I was in the bedroom, packing up the last of my things in silence. I hadn’t heard from Jacob in several days. There were no more phone call attempts, no sudden visits at my front door.

A nagging voice in the back of my mind kept wondering if he’d finally left town. It worried me to no end to think that I’d never see him again. But what he’d said that day had left me reeling.

I think I might be falling for you.

I didn’t know what came over me. When Jacob said that I was over the moon, it made me so happy. But that same nagging voice, the one full of self-doubt and trust issues, wouldn’t let me enjoy the moment.

What if he hurt me, like Michael had? I couldn’t let him in. I just couldn’t.

I’d already lost so much. I didn’t think I could withstand another heartbreak if things between Jacob and me didn’t work out. If things went sideways, as they inevitably would considering my terrible fortune, I’d lose him forever.

And I think you might feel the same way.

Fuck.

Jacob could read me so easily, and tell it like it was without difficulty. He must have picked up his harsh honesty in the city, where people don’t have time to bullshit.

And he was right. I did feel the same way. I had fallen for him, and I had fallen hard and fast. So fast that it scared me, left me waking up in cold sweats.

I wasn’t ready. I had been alone for so long, relying on only myself. And then out of nowhere, Jacob had returned to me.

Seeing him again had been like gulping in fresh air after nearly drowning. When he pulled out of my driveway with that hurt look in his eye, I wanted to kick myself to death. I had hurt him. I had hurt him, and now there was no way he was ever going to come back.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I opened the bottom drawer of my dresser, carefully folding sweaters and long-sleeved shirts, packing them into a cardboard box. I worked my way up, emptying every single drawer. Once the cardboard box was full –- which, quite frankly, didn’t take very long -– I taped up the flaps with clear packing tape.

Making my way over to the small closet, I tried to determine what articles of clothing I should keep and which I should sell. I had a nice work coat that could probably be sold for some cash, but I know that around these parts, it’d only fetch me half of what I paid.

I found an old shoebox tucked away in the very corner of the closet, hidden beneath piles and piles of old shirts. I lifted the lid of the shoebox with my index finger, eyes widening slightly as I realized it was full of old photographs from my childhood.

Partially amused, I sat down cross-legged next to my closet, picking up a stack of the pictures. There was one of me playing in a pile of hay, my father just off to the side with a pitchfork in his hand. We were in one of Stanton Farms’ stables, feeding the horses. My father looked a lot younger in the picture, while I looked absolutely goofy, grinning at the camera.

I shuffled through the pictures, stopping at one of me and Jacob. Our heads were adorned with hats made out of newspaper.

A small smile curved my lips. I remembered that day well. We had just returned from a field trip to the city, where we visited a museum and learned all about pirates. Nautical themes would later influence a lot of our play.

My thoughts drifted to Jacob without much prompting. It was stupid how much I missed him already, and it had only been a few days since we last spoke. I wanted to crawl back into my bed and go to sleep; I didn’t feel like dealing with any of this right now.

The packing, the inevitability of having to put Maybelle up for auction, Jack, Jacob –- I didn’t want to think about any of it. It was exhausting being this upset all the time, being this secluded.

And then it dawned on me: this was really all my fault. If only I had operated Breakaway Ranch better, made more profit, I could have kept the place running and alive. I was the one who had disappointed Jack and the rest of my family.

It seemed like I’d been born to be a disappointment, and that was on me. And Jacob –- sweet, city-fancy Jacob –- I had pushed him away, like I had everyone else in my life. I deserved everything that was happening to me.

All of a sudden, my phone rang. I had left my phone in the living room, so I jumped up from off the floor and practically sprinted down the narrow hallway. I snatched the phone up. “Jacob?”

“Er, no, this is Thomas,” said the man over the phone. “His business partner. Remember me?”

“Oh,” I sighed. My shoulders slumped, and my heart sank even further into my guts. “Hi. Yes, I remember. How can I help you?”

“I just wanted to let you know that the final paperwork has been drafted. You should receive a copy shortly to review and sign.”

“I see. Thank you for letting me know.”

“No problem. We look forward to completing business with you.”

“Is Jacob with you?” I asked before Thomas had a chance to hang up the phone.

“Jacob?” he repeated.

“Yes. Could I maybe speak with him?”

There was a beat, as if Thomas was looking for confirmation. He returned with an answer just as quickly.

“I’m sorry,” he said flatly. “He’s not available at the moment.”

My chest tightened, and the bottom of my stomach dropped out. I felt like I was losing control. This was just Thomas’ polite way of saying he doesn’t want to talk to you.

“All right, well, thanks anyway.”.

I hung up the phone and angrily chucked it against the cushions of my couch. I wanted to pull my hair out. I wanted to scream.

I had hurt him, and now I was suffering as punishment. When was this nightmare that was my life ever going to end?