I CAN BARELY FIT MY key in the lock with my tears blinding me. I finally get the door to my room open, surprised to see Joni sitting there with all the lights on. I just figured she’d still be at the dance.
“Are you okay?” Joni asks when she sees me. She appears to be studying, but then I realize she’s editing one of Jack’s articles for the school paper.
I start crying harder. I make it to my bed and sit, curling my knees to my chest. “No,” I say, “I’m not.” My shoulders shake as I sob. I’m worried Joni’s not going to know what to do with my crying, like that first day I got to the Academy, but it’s not like that anymore. She gets off her chair and comes to sit beside me. She doesn’t put an arm around me or anything, but it feels so good to have her sitting there.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, and for the first time I notice her eyes are a little red. Mascara smears below the right one.
“Wait, are you okay?” I ask. “Why aren’t you still at the dance?”
“It’s a long story,” Joni says. “How about you go first.”
I let out a sigh. I don’t know how to talk about this with her, because what if I try to explain why Jack was upset with me and she agrees with him? Still, I have to try. “Jack and I got in a fight because he heard me talking to my parents, and he thinks I want to leave the Academy, and that I’m just basically slumming it here and pretending to care about you guys.”
Joni’s eyes widen. “But you like the Academy,” she says.
“I think you might have realized that before I did,” I say.
Joni blows air out her lips. “It sounds like he’s just scared you don’t like him as much as he likes you.”
“Joni, I really like him.”
“Then you need to tell him, and he needs to listen to you.”
A knock sounds at our door and my heart lifts. Maybe Jack snuck into our dorm to find me. I practically sprint across the floor and fling open the door, but it’s not Jack, it’s Ciara, and she’s crying, too.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. I don’t understand how anyone can witness crying without immediately hugging the person.
Ciara slinks inside our room. I close the door, thinking she’s there to talk to me about something. I stand there staring at her, waiting, but she’s looking past me to Joni, who quickly turns away and stares at her computer. I can make out the way Joni’s skin has flushed along her bare shoulders and arms, and that’s the exact moment it hits me.
How could I have been so blind?
“Of course,” I say softly.
Joni turns back to look at me, and her eyes confirm it. “I’m sorry,” she says to Ciara.
“Me too,” Ciara sniffs, and then she rushes over to hug Joni. “Can we tell Frankie, please?” Ciara asks into the sleeve of Joni’s shirt.
“We can,” Joni says, smiling at her.
Ciara collapses onto my bed. “Us,” she says to me, then uses a skinny, cocktail-ring-adorned finger to point to Joni and herself. “We’ve been seeing each other all year.”
I shake my head, bewildered. “That’s so great!” I say. I glance from Joni to Ciara. “So why the heck does everyone look so sad?”
Ciara looks over at Joni, and I wait for Joni to explain.
“We got in an argument tonight,” Joni says, “because Ciara’s understandably tired of sneaking around, and I’m still not ready to come out.” Her voice is flat like that’s just that, like there’s nothing to be done.
“Ah,” I say, trying to seem wise, like I’m just so knowledgeable about this sort of thing. The truth is, there’s nothing I can say. She’s the only one who can decide what’s right for her. At least she’s told Jack and me.
I had forgotten about Jack for the tiniest second, but now my eyes fill up with tears with the thought of him carefully guarding Joni’s secret. And even when I told him I was scared Joni liked him, he never betrayed her secret. And now he’s somewhere without me, thinking I betrayed him.
“Wait, why are you crying now?” Ciara asks me.
“Life is so complicated!” I say, wiping my nose. “So is that where you’ve been when you’re out so late?” I ask Joni. “With Ciara?”
Joni goes pink.
“That’s so romantic,” I say. I sniff back my tears. “I think sometimes breaking the rules is okay. Especially if it’s for love.”
I can tell Ciara is trying not to smile. Finally she says, “You are seriously so overdramatic, Frankie,” but she says it so affectionately I can’t help but smile at her. “Tell us what happened tonight and maybe we can help you fix it,” she says.
I consider Ciara and Joni, wondering if Amanda knows they’re together, or if she suspects it. I think about all the ways Amanda has tried to embarrass me, and how some of the ways have worked, and I just pray that never happens to my friends. Ciara and especially Joni have been kind to me, no matter how much of an outsider I was when I got here. And no matter how many times I failed, Joni has been the one to help me get up, and she and Jack have helped me get stronger. I don’t ever want to lose them.
I take a breath, and then I tell Ciara and Joni everything.