his coworkers, to their party because he thought I’d like him. I was on an indeterminate furlough from dating/men/dudes/love/all that other shit for cripes’ sake and they both knew it! I mean, I’d played the game and lost, twice in less than two years, which was eight percent of my fricking life, so no more for me, thank you very much. But being the gracious friend I was—and after giving them both the evil eye—I went along with their stupid attempt of setting me up and gave Andy my undivided attention. He was okay looking, but when we started talking, and I told him about Jaden and I having gone the weekend before to a new club that had just opened, his true colors had shown. First of all, he’d looked shocked that we’d gone together without Evan, as if we were helpless without a man being there. Then he’d stated that if I were his woman—his exact words—he would’ve shown up to keep an eye on me to make sure I was “safe.” I’d laughed right in his face because I knew an insecure, controlling asshole when I saw one. When I called him on it, he’d banged a fist against his chest and replied, “I’m all alpha, baby,” which had made me cackle even harder at his misrepresentation of that fine breed of men. What an idiot. Narcissistic prick.
Text Message—Mon, Jan 2, 8:30 a.m.
Me: Oh, hell no. When he began mansplaining how I should be doing my job then told me that you and I shouldn’t be friends because you were a bad influence, I tuned him out
Jaden: He did not!
Me: Yep. Then he asked if I was submissive in bed ugh
Jaden: Good God
Me: When I mentioned I could be the aggressor at times, he shook his head and said that we’d kill each other if we were together. Then he told me he wasn’t emotionally available to be in a relationship right now before turning away and hitting on some quiet, mousy chick who gazed at him like he was some kind of god *eye roll*
Jaden: WTF What a jerk! And I’m SO not a bad influence!
Me: Well, there was that one time…
Jaden: Shut it!
Me: hahahaha
Jaden: Damn. Sorry, B
Me: Uh, tell Evan to PLEASE not set me up again, savvy?
Jaden: LOL Savvy. Lunch today? 1’ish?
Me: Can’t. I’m meeting with a CFO. There may be scandal afoot!
Jaden: You love this forensic shit, huh?
Me: I do! This time I wanna see some thieving bastard handcuffed and taken away
Jaden: Bloodthirsty much?
Me: Voracious ; ) I’ll call you tonight & let you know if I’m gonna be on the latest Cops, k? In the meantime, drink lots of Gatorade. It’ll hydrate you & make you feel better
Jaden: If I drink any more, I might turn into Usain Bolt
Me: I don’t even have a snappy reply to that, dammit
Jaden: You’re losing your touch, B
Me: My job is…Jamaican me…dull
Jaden: There’s my girl. I knew you had it in you
Me: I be jammin’ now
Jaden: Stop while you’re ahead. Love you. Talk later <3
Me: Love you too <3