Chapter 15

In the next month, Susie and Dane settled into a routine. He and the gang came over for dinner several times a week and then he spent the night. They got ready for work together and then didn’t see each other until after five.

Rachel, Angie, Romero, and Milton were knee-deep in wedding plans. Susie smiled to herself. The four of them were very hush-hush when it came to revealing the wedding details. Knowing Uncle Milton, the ceremony would be elaborate, nonsensical, and would involve some sort of firearm.

As she packed her backpack to go home, Susie glanced at the clock above her SMART Board. It was four fourteen. If she hurried, she could stop by the grocery store and still make it home by five.

Tonight, they were getting everyone together … Dane’s friends and hers. It was time the Hollywood royalty met the Tough Ladies. She couldn’t wait. Tonight would be one hell of a good time.

She loved her life and she loved Dane. The world swayed a little, so she leaned against her desk. She was in love with Dane. When had that happened? She reviewed their relationship in her mind and she couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, but she was in love with him.

At the ripe old age of thirty-three, she’d finally found love.

Did Dane feel the same? He’d never said it, but hopefully that didn’t mean he didn’t love her.

Wasn’t love supposed to be all rainbows and smiles? Right now, it was making her a little sick to her stomach.

Her cell phone buzzed from inside her desk drawer. Good thing—she’d almost forgotten it. She grabbed the phone and saw that she had twelve missed calls … all from Dane.

What was wrong?

She went to the call log and touched his name. Her phone dialed his number.

He answered on the first ring. “I’m not mad, I just need to know who you told.” He certainly sounded mad.

“Told who about what?” Her heart was pounding. “Is everyone okay?”

“No, Rachel and Angie are devastated. The paparazzi have surrounded their hotel. Somehow the tabloids found out that Rachel and Angie are getting married.” He sighed like he was trying to get control of his emotions. “It’s okay that it slipped out. I’m used to this. I get it. You’re not. You were excited and told the wrong person. It happens, but I need to know exactly who you told and what you said to them.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I haven’t told anyone about Rachel and Angie.” She could feel her anger building. Why would he think that she would do something like that? Didn’t he know her at all?

“Again, it’s okay. You probably didn’t mean to.” He ground out the words. “I just need to know exactly what you said.”

“I didn’t do this. You should know by now that I don’t ever break promises. I told them I wouldn’t say a word, and I haven’t.” She understood that Dane was just reacting to a bad situation, but this wasn’t her fault.

“Then how did it get out?” While he’d claimed he wasn’t angry, clearly he was.

“Look, I didn’t do this.” She was definitely on her way to being pissed off. “How are Rachel and Angie? Are they okay?”

“Like I said, devastated.” Dane’s anger was waning. “It’s bad.”

She didn’t like that his first thought had been to blame her, but she understood that he’d been burned in the past and that his anger came from the deep love he had for the friends he considered family.

“I have an idea. Can you put Rachel on the phone, please?” Susie hadn’t created this mess, but she hated when anyone she loved was hurting.

“Hello.” Rachel sounded so small and young.

“I didn’t do this, but I think I can help. Why don’t you, Angie, Romero, and Dane come stay at the ranch for a while?” Susie’s mind was in overdrive, and a nice plan was coming together.

“I don’t know. The hotel is surrounded. Photographers are everywhere. Fans are bashing us on Twitter and calling me a liar. Religious groups are organizing a boycott of my movies. The studio can’t fire me without getting sued, but they’ve withdrawn all resources for the production.” She sounded so pitiful and small.

Susie shook her head. This was the twenty-first century. It all seemed a little overly dramatic. There would always be haters in the world, but Rachel and Angie hadn’t done anything wrong. They were just two people in love.

“Chest out, shoulders back, chin up. You’re Rachel effing Mays. Don’t ever forget that. The only people in your life that matter are the ones who love you.” It should have been Dane giving this speech, but maybe he was too close to Rachel to be able to think rationally about the situation. “Pack a bag. Uncle Milton and I are coming to get you.”

Rachel sucked in air through her nose like she trying to stop the tears. “You’re right. I am Rachel damn Mays. I don’t care what anyone thinks. We’ll be ready to go when you get here.”

“Give me an hour.” Susie smiled. “Everything’s going to be okay. I’ll see you soon.”

She hung up and called Milton.

It took three rings, but he finally answered. “Milton Sweet, mayor of Miltonville, at your service. How may I help you?”

“The zombie invasion has started … except the zombies are paparazzi and they are camped outside Rachel and Angie’s hotel holding them hostage. We need to go rescue them.” Susie could imagine the sheer joy on her uncle’s face.

“Don’t joke with me girl. You’re getting my hopes up.” Milton sounded cautiously optimistic.

“This is real. They need us. They need you.” She picked up her backpack and walked quickly out of the classroom and down the hall. Now that she was off the crutches, she could do a brisk walk. Running would be better, but she would take what she could get. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Be ready.”

“Hot diggity dog! I never thought I’d get to say this … I’m getting my go bag!” He sounded so excited. “Think I should bring my shoulder holster or my thigh holster? Never mind, I’m bringing them both. I’ll be waiting by the gate.” He hung up.

Susie was almost positive that she’d confiscated all of the ammo for his various guns, but she’d have to check them all before he got out of the car.

She dialed Sweet Louise.

“Hey, honey, I was just thinking about you. I just took the ribs off the smoker and the lemon chiffon cake is all glazed and ready.” Sweet Louise was the only woman Susie knew who could stage a Super Bowl–sized distraction or an entire coup in sixty minutes or less.

“There’s a problem. Dinner’s going to be later than I expected. Rachel Mays and her fiancée, Angie, are holed up in their hotel surrounded by paparazzi. Apparently, the media seems to think they have a right to hound her because she’s gay.”

“Oh, honey, what do we need to do to take care of them?” Sweet Louise sounded concerned. Susie loved that Sweet Louise was ready to help even though she didn’t know them.

“I need a distraction big enough to pull the photographers away long enough for Rachel and Angie to walk right out the front doors with their heads held high. Uncle Milton and I are going to bring them back to the ranch for some downtime.”

“I feel like I’ve been training for this my whole life. What time do you need me and my distraction?” Sweet Louise sounded almost as excited as Uncle Milton.

“Five thirty outside of the Driskill Hotel.” Susie couldn’t wait to see what Sweet Louise considered a distraction.

“You can count on me. I’ll be there at five thirty. Trust me, the world won’t know what hit it. See you soon.” Sweet Louise hung up.

Susie had marshaled the forces to save their friends, but she and Dane would need to talk about why he’d blamed her. He should have known her better than that by now.

Fifteen minutes later, she turned onto the county road that led to Milton’s and her houses. True to his word, he was waiting by road with a huge black canvas duffle at his feet.

She pulled up next to him and rolled down the window. “Is that bag full of guns?”

Milton wouldn’t make eye contact. “Not entirely.”

“Is it full of weapons?” She knew him too well.

“Maybe.” He smiled. “Got to bring them. I’m the muscle. We need a show of force or the zombies—I mean, the paparazzi—won’t respect us.”

“Sweet Louise is taking care of the paparazzi. I need you for extraction. Rachel and Angie are counting on you to get them safely to the car.” She knew he needed an important job.

“Sweet Louise is going to be there?” Milton, just like every other man who’d met Sweet Louise, had fallen instantly in love with her. He smoothed down his hair and hefted the canvas bag over his shoulder. He put it in the back seat of her Ford Explorer and then opened the front passenger door. “I’m bringing the Python and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

“Fine.” She drove off. “But I want all of the bullets.” She held out her hand.

“That’s just dumb. How’s a man supposed to protect people if he ain’t got no bullets?” He flipped the cylinder lever and the bullets slipped into her palm.

She rolled down the window and tossed them out.

“Hey, them bullets was mine.” He turned around in his seat and craned his neck to see exactly where she’d thrown them. “I’m coming back for those later.”

“I know you will.” She had no doubt. He’d devote an entire afternoon to finding every single bullet.

He stewed over the bullets for a full ten minutes. “So, what’s the plan?”

“Sweet Louise is going to start a distraction and we’re going to walk Rachel and Angie right out the front door.” She glanced at him. “Understand.”

“When do I get to draw my gun and wave it at them reporters?” He tucked the Python into his shoulder holster.

“Never. Do you want to go to jail?” This wasn’t the Wild West. “You can’t pull a gun and wave it around in public.”

“I’m carrying it though. I got me a permit to carry concealed, which means I can open carry too.” He patted his gun. “I ain’t taking it off.”

“Fine.” She glanced over at him again. “Empty your pockets.”

“What?” He sat up straight and looked guilty. “Why?”

“Empty your pockets. Turn them inside out so I can see what you’re hiding.” She shook her head. “Remember the airport? Think of me as the mobile TSA.”

“That search and seizure was illegal and you know it.” He folded his arms and refused to empty his pockets.

“What part of ‘you can’t take a knife and a pair of scissors onto a plane’ was unclear to you?” Susie had sworn never to fly with him again.

“The only reason I had them scissors with me was so I could cut out some coupons. They’ve been stacking up and I was going to have three hours on the plane I needed to kill, so I was going to organize my coupons. I’m on a fixed income. Those coupons are how I survive.” He stared straight ahead and kept his arms defiantly folded. “The knife was so I could peel that apple I brung with me. I don’t like the peel, it gets stuck in my teeth.”

“Don’t you see how it was a bad idea to bring weapons into the airport?” She was hoping he’d see the correlation to today, but it was doubtful.

“I keep telling you. A small Buck knife and a pair of scissors ain’t weapons. They was for coupons and apples.” He shook his head. “This world is a mess. No wonder the zombies are about to attack. It’s a sad day when a man can’t peacefully eat an apple on an airplane.”

Susie felt that beating her head against the steering wheel would get her further than trying to reason with a crazy man. “You didn’t think I’d notice the subject change? Empty your pockets.”

“Fine.” He spit the word out and turned his pockets inside out.

Each front overall pocket held a handful of bullets. He stuffed them into her glove compartment. “Don’t get any ideas. I’ll be collecting those on the way home.”

Susie took the Cesar Chavez exit from MoPac to get to downtown. She made it all of the way to Lamar before the traffic was at a standstill. Using side streets, she wound her way to the parking garage behind the Driskill. It looked like Sixth Street was barricaded off. Whatever Sweet Louise had put together involved police barricades.

Uncle Milton pulled his handicapped parking pass from his back pocket and hooked it over the rearview mirror.

“This looks like a mess.” He rolled down his window and pointed to the barricade. “Sweet Louise is a genius.”

Susie parked in the space closest to the alley that led to the hotel. “What do you think is going on?”

“I don’t know.” He smoothed his scraggly gray hair down. “Sweet Louise has outdone herself.”

Susie and Milton got out of the Explorer, and Susie locked the doors. The last thing she needed was for the car to be gone when they got back with Rachel and Angie.

Her phone buzzed with a text.

She pulled it out of her back pocket and glanced at the screen. “Sweet Louise is waiting for us at the front door.”

People were lined up all the way to the parking garage. “How are we supposed to get to the front doors?”

“Leave that to me.” Milton pulled his foldable cane out of his back pocket and flicked it open.

“What’s that for?” She was almost afraid to ask.

“I’m old and feeble. I need a cane.” He grinned at her. “I’m going to use it to knock the paparazzi out of my way.”

She guessed waving a cane around was better than waving a gun.

They worked their way through the crowd and rounded the corner onto Sixth Street and came up short.

“What in the hell is going on?” Milton was wide eyed.

A three-ring circus would be less three-ring circus-y than what they saw before them. Sixth Street was more crowded than it was on Halloween night. People were packed shoulder to shoulder.

“What’s going on?” Susie asked the woman next to her.

“It’s National Kiss an NFL Football Player Day. The entire Austin Lone Stars team is out on the sidewalk in front of the Driskill giving kisses and collecting money for some charity. Who knew that was even a thing?” The woman shrugged. “I want some tongue from Seth Charming.”

Sweet Louise had outdone herself.