“Good morning, Roberta.” I walk into the office signing in as I do every other Friday morning.
“Good morning, Mr. Ward.” She gives me a warm smile. “Dr. Miranda will be with you shortly.”
“Thanks.” Roberta has to be one of the sweetest ladies I know. She is so caring, and always greets everyone like she’s having the best day of her life. I take a seat in the small waiting room, choosing my usual seat next the fish tank. I think this tank is so cool and at some point I want to set one up just like it. There’s a variety of fish in it and it’s really colorful.
“Good morning, Keegan.” Dr. Miranda’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. There’s something about watching those damn fish swim that is so calming to me.
I turn to face her. “Good morning.” She holds the door open for me and I take a seat in the comfy leather chair she has set up by the window. As usual I sit and stare watching the world pass by below. One thing about Boston it’s always busy. There’s always hustle and bustle on the streets. I grew up right here in Charlestown, and I love it. The energy here is amazing.
She sits with her tablet on her lap, dressed very professional. Her hair is pulled up, her makeup done to perfection. If I had judged this book by its cover, I never would have started speaking with her. Despite her snobby appearance she’s actually very sweet and easy to talk to. “How has your week been?”
I give her my typical shrug.
She chuckles. “Let’s go over once again how this works. I ask questions and you answer them,” she says with humor.
I turn to her with a small grin. “My week was fine. My new partner is awesome. She has a roommate now. I met her last week when we picked her up at the airport.” A smile spreads across my face.
“What’s she like?”
I think back to her walking down the hall at the airport. She was wearing her long dark brown hair pulled back into a braid. The smile that spread across her face when she spotted her friend would light up anyone’s world. When she approached us, our eyes connected, and I was blown away, they were the most amazing blue I’ve ever seen. “She’s a combat veteran. Medic. She’s average height, brown hair, blue eyes. She’s beyond pretty.” I shrug it off, acting like I didn’t feel the instant connection that was there when we shook hands.
“Your reaction to the question tells me you think she’s more than pretty.” Her brows are raised and she has a bit of a cocky grin on her face.
I chuckle. I forget this woman can read me like an open book. “All right, she gorgeous, but I can’t get the troubled look on her face out of my mind. She looked so lost, until she spotted Chloe. Then her face lit up. Her expression and body language completely changed.” It was amazing to see two friends come together like that. The love they share for one another was radiating from them as they hugged it out.
“I’m willing to bet as a medic she’s probably seen some pretty nasty stuff.” She jots down some notes on her tablet. “How have your nightmares been?”
“They’re fine. I haven’t had one in a while.” It’s true, too. It took me awhile to get over losing my last partner. Martinez and I were close. We were more than partners we were friends. Maybe not as close as Chloe and Lexi but friends all the same.
“And your mom?”
My head whips around and my eyes narrow. She knows I despise discussing my mother. “She’s still a junkie,” I snap.
“Why do you hate discussing this so much?”
I exhale a deep breath. “Because there’s nothing to discuss.” My words are harsh. “She’s a junkie. She put me through hell and is the reason I became a cop.” I run my hand through my thick hair, trying to calm myself. “What more is there to discuss? She doesn’t deserve any room in my mind.”
“If it’s not a big deal, then why are you so agitated?” Her voice is always so calm, and sometimes it really annoys me.
I look back out the window, trying to debate the answer to her question. Why does this annoy me so much? “I just want to move on with my life.” I growl.
“I don’t think you can until you come to terms with who she is and why she upsets you. You say it’s nothing, but I don’t believe you. There’s something you’re not sharing, and it’s not helping your situation.”
“I don’t really know what to tell you. My mother is a junkie and my father is dead. Shot in the back, remember?”
“I remember. Do you think you resent your mother? Your father is dead because of her addiction, correct?” I nod, but say nothing more. “Our time is about up, but I think you need to spend some time journaling this week over how you feel about that. You may not want to admit it but you struggle with your mom, and I think it’s because you lost your father to her addiction. Then you lost your partner because of a junkie. I think it’s all hitting too close to home.” She shrugs. “You yourself almost died because of the same junkie. You need to figure out how to face this.”
“I’ll think about it.” I stand with a smile happy this session is over. “Since my time is up, I’ll see you next week.”
She stands shaking her head. “You always amaze me. Are my sessions that bad?” I look at her with confusion. “You go from miserable to chipper in two seconds flat when you notice your session is over.”
“It’s never you, doc, always me,” I respond with a grin.
“That is not a comforting thought.” She looks at me dead serious.
I show her my confident smile and walk out the door. I meet with her because I’m required to, not because I need to. My Captain forced me into therapy when I lost my partner, who was shot dead by a strung out junkie. I was shot as well, but he only hit my shoulder, it was through and through. I healed quickly and was told as long as I seek counseling I could return to duty. Don’t get me wrong, opening up the little I have about my past has helped a bit and I’m glad my nightmares have finally disappeared, but it’s not a pleasant day when I have to relive my horrible past. My childhood was not an easy one. I was lucky enough that I had some seriously caring teachers who got me involved in some after school programs that kept me out of trouble. When I was in middle school, one of my teachers was involved in the D.A.R.E program. She knew my mom was hooked and asked me to help her with it after school one day. I got to meet some cool cops, and decided from that point on I wanted to be a Boston cop. I worked hard to stay in good shape all through high school so I wouldn’t have any problems passing the physical part of the exam, and I’m glad I did, because I love what I do.
I pull up to the gym and quickly find a spot to park. This is my stress relief. I work out daily, hitting the machines hard. I walk through the door to find my boy Devon already here. “Hey, D. How’s it going, my man?” He grabs my hand and pulls me into a quick man hug slapping my back.
“You ready to get it done?”
“Hell yeah. Let’s do it.”
An hour and a half later we were walking out of the gym covered in sweat but I feel good. “You coming to mine for something to eat?” I ask D.
“Yeah, what are you making?”
“Chicken stir fry.” I throw my bag into the trunk of my car.
“Sweet. I miss your cooking.” He winks at me and runs off to his car.
Devon and I have been on the force together for about fifteen years. We became roommates a couple of years after we started working together. He only recently moved out. He’s a good guy, and we got along really well, so I was sad when he told me he was moving in with his boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy the guy’s in love. He found himself a good man. Jayce is a lot of fun and he treats him right.
He pulls up right behind me and we ride the elevator to my apartment. “Hey, you mind if I shower?”
I give him a look like he’s crazy for asking. “Come on, man.”
“I know, but it’s your place now.”
I shake my head as I unlock the apartment door. “Go for it. What time do you have to meet up with Jayce?”
“Not until later.” He walks into the bathroom with his bag. I start pulling things from the fridge to get dinner together. I grab a beer and crack it open. I love to cook. I have peppers, onions, and fresh pineapple for this stir fry and it is going to be seriously bomb. I start slicing everything up and toss the veggies into my huge wok along with some oil, garlic, and seasonings. It already smells really good in here.
“If you were gay, I would have never left. That smells awesome.” He grabs a beer from the fridge and takes a seat at the snack bar.
I can’t help but laugh. “I love you like a brother, man, but sorry, that’s as far as it goes. I like pussy far too much.”
He shakes his head. “That’s because you don’t know what you’re missing.”
This is what I love about D. We can comfortably mess with each other. He asked me once if I’d consider giving him a go, but when I declined he respected my boundaries and moved on. I was flattered he asked me, but that’s just not my thing.
Unfortunately, he has to work hard to prove himself. Some of the guys give him a hard time because he’s a gay cop, and when they found out we were roommates some of them thought I was gay. I go my balls busted, but D had my back. I didn’t really give a fuck what others thought but I appreciated it.
Most of them are coming around, and it isn’t as bad as it once was, but there are a lot of old school guys who still don’t believe gay men are equal. D is one of the toughest, strongest men I know, yet one of the guys on the force has been written up for harassing him and calling him a pussy because he’s gay. If you ask me it’s totally fucked up. The guy busts his ass. Shit, I would be happy to be his partner any day. We were lucky enough to meet at the academy. We clicked and have been good friends ever since, unfortunately he’s spent the last fifteen years trying to prove he’s a good cop.
“What are you up to this weekend?” D asks, taking a pull from his beer.
Placing the spoon I’m using on the rest, I lean on the counter next to the stove. “The hell if I know. Some of the guys are going out this weekend, but you know me, I’m a loner.”
“You know, if you keep turning them down they’re only going to think you’re hiding.”
“I told them I had a date.” I stir the chicken.
“But you don’t.”
I shake my head. “Fuck no. I haven’t had a date in a while, but I have to tell you, Chloe’s friend is fucking sexy.” I tell him how I went with Chloe to pick Lexi up from the airport. I put a plate full of stir fry in front of him, grab a plate for myself, and take a seat.
He digs in acting like he hasn’t eaten in days. D isn’t one to cook much, and from what I hear his boyfriend’s cooking is just okay. “Dude, I’ve never seen someone go from confident to shy in a hot minute like you just did.” He shovels more into his mouth. “Why don’t you ask her out.”
“I don’t know, man. I have problems of my own, and she just came back from a crazy overseas tour. Chloe told me she got hurt pretty bad. I have to imagine that leaves someone messed up in the head.”
“Just because your head is fucked up doesn’t mean hers is, pretty boy.”
“Fuck you. You know what I mean.”
He goes quiet finishing his dinner, leaving not one scrap behind. “Listen, I love you, bro, so I’m going to be honest and tell you like it is. You don’t want to ask her out because you don’t want to face your own issues. You fear that you’ll have to tell her your history. Well, here’s a reality check, at some point you need to man up and face your problems. Nightmares and all. Don’t let someone who will understand you slip by. This is your chance to be with woman who may really get you and what you’ve been through.” He slaps me on the shoulder as he stands to clean up.
He leaves me sitting at the bar shocked. He never talks to me like that. He’s always just been understanding and supportive. He puts his plate in the dishwasher while I finish eating. When I’m done, I put my plate away and clean the pan we just emptied. As I do, I think about what he said, and how right he is. I definitely think she was checking me out as much as I was her, and with what she’s been through, maybe we are compatible.
“Get out of your own head.” He pulls me back. “All I’m saying is, if there’s anyone you should ask out and get to know, it’s her. You’re attracted to her, and she’s faced some of the same shit you have.” I silently nod. He’s the only one I’ve ever discussed my history with. Even the doc doesn’t know everything about my past. I gave her the gist, of it and that’s as far as it’s gone.
“I gotta run. Are you all right?”
“Yeah, man. I’m fine. Go.”
He pulls me in for a man hug. “I love you, man. I just want to see you happy.”
“Thanks, bro.”
He grabs his bag and calls over his shoulder, “See you at the gym tomorrow.”
“Yeah you will.”
Since I can’t seem to get out of my own head tonight, I’ve decided to head up the street for a quick drink before I turn in for the night. I’m friends with one of the bartenders there, and I haven’t been by in a while. I live within walking distance to Pier Six, which I love because I’m vehemently against drunk driving. I’ve seen too many people killed from it. I step through the door and Kiley, the hostess, greets me with a hug and a smile. “Hey Keegan. How’s it going?”
“It’s going. I’m going to grab a drink at the bar.” I walk past her to find a seat. The place is rather busy but there’s an open stool at the end.
When I slip into the seat Alex comes right over. “Hey, my man.” He puts out his hand and we shake. “Long time no see.”
“I know. Work has been crazy.” He grins placing a beer down in front of me. He knows I always drink Sam Adams on tap.
“I’m sure it has, I’ll be back to catch up.” He walks away to make someone a drink. My attention goes to the TV hanging on the wall. There’s basketball on one, and the news is playing on the other. I am trying to watch the game, but I feel like I’m being watched. I scan the bar and our eyes lock. She’s got a small smile on her face but her eyes look lost. I grab my beer and slip down to the other side of the bar where she’s sitting by herself.
“Lexi, right?” I hold my hand out. She bites her lip and nods her head.
Picking up her cup she sips her drink. With a slow smile spreading across her face she says, “Keegan, right?”
“You got it. Can I join you?”
“Sure.” I take the seat next to her.
“Where’s Chloe tonight?” I’m surprised she’s not here with her. Chloe isn’t much of a drinker but she’s known to have a beer or two from time to time.
“She picked up an extra shift and is working until midnight.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “How are you getting home?” I can tell from the slur of her words she’s already had a few drinks.
She kicks her legs out from under seat. “They still work.” She giggles.
I chuckle at her drunken silliness. “Let’s finish our drinks and I’ll walk you.”
Her brows furrow and her lip is pouty. “I’ll let you walk me, but in case you forgot,” she shakes her head, “I’m a combat veteran.”
I nod. “Yes, I remember. But in case you forgot, I’m a cop, and there’s not a chance in hell I’m letting a lady walk home alone.” She bites her lip and blushes. She’s so damn cute. Her blue eyes are dull as she stares off lost in her own thoughts. I can only imagine what she’s trying to numb herself from. I’ve seen some pretty shitty things in my life, but from the stories I’ve heard, nothing compares to combat time.
She’s just about done with her drink when I call Alex over. “Hey, man. Can I get our tabs?”
“Sure thing.” He comes back over handing me two slips of paper. “Do you know her?”
I look over to see her staring at the TV. “Yeah, she’s my partner’s roommate.”
“She’s becoming one of my regulars.” I can see the worry on his face.
I look down at her and then back to him. “I’ll get her home.”
I sign both slips and take Lexi by the arm. “Come on, Lexi.”
She holds onto my arm for dear life as she tries to stand from the barstool. She looks exhausted, and she’s drunk. This should make for an interesting walk back to her place. We’re taking the entire sidewalk up as she pulls me from one side of the walkway to the other. It normally wouldn’t take us nearly as long to get home, but she stops a few times feeling like she’s going to vomit. I finally get her to her building and she’s digging for her key. When she finds it, she tries to brush me off telling me she can get in all by herself. I can tell from the way she’s swaying there’s no way she’s making it upstairs on her own. I take the key from her and open the downstairs lock.
“You’re a good guy.” She leans on the wall to hold herself up.
“Thank you.”
I walk her into the building and over to the elevator pressing the up button. “Why are you helping me?” She pouts, and I can see the sadness in her eyes.
“Because I understand what it’s like.”
She gasps. “You went to a war?” Her eyes are wide.
I chuckle at the expression on her face. “No, but I lost my partner while out on patrol, and was shot myself.”
We arrive outside her apartment. I unlock the door and walk her in. As soon it’s shut, she pins me to it. “You poor man. Someone hurt this amazing body.” She slowly runs her hand down my chest. My cock throbs at her touch. I run the back of my knuckles across her precious face, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“No more so then your beautiful body,” I whisper.
She giggles. “You think I’m beautiful?”
I nod. “I do.”
I want to feel her lips against mine, and I can tell from the look in her eyes she wants it, too. I start to lean in and she gasps. “I’m going to be sick.” She runs off to the bathroom. I sigh, following. I scoop up her hair, pulling it out of her face. When she’s finally done, I grab her a glass of water and some Advil. I find her in her room, sitting on her bed, half asleep. “Take this.” She thanks me and swallows the pills. She puts the glass down thanking me one more time. Her beautiful blue eyes are drooping. I peel off her shoes and socks, tuck her into bed, and lock up before heading home for the night, torn over whether I should tell Chloe or not.