I’m sitting on the couch waiting for Keegan to get here. We haven’t seen each other since last weekend, but we talk almost every night. Last time he picked me up I wasn’t quite ready, and that’s not like me. Of course, being a cop he is quite punctual. It seems it’s not much different than being military, we’re taught similar values, and I like that. The plan is to go for dinner and then come back here to watch a movie.
I look up at the clock, it’s five minutes to five and there’s the knock on the door. When I open it, a smile spreads across my face. There’s my man wearing a fitted green shirt that shows off his magnificent chest. It makes his eyes a wonderful shade of green. They have these amazing gold speckles in them. His hair is a thick dark blond and gelled into place. “Come on in.” I step to the side squeezing my legs together to stop the ache below. I think I’m going to fucking explode just looking at him. My mouth is watering and all I can imagine is running my tongue over his muscular bumps.
He closes the door and steps to me, pinning me to the wall. “Hey, sexy.”
My brows shoot up and my eyes scan his body. “I should be saying that to you.” I part my lips just as his seal mine. Our tongues meet and I roll my hips, my hands glide up his back to his neck but before they make it to his hair he grabs them and pins them over my head.
He breaks our kiss. “This body of yours makes me crazy. I lose control the second I’m with you.”
“Fuck dinner. Take me to my room and then we’ll order out.” A smile spreads across my face.
He chuckles and shakes his head. “We have reservations.” I close my eyes and groan in frustration when he backs away slightly, leaving the smallest gap between us. I don’t like it. I love feeling his strong muscular body crushing mine. “Don’t you stress, sexy, this right here…” his words trail as his hand glides over my pussy “…is my dessert.” He licks across the seam of my lips and pulls me from the wall.
I mumble, “Fucking tease.”
“Oh, sexy, I’m not a tease, but I can teach you the difference if you would like.” My eyes go wide not realizing how loud I said it. He’s already made me take a lesson in patience, I can only imagine what he would do if he were going to show me how much he can really tease me. I quickly shake my head. He chuckles and tugs me out the door so we’re not late.
He finds a spot outside the restaurant and because I know he’s trying to be sweet I stay in the car until he opens the door for me. When I climb out he thanks me for allowing him to spoil me. His smile his infectious. He’s this big bad cop with a soft heart and I love it. We walk into the restaurant hand-in-hand. The hostess, dressed in a crisp white button down shirt, black tie, and black knee length pencil skirt, greets us.
“Good evening,” she says with a huge smile.
“Good evening. I have a reservation. Keegan Ward for two.”
She steps out from behind her podium. Her eyes slowly scan his body making her point of checking him out obvious. She’s practically drooling over my man, and it makes me want to claw her eyes out. Bitch doesn’t even care that I’m right here. Um, hello, he’s holding my fucking hand, you douche. I step closer wrapping my arms around him and give her a look that clearly says, he’s mine so back the fuck off.
She straightens herself, looking Keegan in the eyes, and says, “Right this way, Mr. Ward,” completely ignoring me.
We get to the table, she places a menu down in front of each of us, and says, “Jimmy is your waiter tonight. He will be right over.”
He thanks her and she walks away leaving us to wait. “Did I misread that, or was that a silent cat fight back there?”
“Oh that was a silent cat fight. I hate bitches that eye a guy up and down when he’s clearly on a date.” I confess looking past him to her snobby ass. I don’t care how long I’ve known him, he’s mine, and she can’t fucking have him.
He chuckles. “Look at me.” My eyes finally make their way back to his. “Lexi, I haven’t dated anyone besides you in a long time, and I have no desire to date anyone else. I just hope you feel the same way.”
A small smile plays across my face. “Does this mean you want to go steady?” I joke with him.
He laughs. “Yes, because if I catch another man putting his hands on my girl, I’ll break them.” I giggle. This should be interesting. We both have a jealous side. The bitch hadn’t even touched him and I wanted to rip her apart.
“Well, I’m glad we’re on the same page.” I pick up my menu and begin trying to figure out what I’m going to eat. I decide on a Chicken Caesar salad because I’ve already put on some weight since I’ve gotten home, and I don’t want to go too crazy.
Once I’ve decided I put my menu down. “Do you run?”
He shrugs. “Sometimes, but I mostly go to the gym. I work out with my boy D. Why? Do you need a workout partner?”
I shrug. “I need to do something, besides sit on my ass. I’ve already put on five pounds since I’ve been home and it’s bothering me.”
The waiter finally comes over to our table. We give him both our drink and food order. He apologizes for the wait and tells us he’ll get order right out.
“Come work out with us. I’ll text to let you know the times we meet. It varies sometimes based on work.”
“Speaking of work, I almost forgot to tell you. I have an interview at Mass General.” My face lights up with excitement.
“That’s great,” he exclaims sounding truly happy for me. “Do you know what your schedule will be like?”
“Well a friend of mine works there and is putting in a good word for me. The ER nurses are on self-scheduling which is really cool. I’ll work three twelve hour days and then I’ll have to work every third weekend.”
“Nice. What about holidays? Our holiday scheduling sucks, but I’m finally getting to a point where I have some seniority so I can ask for some time off and will get it.”
“Ours is set. Everyone is assigned a holiday that way we always know who is working when. I’ll probably have to work some of the more popular holidays at first like Christmas but would get Thanksgiving off.” I shrug. “Something like that.”
“That’s cool. Did you always want to be an ER nurse?” He sips the water the waiter left us with.
I shake my head. “I knew I wanted to be a nurse, but hadn’t decided to be an ER nurse until I was in the hospital recovering. The crazy hustle and bustle of dealing with trauma in the field isn’t much different than being an ER nurse. It’s less dramatic, and way easier to deal with because you have the things you need, but it’s busy, and you always have to expect the unexpected.”
“Yeah it’s the same for us. Chloe and I had what we thought was going to be a routine traffic stop the other day, and it turned out to be a sixteen year old kid rushing his druggie mother to the hospital.” He stares into his glass of water. “The kid doesn’t even have a license yet, but chose to chance it in order to save her.”
“What happened?” I’m so glad I never had to deal with that stuff. My parents struggled to give me a good life, but they were at least supportive and there for me. The thought makes me feel shitty for not visiting them yet. I wanted to be in a better mental state before seeing them, but I need to at least call them.
He sighs. “We had to arrest him for driving illegally. His mother’s car is in the impound and we called her an ambulance to get her to the hospital.” His eyes meet mine and if I’m not mistaken, they look moist like he’s holding back some tears. “I brought him to the hospital later to check on her and the doctor told him she’s going to be fine. They are trying to get her some help.”
“That poor kid.”
He nods. “I promised to help him in court. I’m going to try and get him community service. He is going to help me with the D.A.R.E. program.”
“That’s sweet of you.”
“Thanks, he’s with his grandmother until his mom is released from the hospital. She’s promised to bring him to his court hearing.”
He starts to say more but our food arrives. Starving, we quietly eat our dinner only commenting on how good the food is from time to time. He appears to be lost in his own thoughts. I’m willing to bet he’s thinking back to his own childhood. It makes me wonder how good we’ll be together, since we are both so broken from our experiences. We’ll either help each other or tear each other up more, and the latter is what I fear.
Keegan pays the bill and we head back to my place. The ride is quiet but he’s seemed to pull himself together because when we get there he’s back to himself. As soon as we’re upstairs, I offer him a drink, and as usual he chooses water. I love that he’s very cautious about drinking and driving. Of course I would have no problem with him spending the night, but we won’t go there because I have yet to figure out what I need to do to get him to realize I’m ready for this. I know he realizes I have issues, and we’ve discussed them slightly, but shit I need this. I need to feel him and be connected with him. “Here.” I hand him his bottle of water. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get into something more comfortable.” I run to my room, slip on some capri leggings and a t-shirt that is loose and low cut in the front. I usually wear it to the gym with a sports bra but I skip the bra. I walk back out to the living room barefoot and much more comfortable.
I lie across the couch with my feet on his lap. He’s already set up the classic Tommy Boy for us to watch. We were discussing funny movies via text the other night and we both agree this one is great. As soon as the movie begins, he starts to rub my feet and it feels so good. He’s hitting all the right spots, pulling on my toes, and bouncing back and forth, showing each foot equal attention. What I’m not expecting is for it to turn me on. My panties are wet and I’m ready to take this party to my room, but I want him to initiate. I’m trying to stay focused on the TV, but all hope is lost when he scrapes his teeth across the pad of my big toe. I close my eyes and a slight moan escapes me when his other hand slips up the inside of my leg stopping just before he reaches my pussy. He’s being a fucking tease, and he knows it, but I refuse to say anything. He does it again this time, his finger gently grazes over my pussy, my clit is throbbing, aching for him to touch me.
He places my feet on the floor and pulls me up from the couch. I can’t help but giggle at his urgency as he pulls me to my room. He shuts the door behind us and pins me to it with my hands above my head. He’s devouring my mouth, bruising my lips like it’s the last time he’ll ever kiss me. His hand slips into my leggings, his fingers wandering, finding their way through my folds. He goes directly to my clit, rolling it in circles, I whimper into his mouth. He rolls his hips letting me feel his throbbing cock dig into me. He’s solid and it only makes me want him that much more. I’m just about to explode when he pulls his hands from my pants. Walking me over to my bed he makes quick work of removing both my pants and my thong. He turns me around and presses my stomach to my bed leaving my feet on the floor. Suddenly I feel him sit between my legs, his hands are on my ass spreading my cheeks, squeezing them, and massaging them. “I love this ass.” I let out a soft moan. “Has anyone claimed this yet?” He pokes at my tight hole.
“No.”
He nibbles at my cheek. “Good, soon it will be mine.” He slams two fingers deep inside my pussy fucking me as he licks at my ass and my god it feels amazing, better than I could ever imagine. His tongue is poking at my hole as his fingers work my pussy. He again works me up to the point of explosion and stops, leaving me breathless on my bed. I feel his moist finger poking at my hole and on instinct I tighten up. “Relax baby. I’ll go easy I promise.” I take a few deep breaths trying to relax as his finger works it’s way into my ass. His tongue makes contact with my clit, sucking it into his mouth. My clit is so sensitive I nearly jump off the bed.
“Oh God.” I scream not caring I share this place with a roommate. “Fuck, Keegs I’m going to…” my words trail off as my orgasm shreds me. He’s finger fucking my ass and sucking my clit at the same time. I’m trying to pull away because it’s sensation overload but he uses his free hand to hold me still and he’s just too strong. “Keegs please.” I pant and he finally let’s go.
He gets up off the floor and says, “Be right back.” He leaves the room but I’m too spent to bother moving. When he gets back he shuts the door again and laughs. “Chloe’s home.”
I groan. “Great she probably heard me and my big mouth.”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure she heard based on the look I got when I walked out of your room.” I feel a warm wash cloth glide over my sensitive bits. He’s so sweet to come clean me up.
I roll over when he’s done and stand up pressing my body to his. I look up into his eyes. “I know we’ve only been talking a short time but I really want you to stay the night with me?”
He looks torn. “That depends. Let’s sit and talk.” He nods toward my bed.
My brows furrow. “About what?”
He sighs. “Listen, I’ve been trying to come up with the right time to talk to you about this and although this may not be the right time, I’m not sure there will ever be a good time.” He sighs. “Seeing how we both agree we’re ‘going steady’, I feel now’s as good a time as any.” He uses his fingers to make quotation marks to pick on my line from earlier.
I shake my head. “What is it?”
“I really like you Lexi and I’m worried about you. Chloe told me you’re still struggling with your nightmares. She heard you the other night.” I look down at the bed because I wasn’t expecting him to bring this up.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say. I’m not going to lie and say they don’t exist because they do.”
“I appreciate that. I would be upset if you lied to me, but you need to do something about it. We’ve talked about this and I want to help you.”
I run my fingers through my hair in frustration, because I don’t know what he wants from me. I haven’t been home all that long, he won’t sleep with me because he feels like I’d be using him and now he’s on me about my nightmares. “What do you want from me?”
He pulls a card from his back pocket. “Here. Call her. I’ve already told her about you. She’s not taking on new clients but because we’re seeing each other and I asked her to, she’ll see you. She specializes in this kind of thing.”
I look at him with my eyes narrowed. “And what kind of thing is that?” I snap.
“PTSD,” he says simply.
“Who the fuck says I have PTSD?” I stand from my bed and start pacing the room.
“Lexi listen, maybe you don’t. Maybe I’m wrong and it’s as simple as talking it out to make the nightmares stop, but I saw you the night you were wasted and I know it’s not the first or last time you came home like that.”
“I’m going to kick Chloe’s ass.”
“You will not. She fucking cares about you. She’s worried and so am I. How the fuck are you going to be an ER nurse if you can’t handle the nightmare’s you’re already having?” I whip my head around to face him. “Please. I want our relationship to go to the next level but you need to lean on me and let me help you through this. Go talk to her.” I cross my arms at my chest. I’m angry that he’s pushing this on me but at the same time I know he’s right. The ER is going to a rough place to work. He drops the card on my bed and says, “Call me when you’re ready.” He kisses the top of my head and walks out the door, but not before he hears me spout out.
“Yeah the same way you lean on me?” He ignores me and continues on his way. I know the comment isn’t fair, but still I needed to throw something at him. How the fuck is he supposed to feel like he can lean on me when he knows I can’t handle my own shit, but is he really strong enough to handle both our issues?
I hear conversation between Chloe and Keegan, but I can’t hear what’s happening. The front door shuts and she stomps across the apartment. I know she’s right outside my door. I stay completely still hoping she’ll think I’m sleeping but it doesn’t work. She pounds on my door. “I know you're not sleeping. Open this damn door.”
I whip the door open but block her entry. “What?” I snap.
“Don’t ‘what’ me. That man is trying to help you and support you and your being…” Her words fail her. “You’re being a bitch.” She pushes past me. “You know damn well you need the help. Why can’t you admit it?”
“I do.”
“You are wrong, you need…” She turns to me. “What did you say?”
I sigh and plop down on my bed. “I do need the help.” I feel defeated, but they’re right. I’ve been considering it for a while now, and know I’ve been internally pushing it off. “Trying to find a counselor is so hard. I didn’t want to deal with it.”
She takes a seat beside me and her voice softens. “Why didn’t you just admit it while he was here instead of letting him walk out like that? You two clearly have some serious chemistry.”
I bury my face in my hands. “You heard, huh?”
She laughs. “It was kind of hard not to.” She alters her voice. ‘“Oh my god, Keegs!’” She shouts, pretending to be me.
“Shut the fuck up. You’re just jealous.”
She laughs. “Of what? I got mine. It just happened at his place so you two could have privacy here.”
I wiggle my brows. “Was it good?”
She blushes. “Oh shut up. You know I don’t talk about that stuff, and you’re changing the subject.”
I ignore her totally. “What stuff, the fact he buried his cock deep inside you? Did you have multiple orgasms?” I tease her. I love that she’s totally freaking out right now. She hardly ever curses, and she never talks about sex. I’m the total opposite. I’ve always told her about my past relationships and how I got fucked silly.
“How was yours? It sounded pretty good.” I bite my lip and turn my head. “What, you want to talk about my sex life, but we can’t discuss yours?” She shrugs.
“Mine is almost nonexistent.”
“That’s not what it sounded like?” Her brows shoot up in shock.
I pout. “He won’t have sex with me until he’s sure I’m not using him as a numbing agent. Says he knows all about using sex to make the pain go away, but it doesn’t last long, and he wants it to be different with us.”
“He is so dang sweet,” she gushes with a smile.
“Yeah, he is.”
“You know you need to apologize, right?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m going to shoot him a text right now, and then shower and go to bed.” She gives me a hug and walks out of my room.
Lexi: Keegan I’m sorry. Can we meet up for a beer early tomorrow to talk?
Keegan: Of course. Have a good night sexy.
Lexi: you too