Chapter sixteen:

 

 

“I love you, Carrie.”

“I hate you.”

“Why?”

“I just do.”

“But…”

“Get out, Ethan…”

“Don’t say that. Please. It hurts.”

“I don’t care.”

“But, Carrie, I love you.”

“I despise you, Ethan.”

She says my name to make sure it hurts more. I know she does. I can see it on her beautiful face. And now I’m getting mad, and I can’t help but show that I’m getting mad. My blood is rushing through me; I can hear it in my ears. It’s noisy and I can’t think properly.

The blood, it smelled so strong. It was everywhere, dripping from the walls, soaking into the floorboards, embedding itself into my skin…

I grab a blanket from the bed and throw it at her. It hits her in the face and then falls to the floor, crumpling in a heap by her feet. She doesn’t even flinch. She doesn’t even care.

“Put some clothes on. You look like a slut standing there naked,” I say through gritted teeth. I don’t like saying things like that to her. But it just slipped out. It’s not nice. I should say sorry. But I don’t.

I need to calm down. But I’m so hurt and so angry. And I don’t understand why she said those things, continues to say those things. She doesn’t mean them, she can’t mean them. She said we’d always be each other’s. Those weren’t silly childhood promises. I mean of course they were; we were kids. But they were also so much more. They meant something. They were true. I know they were.

Her hand entwined with mine as she lay on the bed underneath me.

We were naked.

I was hard and she was soft.

“Do it,” she said.

“I’m scared,” I replied. “I don’t want it to hurt you.”

She laughed, tears shining in her eyes. “No one can hurt me anymore, Ethan.”

I rubbed the tears away from her cheeks as they spilled from her eyes. “Why?” I asked.

“Because I’m numb and empty.”

“I don’t want you to be numb and empty.”

She shrugged and pulled her face from my hand. “So fill me up.”

She reached down between us and held me steady in her hand. It felt nice. Her hand was soft. I couldn’t stop myself as she guided me to her entrance. I couldn’t stop as she raised her hips and I sunk inside of her, slowly at first and then all at once. I couldn’t stop as she bucked beneath me, and I groaned as her body engulfed mine like flames.

I was hot. Boiling. I was melting above her. I was sinking into her over and over. Her body was devouring me. Taking me. I’d never be the same afterwards. I wanted this, her, and I wanted so much more. I wanted everything.

“Will you always be mine?” I gasped as I felt my stomach tighten.

“I’m no one’s,” she said, her eyes looking sad.

I thrust into her again. “Please, Carrie. I want you to be mine. Always. Forever. I’ll always be here. I’ll always look after you,” I promised.

She looked at me then, her face serious. More serious than I had seen it ever before. “Will you, Ethan? Will you really?”

I nodded, and I wanted to stop moving inside of her but I could feel something building and it was impossible to stop. I nodded again. “Yes, always.”

“Will you always look after me?”

I nodded once more. The peak to whatever mountain I was climbing was cresting. I was almost there. Wherever it was. Whatever it was. I couldn’t wait to reach it. Was desperate to reach it. Something magnificent was waiting for me at the top. I just knew it.

“And you’ll always protect me?”

I nodded, half blind with desire and love for her.

“Will you do anything to protect me?”

“Yes,” I gasped, and I felt her body clench around me, squeezing me tighter, bringing me closer to the edge.

“Will you do something for me?”

I blinked a yes as my toes curled.

“Promise?”

“Yes! Anything! Anything you want!” I called as I came inside her. She was warmer than before, softer and more perfect as her hands clawed my back and her legs wrapped around mine and pulled me closer. My body shook and trembled, and I felt like I was in heaven in that moment.

It was bliss and it was perfect.

Our heaven.

She was everything to me.

We were fifteen.

And we were madly in love.