Chapter Four
The weather was finally turning colder, but Phenex preferred to ride when it was cooler outside. This brisk, clear October day was perfect for a trip to St. Mary’s Cemetery, just outside of Elyria. He hadn’t been on his Harley in too long, with all the shit going on at the club. And, on a Monday morning, he wouldn’t have to deal with a lot of other people around.
No one inside the building was around as he went out the back door, got on his bike, and waved to the two prospects guarding the back gate, before pulling out onto the road that lined the back of the property. They’d never had to worry about this entrance before two men cut a hole in their new fence two weeks earlier.
The hole in the fence had been repaired, and there was now a gate across the back road, the same as there were across the driveways in front. All three gates were now guarded around the clock, and the guards were armed. Having their men guarding the front and back gates while carrying weapons was new to the MC, too, and most of them weren’t happy about having to resort to it.
They’d recently installed floodlights throughout the three hundred acres, which Phenex and most of the others hated. Their little paradise, surrounded by farmland and very few neighbors, had become a fortress. Fuck that.
And worse, what had once been thought of as a temporary measure by the officers, just until the bullshit with the Outlaw Dogs was resolved or burned itself out, was now looking like it had become a permanent necessity.
Mad Dog’s insane followers had not only started a rogue MC, they had aligned themselves with a fucking Mob boss from Queens, New York. What the hell was this fucking world coming to when an MC couldn’t keep their business dealings confined to the men who ran things behind the scenes in their own city? Or, at least in their own state?
Sure, Vito Cinquepalmi and Donny Messina would never be friends. But at least they understood each other and had been able to reach a compromise of sorts. They knew the area, and they knew the people here. As long as everyone did what they were supposed to do, the status quo was maintained. Mad Dog and his fucking pack of braindead minions had changed everything.
As he drove past the entrance to the cemetery, his engine echoed in the open space. But Phenex never felt guilty about driving a hog into this quiet sanctuary. The dead people didn’t care, after all. Even so, it was always simpler to visit when there weren’t crowds here. He didn’t get sideways looks from people, and he didn’t have to navigate around traffic. Pulling up to the row in which his mom was buried was never easy, no matter when he came here, what the weather was like, or how many other visitors were around.
After turning off the ignition, he sat on the bike for a few moments, soaking up the sunshine and taking deep breaths of crisp, cool air. He could smell the dried-up leaves on the ground, which was pretty fucking appropriate, considering where he was. It was the scent of death. His mom had been dead for thirty years, but the memories had never faded. Not even a little bit.
So much of his childhood was lost, or existed only in wisps of images that he wasn’t even sure were real. But not that day. Not the day his dad had beat his mom to death, right in the middle of their pretty blue and white kitchen. The bloodstains on the white cabinets had never completely disappeared, no matter how many times Phenex had tried to wash them off.
He climbed off the bike and secured it with the kickstand, then glanced around. No one was in sight. Good. Because today he might cry, and he sure as shit didn’t want anyone to see that.
A squirrel ran up a tree as Phenex approached the grave, chattering away at him while Phenex cleared the headstone of dead leaves and dirt. He sat on the grass next to the stone. “Hey, Mom. Thirty years. Wow. Wherever you are, I hope you can see me. I’m doing fine. Really. The MC is facing some challenges, but that’s to be expected. Fucked-up world we live in. I hope you’re in a better place.”
His breath hitched in his throat. “Sure do miss you.”
As the wind blew across his face, it forced a smile to his lips. That happened nearly every time he came here, and Phenex had always allowed himself to believe the breeze was his mom, comforting him. He indulged that belief one more time today.
“I don’t have anything new to tell you, Mom. Wish I could tell you I found a girl or something, but you know me. I chose the wrong girl. And now that the right one is here, I’m too stupid to say anything to her.”
The unmistakable sound of a hog split the silence, cutting off his words. Phenex stood and glanced around. Several sections away, he spotted a Harley Davidson Softail Deluxe with teal paint. Couldn’t be a coincidence. It had to be Meghan. No one else he knew had voluntarily asked for that godawful color on their bike.
When she stopped the bike and parked it, then removed her dome, Phenex’s guess was confirmed. Her long red hair gave her away. But what was she doing here? Visiting a grave was a private thing, at least to him. He didn’t want to disturb her, but his curiosity, not to mention his obsession with the woman, got the better of him.
After he watched her kneel next to a headstone, he moved behind the nearest tree so she wouldn’t spot him. All they knew about her was that she’d been born and raised in Elyria, and had been emotionally abused by an ex-boyfriend. Her stomach pains began after she left the scum.
He’d never spotted her here before, but then, he didn’t come very often these days. He really should leave. Walk the bike a good distance away before starting it so she wouldn’t hear it or see him. He didn’t want to invade her privacy, but when it became obvious she was crying, he couldn’t stay away. Not from her. Not from his Meghan. His protective instincts kicked in for her, every fucking time.
“Got to go, Mom,” he whispered. “The right girl needs me.”
After lifting the kickstand, Phenex walked the bike over and parked it next to hers. When she glanced up and saw him, she stood quickly and wiped her face, clearly embarrassed that she’d been spotted by someone she knew.
Fuck. You’re a goddam idiot!
Why the fuck hadn’t he left her alone? What the hell was wrong with him?
“Hey. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
Then what the fuck did you mean to do, genius?
“It’s okay.” She frowned. “What are you doing here?”
He tilted his head in the general direction of where he’d been. “My mom is buried here.”
“Oh. Yeah. You were young when she died, right?”
“Seven.” Everyone knew, but he didn’t talk about it. His Brothers knew the entire truth of course, and as with most gossip in the building, stories got around. She’d been there two years, so he wasn’t going to pretend she’d never heard the full story.
He cut his gaze toward the headstone next to her and swallowed hard. The image of a baby was carved on it.
“Guess my secret is out now,” she whispered.
“What?” Jesus Christ. He sounded like he’d fallen on his head recently.
She sighed out loud. “Come on. Sit down with me. I’ll tell you about her.”
Guilt, horrible and rancid, washed over him. “Meghan, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have come over.”
“It’s all right. I’m surprised no one has found me here yet. We all grew up in the area. It stands to reason some of us have dead relatives and friends buried here.”
“It was a private moment.”
The corners of her mouth lifted. “There’s nothing private in a cemetery, Phenex.” He sat on the ground next to her and read the name on the headstone. Faith Anne Sanders. The birth and death dates were only a week apart, just over two years ago.” Holy fuck.
He wanted to ask, but couldn’t. It was too much of a shock. Did anyone know the truth? Had she held it inside, all this time?
“I was seven months pregnant when she was born. They intended to deliver her by C-section because she was bleeding inside me, but my labor was too advanced already, and there was too much trauma to my abdomen. When they finally got her out of me, they life-flighted her to the NICU at Rainbow, where she survived a week. But I knew she wouldn’t live. Too much trauma. She was bleeding into her brain, you see, before she was born. There was nothing they could do.”
Phenex stayed silent, watching her shoulders rise and fall, wishing he had the magic words to take away her pain.
“The boyfriend I told you all about didn’t only abuse me emotionally. He beat the shit out of me every chance he got. The pregnancy wasn’t something I wanted, and it certainly was bad news to him.” She wiped her tears again. “He accused me of Faith not being his, which was bullshit.”
“I’m so sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. The anger building up inside him was all mixed up with the images of his dad killing his mom, thirty years ago.
“Then one day he came home early from drinking with the boys and interrupted me talking to a friend on the phone. A male friend. There was nothing going on. Never had been. He’s gay. My friend, that is. I tried to tell him that. Kevin, I mean. The ex-boyfriend is named Kevin. I even offered to let him meet my friend and talk to him in person.”
The sound of squirrels chattering overhead distracted them both. She watched the pair for a few seconds, frowning. “I hope they’re not arguing.”
“Do you think animals do that?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“I’ve never really thought about it.”
She reached out and brushed a finger over the letters on the headstone. Phenex swallowed hard again. Fucking A. Never in the two years she’d been at the club would he have guessed this was the secret she carried.
“When he started beating on me that day, I knew I’d lose her. Don’t ask me how I knew. It was just different. More brutal. I couldn’t fight him off like I usually could. He was angrier. More determined to really hurt me this time. Once I was on the ground, he kept … kicking me. Right in the gut. I passed out. When I woke up, I was in the ER at Elyria Memorial. I have no clue where he was, who called 911, or how I got to the hospital. There were cops all over the place.”
The anger grew white hot in Phenex’s mind. “Please tell me he’s in jail.”
“He is, but not for what he did to me. He got arrested that same night for armed robbery. You see, he liked guns. A lot. Had a few of them in the apartment. And when his buddies got together and drank, they thought it was fun to drive into Cleveland and hold up convenience stores in out-of-the-way places. Places they thought they were less likely to get caught. Fucking idiots. Only this time, Kevin pulled a job on his own. Probably why he got caught so easily.”
“What about what he did to you?”
“Oh, that got thrown out.”
He must have misunderstood her. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah. His lawyer said because of all the drugs they gave me in the ER, my statement to the cops would get tossed out at trial. The DA pushed for the involuntary manslaughter charge, which would have stuck, except that his attorney won his motion to quash the statement I gave in the ER.”
“That is pure fucking bullshit!” His shout disturbed the quiet space around them, but Phenex didn’t care.
“I agree, but sometimes our justice system sucks. They got him on armed robbery, though, and he went away for two to eight.”
“Meghan, I don’t even know what to say. That is not fucking right on any level.”
She brushed a finger along the headstone again. “No. It’s not. But at least I’m free of him. The friend I was talking to that night, Andy Spohn, keeps tabs on Kevin for me, but all I want to know is when he gets out so I can be ready in case he comes looking for me.”
“Does Andy know what happened with Faith?”
“Yes.”
“But you will never get justice for what Kevin did.”
The saddest expression he’d ever seen on anyone’s face covered hers. It tore at his heart. “Sometimes we don’t.”
No shit. His dad had gotten away with killing his mom because he’d run that same night and no one had found him for ten years. Phenex’s aunt and uncle had come to the house to stay with him, but they hadn’t lived there long. Within a year, he was living with them in their home, and his childhood home belonged to someone else.
It had taken another murder to finally bring his father to justice. He was in Trumbull Correctional Institution doing life for beating a different young woman to death in front of her kids.
Only this time, the kids had been older. Ten or eleven. They’d been paying attention and knew his hangouts. They knew where he went to drink and to pay for sex. The cops had picked him up within twenty-four hours, the kids had testified, and that was that.
Thirty years later, and Phenex still had no sense of justice for his mom’s death because he’d never gone to see his father and confront him. He wasn’t sure he ever would. Time to change the subject, because Meghan was giving him curious looks. “Why didn’t you ever tell anyone the truth?”
“Because I didn’t want the usual questions.” She averted her gaze. “Why didn’t you leave? Why this, why that? People who aren’t facing the same situation don’t understand. It’s easy to judge from outside. We truly believe we know what we’d do in any given situation.”
When she cut her gaze toward him once more, the clarity in her beautiful green eyes took his breath away. “But, Phenex, the truth is that none of us really knows what we’d do. How we’d react. What decisions we’d make. Not until we’re face-to-face with it.”
“I believe you may be right about that.” It was difficult not to let his own memories overwhelm him right now. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yeah. You can keep this between us. Not even Chloe knows.”
“Of course.” It wasn’t vital to the running of the club for anyone else to know, so he’d keep his mouth shut.
“Thanks.”
“Thank you for trusting me.”
The expression on her face was so filled with longing that he almost told her how he felt, right then and there. “I do trust you, Phenex. I always have.”
A flash of sunlight on metal caught his gaze. He turned to watch a caravan of cars, led by a hearse, make their way toward them.
“Let’s get out of here,” she said, standing.
“You want to go get something to eat?” He had no idea why he’d asked. It simply slipped out.
A cute smile graced her face. “You mean like on a date?”
“No, I mean like I’m fucking hungry and I want you to join me.” His heart pounded.
“Been a fucking long time since I’ve been on a date.”
“Same here. And it’s not a date. It’s breakfast.”
“I’ve had breakfast.”
“Me too.”
“And it’s too early for lunch.” He opened his mouth, but she held up a hand. “I swear to God if you say ‘brunch’ I’ll run you over with my bike.”
Phenex laughed until tears ran down his face. He had no fucking clue why that was so funny, but it was. It was also the perfect levity the moment needed.
As the cars stopped on the road in the next section and people began to file out, he forced a serious expression to his face. “Okay. Time to go. We’ll figure it out once we’re on the road.”
“It’s a date.” She winked at him, and he had to work hard not to laugh again as they started their bikes and rode toward the exit.