Chapter 15

Surreptitiously, Riley licked his index finger and held it in the air. Nothing. Not even a little breeze. Which was good news, considering Summer was pulling him down the path at the National Zoo. The less breeze to stir smells through the fencing, the better.

She squeezed his hand. “What’s your favorite animal?”

“To eat?” He said it just to tease a laugh out of her, and enjoyed her giggling response, the simple silliness that lifted her features from pretty to gorgeous.

“Shhh. Don’t say that.” Head whipping around from side to side with exaggerated dramatics, Summer whispered, “Not here.”

“I like the elephants.”

“Me, too. We’ll go there first.”

Riley tugged her to a halt. Out of his cargo pocket he palmed the map that Summer had refused at the turnstile. “That’s inefficient. We should follow the marked paths so we don’t end up walking in circles.” He started to point at the route that would take them past the line for the giant pandas, but Summer snatched the map, crumpled it, and executed a pretty decent three-pointer into a trash can.

“In your perfectly ordered world, yes. In my messier but more fun version of life, I’m taking you to the elephants first so we can enjoy them alone.”

“I don’t need ‘alone time,’ ” Riley said, making air quotes, “with elephants. We’re not that close.”

Giggling again, Summer pressed against his side. God, she fit perfectly. Soft and curvy and just the right height so he could comfortably drape his arm over her shoulder. So that he could drop a kiss on the top of her head whenever the urge struck. Which happened all the damn time. “You need alone time with me,” she declared.

Weird. “Aside from the ankle biters running around us in hordes, won’t we have that all day?”

“Not exactly.”

Uh-oh.

He knew. Riley didn’t know what it was, but he knew that his spontaneously inclined girlfriend had done something. Something she was sure he wouldn’t like, but hoped to cajole him into trying. What could they do at a zoo that he—or anyone with a safety-minded brain—would see as dangerous? Something that Summer would think of as fun? Hold a python? Throw slabs of meat at the big cats? He wouldn’t put it past her to try all of it.

“What have you done? Because if we leave here in an ambulance, just know that I’ll be pissed. Doesn’t matter if it’s you or me that gets their foot chewed off by a cougar. Either way, I’ll be pissed.”

She ruffled his hair. “You’re so grumpy in the morning. I gave you coffee.”

“You gave me more than coffee,” Riley reminded her in a low growl. Their shower sex had gotten his eyes open and his blood pumping way more than any triple-shot espresso could have.

“It was only fair. I had to reciprocate for the very special dessert you gave me last night.”

That flashed him a memory of the whipped cream can he’d wielded on their peach cobbler. And other places. Other places way sweeter than a late summer perfect peach. “Stop turning me on in the middle of a zoo. The timing’s impossible.”

“Nothing’s impossible,” she said, drawing the word out and looking at the buses around them.

“No. Hell to the no. Sex in a car was one thing. Sex in an official branch of the Smithsonian with children running around and the even slight possibility that a wild animal might decide to use us for a snack is a hard limit.”

Her smug smile alerted Riley that she’d only been pushing his buttons. “Good thing that wasn’t what I planned for today. The complete opposite, as a matter of fact.”

Dangerous. And the opposite of sex. Yeah, the clues didn’t add up at all. “What have you done?”

“My parents are driving through D.C. on their way up to spend a week in New York. They miss me. So I told them to meet us here.”

Holy shit. That did fit both categories. Risky as hell and a complete cock block. It’d be nice to be a cartoon character right about now. To spin his legs into a blur and disappear backward with just a whoosh and a streak of dust. Because Riley didn’t even know where to start. Besides shaking his head until he puked. Yeah. That’d be a reasoned, rational response.

Shockingly, the part of him that coolly juggled interjurisdictional teams and victims and family and press at accident sites rose to the occasion. Riley lifted an eyebrow. “Us? You specifically mentioned me?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t want to surprise them at the last minute.”

Okay, after he picked his jaw up off the ground at her obvious-as-jock-itch double standard, Riley crossed his arms. Because now they were going to get into it. “Like you just did to me.”

“The easiest way to try something out of your comfort zone is to not have the chance to worry about it incessantly beforehand.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Preparing for something new affords you both the chance to gather all necessary information and to lessen anxiety.”

“Whatever. There’s more than one way to fold a towel. When you’re done, the towel’s still folded.” She stuck out her tongue.

Seriously?

Should he have guessed? Riley skimmed his gaze down her outfit. Tank, shorts, flat sandals. Looked like normal zoo clothes to him. Of course, Summer also sported dangly earrings, three necklaces, four bracelets, and a fancy handbag. But that in no way was a clue that he should’ve expected her freaking parents to join them. It was her look on any given day.

He scrambled for another fact to prove that this whole idea smacked of insanity. “We only declared our truce eighteen days ago.”

“Awww, how cute.” This time she blew him a big, wet kiss. “You’re keeping track? Then here’s a stat for you—you took the risk of kissing me exactly twenty days ago. None of that changes the fact that my parents will be here soon. Excited to enjoy an early autumn afternoon with their daughter and her friend. Who, I’m sure, will be on his best behavior.”

“I always am,” Riley shot back automatically.

“Yes. You’re quite dependable. Which is sometimes frustrating. On the other hand, your dependability when it comes to bringing me to a screaming orgasm is a plus.”

The woman was going to kill him. It’d be the first documented case of death by blue balls in D.C. “For the love of God, stop talking about sex. We’re talking about your parents now. And the fact that I should not be meeting them today.”

“Why not? I didn’t hatch the plan to trick you, or make you uncomfortable. They happen to be in town. No big deal.” She took his hand and swung it between them as if the world wasn’t about to implode.

“Huge deal. It’s too soon,” Riley said flatly.

“For my brand-new boyfriend to ‘officially’ meet my parents? Yep. It sure is.”

Huh. He’d been geared up to go at least a handful of rounds with her on this. Riley didn’t mind that she’d rolled over so fast, though. He’d even reward her by throwing caution—and efficiency—to the wind and take her to visit the elephants first. “Good. Glad you see that.”

“So what?”

OMtothefuckingG. “So what?” He jerked back his hand so Summer wouldn’t feel the panic sweat starting to collect in his palm. Because Riley still couldn’t admit to himself—not entirely, anyway—what she meant to him. How much she mattered. The thought of her dad putting the screws to him on the subject? Deservedly, no less? He tried again. “So it means something.”

“It could. Or it could just be random timing and opportunity. We’d planned to spend the day together. I didn’t want to bail on you. I didn’t want to miss the chance to see my parents. So yes, we’re taking a tiny risk. It isn’t the end of the world.”

“They might have expectations. Want to know my intentions. When we’re still working on being fucking civil to each other.”

“We’ve got that down cold. Look, my dad isn’t going to ask you if you bought a ring for me. And that has everything to do with him knowing his daughter. Knowing that I haven’t had anything close to a steady boyfriend since high school. Knowing that I enjoy living in the moment.”

Funny how Riley did not enjoy hearing Summer remind him that she could move on to another man at any second. Sure, they’d agreed to give dating a try. It’d been working well so far. He didn’t want to think about what would happen when it stopped working.

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

“Do you need to get that?”

“I always have to check. It comes with the job.”

“I get it. Don’t worry.”

The text from the NTSB informed him of a train versus a single vehicle accident down in Florida. It went out to all the investigators in charge for something this small on the weekend. Whoever had the time and the inclination could jump on it, or it’d get assigned in five minutes to the next in rotation. Riley usually jumped. After all, he didn’t have kids or a dog to answer to on this Saturday. Easier for him to hop a plane than for some others. Plus, he liked pulling more than his weight.

It’d be the perfect way to get out of meeting the Sheridans. Summer had proven time and again that she understood the extra time requirements of his job. She wouldn’t be mad. He might even be back in time for the podcast tomorrow.

But…no.

As tempting as it was to take the easy out, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Riley wanted to spend the day with Summer. He’d already told her that he would. There’d be enough other times he’d have to go. This time, he chose to stay put.

He chose her.

Over his job.

Man, the guys were going to laugh their asses off about this. He pocketed the phone. “I’m done. Sorry for the interruption.”

“Come on, the elephants are waiting.”

Just because he wanted to spend the day—and night—with Summer didn’t mean he was giving up on his quest to somehow get out of meeting her parents. “I’ll bet that if you asked the next twenty people who walk by, they’d all say this is nuts. To do the parental meet-and-greet so soon. Go on. Do an informal poll. And if all twenty agree, how about we cancel on your parents?”

Geez. Desperation rolled off Riley in thick waves. Worse than flop sweat. Which, come to think of it, he probably had, too. Summer wanted to take pity on him. But she wouldn’t. She had to take a stand. Because this was how she lived her life. Spur-of-the-moment. Doing whatever struck her fancy. And if they were going to be together, for a few days or weeks or even months, Riley had to respect that. Understand it.

Looking around, she spotted a bench by the life-sized bronze sculpture of a sloth bear with a cub sliding off of its back. Taking Riley’s hand, she led him to it. Sat down and waited until he did, too. She toyed with the oversized bow at the waist of her sage-colored shorts.

“Would you like to know why I’m insisting we see my parents today?”

“Yes.” Riley threw up his hands. “If there’s a rational reason behind this, please share it.”

“I don’t want to miss the opportunity to see Mom and Dad. To hug them. Because they could be dead tomorrow.”

The frustration-fueled tightness at the corners of his eyes changed to deep grooves of concern, mirrored down around his mouth. “Jesus, what’s wrong with them?”

“Nothing, right now,” she admitted. Hurrying on, Summer added, “But they could still be dead tomorrow. So could you. So could I.”

“That’s fucking fatalistic.” Riley almost spat the words at her. Clearly he wasn’t in the mood for what he had always termed her mystical mumbo-jumbo, granola-headed way of looking at the world.

But she had to make him see it her way. Maybe not buy into it fully, but at least see it. For once. “It isn’t. It’s freeing.” Riley had been surprisingly forthcoming in sharing his tragic story with her. Turnabout was fair play. “What did you learn in college?”

“You mean my major? Mechanical engineering.”

“Well, I learned that no matter how many plans you make, no matter how excited you are to ace your French test and then sneak some beer at the Sig Ep party and flirt with the guy who always smiles across the dining hall at you? It doesn’t matter. Because there’s a chance that three gunmen will go on a rampage at your school.” Her fingers tightened, jerked at the bow until the ends came all the way through. “That a volley of gunfire will shatter the window and you’ll just sit there, wondering what the heck is happening. Until Lillian Chang falls over sideways, out of her desk, into a bloody heap on the floor.”

“Jesus, Summer. Stop.” His hand had a vise grip on her bare thigh. “You don’t have to—”

“I do,” she said swiftly, cutting him off. Summer’s gaze cut up to meet his green eyes. The green of moss on a rock. The green of ferns and foliage underneath tall forest trees. It was a soothing green, one that could suck her in, give her peace. So Summer looked away. “I have to tell you, and you have to listen. You have to not just hear the words, but truly listen to what I’m saying. Or it won’t be worth it.”

“Okay.”

“When Lillian fell, it jolted the rest of us into action. Into realizing this was really happening. Then a second round of gunfire came through the window. A bullet hit me. Here.” She touched her chest. “Then another, here.” Let her hand drift down to the divot that was the scar in her belly, then swing up to the third scar high up on her arm. “It hurt.”

“I’ll bet.” Riley took her hand. Held on tight with both of his and didn’t say anything else.

No, she wasn’t stating the obvious. Summer needed to let him know how awful, how breath-stealingly horrific every second had been. “You watch TV shows, and lots of times they show a victim immediately going into shock. Or an action hero who keeps running as though that bullet didn’t register as anything more than a mosquito bite. But it hurt so much, Riley. Every breath hurt. My lung was collapsing. My diaphragm wasn’t strong enough to push air in and out, because the bullet nicked it. I couldn’t even try to hold the wounds, to stop the blood from spurting out, because of the bullet to my arm.”

Therapists said the memory of the pain would dull over time. They’d promised. They’d pointed to the oft-repeated, much-chronicled fact that the pain of labor blurred, faded for women. That it was a natural occurrence so they’d be willing to have another kid.

Nothing had faded for Summer. Sitting here, now, with the sun shining and toddlers laughing contagiously and some unknown animals in the enclosure behind them chittering, she felt it all over again. She felt each fiery pulse. Each bone-deep ache. Each moment of agony that had ticked away so fucking slowly.

It was why she never told the story. To anyone. Bad enough these moments resurrected themselves in her nightmares. Or when there was yet another mass shooting all over the news. Summer preferred not to dip back into the memories of those days.

But she wanted Riley to know what she’d gone through. What she’d felt. What she’d thought.

“What did you do?” His low voice jerked Summer out of her head, out of the memory of searing pain, back to the roughness of the stone bench beneath her legs. Back to the solidness of Riley’s body against her back. Apparently he’d shifted to physically brace her; Summer hadn’t even noticed. But she was so glad for the wall of warmth supporting her now.

“I wondered how long it would take to die.”

“I’ve had that conversation with myself.”

“I’ll bet,” she echoed his words with a faint smile. “Except your ordeal stretched out for days. I knew I would die. Soon. Fifteen minutes, maybe. I felt the blood pooling in my body and so much outside, soaking my clothes. So I knew it’d be soon. And honestly, it hurt so much I wanted it to be even sooner.”

“I get it. You didn’t give up. You acceped the inevitable.”

He did get it. Summer’s parents most decidedly had not when she’d told them the story. Which had made her decide to not share it with the army of therapists she saw in the aftermath. “Chloe grabbed me. Under my arms. Which hurt even more. But I couldn’t even swear at her. Couldn’t beg her to leave me there. She pulled me out while the gunfire was still ricocheting through the classroom. She dragged me to Mr. Metcalf’s desk and stuffed me under it while she tried to barricade the door. That’s when I realized Mr. Metcalf was dead, just off to the side. Looking at me, but not looking at me. He freaked me out.”

Still did. It was why Summer hadn’t risked watching a single episode of The Walking Dead. No matter how much everyone she knew raved about it. She’d stared a dead person in the face. Repeating that just wasn’t on her to-do list.

“The things you saw…it was too much for anyone to endure. To process.”

“Other kids were crying. A few were screaming. That stopped when more gunfire, from a different shooter, came through the crack left in the door. Chloe tied a tourniquet on my arm.”

Riley rubbed a hand right over the spot. “Which hurt even more?”

“Exactly. She took off her socks—I give her new pairs every year on her birthday and Christmas—and pressed them against my chest wound. Even put a textbook on top for pressure. There was so much blood that she didn’t even realize I’d been shot a third time. So much blood that I didn’t realize she’d been shot, too.”

Summer leaned her head back against his chest. Closed her eyes and let the warmth of the sun soak into her skin. “I couldn’t handle wet things on my body for a long time after. If I got caught in a rainstorm, I’d have a panic attack. I’d go right back to that moment when the blood stuck my clothes to me.”

“Is that why you made me skinny-dip?”

His question—and her answering laughter—caught Summer by surprise. She would’ve put money on nothing in the world teasing a laugh out of her during this conversation. How did Riley know that the break in intensity was exactly what she needed? Especially when she hadn’t known it herself?

“I’m over that unpleasant flashback loop now. I made you skinny-dip because I had a feeling you were hiding something…impressive…under those trunks.”

He whispered, his breath fanning the lock of hair dangling in front of her ear. “Guilty as charged.”

“Funny how you’re the least smug person I’ve ever met—until we discuss your sexual prowess. Then your head becomes as big as a water tower.”

“Which head?”

That unleashed more laughter. More cleansing laughter, that left Summer able to finish. “My life never flashed before me, but I couldn’t speak. I felt Chloe holding my hand and counted each heartbeat, wondering what number I’d get to before I stopped. Then I passed out. The doctors said I died on the operating table. Was gone for one minute and eleven seconds. I woke up in a hospital bed two days later.”

Riley’s arms tightened around her. “I’m so very glad that you did.”

They sat like that for a long while, her hands on his, clasped over her belly, breathing together in sync. The tension drained out of her, and she was hit yet again by the realization of how very safe it felt in Riley’s arms. This was the first time she’d told the story of the shooting without bursting into tears. Just his presence steadied her.

She craved more of it, more of him. Which was why Riley’s acknowledgment was so vital. This was Summer’s explanation of her being. Her very essence. If he wanted to be with her, Riley had to accept it. It wasn’t an ultimatum. It just was.

Licking dry lips—and being thankful for her surprisingly dry eyes—Summer said, “I wasn’t heroic, like you after your crash. I didn’t work to save myself. I couldn’t. There was literally nothing I could do in that classroom but feel my life ebb away. After, though? I could do anything I wanted. I could do everything. I had to do everything.”

“Getting the feeling I know where this is headed.” The wry humor in his voice didn’t even make Summer pause.

“ ‘Never put off for tomorrow what you can do today.’ Thomas Jefferson said that.” Pushing out of Riley’s embrace, Summer twisted to face him. “It’s my motto now. Because the biggest lesson I learned in college is that there is no guarantee of tomorrow. I have to grab every opportunity, every moment, every idea, every person, every experience. In case I don’t get the chance again.”

After a long—maybe too long—moment, he sucked in air through his teeth. “It’s still no excuse for jaywalking.”

“I never said it was,” Summer sassed back. “Let’s call jaywalking…more efficient. That should resonate with you.”

“We’ll never agree on that one.”

“We don’t have to, Riley. We don’t have to agree on a lot of things. But you have to tell me that you understand.”

He pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head. “What I understand is that you are heroic, Summer. You chose to turn a horrifying, life-altering tragedy into the fuel for your optimism and spirit. I hate that this happened to you. I hate the pain and the panic and what had to be months of rehab you suffered through.” Riley bracketed her face in those big hands. “But it turned you into this magnificent, joyous, enthusiastic, relentlessly happy woman. I’m rocked to my core by what you suffered. And I’m equally rocked—hell, the ground’s shifted beneath my feet constantly since we got together—by who you are now.”

Heat rushed to her cheeks at his words. It also filled her heart. “So that means…”

Standing, he held out one hand. “It means we’d better hurry to see the elephants before your parents get here. Just promise you won’t tell them about the skinny-dipping.”

“No promises.”

Summer didn’t make promises to men. She rarely made them at all, being of the belief that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t absolutely swear to stick to them. Riley, though…

Riley made her want to promise things.

He made her want to believe in promises. For the first time in a very long time.