I open my eyes to a dark room. Rolling over, I squint at the clock on the nightstand. Nine o’clock. My stomach is tight with hunger, my mouth dry as dust. Groaning, I force my stiff body up, across the room, and into the hallway. Light filters up the stairs, as well as the soft sounds of a television.

Padding barefoot downstairs, I find Nona sitting in her favorite recliner, a padded, floral monstrosity that everyone in the family has tried at one time or another to replace. When she sees me lurking out of the corner of her eye, she points at the two-seater couch. On the low coffee table is a glass of water and a tray of cold cuts and fruit.

I slump onto the soft cushion and drink the water in long swallows. When I hear Sebastian’s voice on the television, I gaze vacantly at the screen. It’s one of his action flicks. In the current scene, he’s running half-naked through a jungle.

When I can’t stand looking at him anymore, I glance at Nona. She’s already watching me, the compassion on her face unbearable.

“Why was I so mean to him?” I ask her softly.

She sighs. “Oh, child. So many reasons, yes? You’ve always been a perfectionist. Poised and controlled. Always working harder than you needed to, for everything. My boy… my sweet, smart boy. He brought chaos to your ordered world. I’m sorry that I never saw how hard his arrival was on you, being the only girl.”

I can hardly absorb her words. “I don’t understand,” I manage.

She settles back in her chair. “When he returned from that trip to Los Angeles,” amused eyes flash my way, “when the two of you spent time together, he came to me distraught. He loved you, Candace. He wanted to drop out of school and move to the West Coast to be with you.”

“What?” I whisper.

She nods. “I told him he was an idiot. That you’d lose all respect for him. I reminded him why he was at the university. There were many reasons for him, too, but one was to prove himself worthy of you. Of all of you.”

I stare at her, my mouth open. “Why?”

Her lips curve sadly. “He’s never told you what happened to him in Italy?”

“No.”

She hesitates, then shakes her head. “Then I shall not, but know this—deeply ingrained in my nephew’s heart is a need to be worthy. To be loved and accepted. A need beyond, perhaps, the basic need in us all.”

“But he’s…” I trail off.

Perfect.

Brilliant.

Famous.

Nona, understanding my silence, says, “He doesn’t see any of that.”

I drop my head into my hands. “I really messed up, Nana. Sebastian… he wanted to try again, recently. With me. But he hurt me so much the first time, I went kind of crazy. Said horrible things to him. That I didn’t want him.”

“Mmm,” she says, nodding. “He was your first love, and he broke your heart. And now you’ve broken his. It’s like one of my daytime shows.”

I snort, but misery swiftly overcomes humor. “Why didn’t he wait for me eight years ago? I waited for him.”

She clucks her tongue. “More reasons and reasons. So many fears and thoughts in your heads. Perhaps it is as simple as you were both too young, and what you felt for each other was too much. Too consuming.” She pauses. “The two of you have always been unpredictable, Candace. Always fighting, always finding excuses to be close to each other. It was highly amusing for your parents and myself, when it wasn’t driving us batty.”

Hearing her perspective is sobering and illuminating. And looking back, I can admit that she’s right.

Every memory I have of Sebastian is touched by a singular vividness. Colors are brighter. Voices are clearer. And he’s always at the center, a wild and magnetic force. Sharp smiles, flashing eyes. Kicking my shins under the table during holidays. Chasing me with the hose or water balloons. Whoopee cushions on my chair. Four-dozen eggs carefully placed in my locker at school.

Prank after prank after prank.

“He was kind of mean to me, too,” I realize.

Nona laughs. “Oh, you were cruel to each other. It’s a tale older than time. The boy who wants to hold the girl’s hand but pinches her instead. Only this girl gave as good as she got.”

I rub my temples. “What am I going to do?”

“What do you want to do?” she asks softly.

Sebastian.

The urge to call him is so powerful, I don’t say goodbye to Nona as I jolt from the couch and run upstairs. I snatch my cellphone off the nightstand, fumble for my contacts. Find him. Hit Send.

One ring.

Two rings.

“Candace,” he says tiredly.

“I want you,” I blurt. “I’m sorry. I want to try. Please, don’t give up on me. On us. You hurt me, and I was scared, and I fucked up—”

“Stop,” he snaps. I swallow words with a gasp, a lance of pain streaking through my chest. In a more subdued tone, he continues, “I can’t do this right now. I leave in the morning for a four-month shoot in freaking Cambodia.”

“Please,” I breathe. “You said—”

“I know what I said! I also remember quite clearly what happened after—you wiped the fucking floor with me.” He laughs, low and sardonic. “The Candace I want doesn’t exist, and I get that now. She was a figment of my young, horny imagination. The girl in the forest in a white dress.”

“You don’t mean that,” I murmur, and have a sick flash of memory to him outside my door, beseeching me not to go back to Robert. The rawness in his eyes, the second that I thought I saw… love.

He says wearily, “I have a lot on my plate right now. I don’t mean to be hurtful, but frankly, I’m relieved. My head is finally clearing where you’re concerned. I’m thirty-three, Candace. I’m not interested in being in a relationship that doesn’t have the potential to be long-lasting. And I don’t want to be in one where all we do is fight and fuck. Isn’t that what you said? Well, you’re right. That’s all we’re good at.”

Every cell in my body screams, You’re wrong! but defensiveness surges. Venom coats my tongue.

“Oh, was that woman earlier your soulmate, then? Or that blonde at LACMA, or the model on your lap at the club? You’re a coward, Bellizzi.”

He’s silent for a few counts. “Thank you for proving my point. Goodbye, Candace.”

“Sebastian—”

The line goes dead.