Chapter 24

Summer readjusted the seatbelt to accommodate her awkward position: stretched out across the backseat. And hoped that it’d be as quick and simple to readjust things with her best friend. “Thanks for driving me to work, Chloe.”

“Please.” She chuffed out a breath. “I’m not leaving you and your healing leg to the mercy of an Uber driver. I told you, consider me your chauffeur until you get the all-clear to get behind the wheel again. As long as I’m in charge of the radio.”

The morning-drive-time inanities were the least of her worries. Summer didn’t care about the radio. Wasn’t looking out the window to assess rush-hour traffic and convince Chloe to take a better route. No, she was staring down at the hands in her lap. Worried that things would never be the same between them.

“I know you said that on Wednesday. But…that was before we fought last night.”

“So?”

So…it was horrible. Superstrong painkillers were the only way she’d gotten to sleep last night. And worry had awakened her from that drugged stupor far too early. Summer had stayed in Chloe’s apartment so she had help these first few days post-surgery. It made her remember all the nights they’d talked themselves to sleep sharing a room in college. Sharing an apartment right after.

There’d been no talking last night. They got home from the shoot, and Chloe shut Summer into the bedroom with little more than a good night. Was that how it would be from now on? Had she not only lost Riley, but wrecked things with Chloe?

Summer refused to sit on the worry knotting her stomach any longer. It wasn’t optimal to only have a view of her best friend’s ponytail, rather than catching cues from her facial expression. But they had to have this out. Now. Pre-coffee, even.

“So we’ve never had a fight that serious before.”

“True. Good to know that after being friends this long, there are still some milestones for us to knock off.” Chloe honked repeatedly—fruitlessly—at a motorcade of black SUVs that screamed “Secret Service detail.”

Why did she have to drag this conversation out of her? They’d barely exchanged a dozen words this morning. It was obvious things were topsy-turvy between them.

But okay—she’d go ahead and state the screamingly obvious. Summer traced the wide pink, green, and brown chevrons on her long skirt. Because even having surgery was no reason to skimp on looking snazzy. “So I wasn’t sure that you still wanted to turn your schedule inside out to accommodate me.”

“You mean because you’re a stubborn scaredy-cat?”

Guess they were going to rehash last night’s argument instead of moving forward and clearing the air. Chloe was supposed to be the sensible one. Summer was supposed to be the snarky, flippant one. Everything about this weekend was upside down and inside out. “Chloe,” she said in a tone so sad and worn out it might as well have been Santa Claus’s suspenders.

“Just clarifying.”

“You made that point crystal clear last night.”

“Did I? Hmmm. I wonder. Because if I’d hammered the point home, you would’ve come out to the couch at two a.m. to tell me how darned right I was.”

Geez. Talk about skewed priorities. “Can we not talk about the reason behind the fight? Can we just talk about that we fought and it sucked and I don’t want to do it again and please can everything be okay because I can’t lose you, too?”

Damn it. Her throat had choked up at those last few words. Tears and snot—not exactly the morning-fresh, dewy look she’d tried to achieve with her coral palette today.

“Oh, no. No, don’t cry.” Chloe reached between the seats to pat Summer’s good leg. “Should I pull over? Do you need an emergency hug?”

“I don’t know. It depends on what you say next.”

Chloe kept driving, but darted her glance to Summer in the rearview mirror. “Well, I’m going to call you an idiot for thinking that any fight could ever derail our friendship, no matter how bad. We expressed different opinions. Strongly. But I love you to pieces, Summer, and I always will.”

That almost made the tears gush harder. “Okay. Me too, you. BFFs forever.”

“Do I need to get it written on a cake so you believe me?”

Laughter cleared out the rest of the tears. “If I say yes, we get cake, right? So…obviously, you do. I think it should be pumpkin cheesecake.”

“Fine. I’ll get a cake for us for tonight. Should we invite Madison and Brooke over to share our BFF cake?”

“They might need to bring their own cake. I’m pretty depressed.”

“Because you’re an idiotic fraidy-cat.”

“Chloe!” Summer balled up the tissue she’d just used to blot beneath her eyes and tossed it at her ear. It landed, of course, in her ever-present hood. “Will you stop with that?”

“I will if you dig deep—past the hurt, past the bitterness, past the fear—and give me one good reason why you aren’t crawling over broken glass to assure Riley that you love him and will do anything to be with him.”

Summer traced the Velcro straps of her leg brace. “I can’t even bend my leg to pee, let alone crawl.”

“Don’t be sassy. Be serious.”

“I feel like I’d get less pressure to share my feelings from a psychiatrist.”

“Probably.” Chloe winked at her in the mirror. “Because they don’t know you inside and out like I do. Quit stalling. Answer my question.”

It seemed safe to assume that Chloe wouldn’t take He dumped me in my hospital bed as a valid reason. Honestly? Summer had been thinking about this all night. About how her friends, the people who loved her and were supposed to be on her side, all thought she’d screwed up. That she’d given Riley plenty of reason to walk away.

Because of the bone-deep truth that she did love him, this was so, so hard to swallow. The thought that her actions, or words, or lack thereof or whatever, had given him cause to give up on them. The thought that somehow she’d hurt him.

That was inexcusable. Unforgivable. The only reason she hadn’t rushed in to wake Chloe at oh-dawn o’clock vibrating with that realization…was that it didn’t matter. There wasn’t a fix. No bandage to slap onto their broken hearts.

Riley didn’t trust her.

So it was over.

Resignation tanked her voice into a deep monotone. “The only reason is that it wouldn’t make a difference. He’s done with me.”

“That’s your only reason?”

“Yes. You all were right. Well, at the very least, sixty/forty right in his favor.” She’d spew it all out, just this once, and then insist that they were done forever discussing Riley Ness, the man she loved but couldn’t keep. “I am an idiot. I’m still letting fear motivate me, letting it be an excuse. I’m largely to blame for my utter misery. And I have to live with that. So for the love of all that is holy, can we please pull over at Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte with extra whipped cream?”

“Sure. I can pull over.” Chloe nipped to the curb and slammed on the brakes. “I thought I’d have to go around the block a couple of times. You cracked faster than I anticipated.”

“Right. Because it’s so shocking that I’m begging for caffeine when I’m shaking off Tylenol with codeine and it isn’t even nine a.m.”

Chloe threw her arm over the seat and twisted to grin at her. “You’ll have to wait for the coffee.”

“Don’t be a sadistic bitch.”

“Your only reason? It doesn’t exist.” After shaking her head so hard that her ponytail thwacked her in the face, Chloe continued. “Riley asked me to bring you here. Now get out.”

“What?”

Then the door she’d propped her back against opened. Summer would’ve fallen backward if strong hands hadn’t caught her. Hands that immediately pulled her out and into a strong, cradling grip.

“Riley?”

“Hi.” He carried her over to a low stone wall, set her down gently, then returned to the car, where Chloe handed him her crutches. With an ear-to-ear grin and a wave, Chloe honked twice and drove off. Summer realized she was just a few hundred yards down from the rectory.

Riley, in his hideous NTSB work attire of a formless navy suit, had never looked more handsome. Or wired. Or nervous. Summer knew she had bags under her eyes. Not just from the late-night shoot. Or the constant throb in her leg. Every night she’d spent sobbing and sleepless probably showed. Yet he was spit-polished brighter than Griff’s dress uniform shoes.

Unfair.

Also? Inexplicable.

Just like why she was here. Why Chloe had brought her here. “What’s going on?”

He planted his feet wide in front of her on the cracked sidewalk. Pressed his palms against his thighs. Including the one still wrapped in a stretchy tan bandage. “I’m asking for a do-over.”

“Of what?”

“Our last conversation.”

Hope surged in Summer like a caffeine shot straight to the heart. But she had to be practical. Had to be reasoned and smart. Even though that was far from her usual MO. Surging ahead without thought is what had gotten them to this spot, after all.

Squinting against the early morning sun glare, she said, “Did you mean everything you said last time? Because if so, I’m not sure that it’s worth going around a second time.”

He dipped his head. “I did. There’s no point sugarcoating it: I meant what I said. You probably meant what you said, right?”

Summer wanted to say no. She wanted to just hop up into his arms and apologize profusely for anything and everything and cover him in kisses until he agreed to come back to her.

But that wouldn’t actually fix what was broken between them.

“I did,” she echoed softly.

Riley looked past her, back at the rectory, and sucked in a breath as though the sight of the home he shared with his best friends gave him the strength to go on. “The thing is? I think we stopped the discussion too soon. We identify causes of disasters at the NTSB.”

She winced. “When you think back about where this conversation took a nosedive? I’ll remind you that you called us a disaster.”

“I’m calling our last conversation a disaster.” His gaze swung back to meet hers. “And it was. No other way to interpret the facts. But the key is, at the NTSB, we don’t stop at identifying the root cause. We keep going. We come up with fixes. Work-arounds. Solutions. You and I stopped before taking that next, crucial step.”

“I’m with you so far.” Summer wasn’t just with him. She was practically leading the parade, dressed in a sequined leotard and twirling a baton. Because if Riley had come up with a solution? She’d get up and do a pirouette—on pointe—on her broken leg.

He tried to clasp his hands at his waist. Thanks to the big bandage, he just ended up cradling the broken one. But Riley still stood tall and strong. As if convincing her of this theory were of the utmost import.

“Upon careful examination, it appears that I walked out on you because I was afraid. That I’ve charted my life on the basis of fear. I told myself I was being proactive and prepared by learning survival stuff, learning multiple languages. That I joined the NTSB to help people. All true, to an extent. But the core of so many decisions I made was rooted in fear. Fear of not being able to stop—or handle—the next bad thing that happened.” Riley gave a slow shake of his head from side to side. “Living in fear really sucks.”

Never, in a million years, would she have expected any of that to come out of the perfectly prepared, perfectly together Riley Ness. Nor would she have thought that two people, so completely opposite, would be so identical deep down.

Shockingly, amazingly for this emotionally charged moment, Summer giggled. “I know.”

His green eyes narrowed. “Is that so?”

Crutches shoved under her arms, Summer stood. They needed to face each other, as close to eye to eye as their differing heights would permit. “It turns out, upon careful reflection, that I based my life on a deep-seated fear I was too scared to even acknowledge. Until now. Until something greater and stronger came along. Until I fell in love with you.”

He tried to shove his hands in his pockets. Cursed when only one fit. The whole broken-hand thing was really messing with his gestures. Which almost made her giggle again. “No. No way, Summer. Don’t you dare start saying nice things to me. I have to get it all out. I’m so, so sorry. I’ve been an idiot.”

Letting her head drop so her hair covered the grin she couldn’t hold back but still felt was wholly inappropriate for this conversation, Summer corrected him. “No. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’ve been an idiot. I’ve even got backup—Chloe, Madison, and Brooke all say so.”

“Well, Griff, Knox, Logan, and Josh all say the same about me. Because that’s apparently an unwritten rule of the Naked Men—we call each other out on our epic stupidity.”

“Interesting new motto. Is it going in the header across the top of the blog?”

Riley grabbed her shoulders. Shook her just a little until she looked up at him. “Forget the blog. Forget everyone else. Here’s my confession. I didn’t turn down the promotion yet because I was scared it would impact me long-term. I was scared to tell my parents I didn’t want it. And I was so scared that I’d lose you in some freak accident that I didn’t want to risk loving you.”

“All that fear sounds like a three-thousand-pound weight tied to your big toe.” And she knew how much that sucked. At least, she knew now. Because Summer’s fear had been an equally giant kite, tugging her this way and that at every whim, into the clouds, instead of allowing her to take root and flourish.

His hands gentled, stroking up and down her arms. “But a very wise and beautiful woman once asked me if I wanted to make a name for myself or if I wanted to be happy.”

“Has that been keeping you up at night? I didn’t intend for it to be a stumper.”

“Yes. Damn it, every word you spoke has kept me up at night. Coming up with an answer has had my brain chasing in circles for days.”

She tipped her head down, fluttered her lashes. Because what fun was an epic apology if it didn’t involve flirting? “Got one now?”

“Definitely.” That fire she adored smoldered deep in his green eyes, even as certainty rang through his tone as clear as a bell. “Everything I do should be about being happy. Well…not eating-six-plates-of-nachos-in-a-row indulgence, but emotional happiness.”

“I dunno. We could maybe try that…once.”

“It hit me that if something I’m doing doesn’t make me happy, why would I choose to keep doing it?”

Oh, he got it, all right. Joy was trumping fear. “You shouldn’t.”

“Right.” Riley urged her with a hand on the small of her back to return to the wall. As usual, he was thinking of her comfort, taking care of her. Such a remarkable man. This time, they both sat. Riley lifted her leg across his thighs. “I need help walking that line. You’re the person I know who most embodies choosing happiness. I’m wondering if you’d be willing to be my tutor.”

“That could be very fun. I’d be good at it, too. I’d reward you accordingly, of course.”

“Of course.”

Summer stroked his cheek, ran a finger along the edge of his ear. The urge to touch him, after so many days of not, was impossible to resist. “The thing is, I need a tutor, too.”

Riley cocked his head to the side. “For what?”

“Because you were right in what you threw at me in that hospital room. I’m actually quite good at business. I have a five-year plan, and I forecast pretty darned accurately. My investment portfolio isn’t half bad, either. I’ve started planning my parents’ fiftieth anniversary party, even though it’s two years away. I do believe in the future—except where my life and my heart are concerned.”

“Because that’s what you lost in the shooting.”

“Exactly.” Summer loved that he understood. It was part of what made Riley so special. It made him The One. “I lost my life—even if only for a little while—and I lost the ability to believe I’d have a long one worth giving over to love. And I was scared that if I let myself love someone, they could be taken away from me.”

“How’s that working out for you?”

“Lousy. It’s hard to change old habits. So I need you to tutor me in forward thinking for myself. To remind me to check the weather so I don’t ruin a pair of Jimmy Choos in the rain.”

That old accusatory glare she now loved tightened all his features. “Those shoes cost hundreds of dollars. Did you really do that?”

“More times than you want to know.” Summer tilted to touch her forehead to his. “Riley, you’re right. I don’t want to risk myself, or you, or our not-yet-ready-to-be-discussed children. I want to stop being scared of the possibility of losing it all and just relish what I do have. Cherish it. Work my darnedest to protect it.”

“I’m good at that.”

“I’ve noticed.” It was how he made her feel so safe. Safer than ever before. Safe in a way that erased a tension she hadn’t realized she’d been holding since the shooting.

Riley pushed her hair behind her ear. That simple gesture sent chills—the good kind—down her spine. She couldn’t wait for him to touch her everywhere again. “I made a whole plan last night. Starting by getting rid of my survival gear. I’m donating it to a Boys Club and training them how to use it. We live in Washington, D.C.—there’s no reason to keep a flint-knapper and water purification tablets in my basement.”

“I like your plan.”

He held up a finger. “That just kicked it off. Today, I’m telling my boss I want to stay put in the Highway Division. Because what I do there matters more than my standing on an org chart. Then I’ll email my parents. Give them the news.”

“By email?”

“Because the topic isn’t open for discussion. I respect that they want me to do well, to rise through the ranks, but I’ve got a different definition of success. They need to respect that.”

“Also good.” Nothing, nothing was sexier than Riley Ness laying down the line.

“But the biggest part of the plan was to get you here. Right here.” He gestured at the corner. There were a couple of women pushing strollers, but Summer didn’t see anything to make the spot special. “We tried falling in love. Except for one bad afternoon, it was a successful experiment. One that I want to recommence.”

Her heart swelled until it seemed to encompass her entire body. “I love when you get all strategic and technical.”

“Words can be meaningless. I have to prove to you that I’m ready to try to change.”

Summer stuck out her tongue. “Oh, this should be good.” Because there was too darned much happiness welling up in her like bubbles in a shaken soda to be only serious. She’d always had fun with Riley, and she’d have fun even now, while they were stripping themselves raw and bare.

“First off, an official apology.” Riley cradled her hand in his. “I meant what I said in that hospital room, but it was harsh. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I love you, Summer Sheridan.”

He deserved the same from her. They needed to put all that anger and bitterness behind them before they could move forward. “I meant what I said that day, too, and I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I love you, Riley Ness.”

That banked fire lit to an emerald blaze in his eyes. “I’m grateful…no, fucking thrilled that you’re in my life, Summer. I don’t have to try to love you. That’s a done deal. Your fearlessness—”

“No.” She cut him off. That might’ve been how she’d pictured herself all these years, but her recent soul-searching proved it wasn’t true. “You can’t say that about me anymore.”

“Yes I can. Because you are about so many things. Most of all, you’re fearless when it comes to trying something new. I admire the hell out of that. I love your laughter. The way you stick up for your friends, like you’ve pledged a royal fricking oath to be loyal forever.”

“You do that. You’re always there to support the ACSs. You always think of other people before yourself. It humbles me. And the way you plan eight steps ahead for everything from not missing the Metro to how you planned a road trip to help Josh find the perfect food truck—it’s all just smoking hot.”

“Good to know,” he said with a totally deserved smirk.

Then Riley kissed her.

Really kissed her. Kissed her with heat and passion, and lots and lots of tongue. It was perfect. “I asked Chloe to bring you here for a couple of reasons. Once I figured all of this out, I didn’t want to wait to tell you how much I love you. How much I need you in my life, pushing the envelope and standing by me.”

“I can do all that.” And oh, how very badly Summer wanted to do all of those things. “Starting with loving you fiercely and forever.”

“Good.” He glanced down at his watch. “I’m going to be late to work for, well, the first time ever to have this out with you. Just to say I tried it once.”

She finger-combed the hair she’d mussed during their kiss. “You are such a rebel.”

“I told you, I’m proving, with my actions, that I can be the man you deserve.”

“I don’t deserve you,” she said fervently. “But I really, really want to keep you anyway.”

“Then you’ll be interested in trying another first with me.” Riley handed over her crutches, and put her leg back down. “We’re meeting here because I want a do-over. Of the day it all changed between us.”

Everything clicked into place. Sure, the trees were gold and crimson now instead of green, but the place memory leapt into her brain. “The day you first kissed me. We fought, right here.”

“Yeah. You tried to get me to jaywalk.”

“I’m such a bad influence.”

Riley dug in his pocket. Pulled out his Leatherman and brandished it in the air, teasing out knife after file after corkscrew after she didn’t even know what. “I’ve carried this with me every day since we got home from our crash all those years ago. It made me feel safe. Prepared. There’s a lot of essential tools in here. Ones that make me feel safer just knowing I have them. I think you’re the equivalent for my life.” He tossed it over his shoulder into the sewer. “You’re all I need, Summer. And you’re all I want.”

“Ditto,” she said on a sigh.

“Want to jaywalk with me?”

“I do.” She thought better of it. Because Riley Ness, her own sexy control freak, deserved a reward for trying something new. “As long as there’s kissing once we get to the other side of the street.”