“So, how big is his dick?”

“Ashley!” I scolded, slapping my friend on the arm. She tried to scoot back, but she was trapped on the booth between me and Lizzy. My friends and I had taken over half the snug at Sotano, but we weren’t alone.

It was nearly two AM, and the underground gin joint was packed with people, all of whom were varying degrees of drunk.

Myself included. I couldn’t count how many glasses of prosecco I’d consumed, and now I was sipping my signature strawberry gin.

Ashley tossed her curly copper hair and straightened her glasses. “What?” she asked, trying and failing to sound completely innocent. “You’re obviously hung up on this Scott fellow. So, is he hung?”

“Oh my god,” I gasped, sneaking a glance at the lads across the snug from us. One of them caught my eye, and he smirked.

“Scott must be big,” Lizzy surmised. “But how big? Is he hung like a horse?” She held her hands out, measuring a distance of about three feet.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I scoffed.

Lizzy’s blonde brows lifted, and she widened her measurement.

“He’s not an actual horse.” I rolled my eyes. “I know you’re into women, but I also know you’ve seen a human penis. You’re being silly.”

The guy across from me chuckled. I glanced back at him, and he held my gaze. He pushed his dark blond hair back off his brow, preening and leering.

“Can we not talk about penises right now?” I begged my friends, lowering my voice so I couldn’t be overheard.

Ashley waved me off. “Since when are you shy? You’re our favorite smut peddler.”

I suppressed a wince. “I write romance novels,” I corrected her. I’d laughed along with the smut peddler moniker in the past, but it really did bother me.

“Kinky romance novels,” Lizzy said pointedly. “Just how kinky is this sexy Scott? Surely, you’re not fucking a ’nilla.” She said our slang term for vanilla like it was a dirty word. “You said the sex was amazing.”

I sighed. “And I’m starting to regret having said that. Can we be a little quieter, please?”

“Fine.” Ashley leaned in so we could speak at a lower volume. “But seriously, you said he’s the hottest guy you’ve ever fucked. He must be kinky.”

“Well, not exactly. The first time we were together, he got a little bossy. But he made it clear he can’t be physically aggressive with me. I think the idea of it bothers him.”

“And what about the second time? How was last weekend?” Lizzy prompted. I’d already spilled the CliffsNotes version to her over text earlier in the week. “I’m not attracted to men, but I could objectively appreciate that he’s a handsome guy. Still, you don’t go for vanilla, no matter how hot they are.”

“Things were… more intense last weekend,” I admitted, still keeping my voice down. “He was more demanding. He knows how to seduce a woman, that’s for sure. And he started issuing orders, so that was hot.”

Lizzy blinked at me. “But he didn’t even spank you or anything? Let’s not pretend you’re not a bit of a pain slut.”

“Lizzy,” I hissed. I chanced another glance at the lad across from us. He was listening with open interest.

“Spill,” she demanded.

I rolled my eyes. “No,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “No spankings. And I’m not a pain slut. I just like a little punishment from time to time.”

“Uh-huh,” she replied sarcastically. “Yeah. Because you don’t love a good flogging.”

My sex clenched at the thought of Scott wielding a flogger.

I shook the image from my mind before it could fully form.

That would never happen. Not only was he not inclined to inflict pain, but I’d never see him again. I swallowed against the lump that threatened to form in my throat.

“It was wonderful, but we’re done,” I said firmly, pretending the words didn’t cut at me. “I don’t have any way of contacting him, and I don’t think he’ll ever contact me again.” My stomach turned as I remembered the harsh set of his jaw when I’d abandoned him in King’s Square. “We’re just not compatible. It would never work between us.”

“But you want to see him again, don’t you?” Ashley pressed.

I shifted, and Lizzy jumped on my hesitation.

“You do want to see him again!” she exclaimed. “Maybe he’ll come to another one of your book signings. That was pretty romantic.”

“Sounds very romantic,” the boy across the table slurred. He shot me a drunken grin.

“We weren’t talking to you,” Ashley said in her most scathing fuck-off-you-twat tone.

“Come on,” I urged. “Let’s go. I’m getting tired, and I really should write tomorrow.”

Lizzy held up one finger, indicating that I should wait a moment. She sucked down the last of her old fashioned and set the crystal glass on the wooden table with a definitive thunk. Ashley hadn’t indulged in anything but lemonade for the last hour—ever the responsible one, even if she did like to make lewd jokes rather loudly.

I checked my own glass to make sure I’d drained every drop of gin. All that remained was ice and some stray peppercorn garnish. I’d already consumed the boozy strawberry.

Aware of the boy still watching me, I carefully scooted out of the snug, keeping my form-fitting yellow dress pulled down so the hem didn’t ride up over my knees. I wasn’t usually so modest, but I didn’t like the way he was smirking at me.

A few steps later, and I’d forgotten all about him in my tipsiness. My friends and I made our way up the stairs back to street level. We said our goodbyes and hugged one another before heading off in opposite directions. It was late, but I was familiar with the short walk to my Airbnb. York was a safe city, and I had no concerns about walking myself across town at any time of day or night.

I headed through the Spanish Quarter, past gaggles of people spilling out of the dance clubs that crowded this street. I took a sharp right down a little-trafficked snickleway—one of the tiny alleyways that served as a shortcut through the city. It was quieter in the narrow space, and I welcomed the reprieve from raucous laughter and pulsing music.

“Oy!” a masculine voice called from behind me. “Where you headed, love?”

I turned to face the blond boy from Sotano. The back of my neck prickled with warning, but I was drunk enough to find foolish confidence.

“My apartment,” I said coldly. “You should go back to your friends.”

He took a step toward me. The snickleway suddenly felt far too isolated and cramped.

“I’d rather go with you.”

“That’s not on the table.” I remained cool, implacable. Running seemed like an extreme choice, as did screaming. I wasn’t some attention-seeking victim. I could handle myself. “Go away.”

“Don’t be like that, pet.”

“I’m not your pet,” I snapped. Usually, I found that Yorkshire endearment particularly sweet. Now, it left me cold. “I’m leaving now.”

I turned away from him, but he caught my wrist.

I knew fighting was useless. Not only would I probably rile him, but I had zero skills when it came to general coordination, much less self-defense.

Instead, I turned my coldest, most polite Southern smile on him. “You should go back to your friends. There are plenty of women at Sotano. You’ll have a lot more fun there.”

“I’d rather have fun with you. I heard you talking to your friends. You like big cock. I’m huge, love.”

My heart beat faster, but I still wasn’t as panicked as I should be. Alcohol dulled my sense of danger. I knew this wasn’t a safe situation, but my mind was too muddled to muster up a solution other than talking my way out of this. Screaming was definitely out of the question. That was far too dramatic.

I eyed the boy up and down. He couldn’t be much older than twenty.

“You don’t look huge to me.”

He scowled, and his hand tightened around my wrist.

A shadow appeared behind him, looming large. “Walk away.” The accent was American, the voice rough with menace. “Let her go, and walk away.”

The boy released me and spun around to face the threat. Scott stepped into the dim light provided by a spare bulb overhead. Shadows pooled beneath his drawn brows and high cheekbones, giving his face a skull-like appearance. He seemed taller than ever, much taller than the boy who’d accosted me.

I shrank back against the brick wall behind me.

“Go,” he bit out.

The boy darted away, half-running out of the alley and back toward the safety of the crowds in the Spanish Quarter.

Scott didn’t afford me a similar escape. He took a step toward me, and the light shifted on his face. Suddenly, his eyes were illuminated: pale chips of ice that cut straight into me.

“I’m taking you back to your place,” he announced.

“What?” I spluttered. “What are you doing here?”

“I was looking for you. When the bartender said you’d just left Sotano, I started heading toward your apartment. Then, I heard that little shit talking to you. What in the hell were you thinking, walking down this alley at this time of night?”

“It’s a snickleway,” I corrected him, my voice slurring slightly.

“You’re drunk.”

I shrugged. “That’s none of your business.”

He took another step toward me. I tried to put distance between us, but there was nowhere for me to go. He stared down at me, imposing his will on me.

“Are you going to walk back to your apartment, or am I going to have to carry you?”

I lifted my chin, my tipsy state still keeping my fear responses dulled. “I’ll walk.”

I should be far more intimidated, but I was stuck on irritation. Why was Scott here, back in York? Over the last week, I’d convinced myself that it was for the best that I’d never see him again. I’d convinced myself that I didn’t want to see him again. I hadn’t been lying when I’d told my friends that Scott and I would never work as a couple.

“You’re not even kinky,” I said sulkily, continuing my line of thinking aloud.

“Excuse me?” he demanded, his voice as icy as his gaze.

I rounded on him. “You heard me. You’re not kinky. So, what are you doing here? Why bother?”

His eyes narrowed. “I’m asking myself the same thing right now.”

I gasped and reeled back. “You don’t have to be a bastard about it.”

“You’re not being very nice yourself,” he retorted. “Now, walk.” He pointed toward the mouth of the alley. I couldn’t resist that imperious gesture and the bark in his tone.

My shoulders slumped, and I started heading toward my Airbnb.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “You’re right. That wasn’t very nice of me. I’m just drunk.”

“That much is obvious.” He blew out a breath. “Apology accepted. Let’s get you home.”

“It’s not home,” I lamented. “It’s just where I’m staying.”

“I know,” he said quietly. His hand settled on my lower back. How had I forgotten how good his supportive touch felt?

We walked in silence for a few minutes. My mind reeled. I could hardly comprehend the fact that he was back by my side.

“Why did you come here?” I asked.

“I told you. I came to see you. I arrived on the last train into York. After I found your apartment empty, I decided to check Sotano. You said it’s your favorite late-night place.”

“It is,” I agreed, marveling at the fact that he’d remembered an offhand comment I’d made.

“I’m glad I came when I did,” he said, his tone hardening. “What possessed you to walk down an alley alone at two in the morning?”

“I’ve done it plenty of times before.” My defense was sheepish. “I guess it wasn’t very smart. But York is always so safe.”

“I’m sure it is, but that was a foolish choice. Careless. I know you’re a trusting person, and I love that about you. But you can’t put yourself at risk by being so reckless.”

“I know,” I half-groaned. “I know. I’m so stupid. I always trust everyone, no matter how many times I get burned. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

His arm snaked around my waist, and he pulled me closer against him. “There’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re not stupid. It’s not a bad thing to trust people. Just be more cautious when it comes to your safety.”

“Okay,” I said softly, still feeling thoroughly rebuked and more than a little idiotic.

I stopped in my tracks, my heart skipping a beat. “I didn’t mean to come this way.” My mouth went dry. I hadn’t been paying attention to the route we were taking, but my feet had carried me here automatically.

I’d walked home.

Well, I’d walked to what used to be my home.

Dread twisted my stomach, but I couldn’t stop my gaze from lifting to the window above the shop that fronted my former townhouse. The townhouse I’d shared with Thomas. It had been my dream home: a restored pub set over three levels, complete with original features and a huge finished basement that I’d intended to kit out as my personal kinky dungeon.

The living room window was illuminated. Thomas was awake. He was most likely glued to his computer, absorbed in the video games that were his life. There wasn’t much risk that he’d come to the window and see me staring longingly at the only home I’d known in adulthood. I’d only lived here for five short months, but it had been my first home since I’d left my childhood house at the age of eighteen.

A fat calico cat jumped up into the window, sitting on the inside sill to stare out at the street.

My eyes began to burn.

“What’s wrong?” Scott prompted.

“That’s my cat,” I whispered. “That’s my house.”

He moved in front of me, blocking the painful view. His thumb traced the line of my cheekbone.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

My tears spilled over his fingers. I drew in a sharp breath.

“No, I’m sorry.” I gulped for air. “I’m just drunk. I didn’t mean to come here. I didn’t mean to get emotional.”

“It’s okay to be emotional. You haven’t shared much with me, but I can tell you’ve been through a lot.”

I choked on a humorless laugh. “You know everything about me.”

His fingers curled beneath my chin. “I don’t. I’d like to know you. Really know you. It’s why I came back. I had to see you again. Even if you don’t want me, I can’t help wanting you.”

I blinked away my tears. “What makes you think I don’t want you?”

His jaw firmed. “You said it yourself: I’m not what you need.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what I need. I just know that I can’t help wanting you, either. It doesn’t make sense, and it’s a terrible idea, but I do want you.”

“Why do you think it’s a terrible idea?”

“This won’t work. You know it won’t. You’ll leave. You’ll always leave, and I’ll never know if you’ll come back.”

“I want to come back for you.”

He sealed his declaration with a searing kiss, and I allowed myself to fall into the moment. His strong arms felt too good around me, holding me up and supporting me. I’d been starved for affection for so long, and I couldn’t resist this intimacy.

I’d accept the emotional consequences later.

“Take me back to my apartment,” I panted against his mouth.

“Of course I will. I’m going to make sure you get back safely.”

“And then you’ll stay?” I couldn’t keep the pleading note from my tone.

His lips brushed my forehead. “Let’s get going. It’s late.”

My heart sank. He hadn’t answered me. Not really.

I resolved to change his mind. He’d said he wanted me. I’d just have to use my feminine wiles to get him into bed.

A fresh layer of lust covered my grief. I’d only ever felt this with Scott: keenly aware of the scars on my soul, even as he set my body on fire.

It made me hungry for him. Desperate. I needed to join with him as badly as I needed my next breath. Anticipation thrummed through my veins, and my steps quickened. I couldn’t wait to get back to my apartment so he could hold me and fuck me hard.

We arrived at my Airbnb in a matter of minutes. As soon as I opened the door, I grabbed his wrist and yanked him inside with me. If he wouldn’t be aggressive, I could do the job for both of us. I was accustomed to teasing Doms; acting like a brat goaded them into action.

Scott might not be a Dom, but he’d proven he could be commanding when I needed him to be.

I pushed him up against the wall, pressing my breasts against his chest and wrapping my hand around the back of his neck. When he didn’t dip his head toward mine, I dug my fingernails into his skin, urging him on with a bite of pain.

He might as well have been made of granite. My nails in his flesh didn’t so much as make him wince.

“No,” he refused. “You need to go to bed.”

“What?” Confusion threaded through my lust. “But you said you wanted me.” I sounded a little petulant, and I put on an intentional pout.

“You’re drunk. I won’t take advantage of you.”

I pressed my palm to his muscular chest. “What if I want to take advantage of you?” I purred.

“I should go,” he announced, his expression hard. “I’m not going to fuck you when you’re under the influence.”

I exaggerated my pout. “That didn’t stop you in Nashville.”

“You weren’t this intoxicated in Nashville.”

“I’m not that drunk,” I insisted. “I fully consent.” I went up on my toes so I could whisper in his ear. “Fuck me.” I bit his lobe and tugged with my teeth. Hard.

He grasped my shoulders, forcing me away from him before he spun me around. Suddenly, my chest was pressed against the wall. Instinctively, I tried to push back. His hand curved around my nape, pinning me in place. I began to pant as desire rolled through me. This was exactly what I wanted: for him to snap. To get frustrated with me and take control.

He leaned in, so I could feel the heat of his words against my cheek. “I said no.”

“What?” If he was refusing, why was he trapping me against the wall? “Please,” I whined. “Please, fuck me.” I knew he liked when I begged for pleasure.

A shock of cool air hit my ass when he flipped my dress up to my waist. I squealed when he landed a stinging slap against my butt. I writhed in his grip, but he didn’t let up. He spanked me three more times; sharp, punitive strokes.

I shuddered and softened on a moan, submitting.

“I’m not going to fuck you,” he said, his voice low in my ear. He didn’t sound angry. He didn’t sound lustful. Just determined. “Get ready for bed. Now.”

“Yes, Sir,” I whispered, the honorific rolling from my tongue without thought.

I heard him inhale sharply. He slapped me one more time, more gently than before.

“Go on,” he ordered, finally releasing me from his hold.

I drew in a shaky breath and stepped away from the wall. I peeked up at him, gauging his mood. He lifted his chin, staring me down. He pointed in the direction of the bathroom, a wordless command.

I ducked my head and shuffled off in that direction, thoroughly chastised. And more than a little hot. My panties were soaked, my clit throbbing. My ass burned where he’d punished me. I wanted so much more.

He’d made it clear that he wouldn’t fuck me. He wouldn’t give me what I wanted.

But he’d given me what I needed. He was taking care of me, not taking advantage of me.

I closed the bathroom door behind me and got ready for bed, washing my face and brushing my teeth.

When I emerged, I dared a sheepish glance in his direction. He stood exactly where I’d left him: arms crossed, watching me expectantly.

“Get in bed.”

“Will you stay with me?” I asked, my voice small. “I mean…I want you to stay. Just to sleep. Please.”

I just want you to hold me.

I’d taken a lot more physical pain in the past, but I needed to be cuddled after the brief punishment. The power exchange had been swift and intense. I needed to feel his arms around me and know I was forgiven.

He regarded me for a long moment before he finally nodded.

I heaved a sigh of relief. “There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, if you want,” I offered. “The Airbnb host provided toiletries, but I brought my own.”

He nodded again and headed for the bathroom.

My fingers began to tremble from the brief adrenaline rush. Meekly, I went into the bedroom and stripped.

I slid under the covers to hide my body. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to tempt him further, but I always slept naked.

When he entered the bedroom, he’d stripped as well, wearing only his boxers. My mouth watered at the sight of his chiseled body. I doubted I’d ever tire of marveling at his perfection.

Regret tugged at my heart when he flipped off the light, but he immediately joined me in bed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I snuggled into him, clinging to him like a lifeline.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Wonderful,” I replied on a happy sigh. “Thank you.”

“Are you thanking me for spanking you?”

“Yes. You were taking care of me. You are taking care of me. I appreciate it. Most men… Well, they wouldn’t have stopped me. Thank you,” I repeated my gratitude.

He kissed the top of my head. “You’re welcome.” He cuddled me closer. “Go to sleep,” he ordered softly. “I’ll be right here.”

I tucked my cheek into the crook of his neck and breathed him in. I fell into sleep within seconds.